What do you think of a working man who tells his struggling stay-at-home wife the following?

[Backroads]

I have thought about it, and I do not think laziness would be a very common main issue. When it is, there are other problems in the relationship. Wife or Husband may be lazy, but I don't think either would do much to defend that fact. If I were being just lazy, and it was pointed out, I would at least think "yeah, that's right", be somewhat ashamed, and fix it. In other words, I don't think laziness would be a long-term problem.

[Wingnut]

In both of your threads, you forgot about us SAHD(stay at home Dad's).....:)

I agree that Vort left out the SAHDs, though justifiably, as they're much less common, especially among the LDS subculture.

Edited March 2, 2013 by john doe
removed reference to trolling

[Traveler]

I will post my comments here - although these comments are applicable to both of the threads associated around this subject.

Those that think to make the world, country, community or home a better place will learn that trying to change such institutions or established modus operandi are dreaming a hopeless illusion and foolish endeavor. The only thing an individual has power to change is them-self.

The only way to change how others treat you is for you to treat them differently. If we want someone to treat us with respect - we must treat them with respect. Strange as it may seem - at least in my experience - no one treats someone with respect that treats them with contempt, scorn or as someone that just does not quite measure up.

Also people are not stupid - even a 3 year old can quickly identify someone that is insincere or fake - if we are thankful for a relationship we do not have to tell them with words - but when sincere words of appreciation are spoken they are respected and honored but most importantly they engender a response in kind.

However, if a person is unable to respond to in kind to deeds and actions of honest application and love - it is better to move on in a kind and appreciative manner for what-ever friendship was achieved. My son, who was and is very popular was giving his nephew advice the other day about ex girl friends. My nephew was making fun and down grading the girl he had broken up with - my son advised him to never downgrade a friend with other but to praise them and say how fun it was to spend time with them and how need a person they are. When asked why, if they were such a great person - that they broke up - my son said to just say the friendship had gone as far as it could and that the current girl friend is a better match. I do not know anyone that does not need a friend.

The Traveler

[Vort]

you forgot about us SAHD(stay at home Dad's).....:)

My threads were not meant to encompass a comprehensive set of questions on the human condition. There is an infinite number of permutations I did not ask about. Not sure why that might be relevant.

Edited March 2, 2013 by john doe
removed reference to trolling

[pam]

In both of your trolling threads, you forgot about us SAHD(stay at home Dad's).....:)

How are these trolling threads?

[idahommie]

What makes you think these are "trolling threads"?

.

Just seems as though one would be basically complaint about a consistently lazy spouse, like Backroads mentioned. Either the spouse would readily admit it, or their is some other symptom, depression would be one that could match up nicely.

I find a lot of What if threads are trollish....

[Praetorian_Brow]

I have my Grandfathers letters to my Grandmother, while he was in Europe during World War Two and it struck me as very ironic and very surreal that he was being shot at and being bombed, but still had to write home to his wife that she shouldn't worry about this an that. In my mind, she was complaining about petty things in comparison to his situation, however, I am sure he appreciated every letter from her like it was a the best present anyone could wish for.

My sister graduated from teachers college, married in the temple, got pregnant and then dumped her husband and got a divorce, moved in with my Mom who had no money and was barely surviving herself. So, I moved in, and started to pay for all the groceries, a huge portion of the rent, but what struck my as funny was that my sister insisted that she should be a nurturing stay at home mother, while my mother who had raised seven kids, had no intention of earning any money.

My sister was living on credit cards and with mounting interest on her student loans, I sarcastically said to her, being a stay at home mother doesn't do you much good when you are nearly starving. I was at the end of my patience because I had added an extra hour of commute time, with the extra fuel, was paying a lion's share of rent, buying diapers and junk, while she twiddled her thumbs and talked about how it was her right to stay at home. She finally got a job, due to my comments, as did my mother, so I was of assistance, but at the same time, I don't think she has a clue as to what I did for her. I moved out, without any thanks from her.

Being a nurturer is not much good when there is nothing to nurture, not to mention that claiming that it is men's or women's work is just leading to a world of sad assumptions that will lead to relationship difficulty. I think a lot of people are sheltered and fail to understand the circumstances or the work load of the other person.