Question about acceptance and forgiveness in your community

[HappinessLove]

Hello everyone, I was wondering about something and would love to hear your honest respond! Many Mormons go on a mission and get married. So I would say Mormons get married rather young. What if a woman would decide to become a Mormon but has been married before? Her husband didn't treat her well. She realized that Mormon families are all about loving each other, there is a really strong bound and lots of fun and friendship within the family. She was impressed that those men were taught at an early age to be good to their wife's and to be there for their family. Would that woman be even accepted, because she was married before? Wouldn't all the good guys be already married by the age of 25? Or would that not matter at all, because this woman is beautiful, lovely and intelligent? How would Mormons feel about that?

[NeuroTypical]

Hi and welcome to the forums.

First, not all mormons get married young. I got married at 26.

Second, mormons are not stranger to divorce. We do emphasize family and marriage, and place a great importance on making a marriage work, but in every congregation there will be divorced people. We all try to do the best we can.

Third, becomming a mormon to land a better husband is a horrible idea. Such plans tend to backfire. Such marriages tend to be stressed, as couples fight about paying tithing and living church standards, etc. And when children come, they turn into pawns, as the believing member wants the children to be active in church, go on missions, get married in the temple, etc. Such marriages will sometimes fail, which is not fair to the children.

You should become a mormon only if you believe God wants you to be one.

[estradling75]

All converts come with history... And while such history can not be ignored we are more interested in where you are going instead of where you have come from.

The church is strongly family oriented and that can leave 'older' singles feeling a bit left out. This is not intentional, but it is a side effect that both the family side and the singles need to be aware of and take active steps to overcome.

[HappinessLove]

But If you grew up generally not knowing a lot about religion. So shouldn't I choose a religion based on their values and morals? These things represent the entire lifestyle and your day to say life and how you want to live it, is extremely important. I would think if you agree to those you will find your believe when surrounded with people that have already experienced the existence and that are willing to guide you, no?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I agree with the other comments. :)

Unfortunately, any kind of abuse that you can think of that exists outside of the church, also exists in the church, in the LDS church, in every church. I don't know how it can be that for example a man could go to church on Sunday and profess to love God and then go home and abuse his family, but it happens. Abuse is everywhere.

So to this woman I would suggest two things, first get some counseling. Because survivors (I am survivor too) tend to marry people that they think will be different and then wonder how in the world they ended up in another similar situation. It almost happened to me too! My other suggestion is learn more about the church, and join if you feel it is what God wants, I believe He does!

[Dravin]

But If you grew up generally not knowing a lot about religion. So shouldn't I choose a religion based on their values and morals? These things represent the entire lifestyle and your day to say life and how you want to live it, is extremely important. I would think if you agree to those you will find your believe when surrounded with people that have already experienced the existence and that are willing to guide you, no?

To be baptized, become a member, one will be asked the following questions:

Do you believe that God is our Eternal Father? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Savior and Redeemer of the world?

Do you believe the Church and gospel of Jesus Christ have been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith? Do you believe that [current Church President] is a prophet of God? What does this mean to you?

What does it mean to you to repent? Do you feel that you have repented of your past transgressions?

Have you ever committed a serious crime? If so, are you now on probation or parole? Have you ever participated in an abortion? a homosexual relationship?

You have been taught that membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints includes living gospel standards. What do you understand of the following standards? Are you willing to obey them?

• The law of chastity, which prohibits any sexual relationship outside the bonds of a legal marriage between a man and a woman?
• The law of tithing.
• The Word of Wisdom.
• The Sabbath day, including partaking of the sacrament weekly and rendering service to fellow members.

When you are baptized, you covenant with God that you are willing to take upon yourself the name of Christ and keep His commandments throughout your life. Are you ready to make this covenant and strive to be faithful to it?

It's more than, "I like your morals and values." Don't get us wrong, those are good reasons to investigate the Church as Christ taught us to consider fruits. Ultimately however, as LM points out, the only reason to actually join is that you believe God wants you to do so.

[estradling75]

But If you grew up generally not knowing a lot about religion. So shouldn't I choose a religion based on their values and morals? These things represent the entire lifestyle and your day to say life and how you want to live it, is extremely important. I would think if you agree to those you will find your believe when surrounded with people that have already experienced the existence and that are willing to guide you, no?

That would seem to be logical conclusion from an external view.

But then you have to ask... How did we create such? And that is because most of the people who join up do it because they believe that God told them to (as Loudmouth said) so they take the whole thing and do their best to make it all work.

If you join because of culture then you are more likely to cherry pick what you like and leave what you don't like or think is too hard alone. Doing so means it will fail, maybe not in the short term but it will fail at some point

[Martain]

My sister in law was married and then divorced before meeting my brother. They are a wonderful couple and neither he nor I nor anyone else in our family look down on her in the slightest for having been married before.

Have you read the Book of Mormon yet and inquired of God as to it's truthfulness?

[Roseslipper]

Hello everyone, I was wondering about something and would love to hear your honest respond! Many Mormons go on a mission and get married. So I would say Mormons get married rather young. What if a woman would decide to become a Mormon but has been married before? Her husband didn't treat her well. She realized that Mormon families are all about loving each other, there is a really strong bound and lots of fun and friendship within the family. She was impressed that those men were taught at an early age to be good to their wife's and to be there for their family. Would that woman be even accepted, because she was married before? Wouldn't all the good guys be already married by the age of 25? Or would that not matter at all, because this woman is beautiful, lovely and intelligent? How would Mormons feel about that?

It doesnt matter if you have been married before or not. Like Others said their are many good Lds people, and some that are not. Christ came to heal us all, and He can if we let him. You are welcome to learn about the church, but only join if you know it's right for you, if youfeel that its good, know its true, being a member is a big committment. God loves all His children, yes Even You. He wants you to be happy and have all the blessings. He has a wonderful plan of happiness for us all. But do not join the church if your reason is to find a good man. I want you to know what attracted me to the church first was the closeness of Mormon families, because this is what I wanted. But the many yrs in the church I have received so much more. Thou I am still single. Being single is a hard thing I know. But I also know that even with all my faults and weakness I have truely been blessed in many things but above all alse I am grateful to be a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ its my biggest blessing of all. So I'd suggest you start off by taking the missionary lessons, going to church investing, learning, searching, praying . And see what happens.

Take the steps!! Lifes a journey enjoy it !!

Edited April 3, 2013 by Roseslipper

[mnn727]

Not all Mormons get married young, and sometimes they end up divorced.

You'd be accepted just fine, as a matter of fact there are a couple of single older guys in my Ward......

[Leah]

Hello everyone, I was wondering about something and would love to hear your honest respond! Many Mormons go on a mission and get married. So I would say Mormons get married rather young. What if a woman would decide to become a Mormon but has been married before? Her husband didn't treat her well. She realized that Mormon families are all about loving each other, there is a really strong bound and lots of fun and friendship within the family. She was impressed that those men were taught at an early age to be good to their wife's and to be there for their family. Would that woman be even accepted, because she was married before? Wouldn't all the good guys be already married by the age of 25? Or would that not matter at all, because this woman is beautiful, lovely and intelligent? How would Mormons feel about that?

So, you are wanting to convert because you think you'd have a better chance of landing a husband? Do you know anything about LDS doctrine or does that not figure into the equation for you?

Are you also saying that if you are pretty enough and smart enough, that that is all that matters?

Have you considered the possibility that you could convert to land a husband, but that doesn't guarantee that that will ever happen? What then? Would you move on to some other religion?

I know a woman who lied her way through the conversion process (NOT LDS) for a similarly structured religious "lifestyle". Not a pretty picture at all.

[HappinessLove]

Oh wow, no, not at all. It starts with the values and moral that are being thought. They really impress me. I noticed this and thus I started to research a little bit. I have found that kids are being treated lovely and that they grow up to great adults with great morals. For me, family is really important and I think a happy family is real happiness. I feel as if I know too little, I want more information and I am currently working on that.. what I know so far, I believe, or else I wouldn't be here. Do you really think I would join a religion to find a good man? Do you really think we would have a lot in common then?

[Vort]

So, you are wanting to convert because you think you'd have a better chance of landing a husband? Do you know anything about LDS doctrine or does that not figure into the equation for you?

Are you also saying that if you are pretty enough and smart enough, that that is all that matters?

Have you considered the possibility that you could convert to land a husband, but that doesn't guarantee that that will ever happen? What then? Would you move on to some other religion?

I know a woman who lied her way through the conversion process (NOT LDS) for a similarly structured religious "lifestyle". Not a pretty picture at all.

Hi, Leah. Long time, no see.

[estradling75]

Oh wow, no, not at all. It starts with the values and moral that are being thought. They really impress me. I noticed this and thus I started to research a little bit. I have found that kids are being treated lovely and that they grow up to great adults with great morals. For me, family is really important and I think a happy family is real happiness. I feel as if I know too little, I want more information and I am currently working on that.. what I know so far, I believe, or else I wouldn't be here. Do you really think I would join a religion to find a good man? Do you really think we would have a lot in common then?

One would hope not... But this is the internet and weirder claims and intentions have been expressed. We are learning about you just like you are learning about us.

For most people the next step about learning more is to meet with our missionaries. You can chat with them on-line your can have them over to your house or you can meet with them is a neutral place.

If you for some reason you feel not quite ready for the very personal touch and attention the missionaries bring. You can take the step of beginning to read and pray about the Book of Mormon by yourself. You can find a copy online

Edited April 3, 2013 by estradling75

[Leah]

Hi, Leah. Long time, no see.

'sup?

[BadWolf]

I'm a divorced convert, and if my ward doesn't stop trying to set me up, we're gonna have words! LOL. Oy. I've actually already HAD words with some key people (stop, no, not dating, young kids = all my attention, et cetera) who are summarily ignoring me. Bless their hearts, they're driving me crazy.

I'm neither beautiful nor young.

Nor especially clever.

Just me.

And liked (or not) as such.