Last Chance?

[wyarwehere]

This is definitely a time when I'm grateful for an anonymous message board, because I don't know anyone in my ward well enough to ask this to.

Okay, a few years ago(almost eight) I worked as a summer camp counselor at a church camp(non-LDS). While there I met some really great people. There were two that were dating, and I was the unofficial chaperone.(If I was with them, they didn't get in as much trouble for going off on their own, and I was pretty easygoing.) I liked the guy in the relationship, but he was dating one of my good friends, so I put those feelings aside to simply be friends. And it worked.

Over the years, he and I have talked sporadically, but not for any length of time, and not about anything really serious.

He's a night owl, like me, so we usually talk in the evening. The other night we were talking, and I fell asleep. The next evening when we talked, he made the comment that it was sweet he was the last thing I was thinking of before sleep. Nothing major.

Over the last few nights, the conversations have gotten more and more serious, and also quite inappropiate. I wasn't sure if he was serious, or just messing with me. And at the same time I knew our conversations weren't appropiate, but I didn't know what to say/do without hurting him and/or myself. So last night I finally asked him, and he said he was serious, but also cautious, because he doesn't want to be hurt. Then he made the comment that he should have thought things thru because he's became atheistic and I joined the church since we last saw each other.

So now I'm stuck. Do I stay in the church, cut any possibility of this relationship off, and stay lonely, or do I see where this relationship could lead, knowing that if I do, I will probly end up leaving the church, in some manner. I don't believe he would make me leave the church.

But like the title says, I have to wonder if this is my last chance. I don't really know any guys in my ward who are my age, and almost all my friends from my former branch are either married or getting married this summer(the one is only 20). So this weighs on my mind too.

I'd appreciate any feedback, and I thank you in advance.

[bytor2112]

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

(stay on the Lord's path and it will all work out)

[Guest]

If he insists on leading you away from what you know to be true, then he is not worth your time.

There is a giant abyss between, "I believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ" to "There is no God". If you deny what you know to be true because of the guy, then you are going nowhere fast.

But, two belief systems as different as this can work if both have the ultimate respect for the other and both are sincere and humble enough to seek the truth in all things through the guidance of the Holy Ghost or the Light of Christ.

It is better to be single and hopeful than married and regretting it everyday.

[Vort]

Always put first things first. God is the first thing. If you put second things first, you will lose both. If you put first things first, you will eventually inherit all.

[crazyworld]

One of the hardest things we have to do in life is really putting god first especially when it seems to mean either choosing Him and the gospel or our happiness. When we have faith that if we do as god wants us to do we will be happy that is when we are truly blessed to find that happiness that we seek. While marrying someone outside of the church is not necessarily a truly bad thing, if you feel that it will lead you to leave the church and your faith behind in your case to be with him then it will never truly bring you happiness. Sometimes a person might pray and feel very strongly that they should marry a non-member where their example will end up leading that person to eventually join the church, but unless you feel such an answer is right, it won't help you in any way. I've seen far too many people struggle or leave the church from deciding to marry someone who did not have the same principles and strength in the gospel that they did. I promise you the lord will bless you if you choose whatever path he wants you to take.

[rameumptom]

If you choose marrying an atheist, it may indeed be your last chance. You will have to decide through prayer just what is most important to you. Is having a temporary relationship to avoid loneliness more imiportant than a longterm/eternal relationship with God and someone of your choosing?

What happens if you marry the guy, and then a week later, your perfect return missionary comes into your life? How would you then feel about your decision?

[Finrock]

Good Morning wyarewehere! I hope you are doing well. :)

My advice is to not cut of ties to the Church. These are only my words based on my testimony so take it for what it is worth, but I know that this isn't your last chance to find a partner. I also know that staying true to your covenants is worth any price. Focus on becoming the best disciple of Jesus Christ that you can.

Regards,

Finrock

[Guest]

Your profile says you're 25. Only in our church culture would you feel like you're an old maid. This is not the case. You've got time, sister.

[Jenamarie]

Your profile says you're 25. Only in our church culture would you feel like you're an old maid. This is not the case. You've got time, sister.

I agree. He's your *current* chance, not your last chance. Maybe try expanding your search a bit by joining an LDS singles site or something. Just because your part of the "sea" is clearing of fish doesn't mean there aren't more elsewhere to find. :)

[beefche]

But like the title says, I have to wonder if this is my last chance. I don't really know any guys in my ward who are my age, and almost all my friends from my former branch are either married or getting married this summer(the one is only 20). So this weighs on my mind too.

I'd appreciate any feedback, and I thank you in advance.

I am a woman of the church who didn't marry until later in my life. I was fully prepared to not marry unless I could marry in the temple to a worthy LDS priesthood holder.

I am not sure why you think that it is your only chance if you choose this man. It isn't. While it's true that the possibility is that you may not marry, it certainly isn't a solid conclusion.

I've been where you are. I was in my mid 20's when all (and I do mean all) of my friends were getting married (many of them to each other) and starting their own families. It's difficult to adjust to having married friends--especially if you were friends with them when they were single.

And then I had to deal with my own biological clock ticking loudly at me. When you hit a certain age and you are single (and trust me, it was waaayyy beyond age 25), you realize that you aren't going to have children in this life (of course one can adopt). I grieved when that time came--I was single, hadn't had a date in probably 10 years or so, no eligible men my age that were worthy priesthood holders in my area, and now I knew that the likelihood of me having children was down to less than 1%. I grieved for what I wanted and knew I couldn't have. And I grieved thinking that I wouldn't marry in this life.

But, through that grief, I became certain of what I wanted, what I was willing to do to get it, and what I was not willing to do to get it. For me, I knew that I would be married in the temple or not at all. I knew that others had married out of the temple and were happy--but that wasn't my decision for myself. So, I decided then that I would be happy in my life. I was single and lonely, but I was still happy with my life. I served others, I enjoyed my alone time, I improved myself, I was able to have adventures.

And I know that I would have been happy had I not married. Now that I am married to a worthy LDS priesthood holder, I can tell you that it was so worth the wait. I was happy single, but there is a greater joy and fulfillment being married God's way.

I wish I could tell you that this is the lowest point you'll have, but it's likely you'll have lower points--some of them due to being single in this church, some of them due to other reasons (loss of loved ones, bad choices, illnesses, etc). What I can tell you is that you are the one who determines your happiness and satisfaction in life. Not a man, husband, boyfriend, circumstances, etc. You hold your happiness. So, find your testimony, strengthen it, ask God to help you decide what you want in your life, and then work for that. Know that hard times, lonely times, and difficult times are a part of life. But, you can eliminate so many of them by following God's laws and commands. Don't be swayed from His laws by the thoughts of momentary happiness or due to loneliness.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Thinking about this fellow for eight years is serious business and I would be asking about his current relationship status, if any or his dating history. I have learned the hard way, that no matter how regular the call or the duration of the call, things aren't aren't as they appear. Go on a date with this fellow and go with your instincts.

I think women are more prone to letting others define their relationships, as if their relationship is a sum of popular opinion, so take the advice given here with a grain of salt. Then again, perhaps emotional maturity is defining yourself. As noted from previous posts, most people here believe its in their, as well as your, best intention to fear anything that does not fit their pattern of thinking in regards to suitability of a mate.

I am 30 and understand what it is to be lonely and the strange flings and relationships I have up until this point have been painful as I seem to be attracted to a certain type, that loves to play games and when I point that out, they run, but only after keeping me around as a fallback. I ask myself, is it me, was I the problem and I have since concluded that yes, I am part of the problem, but I am also aware that I ask questions that people are afraid to ask. I am a unique snow flake.

In regards to your scandalous phone calls, I will not judge, however, I will warn you that those types of things escalate, but in affairs of the heart, listen to your heart.

[wyarwehere]

What happens if you marry the guy, and then a week later, your perfect return missionary comes into your life? How would you then feel about your decision?

Because of past decisions, I'm highly doubtful any RM is going to want a relationship with me. My past relationships haven't been perfect, and I've been pretty quick to jump into those relationships.

Eowyn: It's not just LDS culture. Most of my friends from IFB Bible College are either already or getting married. Where I went, if you were a senior and not in a serious relationship, you were definitely in the minority.

Jenamarie: My last relationships were online ones. Unfortunately, I got in over my head, which usually resulted in feeling totally overwhelmed, which lead to thoughts of SH/SI, which resulted in hospital trips.

I know what I'm supposed to do, stay true, marry in the temple, etc... But that's easy to say, and so much harder to follow thru with. And with being a convert, those aren't lessons I've had since childhood.

Even before I joined the church, I wanted to be a wife and mother more than pretty much anything, definitely even more than getting my nursing degree. And I know he's good with kids, based on the summer we worked together.

Please know that I'm not trying to argue with you guys, I'm just trying to explain things from my viewpoint. I don't mean to be difficult.

[Swiper]

I'd appreciate any feedback, and I thank you in advance.

First, you do not have to be married to have a purpose and happiness in life. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into marriage just to fit in or because you feel that your biological clock is ticking. You are still young. There is a time for everything. Take it slow and enjoy life. Your worth and happiness are not depended on if you are married or not.

Second, do not use his disbelief against him. Judge him on his virtues, how he lives his life, how he treats others, and if he makes you happy inside. Religious beliefs can change with time. He might one day become a believer or you may become an atheist. Who knows? Do not let that be the deciding factor on whether you should pursue a relationship with him. The outer religious conviction of a man does not define his character. Some of the best people I have ever know has been Atheists and some of the most despicable people I have ever know has been "worthy priesthood holders". If he is a good and kind man, please take your time to get to know him better and see where to road leads.

Third, don't assume that a "Returned Missionary" or "Worthy Prieshood Holder" is the ticket to marital happiness and a good life for you. Just because they have gone on a mission and have recieved the Melchizedek priesthood doesn't mean that they are a suitable matches for you and it also does not necessary make them good husbands and fathers. I know several of them who were abusive jerks to their wives and children. As far as I am concerned being a Returned Missionary does not make him any better or any worse marriage material than anyone else. You have to look at other factors to see if he is right for you.

Lastly, do not let other people define your worth. You are a good person and worthy of happiness. Do not let anyone else tell you any different.