Adoption And Unwed Parents

[Guest redruby]

I would like to know how LDS members feel if they were to have a daughter at 16 get pregnant. Would you

choose to keep the baby or force your daughter to give the baby up to an LDS family so that baby could be sealed to the adopted family?

[Guest MrsS]

I would like to know how LDS members feel if they were to have a daughter at 16 get pregnant. Would you

choose to keep the baby or force your daughter to give the baby up to an LDS family so that baby could be sealed to the adopted family?

Wiseguys

(sung to the tune of Rawhide)

Trollin', trollin', trollin',

keep them anti's trollin',

keep them anti's trollin',

wiseguys!

They say that they still love us,

just want to be above us,

and show us all the errors of our ways.

They claim that we're not Christians,

we really don't know Jesus,

and only want to prove how we are wrong.

(chorus)

Move 'em on, .... head 'em off!

head 'em off, .... move 'em on!

move 'em on ..... head 'em off!

All of these wiseguys!

They say they want to help us,

that we worship BY and JS,

they show their ignorance of us in post #1.

These wiseguys don't know nothin' 'bout us,

only what they read from anti's,

they think they can come shake our testimonies.

(chorus)

Move 'em on, ... head 'em off!

head 'em off, ... move 'em on!

move 'em on, ... head 'em off!

all of these wiseguys!!!!!!!!

(end of song)

(copyright pending, not to be used without my permission)

(can I use this John Doe? Thanks, MrsS)

am I needed here too?

Yeah, me too - are we needed here too??

[Winnie G]

I would never force my daughter to do anything she felt strongly about.

I would love and support her no matter what.

I had my first child at 18 that made me six months when I graduated from high school.

I was not LDS but with in months after his birth I joined the church.

Since my family treated me with the "you made your bed lay in it" attitude.

It was the church members who loved me and taught me how to be the parent I needed to be.

They loved me and that saved me.

when I brought him home I had to read the paper boxes (they came in boxes back then) to know how to dipper him.

I know I did the right thing, its a shame my parents could not have shown me the same love.

[the_jason]

Answering this question is like answering "which eye color is the best?". There is no single right answer. When the situation arises, the teen should first speak with her parents, then with her bishop. After counseling together they will determine a proper solution that would most benefit the child.

Personally, I believe adoption is a vary sacred and selfless option. Nobody would question the amount of love that a child can recieve from a 16 year old parent, but the issue is about much more than that. It's about doing the right thing for the child.

Several years ago my brother and his wife, after having a healthy and normal little girl, lost 2 baby boys about a year apart to stillbirth. For several years they tried to adopt. Then it finally happened. The mother was 18 and knew that a family like my brother's would be able to give Parker the home that he deserves.

Again there is no right answer. It can only be answered after much prayer and counsel. Good luck.

[Maureen]

I agree with the jason but I would encourage adoption and list the pros for it in regards to a 16 year old girl. My daughter knows a family whose daughter was in this situation and initially they were going to keep the baby and then chose adoption. IMO, this is the best route for a 16 year old girl and the baby, especially if the family adopting are unable to have their own. The teenager may have to overcome her emotions and loss, but she is also able to learn from the experience and still be a teenager.

M.

[pushka]

This is a very difficult situation in any society/religious or not.

My Roman Catholic friend from school fell pregnant at 15 and gave birth to her son a few months following her 16th birthday. Her parents were devoutly religious, they also had 1 adopted son whom they had adopted before having 3 more children naturally.

My friend was given the following choice by her parents:

1. Give up the child for adoption within 3 days of giving birth.

2. Keep the child and stay with her parents for the first 2 years of the child's life, and after that they would see that she was rehoused and she would bring up the child alone..with their support I would believe.

My friend was very confused, she chose the first option. Unfortunately she has regretted her decision ever since. She is now in her mid forties, has never been able to fall pregnant again, having experienced many gynaecological problems over the years, and is very ill now with Multiple Sclerosis.

Her relationship with her parents broke down at the time she fell pregnant, she was being influenced greatly by the father of the child who was over 30 years old at the time. He took her away from her family for a short time, but then began mistreating my friend, so she returned to her parents. Unfortunately the broken bond between herself and them was never properly repaired, and she now rarely contacts her mother, and only does so in anger when she does. Her father died last year.

I've tried to contact my friend over the years. She is now living far away from me, and her sister said she is just enveloped in her illness now, and how it's affected her. She is scared of talking to her former school friends because she is afraid of them bringing up her past and the child she gave birth to. She once told me that she could barely stand her sister becoming pregnant, after marriage, because she was so afraid that she would give birth to a baby boy too.

So, what is the best solution? As the above example shows, there is no best solution. I feel so sorry for what my friend allowed herself to go through, and I also feel sorry for many girls from Ireland who were forced to give up their children for adoption in the post WWII years, whose children never had the chance to find out the reason for their adoption, due to the laws at that time, and often resented their birth mother for this. Again, I had a boyfriend at the time my friend fell pregnant and gave her baby up for adoption. My boyfriend was an adopted child, he expressed no desire to trace the mother who gave him up many years later when I asked him about it, and the laws had changed in favour of the adopted children tracing their birth parents. It all just makes me feel very, very sad.

[Traveler]

So far I am disappointed with the posts of this thread. To be honest they appear to be quite selfish and prideful. When a young girl gets pregnant with no regard or intention of parenthood, marriage and family there is a very innocent child placed at great risk and of little or no hope. Such flagrant disregard of innocent children is evident throughout our society. When innocent children are in the picture it is no longer a question of what is best or fun or enjoyable for the pregnant mother or the complete failure of a father that seeks nothing beyond their own pleasure. It is this kind of thinking that created and encouraged the pregnancy in the first place.

We should understand that every child has a right to loving parents in their biological father and biological mother. Innocent children are not toys or amusements and they are not garbage to be trashed (aborted) when we tire of our fun.

I realize that there are tragic circumstances when a father or mother may be taken from a family forcing an innocent child or children from their right and blessing of a father and a mother. Society needs to do much more to compensate for such losses. But one thing for sure – parenting is not about you and what you want and how you are going to get you jollies and what is best for you and how are you going to come out okay. Parenting is about children and it is my honest and true feeling that parenting is about sacrifice – even the sacrifice of your own life if necessary.

I am so discussed with the “Me” generation and the attitude of what I want first society.

The Traveler

[StrawberryFields]

I would like to know how LDS members feel if they were to have a daughter at 16 get pregnant. Would you

choose to keep the baby or force your daughter to give the baby up to an LDS family so that baby could be sealed to the adopted family?

I noticed you are catholic, how would the members of your church handle it?

[the_jason]

So far I am disappointed with the posts of this thread.

I'm sorry for disappointing the Traveler. I hope he doesn't send me to bed without dinner.

[BenRaines]

Wow I hope I never "fall" like that. I have fallen many times but never fallen pregnant. :)

Ben Raines

PS: I agree with Traveler on this one. Just becuase two humans can create another living human does not make them a parent. Just like me speaking spanish does not make me of latin ancestory.

I have always liked what Ben Franklin said. I will paraphrase. Take a sheet of paper. Make a big T on it. On the left side reasons for keeping child, on the right reasons not to keep the child. For a 16 yr old I would think that the reasons to put up for adoption would out weigh the "I want to be a parent at 16" reasons.

Just my not so humble opinion.

Ben Raines

[Dr T]

LOL Ben. :)

[Traveler]

<div class='quotemain'>

So far I am disappointed with the posts of this thread.

I'm sorry for disappointing the Traveler. I hope he doesn't send me to bed without dinner.

To quote the warning of G-d's Prophet in "A Proclamation to the World":

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before G-d. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society".

I am quite sure this is not a matter to joke or make fun about. I suggest this be taken seriously. In the United States over 50% of the children born will not grow up in a home with a father and a mother. What once was the exception has now become the social norm.

The Traveler

[Outshined]

I'm sorry for disappointing the Traveler. I hope he doesn't send me to bed without dinner.

NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!

[the_jason]

To quote the warning of G-d's Prophet in "A Proclamation to the World":

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before G-d. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society".

I am quite sure this is not a matter to joke or make fun about. I suggest this be taken seriously. In the United States over 50% of the children born will not grow up in a home with a father and a mother. What once was the exception has now become the social norm.

The Traveler

So a teen who gets pregnant is doomed forever? I don't buy that. With a couple exceptions, there is always repentance available.

I was not making light of this issue. I was making light of your reaction to it. In my lifetime only my parents have been disappointed in me. I've never had a stranger who types a few words on a computer screen become disappointed in me. Maybe this is a new leaf I've turned over.

[StrawberryFields]

I was not making light of this issue. I was making light of your reaction to it. In my lifetime only my parents have been disappointed in me. I've never had a stranger who types a few words on a computer screen become disappointed in me. Maybe this is a new leaf I've turned over.

LOL! :)

What I am disappointment in is THE QUESTION. I think the intent of this thread was/is to cause dis-harmony among the members here.

If this were to happen to someone I know I would hope the the decision would come with a lot of prayer. :)

[Guest MrsS]

I would like to know how LDS members feel if they were to have a daughter at 16 get pregnant. Would you

choose to keep the baby or force your daughter to give the baby up to an LDS family so that baby could be sealed to the adopted family?

I said it before and I say it again, redruby is a troll -

LDS do NOT FORCE their beliefs, doctrines, or anything else on another human being.

[Traveler]

So a teen who gets pregnant is doomed forever? I don't buy that. With a couple exceptions, there is always repentance available.

I was not making light of this issue. I was making light of your reaction to it. In my lifetime only my parents have been disappointed in me. I've never had a stranger who types a few words on a computer screen become disappointed in me. Maybe this is a new leaf I've turned over.

When a teen gets pregnant they are pregnant with a child. Try really hard to understand - they are pregnant with a helpless innocent child. Unless the mother was raped the helpless little child is the only innocent person out of the bunch. So let’s damn the child??? Yes, I am aware that the Supreme Court said that during the first trimester we cannot legally call the baby a “human” child. But we are not talking about just that – we are talking about what to do with the child after the baby is born – and for the rest of it’s life. I could ask why you hate children so much that you are willing to sacrifice them – with no thought of them, when considering what should justly come next. What we trash the child and forget the child so that the mother and father can “feel” good. Heaven forbid the mother or father should feel bad and have their life “inconvenienced” because of a surprise child.

My point – The child, the needs of the child, the care of the child and the life of the child and the future of the child – the child comes first. Once the child is safe and in a place where they can grow up as best as society can grantee that a child should, then we can start to think about making mama and daddy happy and fulfilling their wants and dreams.

The problem is that the “Me” generation wants what should be considered for the child for them. They want the right of innocence taken from the child and given exclusively to them. The problem is that as long as the little mama and little daddy think of themselves first and society forgets about the innocent helpless child – there will be no justice. And as much as you pretend concerned for mommy and daddy, allowing them to care and coddle themselves at the expense of the child is criminal and will destroy mommy, daddy the helpless innocent child and society.

I am all about helping teenage single mothers get a grip on life – I am just against placing that priority above that of the helpless innocent child.

The Traveler

[the_jason]

I could ask why you hate children so much that you are willing to sacrifice them – with no thought of them

I don't believe those words ever came across my mind. I wouldn't have three of my own if I hated children. My only point was this, and read this very carefully: There is no single correct answer to this question. A decision should only be made after the teen consults with her parents and her bishop. The needs of the child do need to come first, as I've mentioned several times. I just don't believe there is only one answer.

Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth? (Chris Tucker in Rush Hour)

[Outshined]

Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth? (Christ Tucker in Rush Hour)

And you didn't get my Seinfeld reference?

[Traveler]

<div class='quotemain'>

I could ask why you hate children so much that you are willing to sacrifice them – with no thought of them

I don't believe those words ever came across my mind. I wouldn't have three of my own if I hated children. My only point was this, and read this very carefully: There is no single correct answer to this question. A decision should only be made after the teen consults with her parents and her bishop. The needs of the child do need to come first, as I've mentioned several times. I just don't believe there is only one answer.

Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth? (Chris Tucker in Rush Hour)

Thank you for pointing out what I missed - I apologize.

The Traveler

[Winnie G]

When a teen gets pregnant they are pregnant with a child. Try really hard to understand - they are pregnant with a helpless innocent child

My first thought when I read that Traveler was how badly I felt about my self.

When my family kicked me to the curb emotionally and crammed my mistake so far down my throat daily by pushing their will on me still hurts to this day.

The only person I know I loved was my baby. Telling me to give him up was unthinkable he was all I had.

That I could count on, my love for him and that, he would love me.

Not that long ago my mother now 81 went though her jewelry box and she was showing me some all jewelry she had saved since her collage days and then out of now were she pulled out this old tarnished ring (her eyes aren’t the best) and said "Oh I saved your wedding band from when you married Tim". Yah I remembered that ring well, it was not my wedding band it was the ring my mother made me wear when I was in public with her so she was not ashamed to be seen with me. I just told her "no mom I pawned my rings to feed the boys"

Single mothers live in roller coaster emotions, I would never make my daughter feel like she was a mistake, she would hear from me she was only human and this was not the end of the world she would hear love from her family.

As years have past and now as an adult, I have shielded my children from my judgmental hypocritical mother.

I almost took her head off over remarks made to my only daughter once.

I have learned much from those days.

Pressuring a teenager for a human mistake is the wrong way to go. Giving options, love, and guidance is.

For me it was the right thing to do and my soon to be bishop told me it was the right thing for me, but he told me after I made my choice, it was after I brought my baby home.

[Maureen]

So far I am disappointed with the posts of this thread. To be honest they appear to be quite selfish and prideful.

If I understand your posts correctly Traveler you see adoption to be the correct course. In other words, we agree; but you are disappointed with the posts? ...even the ones that agree with you?

M.

[Traveler]

Winnie: I do not want you to think I am against any good thing you have done for your son. Nor do I intend to justify anything crual your mother did to you or your son. There are a few statements however, that concern me. Such as:

Telling me to give him up was unthinkable he was all I had.

Please understand my concern for innocent children. I am concerned that many parents think they own the child. Such thinking seems to be centered in the concept of what is best for me - rather than what is best for a innocent child.

I am very sorry that your parents left you feeling that the child was "all you had". I am so sorry that they did not help you feel that you had a father and a mother that dearly love you and sacrifice for you. I am sorry that your parents did not help you understand that they would go through great pain themselves for your benefit. I am sorry that you carried your burdon without support from family. I am most sorry that your parents sought for what they wanted and their interest before making sure that the innocent baby had the very best possible, regardless of circumstance. I am also sorry that your son never really had their father, or their grandmothers or their grandpas.

The Traveler

[Traveler]

<div class='quotemain'>

So far I am disappointed with the posts of this thread. To be honest they appear to be quite selfish and prideful.

If I understand your posts correctly Traveler you see adoption to be the correct course. In other words, we agree; but you are disappointed with the posts? ...even the ones that agree with you?

M.

You make a good point - I am not sure that our society does well with children that grow up without their mother and father. More and more children are forced to not live with "their" father and mother. Single girls getting pregnant is only part of the problem. We have become lax in upholding marriage and the importance of marriage. I believe we have lost the perspective of children and the next generation.

It would seem to me that there are too many adoptions - too many children neglected in the social, political, economocal system of things. Parents with 7 or 8 children are dispised and looked down on. If children do not have every material thing wanted we think parents have failed. We seem to be making things worse.

Young girls and boys today should have a clear understanding of what is expected of them. The time to talk to children about pregnancies and helping them understand decisions must come before they are pregnant or even dating.

The Traveler

[angies]

If i had a sixteen year old daughter who was pregnant i would love her, I would talk all the options through and direct her to her bishop and the lord and whatever decision made i would support her the best way that I could