How to handle situation with neighbor kid

[Backroads]

Apparently this is a problem my family has been dealing with for quite some time, but now that I've moved in for the summer I'm seeing it. My parents still have yet to find a way to deal with it that they're comfortable with.

My mom's good friend down the street has a son with some medical issues that may have contributed to a preoccupation with food. She always has to watch him and what he eats.

The problem is, the kid comes over to us and other neighbors to more or less forage for treats. My mom is a teacher and has treats about for students... and this kid knows this.

He'll come by on an errand, or just because he was walking by, and pretty much wander around looking for treats. Usually he's pretty clandestine about it, other times he asks straight out if we have candy or cookies.

His mother has made it clear she doesn't want him having treats and my mom respects this.

But we can't think of a non-rude way to get the kid out of the house. He's left in tears before because we wouldn't give him anything.

[NightSG]

But we can't think of a non-rude way to get the kid out of the house.

Pretend he's a home teacher and never answer the door

[Dravin]

The first thing that comes to my mind is not letting him in the house in the first place, particularly if the errand he's on doesn't call for it. As far as him just stopping by, you don't have to invite him in. What age is this kid?

[LDSVALLEY]

explain the issue to the parents. Tell them you want to respect their rules and ask them what they want you to do about it.

[NeuroTypical]

How old is the kid?

If he's like 8, "Sorry, you can't come in right now. Bye!" and then close the door. If he's like 23, you call the cops. :)

Putting a kid into tears doesn't necessarily mean a grown-up has done something rude or wrong. Your mom knows that, right?

[Backroads]

The issue is our neighborhood culture. We are a bunch of people who walk in and out of each other's houses.

I think the kid is about 11 or 12.

[skippy740]

His mother has made it clear she doesn't want him having treats and my mom respects this.

But we can't think of a non-rude way to get the kid out of the house. He's left in tears before because we wouldn't give him anything.

Tell him something like "You KNOW that your mother doesn't want you to have sugar/candy, etc. And I don't want to get in trouble with your mom. Would you? No, you wouldn't. So I have to say no."

[Dravin]

The issue is our neighborhood culture. We are a bunch of people who walk in and out of each other's houses.

I think the kid is about 11 or 12.

He's old enough to reason with then, though I'd go through the parents.

[Backroads]

Thanks for the ideas. I moved in and can't help but think "what is up with this kid, why does he want food, and why is he crying?" The whole thing is very strange.

[Suzie]

Thanks for the ideas. I moved in and can't help but think "what is up with this kid, why does he want food, and why is he crying?" The whole thing is very strange.

It's interesting that you mention this because I was now going to say that I find strange nobody asked so far anything about the child's background, how he looks, if he looks well fed, disabilities, etc. Is it only about treats or food in general? Can you tell us more? Thanks.

[Just_A_Guy]

The issue is our neighborhood culture. We are a bunch of people who walk in and out of each other's houses.

Can't you opt out of that facet of the local culture? People walking in and out of my house at random, would bug the snot out of me.

[Guest]

That's what security doors and deadlocks are made for. Well, one of the things.

[Backroads]

It's interesting that you mention this because I was now going to say that I find strange nobody asked so far anything about the child's background, how he looks, if he looks well fed, disabilities, etc. Is it only about treats or food in general? Can you tell us more? Thanks.

When he was a toddler, he had a brain tumor. The surgeries did affect some hormones, and the doctors believed he would always have a problem with weight. However, according to his mother, he really loves food and is more overweight than he should be, probably nearing the obese range. From my perspective and what his parents have said, it has only been with treats. I don't worry about any abusive home life as I babysat for this family for many years. No disabilities, he's mentally normal as well. Except for this oddity.

[Gretchen]

If I am reading this right, the child is asking your mother for sweets, and you have not personally meet him? Has your mother seen him? You said your mother is a teacher, she would probably be able to tell if he is obese or not when he comes by. She would be able to make a reasonable guess as to whether or not he is being starved, and if he is trying to get a bite to eat, or if he is basically trick-or-treat-ing.

Suggestions: If he is not being starved, could your mother stock up on those snack-sized bags of pretzles or goldfish crackers to hand out to him? She would likely have to give them to the other children as well, but that way, the-child-in-discussion would know he is not being singled out.

If child IS being starved, take action.

[Backroads]

If I am reading this right, the child is asking your mother for sweets, and you have not personally meet him? Has your mother seen him? You said your mother is a teacher, she would probably be able to tell if he is obese or not when he comes by. She would be able to make a reasonable guess as to whether or not he is being starved, and if he is trying to get a bite to eat, or if he is basically trick-or-treat-ing.

Suggestions: If he is not being starved, could your mother stock up on those snack-sized bags of pretzles or goldfish crackers to hand out to him? She would likely have to give them to the other children as well, but that way, the-child-in-discussion would know he is not being singled out.

If child IS being starved, take action.

No. I've known this kid his entire life. Used to babysit him. I have simply moved in with my parents for the summer and am new to this kid's strange behavior. My mother rarely gives him food (due to the request of his mother and for the fact she finds his behavior strange).

Your suggestion would not work because this kid's mother has said she does not want this behavior continuing and has asked many houses in the neighborhood to not give him food. I'm not sure what other children you're talking about and I don't see why my mother has to buy extra treats for a stockpile for this kid when she's trying to support her family including four missionaries.

The fact is, Gretchen, this behavior is very abnormal and I can't think of a non-awkward way to deal with it (though there have been helpful suggestions on this thread). Yet you're telling us to simply give him the treats he comes sniffing around for.

[Gretchen]

The fact is, Gretchen, this behavior is very abnormal and I can't think of a non-awkward way to deal with it (though there have been helpful suggestions on this thread). Yet you're telling us to simply give him the treats he comes sniffing around for.

I understood you to be saying that he was asking for sweets, which I interpreted to mean things like cookies and candies and such. I was suggesting that instead of sweets, you give him something else, like pretzels or crackers.

[Backroads]

I understood you to be saying that he was asking for sweets, which I interpreted to mean things like cookies and candies and such. I was suggesting that instead of sweets, you give him something else, like pretzels or crackers.

Ah. That makes more sense.

I still wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I do classify pretzels and crackers as snacks and I still think we would be going against his mother's wishes. I also still think his behavior is odd because 11 is old enough to have a little more self-control.

[Gretchen]

I guess then all you can do is tell him "I'm sorry, your mother said I can't give you snacks."

Then again... there is always praying for the Spirit to help, which is really the better answer, now that I think of it.

Good luck :)