Sign in to follow this  
ctr2961

No support for Mid Single Activities

Recommended Posts

I am typing this on this fourm to express my feelings and would like to hear constructive feed back before I make a big deal about it.

I am in a very small ward that has about 2 or 3 singles that has close families. I am from a non-lds family that does not do church. I have not attended a FHE for about 10 years and that was with my ex's family. Now I been inactive because I have no calling and I sit by myself in small ward and I am not invited to any of the Wednesday or weekend activities.

So I am struggling about staying active, but in order to attend a FHE I have to drive 2 1/2 hours one way. By the time I get off of work the FHE is finished. Going to the Dances or other single activities it takes me about 3 or 4 hours of one way driving.

I have brought this up to my stake president attention and he told me to contact my bishop and singles rep, who told me about the events but she is busy with her family and attend her family's FHE. The single refer me to a different ward, that refers back to the stake president.

I have no home teacher, I can not attend the family activies(scouts, ysa, mutual), and I have no calling. I am feeling that I have no place in the church. I feeling that I have no one else to talk to about this.

I am struggling with anxiety and social issues, aspergers, and I would like feed back or some inspiration about try to stay active.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is changing wards &/or moving a possibility?

No calling doesn't mean you cannot participate in service activities... And if there is an absolute dirth of service activities... Put something together, send out announcements, and get something going. Might not be a calling, but that doesn't mean it's not needed: hospital, foster kid school supplies, food bank, disaster relief, battered women's shelters, LDS fam services, cookouts, monthly meal cook aheads (hundreds of tamales, etc.), modest dress sewing, playing ball with single parent kids, tutoring, auto repair classes, etc. Just use your imagination. What do you enjoy doing/what are you good at?

Q

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know if this will help. But I live in a tiny branch - which surprisingly has alot of singles - but there was no rep until I was called recently, and no stake activities so I took things into my own hands and with the branch presidents blessing started organising stuff with the other singles in the branch - who now some of my closest friends and I consider it a blessing to have them in my life! There is nothing to stop you having a FHE in your own home and inviting other singles to it - from you ward and the surrounding wards if you want.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Smudge beat me. I was also going to suggest hosting FHE yourself and inviting people to it.

I third this suggestion.

I recently moved into a new ward. In my last ward/stake, there really was nothing for singles my age (over 45. The church has written off single sisters in this age range except to use us to keep the temple staffed. But as for singles activities and supporting our desire to get remarried? Nada), except for FHE organized by my ward.

"Empty-nester" couples woud host us for FHE. The couple would choose the lesson or activity. Each couple would host the same week each month. They enjoyed having others to share family home evening with and the singles enjoyed the option of having some place to go for FHE.

As I said, though, that really was the only activity for us old fogies. Our ward rep had complained loud and long about the stake rep. Then she was called to be the stake rep, however, she has refused to organize any activities unless the stake president gives her a "committee" to delegate tasks to. So FHE was our only activity. But it was a good one.

There seem to be a lot more "older" singles in my new ward. (The demographic seems to be older overall). I have only been there a few weeks, but I have yet to see any indication of any kind of activities/organization for singles over 45. After I get the lay of the land a little more, I may have to suggest organizing FHE.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

I'm sorry, that's a tough position to be in.

My husband came home from his mission and his parents had moved to a small logging town far away from any singles programs. So he moved to the city and found me. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
Hidden

I'm sorry, that's a tough position to be in.

My husband came home from his mission and his parents had moved to a small logging town far away from any singles programs. So he moved to the city and found me. :)

Share this post


Link to post

I am typing this on this fourm to express my feelings and would like to hear constructive feed back before I make a big deal about it.

I am in a very small ward that has about 2 or 3 singles that has close families. I am from a non-lds family that does not do church. I have not attended a FHE for about 10 years and that was with my ex's family. Now I been inactive because I have no calling and I sit by myself in small ward and I am not invited to any of the Wednesday or weekend activities.

So I am struggling about staying active, but in order to attend a FHE I have to drive 2 1/2 hours one way. By the time I get off of work the FHE is finished. Going to the Dances or other single activities it takes me about 3 or 4 hours of one way driving.

I have brought this up to my stake president attention and he told me to contact my bishop and singles rep, who told me about the events but she is busy with her family and attend her family's FHE. The single refer me to a different ward, that refers back to the stake president.

I have no home teacher, I can not attend the family activies(scouts, ysa, mutual), and I have no calling. I am feeling that I have no place in the church. I feeling that I have no one else to talk to about this.

I am struggling with anxiety and social issues, aspergers, and I would like feed back or some inspiration about try to stay active.

I know how you feel, I am so out of place at the church its not even funny lol

best advice I could think to offer the more knowledgeable people already have (I'm not even a member yet) lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

you know the new members feel the same way out of place, they need alot of tlc, you can start doing fhe with them, or have a scripture class of the bk of mormon helping them to learn, understand and fit in. you can also hang out with them do activites with them just a suggestion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am also single, only member in militant atheist family who think I am nuts to be a Mormon. I have moved around the country a lot so I am often breaking into a new ward. I think that making friends within your demographic group limits your possibilities so I make friends with the married ladies who are often very lonely and love someone to talk to. Perhaps you have already tried this? Some ideas:

1) Go to a dinner/activity about half an hour before the stated time. The situation is usually madness. Help out. They will love you.

2) Stay after the dinner and help clean up.

3) Is there a church cleaning committee? Offer to help.

4) Is there a family history center? Drop in and ask for help even if you know everything.

5) Is there a temple within driving distance? Offer to drive someone.

6) Are there any widows that you could sit with in church?

Research indicates that women do not get much emotional support from their husbands. I realise that this is not true of every woman but...the general rule is that women obtain emotional support from their jobs while men obtain emotional support from their wives. Stay at home moms are frequently unbearably lonely. Even more lonely than working single women. Perhaps you have noticed a woman coping with many children at church who might appreciate another adult to lend a hand? This might be an opportunity.

Now the next bit is sad so hold on while I say this...the most recent research says that people avoid those who appear to be lonely...yeah sad but true...so I know that this is hard but smile, smile, smile "even though your heart is breaking". Yeah I know but these things helped for me especially the smiling!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I am in a very small ward that has about 2 or 3 singles that has close families. I am from a non-lds family that does not do church. I have not attended a FHE for about 10 years and that was with my ex's family. Now I been inactive because I have no calling and I sit by myself in small ward and I am not invited to any of the Wednesday or weekend activities.

Join the club.

So I am struggling about staying active, but in order to attend a FHE I have to drive 2 1/2 hours one way. By the time I get off of work the FHE is finished. Going to the Dances or other single activities it takes me about 3 or 4 hours of one way driving.

I know exactly how you feel. They're all at least 90 minutes for me if traffic is light. That usually turns into 2-3 hours with normal weekend traffic. I have yet to attend a singles FHE, since my stake's turnout is so pitiful that the three times I made the 60 mile drive to the stake center for one that was on the schedule, nobody was there from start time until 15 minutes after when I gave up on sitting in a 105 degree parking lot. I've tried making it to the ones in the city, but it's a 2 hour drive, and every time I see one on the schedule, I end up stuck at work way too late to even try.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I did finally attend a singles FHE a few weeks back.  $30 worth of gas and 4 hours on the road on a Monday evening got me about a 10 minute lesson that wasn't particularly relevant or memorable, 45 minutes of unrelated but directed (so it wasn't a situation where I could strike up a side conversation with anyone) chatter about sports, and a light snack.  Then I got home after midnight and had to be at work again the next morning.  Don't think I'll be doing that again, nor trying to get it going here if that's what it turns into.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this