What is Love?

[Chrissy3818]

I've been trying to figure out what true love is because my mind is so fogged up by the Hollywood kind of love (If you don't have sparks you're with the wrong person).

This is one of my favorite, but I am still confused by the concept: Real Love Versus Infatuation - eHarmony Advice

so basically if love is, Real love is:

1. a conscious choice that often employs the rational part of our brains.

2. Real love accepts that your partner is a fallible, imperfect human, just as you are

3. Real love ebbs and flows in terms of interest, ease, and feelings.

4. Real love is based on shared values and a solid friendship.

5. Real love is action.

6. Real love is a spiritual practice in that your focus is not how you can change your partner to alleviate your anger, pain, or annoyance but how you can assume full responsibility for those feelings and find healthy and constructive ways to attend to them.

Then why is society so much based on that "Spark" and happy happy stuff? I though spark was just lust and what not and now that that happy sparky emotion has ended with my boyfriend I am kind of freaked out a little (hense me searching on-line trying to figure out what love is).

My boyfriend is very patient with me and he actually told me that love doesn't have to have a feeling. It's a choice. I choose to love you. Not because I feel it, in fact I don't 98% of the time. I love you because I choose to love you. It's also the same as the way you love your mother or brother the only difference is you choose to take it a step further (kisses, hugs, and holding hands).

So is that what love is? Romantic love and love are just the same just one you choose to kiss and the other you don't? Basically you could choose to love whom ever you want in the world? You could choose to marry who ever not because you feel you love him but because you choose to love him and then you choose to marry him?

[Guest]

Jesus Christ showed us the perfect definition of Love. When he instructed his apostles to love, he then demonstrated it by kneeling down and washing their feet.

Love, therefore, is a complete and ultimate giving of one's self in service of another. It flows outwards and not inwards.

So... Giddy feeling, tingly bones, knees turn to jelly, can't stop thinking about somebody... Is that Love? No. Dying on the cross. That is love.

[Lakumi]

leaving religion aside because, well not everyone who experiences love believes Jesus even existed.

I don't think one can just choose to love someone. I've tried and, it lead to total unhappiness, I didn't care for that person, deep down. I can't make myself feel something.

I love my family, but its a different love, hard to really describe but its far different then, say I don't have sex with them.

In my own experience, choosing to love or befriend someone, I felt nothing for them, absolutely nothing.

Sure I didn't dislike them, and they were nice people, but if they said, out of the blue, we're not friends/a couple anymore, I would feel nothing.

How is that love?

I don't want to be emotionally dead and be around someone I don't care about.

If that's love, then love is a terrible thing (imo)

[Chrissy3818]

Jesus Christ showed us the perfect definition of Love. When he instructed his apostles to love, he then demonstrated it by kneeling down and washing their feet.

Love, therefore, is a complete and ultimate giving of one's self in service of another. It flows outwards and not inwards.

So... Giddy feeling, tingly bones, knees turn to jelly, can't stop thinking about somebody... Is that Love? No. Dying on the cross. That is love.

so what would be love to a romantic partner. I've read through all the scriptures and I am confused. What is the love that people go into a marriage with and continue to work on?

[Guest]

leaving religion aside because, well not everyone who experiences love believes Jesus even existed.

I don't think one can just choose to love someone. I've tried and, it lead to total unhappiness, I didn't care for that person, deep down. I can't make myself feel something.

I love my family, but its a different love, hard to really describe but its far different then, say I don't have sex with them.

In my own experience, choosing to love or befriend someone, I felt nothing for them, absolutely nothing.

Sure I didn't dislike them, and they were nice people, but if they said, out of the blue, we're not friends/a couple anymore, I would feel nothing.

How is that love?

I don't want to be emotionally dead and be around someone I don't care about.

If that's love, then love is a terrible thing (imo)

You can believe Jesus is some made up cartoon character like Superman. It still doesn't negate the truth of the example he provided that defines love completely. Love is Charity.

Everything else you provided as an example does not define Love in that manner so that's why it's all over the place. To be honest, I have no idea why you would say you Love somebody.

Edited August 29, 2013 by anatess

[Lakumi]

You can believe Jesus is some made up cartoon character like Superman. It still doesn't negate the truth of the example he provided that Love is Charity.

Everything else you provided as an example does not define Love in that manner so that's why it's all over the place. To be honest, I have no idea why you would say you Love somebody.

you as people in general, or you as me

Its hard to put a feeling into words, it will probably come better later.

As for my feelings, well I am a bitter, miserable human being who doesn't feel love to most anyone.

But that's my burden to bear and another thread entirely

[Chrissy3818]

you as people in general, or you as me

Its hard to put a feeling into words, it will probably come better later.

As for my feelings, well I am a bitter, miserable human being who doesn't feel love to most anyone.

But that's my burden to bear and another thread entirely

Are you Married Lakumi?

[Lakumi]

Are you Married Lakumi?

no, I am not

[SpiritDragon]

so what would be love to a romantic partner. I've read through all the scriptures and I am confused. What is the love that people go into a marriage with and continue to work on?

This is a never ending question that poets, philosophers, and musicians have attempted to answer through the ages. It is something that you need to feel right about.

Love has many contexts. In the ideal family each individual loves the others. This kind of love is usually a combination of familiarity with each individual, shared memories that bring joy, mutual respect, concern for each other's welfare and so on.

Romantic love in my experience shares a lot in common with this familial love, but is also different. There is a certain excitement to meeting someone new that is a fun part of a relationship, but over time the newness wears off and is replaced by familiarity and shared memories (hopefully happy). But romance doesn't have to stop when the newness of the relationship goes away. In fact it should increase as you get to know each other better. Over time you have a better opportunity to learn how to bring joy to your companion and they in turn learn how to better please you as well. I think the main difference between love outside of the romantic arena and romantic love comes down to a desire to grow together and support each other.

If you find yourself admiring the aspirations in another person to the point that you are willing to do everything in your power to help them achieve those things, I believe you are getting close to understanding romantic love.

[Chrissy3818]

It's also not choosing to love them it's choosing to be with them and letting love follow. at least that's what I am getting. People who have been married for 65 years don't have spark and yippy kye Aye feelings, it's more deep than that. that's the love I want to know. It's not a feeling for them, it's a... what?

[SpiritDragon]

It's also not choosing to love them it's choosing to be with them and letting love follow. at least that's what I am getting. People who have been married for 65 years don't have spark and yippy kye Aye feelings, it's more deep than that. that's the love I want to know. It's not a feeling for them, it's a... what?

It's a commitment to another person and ideally with God as well.

[Chrissy3818]

It's a commitment to another person and ideally with God as well.

I like you're answers, the scripture answers are hard for me to understand and the feeling answer give my horrible anxiety.

I do feel I love my boyfriend not because I feel it, but because I want to be with him. Love grows and seems like it's not there at times.

thanks!! You're answers really helped me and my fairytale dreams don't help, but they will die eventually.

[Lakumi]

still didn't get the marriage question, oh well- good luck to you wherever life takes you

[SpiritDragon]

I like you're answers, the scripture answers are hard for me to understand and the feeling answer give my horrible anxiety.

I do feel I love my boyfriend not because I feel it, but because I want to be with him. Love grows and seems like it's not there at times.

thanks!! You're answers really helped me and my fairytale dreams don't help, but they will die eventually.

I hope your fairy tale dreams never die completely... they may perhaps need refinement but when our dreams die it is a sad day indeed.

[Chrissy3818]

I hope your fairy tale dreams never die completely... they may perhaps need refinement but when our dreams die it is a sad day indeed.

well not die just change, it's like the more I learn about love and what it really is the more I change the way I want my fairytale to be

[Guest]

so what would be love to a romantic partner. I've read through all the scriptures and I am confused. What is the love that people go into a marriage with and continue to work on?

What we strive to learn in mortality is how to have fullness of joy. We learn that we accomplish that by becoming ONE with God. The Godhead shares this Unity. It is perfect. It is so perfect that Jesus can desire with is own free will yet it is the exact same as what the Father in His own free will desires as well. This Unity is founded on Love.

Marriage is this kind of Unity. This is what we work on and continue to strive for day in and day out, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. To get closer and closer to that kind of Unity. This can only be accomplished by both partners working together to be One with God. We all know what we need to do to be One with God and attain joy - you can read Matthew 5, 6, and 7 and that tells you what we need to do. But, we are not perfect. There are times when one partner or both partners stray from the path of unity. It is at these moments that humility, repentance, and forgiveness plays an important role.

So, what is love worthy of marriage? It is when two people commit themselves to following that path of unity as an eternal family. It is that burning desire to do everything in your power to help another have fullness of joy. Because, it is in this kind of desire to be of service to another, this kind of love, where you will find your fullness of joy. This is important in a marriage... It is in the complete service to another to get him on that path of unity with God that one finds fullness of joy - not one's selfish demands to receive one's own happiness.

When you find that special someone that you desire to serve in that manner, then you are in love.

[Guest]

P.S. First you DESIRE to serve... Then you DECIDE and COMMIT to eternal service. Come what may.

[Guest]

you as people in general, or you as me

Its hard to put a feeling into words, it will probably come better later.

As for my feelings, well I am a bitter, miserable human being who doesn't feel love to most anyone.

But that's my burden to bear and another thread entirely

I mean you as Lakumi.

I think the difficulty lies in trying to define Love by biological or physiological means. Feelings are fickle. Love is not. Or it's not supposed to be.

So you don't feel love and I'm assuming you think it's because you're a bitter, miserable person. But love is selfless. If I may, I'd like to use another quote from Jesus to illustrate what I'm trying to say. The thing with Jesus is, one can take all the lessons he taught on how to live our lives even taking out any divinity or references to deity or eternal life and just use it akin to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective whatever-you-wanna-be... and one can find that it truly leads to happiness if followed closely.

Okay, Love is selfless and Jesus said, "Love others as you love yourself." So, how is this selfless? When one values one's self above others then that's selfish... Easy breezy to understand. But what about those who hate themselves? Well, self-hate is actually selfish too! It stems from one's focus on what they don't like about themselves which is just as self directed as one's pride of themselves. So when one loves others as himself, it takes the focus away from the self in the service of others, so that, not only did one serve another, his self-hate is diminished.

So, how do you know if you love another? Do you have a desire to set aside the "self" to help another find happiness? If yes, then you love that person.

[TalkativeIntrovert]

I love the quote from Gordon B Hinckley about marriage:

“I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come”

It is not exactly a definition of love, but it is love in practice.

My sister once said to me that she knew I was in love with my husband because my eyes lit up every time he walked into the room. I didn't recognise that myself - and this was years after we married, it wasn't "new" love.

[Guest]

("What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. . ." Is anyone else bobbing their heads to the side?}

I think infatuation grows into love which grows into total unity. Fifteen years into marriage I feel and see a continuously growing devotion between DH and I, and it has very much become that our life is about "us" and not about him and/or me. The other day he was talking to someone about some of his choices in regards to what direction his career will go, and I noticed he never said "I want" or "I need", it was always "we". He didn't even notice until I pointed it out to him.

[Dravin]

Then why is society so much based on that "Spark" and happy happy stuff?

It's easy, it's powerful, and it works well in fictional (or even non-fictional) media.

I though spark was just lust and what not and now that that happy sparky emotion has ended with my boyfriend I am kind of freaked out a little (hense me searching on-line trying to figure out what love is).

I wouldn't equate infatuation (what I term the spark you speak of) with lust. Can it be a aspect of it? Most certainly but they aren't the same thing. In my mind infatuation stems from being in love with the idea of the person rather than the person. When you start to learn that person and the blinders come off that tends to decay and the infatuation wears off. When they go from Prince/Princess Charming to the really neat person with a bunch of good and bad qualities.

My boyfriend is very patient with me and he actually told me that love doesn't have to have a feeling. It's a choice. I choose to love you. Not because I feel it, in fact I don't 98% of the time. I love you because I choose to love you. It's also the same as the way you love your mother or brother the only difference is you choose to take it a step further (kisses, hugs, and holding hands).

I'd say there are different aspects of the same top level emotion but I'm not sure I'd say they're the exact same thing except you do physical things usually reserved for romantic relationships.

So is that what love is? Romantic love and love are just the same just one you choose to kiss and the other you don't? Basically you could choose to love whom ever you want in the world? You could choose to marry who ever not because you feel you love him but because you choose to love him and then you choose to marry him?

As corny as it sounds love is sacrifice, it's about being willing to submit (not that all submission is love) your will for the good of another. And marriage, at least a good marriage, is loving unity. As far as choosing love and marrying anyone, while probably true, as a practical manner not everyone is as easy to love and be unified with as everyone else for a given person.

[Lakumi]

("What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. . ." Is anyone else bobbing their heads to the side?}

I was gonna post a gif but I want to keep most of my madness to the general conversation forum:lol:

[Blackmarch]

I've been trying to figure out what true love is because my mind is so fogged up by the Hollywood kind of love (If you don't have sparks you're with the wrong person).

This is one of my favorite, but I am still confused by the concept: Real Love Versus Infatuation - eHarmony Advice

so basically if love is, Real love is:

1. a conscious choice that often employs the rational part of our brains.

2. Real love accepts that your partner is a fallible, imperfect human, just as you are

3. Real love ebbs and flows in terms of interest, ease, and feelings.

4. Real love is based on shared values and a solid friendship.

5. Real love is action.

6. Real love is a spiritual practice in that your focus is not how you can change your partner to alleviate your anger, pain, or annoyance but how you can assume full responsibility for those feelings and find healthy and constructive ways to attend to them.

Then why is society so much based on that "Spark" and happy happy stuff? I though spark was just lust and what not and now that that happy sparky emotion has ended with my boyfriend I am kind of freaked out a little (hense me searching on-line trying to figure out what love is).

My boyfriend is very patient with me and he actually told me that love doesn't have to have a feeling. It's a choice. I choose to love you. Not because I feel it, in fact I don't 98% of the time. I love you because I choose to love you. It's also the same as the way you love your mother or brother the only difference is you choose to take it a step further (kisses, hugs, and holding hands).

So is that what love is? Romantic love and love are just the same just one you choose to kiss and the other you don't? Basically you could choose to love whom ever you want in the world? You could choose to marry who ever not because you feel you love him but because you choose to love him and then you choose to marry him?

Real Love is the desire to raise/help another over yourself or what you want for yourself. There are many ways to express this. Our feelings definitely influence how easy it is to do that for another person, altho the less self centered we can make ourselves the easier it can be.

romantic feelings are good for a relationship, when its in the proper place, but you can't just sit idly by and expect the feeling to stay there forever without working on keeping it there.

[Chrissy3818]

Thanks guys you all really helped me! I am new at all of this and am still learning. I have a long ways To go especially with my obsession to fantasy romance. I'll figure it out over time. I'm just getting to the steps of it. I guess I'm expecting to much out of love.II

[Just_A_Guy]

Here's one more article that might help you:

Ensign: Agency and Love in Marriage

Stephen R. Covey relates the following experience:

“At one seminar, after I’d spoken on the importance of demonstrating character within the family, a man came up and said, ‘I like what you’re saying, but my wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other that we used to. I guess we don’t love each other anymore. What can I do?’

“‘Love her,’ I replied.

“He looked puzzled. ‘How do you love when you don’t feel love?’

“‘My friend,’ I responded, ‘love is a verb. The feeling of love is the fruit of love. So love your wife. You did it once, you can do it again. Listen. Empathize. Appreciate. It’s your choice. Are you willing to do that?’

“Of course, I was asking this man if he was willing to search within himself for the character required to make his marriage work. All our relationships follow the contours of life; they have ups and downs. This is why our families provide a critical measure of our character—and the opportunity, again and again to nurture it.”