I prayed and got a yes but..

[Chrissy3818]

I have been dating my boyfriend for six months and have learned so much about him. We talked about everything you could think of: raising children, religion, church, goals, what we want out of a partner, marriage, and etc.

Are values pretty much Aline every where. The only difference is he's not Lds and I am somewhat. By this I mean it's hard for me to go to church because I feel like I need to leave ten minutes into it. I have anxiety.

I have suffered from anxiety since I was ten and now its affecting my relationship. I am going to get onto medication and see a councilor about this.

Dare I say he is perfect. And I feel he is a good choice to make marriage wise. I prayed and felt good about my decision to marry him. I want to marry.

My mind just keeps going crazy. What if God doesn't approve (He already does), What if I am making a bad decision (I am not because we can compromise, talk about anything, and we share the same values, he's just not LDS.) My mind did do this in my previous relationship and when I don't have anxiety I know it's a good choice and I want to marry him. I even want to marry him when I have anxiety about our relationship.

I guess what I am asking is, I already got an Okay from God so why won't my mind leave me alone.

P.S. Everyone thinks he's a good choice to marry. Even me and I don't want to loose him. I want him and only him.

[NeuroTypical]

We talked about everything you could think of: raising children, religion, church, goals, what we want out of a partner, marriage, and etc.

So, he's not LDS and you 'sort of are'. Ok - so, when you talked about your children going to church, and you guys paying to send them on missions, what did he say?

[Chrissy3818]

So, he's not LDS and you 'sort of are'. Ok - so, when you talked about your children going to church, and you guys paying to send them on missions, what did he say?

I've talked to him about this and he said he was fine letting our children grow up in my church because church is a family thing. He'll attend with me and let our children grow up in the church. He doesn't care what church we attend as long as it goes with his values:

1. Service

2. Family

3. Respect and honesty

Pretty much the values our church has. I am sure if our children wanted to go on a mission he would be fine with that too. He will support our children's decisions and not prevent them from doing anything they wanted to do. Besides the stuff he doesn't agree with.

1. Drugs

2. Sleeping around

[Dravin]

I guess what I am asking is, I already got an Okay from God so why won't my mind leave me alone.

An internet message board is rather limited in it's ability to answer that question. You'll get some random shots in the dark that boil down to internet psychoanalysis with way too little information available to support it. We're basically going to be a magic eight ball when it comes to that particular question.

[Lakumi]

so what's the issue, exactly?

he's not LDS?

love is a hard thing to truly come across in this life, and to throw it away because he's not the same religion (but is fine with the kids being that religion and shares your values)

I've never met anyone I had any real connection or more then one or two things in common with (not even bringing up beliefs)

I say you have a winner

[Guest]

You need to be very honest and upfront about this anxiety issue with him. This will be a major player in your marriage that he will have to be prepared to deal with.

Let him know what your mind is telling you and see what he says about it.

[Chrissy3818]

You need to be very honest and upfront about this anxiety issue with him. This will be a major player in your marriage that he will have to be prepared to deal with.

Let him know what your mind is telling you and see what he says about it.

I share everything with him and he knows about my anxiety. That is one of the main reasons he's so perfect for me. He listens and has not walked away when my anxiety has been sky high.

[Guest]

I share everything with him and he knows about my anxiety. That is one of the main reasons he's so perfect for me. He listens and has not walked away when my anxiety has been sky high.

So what did he say about it? When you told him your anxiety is preventing you from saying yes to marriage?

[Swiper]

Dare I say he is perfect. And I feel he is a good choice to make marriage wise. I prayed and felt good about my decision to marry him. I want to marry.

How old are both of you? Still in college?

[mdfxdb]

I have suffered from anxiety since I was ten and now its affecting my relationship. I am going to get onto medication and see a councilor about this.

Dare I say he is perfect........

These two statements. Firstly, if it's affecting your relationship now then when you're married it's going to be 100 times worse. This is something you need to have resolved before you say "I do". Second, he is not perfect. If you think he is then you are going to be dissappointed and will only resent him and his actions.

He may tolerate you going to church, but you have yet to write a 10% check for tithing out of your joint account....... are you sure he's up for that? Also, not standing in the way of something is not the same as supporting it....

[Chrissy3818]

How old are both of you? Still in college?

Yes, but we are not planning on getting married till we graduate.

[Chrissy3818]

These two statements. Firstly, if it's affecting your relationship now then when you're married it's going to be 100 times worse. This is something you need to have resolved before you say "I do". Second, he is not perfect. If you think he is then you are going to be dissappointed and will only resent him and his actions.

He may tolerate you going to church, but you have yet to write a 10% check for tithing out of your joint account....... are you sure he's up for that? Also, not standing in the way of something is not the same as supporting it....

No he'd have no problem with the tithing thing. He'd see it as giving charity and that's one thing he wants to do.

And I know he's not perfect, but his faults I don't care about. And I am getting this resolved before saying 'I do' I am going to see a councilor to help me with my anxiety.

[Traveler]

One thing I have learned about prayer - G-d grants the desire or your heart. Because of our agency G-d will grant you what you desire. To pray about marriage is a good thing but to pray about who you should marry can result in confusing answers. This is because G-d grants to all agency and who you marry is your choice.

It is important to understand marriage is your choice because if at any time the marriage should go bad - it is not because of G-d. We will never be able to blame G-d for such things. This it is my opinion that if we ask G-d if we should marry a particular person - the answer will always be - if you want or desire it.

Rather I would suggest that the question concerning the temple covenant of marriage is a much better question. We should ask if we should marry in the temple according to his covenant. Thus if the answer is yes then we can tell our current courting partner that we have received an answer from G-d that we are to marry in the temple. This makes life really simple - especially if our partner has a different answer from G-d. If they are not receiving an answer from G-d to be married according to the temple covenant then you can be sure that such a marriage is not according to G-d and most certainly not what he understands to be best for you.

The Traveler

Edited October 21, 2013 by Traveler

[rameumptom]

Tell him you are interested in considering marriage, but first want to get the anxiety under control. Then go get it under control. Second, see if he'll take the missionary discussions prior to agreeing to attending church with you, so he has an idea of what the Church teaches/believes.

[Praetorian_Brow]

I have been on the receiving end of an anxiety fueled woman. Any little thing becomes this nuclear explosion of fears that immediately become my responsibility regardless of how minor the fear is. This is woman on a freak out times a 1000, so much more than just a a case of woman drama.

For me, it was like walking on a pleasant pathway of life, then suddenly a volcano erupts under my feet and no matter what I say or how I listen, I get deluged with a torrent of lava. Usually the real reason is hidden by her geyser of magma that snatches onto some minor detail that I most likely misspoke about. Even if I have listened for years of it, been patient, forgiving her for the frequency and the inevitable finger pointing, its exhausting and soul draining.

If you know you have anxiety issues and he still wants to be in your life, listens, still loves you even with the storms, then he is a keeper. Although, I suggest that you look into therapy or some self control measures as the stress of marriage will increase the frequency of anxiety.

[Chrissy3818]

Thank you and I am. I'm seeing doctors and getting lab with dune with counseling. He has more faith in me than I have in myself at times. He says no matter what happens he'll take care of me. I think most guys would ditch me at my first panic attack and all he wants to do is hold me. I know he's a keeper and that's why I want him.

[McLainDow]

Counseling sounds like a great idea. Maybe suggest to your therapist having your sweet heart come to a few sessions to learn more about how you think and feel. I have a wife who deals with depression and Have done the above and it helped me to understand and to help her when she is depressed.

[Drpepper]

I might approach this from a slightly different angle. I grew up in a household where one parent was a member and the other not. It becomes obvious pretty quickly to the children that your parents aren't evenly yoked on a lot of matters. He might not get in the way of them serving missions but he also won't be giving them fathers blessing, ordinations, participating in temple baptisms and if any of your children stay active and get married in the temple he won't be there to see it. Tithing will become an issue especially when your pregnant and you flat out trying to survive of one income. I'm not saying you can't make it work, I'm just saying as child growing up in that environment, it wasn't ideal. I saw the good, bad and the very ugly especially when my sister told my father she was getting married in the temple and he couldn't be there.

[Chrissy3818]

I don't care whether he's a member or not because I can barely go to church because of my anxiety and am not sure what I think of it. I don't quite have a testimony so it'd be unfair to expect him to have one. So basically I just go to church but am not really in it. I've had trouble gaining a testimony and it came to the point I was physically harming myself so I decided to stop. I figure God will help bring us to the church later in life but right now I can not mentally deal with it. I am getting help for my anxiety. My anxiety affects relationships, religion, and certain situations. Everything I am afraiof is enhanced by 90% and made worse. So no it doesn't matter if he's LDS. I just want him to go to church when I can and he will.

[Guest]

I don't care whether he's a member or not because I can barely go to church because of my anxiety and am not sure what I think of it. I don't quite have a testimony so it'd be unfair to expect him to have one. So basically I just go to church but am not really in it. I've had trouble gaining a testimony and it came to the point I was physically harming myself so I decided to stop. I figure God will help bring us to the church later in life but right now I can not mentally deal with it. I am getting help for my anxiety. My anxiety affects relationships, religion, and certain situations. Everything I am afraiof is enhanced by 90% and made worse. So no it doesn't matter if he's LDS. I just want him to go to church when I can and he will.

The way you describe your mental state, I don't think you should be thinking about marriage. You should just concentrate 100% on getting to a psychological state that you can manage to... say... attend Church.

It is terribly unfair to even dump this problem on your guy regardless of how perfect you think he is. He can still support you with this as a friend.

Just my opinion.

[Chrissy3818]

The way you describe your mental state, I don't think you should be thinking about marriage. You should just concentrate 100% on getting to a psychological state that you can manage to... say... attend Church.

It is terribly unfair to even dump this problem on your guy regardless of how perfect you think he is. He can still support you with this as a friend.

Just my opinion.

I've always had my anxiety and it won't go away. If I let it stop me I wouldn't be living. I'm not here to be criticized on my church attendance. Thanks but no thanks.

[Drpepper]

I've always had my anxiety and it won't go away. If I let it stop me I wouldn't be living. I'm not here to be criticized on my church attendance. Thanks but no thanks.

I've always had my anxiety and it won't go away. If I let it stop me I wouldn't be living. I'm not here to be criticized on my church attendance. Thanks but no thanks.

I don't think anyone is criticising your church attendance. You have come here asking for opinions so that's what you will get lots of peoples opinions . The fact of the matter is no one here has received a revelation, if you should marry this guy because that's between you, him and God. If you feel that prayer has been answered then perhaps you know what needs to be done. The rest of the opinions on this site are from those who are a little further down the track in life and realise that even when God saids yes, his not saying yes and life will be rosey from here on in. Therefore a little grain of salt is probably worth your time taking notice off because we also married the perfect person and started our journey of marriage bliss. :)

[Guest]

I've always had my anxiety and it won't go away. If I let it stop me I wouldn't be living. I'm not here to be criticized on my church attendance. Thanks but no thanks.

I wasn't criticizing your Church attendance. I was only using it as an example. Hence I said "say.... church attendance". If your anxiety issue is so bad that you can't be in a public place, it is bad.

I have a psychological disorder too. I have rage issues. It's so bad that I threw a knife at my sister when I was a kid. I spent a lifetime getting it under control with everything I know how and then some. I have it under control most of the time and I have things put in place to protect my husband and children before I thought of marriage. I met my husband and he got on the program. It still gets away from me once in a while but my husband and kids are prepared with what to do when this happens. Basically, my rage problem is my responsibility and my husband knows that I'm doing everything I can to control it so I'm not dumping it on him. He supports me in this effort and if my husband did not ask me to marry him I don't think I would've found anybody else who can take it on.

But, like I said... this is just my opinion. I don't know you.

Edited October 22, 2013 by anatess

[Chrissy3818]

I wasn't criticizing your Church attendance. I was only using it as an example. Hence I said "say.... church attendance". If your anxiety issue is so bad that you can't be in a public place, it is bad.

I have a psychological disorder too. I have rage issues. It's so bad that I threw a knife at my sister when I was a kid. I spent a lifetime getting it under control with everything I know how and then some. I have it under control most of the time and I have things put in place to protect my husband and children before I thought of marriage. I met my husband and he got on the program. It still gets away from me once in a while but my husband and kids are prepared with what to do when this happens. Basically, my rage problem is my responsibility and my husband knows that I'm doing everything I can to control it so I'm not dumping it on him. He supports me in this effort and if my husband did not ask me to marry him I don't think I would've found anybody else who can take it on.

But, like I said... this is just my opinion. I don't know you.

I apologize. I am just very sensitive about my church attendance. I am getting it under control, hopefully. He's just there to hold me and talk me through the bad anxiety attacks. I'm going in and seeing doctors to see if it physical or if it is really mental. I think it's mental. I had it my whole life.

When I am home alone I freak out and barricade myself in a closet because I am afraid someone is going to hurt me. (I fixed this by singing hymns until I fall asleep or by having a dog).

Anything I do, any little mistake I think God is telling me to repent to the bishop even though it's not something that should.

I don't want to be near my family anymore. My boyfriend is the only one I want to hold me and comfort me. I feel he's the only one who understands and can deal with this, but yet I feel God is trying to take him away from me when he brought him back to me. I've prayed and told God my decision and I feel he approves which is all I need. But then my mind goes into "God says no, dump him, he's not the one," But I've weighed it out in my mind and I think he is the one to marry. I think he is the best choice.

I am seeing counselors and the doctors are trying to figure out what medication to prescribe. I guess I just wanted to know if God would condemn me for marrying someone I think would be good for me and who I feel is the best choice. I feel his approval but then at other times I am like what if it's actually a no.

[Lakumi]

When I am home alone I freak out and barricade myself in a closet because I am afraid someone is going to hurt me. (I fixed this by singing hymns until I fall asleep or by having a dog).

oh I had/have a rampant paranoia too, though usually of things of a more... supernatural standing (ghosts, aliens, that thing from my dreams)...

I leave the tv on, grounds my brain in reality.