Problems With Bad Music...

[sibeluver03]

My husband loves music. He listens to all kinds of music, from classical piano to country to heavy metal. His favorite band is Metallica. Well, a few months ago I overheard some of the songs he was listening to. They were full of curse words and dirty language. I confronted him about the music and explained that I didn't agree with him listening to such bad music and that if I had any chance of feeling the Spirit while that music was playing, it would be very low. He agreed to get rid of all his CDs that didn't agree with what we believe in if I agreed to let him download Limewire, an MP3 downloading program. That way he could hand pick songs that were okay for him to listen to. I agreed. We downloaded the program and I thought all was well. Last night, I was waiting in our car for him and the sterio was on. This horrible and disgusting song came on that told of things unsayable. I immediately turned it off and confronted him about it. He got very defensive and just simply changed the CD. I told him he should throw the CD away. He said no. We ended up going to bed angry at each other last night (not a good idea, I know...). Then today, he is at work and I just got off the phone with him. He asked me why I had such a problem with him and his music and I again tried to explain why. It's not like he's never heard of music being something that Satan can be very involved in before; he's been a member of the Church for over 1 year and had been going to church with me for a couple of years before his baptism.

He claims that he doesn't really listen to the words. He just enjoys the bass of these songs. I find that hard to believe. We can't tune out the words of songs completely, somehow they'll always be imprinted into our minds and saved for later. In fact, I know that I have caught myself singing a song with dirty words and then was ashamed to realize what I was singing.

Another thing is that he claims that there is no other music that he likes. He's "tried" looking into Christian groups or other groups that are known for their clean music. Nothing works for him. He says the only music he likes is what he has and is music that I don't agree with. He is sure sounding like a hopeless case. And I know that it is not my place to tell him that he has no right to his temple recommend because that puts me in the same position. My job is to help him find better music that invites the Spirit. But he is not acting like he even wants to try.

I even tried to get him to imagine having our Primary class of 5 year olds with him in the car. I reminded him that little children like that repeat everything they hear. I asked him if he would be willing to play that kind of music knowing the kids would repeat it to their parents or friends. He said he understood the question but still doesn't seem to get rid of that awful music.

What can I do? I'll try looking up talks on the subject of music, maybe that will help... Thanks in advance for any advice you might be able to offer.

[Vanilla]

There was an article in the New Era by Jack R Christianson in 1984 called Music: Apples or Onions, here is the link:

http://www.lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menu..._&hideNav=1

I don't recall liking the article very well as a high school aged teen, because my choice in music wasn't always the best for me, but when I went to find the link, I re-read it and realized how wise it really was.

[rosie321]

What can I do? I'll try looking up talks on the subject of music, maybe that will help... Thanks in advance for any advice you might be able to offer.

I'm not sure you can do anything that you haven't already done. If you keep pressing that issue you may wind up making him angry (not want to listen to anything you have to say) or push him farther into it just to spite you.

You've made it clear you don't like it and have tried to remedy the problem. He doesn't want to give in. Maybe push the issue of not playing it with kids around?

Pushing the issue too much or forcing him to choose right would be just as Satan did:(

There is a big variety in Christian music and other. Its surprising he hasn't found something elsewhere with clean lyrics.

Has he tried groups like Atomic Opera? I'll have to look at some of the groups we have here. My husband likes the metal music too. I'll have to look through what he has and ask him. Atomic Opera comes to mind from his collection because the name did not fit the type of music at all. I was shocked at first when I saw him with an opera cd. But then I learned the truth! :) lol

[Guest the_big_picture]

What you need are good wireless headphones! Some with a powerfull bas, with that kind of music sound isnt enough the air must shake.

He can wear it and walk all over the house with only him hearing it.

Or he could just put it all in an mp3.

Sony MDR RF880RK, these are powerfull, they realy vibrate making him feel the music walking around the house only him hearing it.

[Aphrodite]

As long as he doesnt play it around the children, Whats the issue? If you really dont like it then ask him to pnly listen on his headphones like the big picture suggested, or when no one other he is home.

My husband and I love music. It is not only our hobby but part of our lives. We like trance, dance, hardcore, club, house and electro. The way the music is marketed is fun, euphoric, sexy, happy. A lot of the words and videos and the dress that goes along with this type of music is quite sexual. Does that mean I'm going to give up buying these CDs, going to music events, raves and dressing up? No! I enjoy it, I couldnt live without it quite frankly. So theres one or two sexual connotations. Big deal. Its not going to make me go out and have sex with a stranger. Bad language in songs-quite pointless but if its part of a song you do find ureself singing it like you said. Can he get a 'clean' version? We have Eminem CDs and some of them i managed to get hold of a clean version. Feels much better.

[Guest Username-Removed]

I used to think that music never affected me. But it does to some degree and I know what you mean about people that swear, including musicians. It seems those words they use rattle around my head as well and the last thing I want is to have them at the tip of my tougue.

However, a good marriage is huge compared to that. But I also believe that you shouldnt have to listen to it yourself. There are some really good headphones out there have incredible bass (as already suggested). Also, something like this may take some time for your husband to realize, but to have a home with the spirit in it all the time is incredible, and way more satisfying than listening to metalica. My advice is to give him some time to realize that.

Good luck

[StrawberryFields]

Music is a big thing to me. Some music causes me to feel calm, want to dance, want to sing along but yet some music robs me of my spirit. The last is something I avoid as much as possible. I have requested it not be played with in earshot of me.

[pushka]

SF, I do that every time my son plays his MC stuff!! I can't stand the stuff!!!

[Jason]

He claims that he doesn't really listen to the words. He just enjoys the bass of these songs. I find that hard to believe.

I actually do believe him sibeluver03. I too tend to listen to the melody and bass more than lyrics in music. Especially in alternative rock.

Another thing is that he claims that there is no other music that he likes. He's "tried" looking into Christian groups or other groups that are known for their clean music. Nothing works for him. He says the only music he likes is what he has and is music that I don't agree with. He is sure sounding like a hopeless case.

Have him look into the bands "Skillet" and "Red". They were originally Christian Rock bands who have moved mainstream, yet retain clean lyrics.

I think you'll like them too! (and there's not a word mentioned of "god" or "Jesus". )

[sixpacktr]

Sibe,

I've noticed that several of your posts are basically griping about your husband: he doesn't do this right, he is speeding, doing things with the car, etc., etc., etc. If I remember right, you are also young and newly married (within the last couple of years).

May I make a suggestion? Quitcher b**chin and accept him for who he is! You married him for the good points he has, I am assuming. Why are you trying to make him do things the way you see it? My wife and I are polar opposites, and she, like all good women, tries to remake me in her own image. We've been married for 24 years, and I love her to death, and she has 'given up' on changing me too much because I do have some redeeming qualities that are more important than whether I speed or listen to a certain type of music or leave my clothes in a heap by the side of my bed.

Your husband has a personality that is in him now, and your constant nagging to change to the way you want will only alienate him.

Cut it out, love him, and he will change as the spirit dictates is important.

[Guest Yediyd]

Six is right...I too, made the mistake all too many women make. We try to "change" our husbands. 'Course, mine told me just what I wanted to hear about being a Christian and "called to preach" before I married him...then, after he got that ring on my finger, I had to drag him to church with me!!! I spent 5 years trying to "change" him into the man I "thought" I married...finally, I gave up...unfortunately, our marrage was un-repiarrable and three years later...we finally called it quits. I have to take some of the blame, here. I was a nagging, B****ing wife, and putting him down all the time just made him angry, and the behavior I hated would just get worse.

I believe I have grown and learned from this...it's too bad my kids had to get caught in the crossfire!!!

Don't make the same mistake I made. If you love him...love him lumps and all...

Good luck... :)

Yediyd

[Hikchick]

As long as he doesnt play it around the children, Whats the issue? If you really dont like it then ask him to pnly listen on his headphones like the big picture suggested, or when no one other he is home.

My husband and I love music. It is not only our hobby but part of our lives. We like trance, dance, hardcore, club, house and electro. The way the music is marketed is fun, euphoric, sexy, happy. A lot of the words and videos and the dress that goes along with this type of music is quite sexual. Does that mean I'm going to give up buying these CDs, going to music events, raves and dressing up? No! I enjoy it, I couldnt live without it quite frankly. So theres one or two sexual connotations. Big deal. Its not going to make me go out and have sex with a stranger. Bad language in songs-quite pointless but if its part of a song you do find ureself singing it like you said. Can he get a 'clean' version? We have Eminem CDs and some of them i managed to get hold of a clean version. Feels much better.

I don't mean to be rude here, but that's like saying you don't mind eating a little bit of dog poop in with your brownie. If it's bad, it's bad. Will it be allowed in Heavenly Father's home? Nope. Why? It's not clean. And "No unclean thing" is allowed in His presence.

[Guest Yediyd]

You are right, of course...but being right can be a lonely thing sometimes. I was "right" in the things I b****ed about to my husband, now I am alone and right.

[sixpacktr]

<div class='quotemain'>

As long as he doesnt play it around the children, Whats the issue? If you really dont like it then ask him to pnly listen on his headphones like the big picture suggested, or when no one other he is home.

My husband and I love music. It is not only our hobby but part of our lives. We like trance, dance, hardcore, club, house and electro. The way the music is marketed is fun, euphoric, sexy, happy. A lot of the words and videos and the dress that goes along with this type of music is quite sexual. Does that mean I'm going to give up buying these CDs, going to music events, raves and dressing up? No! I enjoy it, I couldnt live without it quite frankly. So theres one or two sexual connotations. Big deal. Its not going to make me go out and have sex with a stranger. Bad language in songs-quite pointless but if its part of a song you do find ureself singing it like you said. Can he get a 'clean' version? We have Eminem CDs and some of them i managed to get hold of a clean version. Feels much better.

I don't mean to be rude here, but that's like saying you don't mind eating a little bit of dog poop in with your brownie. If it's bad, it's bad. Will it be allowed in Heavenly Father's home? Nope. Why? It's not clean. And "No unclean thing" is allowed in His presence.

And again, my point is that most people outgrow things, but you can't force them to do it, especially a spouse.

I used to love certain types of music. I still like them, but not to the same extent. And I find myself singing hymns more often than not anymore...

[pam]

You are right, of course...but being right can be a lonely thing sometimes. I was "right" in the things I b****ed about to my husband, now I am alone and right.

Right now I find that a much better place to be.

[Guest Yediyd]

<div class='quotemain'>

You are right, of course...but being right can be a lonely thing sometimes. I was "right" in the things I b****ed about to my husband, now I am alone and right.

Right now I find that a much better place to be.

Unfortunatly, I must agree...did you see my blog entry for today? Boo Hoo!!!!

Actually, it's more of an angry rant!!!!! My kids are having a good day today, though...in spite of the DEADBEAT JERK!!!!!

[mountainrider]

I would say to get off his back about it. I think it is understandable that you ask to not have to listen to it yourself, but why deprive him of something that he really enjoys? You may think it is wrong or inappropriate, but the more you push, the more he will push back.

I am addicted to music that I love very much. Many would consider it "inappropriate" but it is the one thing that is mine and I enjoy too much to give up. My wife doesn't like it, but she has accepted it as a part of me and doesn't nag me about it anymore. I am very careful to only listen to music that we both like when we are together, but when I am in the car alone, I listen to my music.

[Dr T]

Mountain,

You are just trying to justify your own actions by putting it on her. Garbage in, garbage out.

[Outshined]

Our Bishop did an interesting experiment with the youth last year. He had them read scriptures with no music, then hymns playing, then more inappropriate music to show how the spirit is affected. No question that music affects the spirit.

As Dr. T said, garbage in, garbage out.

[shanstress70]

Bottom line... if you don't like it, don't listen to it. You have the right to ask him not to listen to it in your presence. You do not have the right to try to make him stop listening to it. If you constantly nag your husband, he will eventually leave you. Allow your husband his 'free agency'.

No one is perfect. I'm sure your husband sees faults that you have. I will say that if my husband had a problem, listening to questionable lyrics is one that would be tops on my list. At least he's (hopefully) not cheating on you or using drugs.

I sincerely hope you guys can work this out.

For the record, I love Metallica!

[mountainrider]

Our Bishop did an interesting experiment with the youth last year. He had them read scriptures with no music, then hymns playing, then more inappropriate music to show how the spirit is affected. No question that music affects the spirit.

As Dr. T said, garbage in, garbage out.

good thing I don't read the scriptures while listening to Pennywise.............