To My Friend Chad: Goodbye Buddy

[Guest Username-Removed]

As some of you know I work in a call center in Salt Lake City. A friend and co-worker of mine passed away last night. I just heard about it about two hours ago and came home to greive a bit.

Chad was a support rep, who helped the other reps. He was very good at what he did. When I was in training, Chad helped me several times and we became friends. Although Chad was not a member, I always felt it was important to make people feel welcome. Chad and I competed with each other to be placed in the leadership program at work. Chad didnt make the cut. Now that he's passed away, I cant help but feel a little guilty about that. Chad had his struggles in his personal life. He told me about all the anti-depressents he was taking. Chad died of a drug interaction.

I wish Chad peace. Goodbye buddy.

[Guest Yediyd]

Wow, Word...

What comes to mind right now is how glad I am to be LDS...I know that Chad didn't go to Hell as in: "Fire and brimstone"...as I was taught in my previouse church affilliation ...or that he missed his last chance...He will hear the gosple on the other side, too. All is not lost for him, and even if he chooses not to be exalted...he will still inherit some degree of glory because he chose the right in his first astate. These things are very comforting to me when someone passes away who did not make the best choises in this life. I've seen alot of that in my life...This church and gosple are a big comfort to me...

I hope my measley effort has brought some small degree of comfort to you as well.

[Guest Username-Removed]

Yediyd,

Thank you. Chad had his hang ups for sure. Those hang ups were in direct conflict with living here in SLC. Im sure thats where the Anti-Depressants came in. Chad was a lost sheep for sure. Here I am now, with a brand new temple recommend in hand, happy as can be, yet feel sad that Chad wasnt able to get past his personal issues, and understand that happiness comes from living the commandments. I know he will be taught in the spirit world. However, it still hurts knowing that he didnt find happiness here.

[Guest Yediyd]

You know, Wordflood...I had a pretty rough start to this life and I saw plenty of unhappiness in my loved ones and saw some of them die...I believe that G-d will judge us by what we knew, not by LDS standards... We don't know what Chad went through in his mortality...but his heavenly father loves him and will judge him by his heart and how it was affected by what he knew. If he had a good heart, but was just conflicted and hurting by the affects of this sinfull world...well...you know....he will see peace...eventually. And wherever he ends up for eternity, he will be happy there...G-d will wipe away all tears from our eyes...I believe we will cry for what we could have done...but G-d in his mercy will show us comfort in the end.

Remember my friend...To whom much is given, much is required. You and I will have more to live up to than Chad did.

[StrawberryFields]

WordFLOOD,

I am sorry to hear about your friend Chad. I wished I knew why some people need to suffer so much.

[Guest Username-Removed]

SF,

Thank you. I'm feeling better now. On the positive side, Chad was willing to help anybody, anytime. And he knew quite a bit as far as work is concerned. It was clear today at work that he affected many people in a positive way. Although he was a bit aloof, Chad had a great personality. He did struggle with many personal issues, some of them I knew about, some I did not.

It made me thankful that I myself was able able to overcome some of my personal challenges. There were times in my life that things were not good.

Although I am sad today, Chad can now have a new opportunity to learn new things in the Spirit World. I hope he has some good teachers.

[rosie321]

SF,

Thank you. I'm feeling better now. On the positive side, Chad was willing to help anybody, anytime. And he knew quite a bit as far as work is concerned. It was clear today at work that he affected many people in a positive way. Although he was a bit aloof, Chad had a great personality. He did struggle with many personal issues, some of them I knew about, some I did not.

It made me thankful that I myself was able able to overcome some of my personal challenges. There were times in my life that things were not good.

Although I am sad today, Chad can now have a new opportunity to learn new things in the Spirit World. I hope he has some good teachers.

Thanks for sharing. This hit home.

Some people leave a mark or empty spot that just doesn't go away and can't be filled. I've known my "Chads" and thank God for them every day and pray that they are being taken care of out of my sight. (Thank God for gospel hopes).

Its painful to see good people trying and suffering. Then see their life taken in an instant. It leaves a numbing pain that seems like it won't leave. Its difficult to have faith in the eternal perspective at times. It just doesn't seem fair or make sense But then what else can you do but get up and keep going?

Maybe with your new temple recommend you can go to the temple for him next year and give something back to him?

[pushka]

WordFLOOD, you are in my thoughts at this time of grieving..Chad's family too...I hope that you will all have the strength to come through this sad time.

[CrimsonKairos]

Whatever he was dealing with mentally or internally, I'm glad he doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

I've swum laps through my own internal lake of fire and brimstone thanks to chemical deficencies in my brain. The super-size bitter-cup with unlimited refills. Dealing with it, and trying to treat it with drugs, s-u-c-k-s.

Don't wanna seem morbid or heartless, but at least he won't have to deal with whatever crap he had in mortality. Wishing his family the best, though.

[Guest Emma Hale Smith]

Whatever he was dealing with mentally or internally, I'm glad he doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

I've swum laps through my own internal lake of fire and brimstone thanks to chemical deficencies in my brain. The super-size bitter-cup with unlimited refills. Dealing with it, and trying to treat it with drugs, s-u-c-k-s.

Don't wanna seem morbid or heartless, but at least he won't have to deal with whatever crap he had in mortality. Wishing his family the best, though.

I don't think that's morbid or heartless. It's an excellent metaphor that could only be written by someone whose been there. It's very difficult to explain this to those who haven't had this particular experience in their life, and sometimes the effort is exhausting.

I too, am glad, WordlFlood, your friend is out pain, though I know you would rather he were with you. Now that's iit's happened, I suspect you will remember him with a touch of sadness, but having been through the anguish of mental illness, I believe he probably is at more peace than he's known for a long, long time. At least, that is my wish for him. My wish is that your grief is short-lived and your memories will be happy ones, knowing he is out of pain.

Emma

[Guest Username-Removed]

I can relate, although only slightly, to Chad's depression. When my divorce was final, I went through a bit of it myself. I ended up being diagnosed with slight depression, and did end up on the smallest dose, and then cut in half, of Effexor. I was on that for about a year, then decided enough was enough, and dropped it cold turkey. I did go through some rather predictable withdrawls, but that only lasted about a week. Ive been off of them for nearly 3 years now.

Chad's depression came from other issues than mine, but I could still relate on a small scale. He will be missed. My boss was pretty upset as well.

It was strange for me, because when I heard the news I was surprised, but not really emotional. About an hour later I was not able to work at all. So, talking about it has been very therapudic for me. There are still other friends I have that do not know yet and Im sure they will be equally upset.

[the Ogre]

WordFLOOD (nice handle by the way B)):

I close friend of mine who had challenges in the church voluntarily ODed. I and friends were hurt because we were working hard with her. She left two beautiful children and devestated parents, siblings, and grandparents.

We don't know what happened to set her off, but I find Yediyd's post quoted below quite beautiful:

. . . I believe that G-d will judge us by what we knew, not by LDS standards (even if the deceased are LDS). . . We don't know what Chad went through in his mortality. . . but his heavenly father loves him and will judge him by his heart and how it was affected by what he knew. . .

I am sorry for you and for your loss. I hope you will be able find some truth through your grief.

Aaron the Ogre

[Guest Username-Removed]

I suppose there are some people that hurt so bad that they just dont want to hurt anymore. I suppose some self-medicate, and other may just want to end it altogether.

To be honest, Chad represents, in some ways, how I used to feel about the Church. It ironic this comes at a time when I've worked so hard to come back, just having one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, and to put that in contrast to what happened to Chad's life .... All right there in front of me.

It wasnt easy for me to come back, and I didnt have nearly any of the issues that Chad had. Me, I was just a divorced member struggling to be active again. Chad had much larger issues which were way more serious. I cant imagine why he chose to live in SLC with those issues, but he did.

Im sure there was a reason why Heavanly Father decided we should be friends, even though we were very different.

[Guest Yediyd]

Wordflood...this may be totally "out there", but I believe that when a person crosses over to the other side of the veil...that person is still around the people he/she knew and loved in life....I believe if you talk to him, there is a good chance that he can hear you, or if you pray for him that heavenly father will send someonr to him in the spirit world to teach him and comfort him. Tell your friend how you feel about him, tell him about the gosple and that it isn't too late...even if he can't hear you...it could help you to work through your feelings and if he CAN hear you, he just may need some words of comfort and encouragement right now as he adjust to life in spirit prison.

Just a crazy thought from you buddy, Yediyd.

[shanstress70]

Wordflood, I'm really sorry about the loss of your friend. I'm dealing with an issue with my co-worker and close friend of 8 years who is going downhill quickly and has lost her fight with breast cancer... unless a miracle happens.

Try to remember the good times and don't feel guilty for making the cut when he did not. I'm sure he wouldn't want that.

From the way you described his personality, I'm pretty sure he has you beat as far as 'making the cut'. That could be taken wrong... by that, I just mean that he's probably in a better place than you now. :)

What comes to mind right now is how glad I am to be LDS...I know that Chad didn't go to Hell as in: "Fire and brimstone"...as I was taught in my previouse church affilliation ...or that he missed his last chance...

Hi Yediyd,

What was in Wordflood's first post that your previous church taught would send him to hell? I didn't see anything damning, even by the most fundamental Christian churches. What was your previous denomination?

[rosie321]

I suppose there are some people that hurt so bad that they just dont want to hurt anymore. I suppose some self-medicate, and other may just want to end it altogether.

To be honest, Chad represents, in some ways, how I used to feel about the Church. It ironic this comes at a time when I've worked so hard to come back, just having one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, and to put that in contrast to what happened to Chad's life .... All right there in front of me.

It wasnt easy for me to come back, and I didnt have nearly any of the issues that Chad had. Me, I was just a divorced member struggling to be active again. Chad had much larger issues which were way more serious. I cant imagine why he chose to live in SLC with those issues, but he did.

Im sure there was a reason why Heavanly Father decided we should be friends, even though we were very different.

His death and your temple recommend will always be linked in your mind. Coincidence?

So many times people die and are not adequately remembered for the way in which they touched lives and tried to live. They are ones who do not grab the spotlight despite their great impact. They do not leave buildings with their name, findd an organization, make the news... They are the ones in the background. The heros that make up the spotlight for others.

Their life flickers out without little recognition since it seems so small and insignificant.

Thanks for sharing your friend Chad with us and making sure his life didn't flicker out without recognition.

Hope to meet him someday

[Guest Username-Removed]

This morning im better. Today is my regular day off so hopefully I'll have dealt with this enough to work on Saturday.

Its classic survivors guilit for sure. But, he's gone now and its time for me to move on.

[Guest Username-Removed]

<div class='quotemain'>

I suppose there are some people that hurt so bad that they just dont want to hurt anymore. I suppose some self-medicate, and other may just want to end it altogether.

To be honest, Chad represents, in some ways, how I used to feel about the Church. It ironic this comes at a time when I've worked so hard to come back, just having one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, and to put that in contrast to what happened to Chad's life .... All right there in front of me.

It wasnt easy for me to come back, and I didnt have nearly any of the issues that Chad had. Me, I was just a divorced member struggling to be active again. Chad had much larger issues which were way more serious. I cant imagine why he chose to live in SLC with those issues, but he did.

Im sure there was a reason why Heavanly Father decided we should be friends, even though we were very different.

His death and your temple recommend will always be linked in your mind. Coincidence?

Always? Well I dont know about that, but certainly now. Chad wasnt happy, I am. Chad wasnt a member, I am, but havent always been active. When I was very inactive, I was also very unhappy. In some ways I wanted Chad to explore his spiritual side, at least take a step into trying to live a Mormon lifestyle just to see or experience some form of happiness. The things that prevented me from accomplishing that was that he couldnt deal with me being in competition with him at work and be friends at the same time. During the leadership training, he wouldnt answer my phone calls when I needed support, and I understood that. The business friendship we had became less and less. As his paranoia grew, I was concerned about his medication he was taking. He did realize his meds were making him feel different, and he seemed to enjoy that. He seemed to have a fascination with them. There were days that he seemed to be high on them. I did report it a week ago to my boss, she said that was the way he normally was. Looking back now, in retrospect, Im not so sure. I knew he wanted to be in leadership training really bad, and knowing how much it affected him (or at least from what I saw) I was ready to quit and have him take my place in the hopes that would make him feel better. It appears I was a day late. So, yes its survivors guilt.

Telling you guys that, you should probably know that I probably wouldn't have left the Leadership Training. Some of my personal advisors have stated that I needed to continue, especially now. So I am.

[pushka]

<div class='quotemain'>

What comes to mind right now is how glad I am to be LDS...I know that Chad didn't go to Hell as in: "Fire and brimstone"...as I was taught in my previouse church affilliation ...or that he missed his last chance...

Hi Yediyd,

What was in Wordflood's first post that your previous church taught would send him to hell? I didn't see anything damning, even by the most fundamental Christian churches. What was your previous denomination?

Hi Shanstress, I wonder whether Yediyd, for a moment when reading Wordflood's OP, thought that Chad might have committed suicide, rather than the mix of medications he was taking accidentally causing his death? I know that suicide was, at one time, considered a mortal sin by the Roman Catholic church, might still be.

Wordflood, I know how Chad felt at times, I was suicidal in 2002 and survived my suicide attempt. Maybe he was sent to SLC to be close to you as you became such a good friend to him, even if you could not save him from death at the end.

[Guest Yediyd]

Wordflood, I'm really sorry about the loss of your friend. I'm dealing with an issue with my co-worker and close friend of 8 years who is going downhill quickly and has lost her fight with breast cancer... unless a miracle happens.

Try to remember the good times and don't feel guilty for making the cut when he did not. I'm sure he wouldn't want that.

From the way you described his personality, I'm pretty sure he has you beat as far as 'making the cut'. That could be taken wrong... by that, I just mean that he's probably in a better place than you now. :)

<div class='quotemain'>

What comes to mind right now is how glad I am to be LDS...I know that Chad didn't go to Hell as in: "Fire and brimstone"...as I was taught in my previouse church affilliation ...or that he missed his last chance...

Hi Yediyd,

What was in Wordflood's first post that your previous church taught would send him to hell? I didn't see anything damning, even by the most fundamental Christian churches. What was your previous denomination?

Unfortunatly...in the church that I came out of...it was a "turn or burn" mentallity. if you don't except Christ and become "born again" you will go to Hell...as in FIRE.

This taught to me by a preacher father who was "saved" but because of the doctrine of "grace" felt justified in raping his daughters and being an alcoholic.

I did not assume that Chad killed himself...and I don't believe he is in "hell"

Yediyd

[pam]

There is nothing more I could add to what has already been said. I'm extremely sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I've lost a friend to suicide and though not the same the loss is still felt and you question why. My thoughts are with you.

[pushka]

<div class='quotemain'>

Wordflood, I'm really sorry about the loss of your friend. I'm dealing with an issue with my co-worker and close friend of 8 years who is going downhill quickly and has lost her fight with breast cancer... unless a miracle happens.

Try to remember the good times and don't feel guilty for making the cut when he did not. I'm sure he wouldn't want that.

From the way you described his personality, I'm pretty sure he has you beat as far as 'making the cut'. That could be taken wrong... by that, I just mean that he's probably in a better place than you now. :)

<div class='quotemain'>

What comes to mind right now is how glad I am to be LDS...I know that Chad didn't go to Hell as in: "Fire and brimstone"...as I was taught in my previouse church affilliation ...or that he missed his last chance...

Hi Yediyd,

What was in Wordflood's first post that your previous church taught would send him to hell? I didn't see anything damning, even by the most fundamental Christian churches. What was your previous denomination?

Unfortunatly...in the church that I came out of...it was a "turn or burn" mentallity. if you don't except Christ and become "born again" you will go to Hell...as in FIRE.

This taught to me by a preacher father who was "saved" but because of the doctrine of "grace" felt justified in raping his daughters and being an alcoholic.

I did not assume that Chad killed himself...and I don't believe he is in "hell"

Yediyd

Yediyd, please accept my apology for believing you might have thought the above in reference to Chad's passing..sorry!!

[Guest Username-Removed]

There is nothing more I could add to what has already been said. I'm extremely sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I've lost a friend to suicide and though not the same the loss is still felt and you question why. My thoughts are with you.

Pam,

Thanks! Things are pretty good this morning. I do appreciate all the responses. It has helped a great deal. I look forward to getting some of my leadership training homework done today and getting back to work tomorrow.

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

There is nothing more I could add to what has already been said. I'm extremely sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I've lost a friend to suicide and though not the same the loss is still felt and you question why. My thoughts are with you.

Pam,

Thanks! Things are pretty good this morning. I do appreciate all the responses. It has helped a great deal. I look forward to getting some of my leadership training homework done today and getting back to work tomorrow.

I'm sure you will have some difficult moments once back at work. I hate to use the cliche "times helps heal" but I know from experience that it does. Not completely but it helps.

[Guest Yediyd]

No apollogy needed.