Endowments

[malariewhiting]

I have been a member of the church my whole life, my family was just inactive. As I grew up I found a sincere desire to be a part of the church, and my parents also went through a stage where they were intently active members. During this time they both received their endowments. That has been three years now. Since then my father has been back to the temple once, and my mother twice. This is where the trouble starts...

After moving away for college, I found the man that I wanted to marry. We set our temple date, and excitedly started to plan our wedding. The joy that we had was undescribable. As wedding plans progressed and the wedding got closer, my mother and father began to draw away from me. I was confused as to the reason but didn't want to stir up dirt, so I ignored it. The problem progressively got worse, and it blew. My mom and dad explained to me that if I got married in the temple they would both remove their garments and never go back to church. I was soooo hurt, and more so didn't know what to do. So I approached my fiance and we decided to ask my bishop for help. He guided me towards continuing on with a temple marriage and hoping that my parents wouldn't deny themselves the blessings the garments represent. With a found hope from the bishop I proceeded planning the wedding. My mom and I continuosly had blow ups and finally my sister called and told me that if I went through the temple that she would never talk to me again. She explained that she has worked her whole life to make my parents more comfortable with the church and I was ruining it. Well, I knew that my fiance wasn't going to be happy about not going through the temple so I called off the wedding in hopes that everything would blow over and we could get married shortly after and everyone would be fine.

As you can imagine this didn't happen like expected and my husband and I were married civilly last September. Since then my parents and I have rebuilt a relationship, and my siblings and I are still in the process of rebuilding ours. I have been prompted by the spirit on several occasions recently to receive my endowments soon. I have politely pushed them away knowing that it is going to cause some horrific family issues that i have just resolved. I finally went and talked to my bishop regarding the feelings and he agreed that it was time that I take out my endowments. So I approach my mom(who hasn't attended church in some time) and tell her and she says that she will "try" and get a recommend, but that my dad won't even try. One of my sisters is willing to fly to Utah and do it with me, but my other sister who is endowed doesn't have a recommend and I have one sister, two brothers and their spouses who can't be there. How do I make them feel included and loved even though I am doing something that they are not okay with? How do I keep my day special and not worry about the feelings that are being hurt outside of the temple? I have prayed and I feel like this is the move that I am supposed to make. I am receiving my endowments on Saturday, so any advice you have would be greatly appreciated... and the sooner the better. Thanks in advanced for your help

[Aphrodite]

malarie, im so sorry for the difficult time you're having with your family. Can I ask why your parents reacted this way? If they had been to the temple why should they have a problem with you going? How were you 'ruining' their church life by getting married in the temple? Is there more to this? I would say to do whatever you feel is right but if your family are shutting you out maybe you should reconsider. My personal opinion is that it is not worth going through the temple if you lose your family. The church is so big on families so to go to the temple and lose your family seems a little pointless. However, why should your parents behave like spoiled children? im sure you will get a better response if you could shed a bit of light on this xx

[Guest Yediyd]

I think that a Temple marriage is VERY important and you have a man who is willing to be sealed to you for eternity...that superceeds the feelings of your parrents. Remember what Christ said about leaving father and mother and cleaving one to another?

I know it is hard...but do what is right...your family may be giving you a hard time because of their own feelings of guilt and innadiquacy..

[Gwen]

i agree there is more to this. you deserve an explaination for why they reacted the way they did. and i noticed you said they haven't attended chruch in some time anyway; so your not going to the temple didn't keep them active......an excuse maybe? though this must be very hard, i can't imagine the difficulty, you must follow what you know to be right with the lord. if it is time for you to do that, and you and your husband are on the same page, then do it. yes the church is big on family, it is also big on we must take care of our own salvation; meaning no one else can get us into or keep us out of the kingdom. (for those who are going to attack this, yes the savior is vital to that, he is the reason any of us can get in, and we can not be saved had it not been for him; i'm speaking of regular family and friends here not the savior.) in the end your covenant between you and your husband is the most important; everyone else (parents and children) though important have their agency as well. don't let anyone use you as an excuse for their poor behavior or choices. you do what is right. if they choose to stop speaking to you let god help you sort that out; but keep god on your side at all costs; that is where the victory can be found. living the gospel (or your testamony) will never be easy all the time. take your trials in stride. a hymn just came to mind, lol, do what is right let the consiquence follow......

[malariewhiting]

malarie, im so sorry for the difficult time you're having with your family. Can I ask why your parents reacted this way? If they had been to the temple why should they have a problem with you going? How were you 'ruining' their church life by getting married in the temple? Is there more to this? I would say to do whatever you feel is right but if your family are shutting you out maybe you should reconsider. My personal opinion is that it is not worth going through the temple if you lose your family. The church is so big on families so to go to the temple and lose your family seems a little pointless. However, why should your parents behave like spoiled children? im sure you will get a better response if you could shed a bit of light on this xx

My parents feelings about the church and me going through the temple actually have nothing to do with anything that I did, or anything that I know about. After their temple experience they haven't been the same in the church.

The other thing I should make clear is that my relationship with my family was damaged a long time ago, and I don't feel like they are shutting me out, they just can't be there with me. Listening to the spirit is extremely important to me and I wouldn't be where I am at today with out the sound voice that I hear, but I just want to be able to make the experience positive for my family. Me waiting is not going to do anyone any good, my dad doesn't have a desire to renew his recommend and my mom isn't showing me any ambition or reason to wait for her to come with me. I feel like this is the right decision, I just need some suggestions on how to include those people who can't be there.

Thanks for your reply, it helped me see the other side of the situation.

[Jason]

After their temple experience they haven't been the same in the church.

What year did they attend?

[malariewhiting]

<div class='quotemain'>

After their temple experience they haven't been the same in the church.

What year did they attend?

They received their endowments December of 2004

[StrawberryFields]

<div class='quotemain'>

After their temple experience they haven't been the same in the church.

What year did they attend?

I think she said three years ago :)

Marlie

You said you wanted to make those who could not come comfortable with your going through and receiving your endowments? I am not sure I understand why anyone would feel uncomfortable for not being there with you for this. Your marriage has already taken place so if they don't see you receive your endowment that should not be a big deal (it's not like everyone watches it anyway).

[Winnie G]

I think there are people who go to the temple with different mind sets.

For those that see things as black and white with out fallowing the spirit the endowment can be a vary strange thing for them. if you read it like a scrip you would go “what the hack is this”??????

The spirit in the endowment is the teacher not the words spoken as much.

They go hand and hand and if it is just the words you hear you would go away uncomfortable and confused.

I found it odd but the spirit bore witness to me how right it was.

Friends recommended we go back as soon as we could to become more comfortable with the endowment, we also volunteered to go with the youth to do baptisms before and after we were endowed. Doing family of our own brought grate understanding of what we were not only doing for our self’s but for others.

We did as suggested and it has been my advice for years to anyone.

If you decide to be married out side the temple, you will have to wait a year do you really want that? And you might want to think about your husbands family and how they would feel about that as well.

You might like to think about commit and obedience.

In the long run who are you going to fallow those of the world or …….

Your actions maybe what brings your parents back to the gospel.

If I had to do all over again the Temple is the way to go.

[rosie321]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

After their temple experience they haven't been the same in the church.

What year did they attend?

I think she said three years ago :)

Marlie

You said you wanted to make those who could not come comfortable with your going through and receiving your endowments? I am not sure I understand why anyone would feel uncomfortable for not being there with you for this. Your marriage has already taken place so if they don't see you receive your endowment that should not be a big deal (it's not like everyone watches it anyway).

I could see why they might not want you to be married in the temple and where that may cause a rift. That directly impacts them and makes thing more complicated for them. Especially with non member friends and family.

Not sure why they would not want you to go for your endowments. See if you can find out why. It may be hard to get the why's out of them depending on the reason and their sensitivities. But finding out will help you relate and deal with them better. Some people get all worked up about little things and blow them out of proportion. It seems like something is really troubling your family. They are really hurt and bothered by something.

As far as you not really participating in the temple at all theres only a couple of reasons I can think of for that.

They had a bad experience or disallusioned. Thus there inactivity too.

They feel seperated from God or hurt by Him for some reason.

It wasn't what they expected.The church does have a way of making things out to be very grandiose.

If not filled with the spirit the experience can be too simple or plain.

If they were hurt they probably don't want to see you get hurt.

Maybe they fear the LDS view of the eternity and feel as though they will never be worthy to be with you. If you go and they don't will you be together?

As far as the endowments though you have to do what you feel is right. Don't forgo the opportunity to go if this is whats right for you. Strawberries right. This is a private covenant between you and God. Its something you don't have to announce to everybody you come in contact with or flaunt in front of people. Knowing it troubles your family, I would be sensitive to their opinion and not make this a point of discussion.

Rather make attempts to show your family that you care even though you will/ or have gone to the temple. The gospel principals are something you are striving to live in your life. Keep reaching out to them even if you don't agree and its just a hello. Don't keep rubbing in to them that they should go to the temple or discuss too much your going. . Focus on other things.

They might not be ready or want to go back to the temple but there are gospel principals and ideals worth fighting for and living outside of the temple. These include love , faith, forgiveness, peace, family, unity, communication and so forth. From the LDS perspective if you want to be with them forever, then they will need to understand and live these principals too. :)

[Winnie G]

I think it is important to know its their problem not yours.

I have meet many members who feel uncomfortable / disturbed by the Temple.

Those are literal thinkers. I bet your parents are literal thinkers.

[rosie321]

malarie, im so sorry for the difficult time you're having with your family. Can I ask why your parents reacted this way? If they had been to the temple why should they have a problem with you going? How were you 'ruining' their church life by getting married in the temple? Is there more to this? I would say to do whatever you feel is right but if your family are shutting you out maybe you should reconsider. My personal opinion is that it is not worth going through the temple if you lose your family. The church is so big on families so to go to the temple and lose your family seems a little pointless. However, why should your parents behave like spoiled children? im sure you will get a better response if you could shed a bit of light on this xx

I disagree.

Her family is more than just her parents and siblings. She chose to establish a home with her husband. The temple is important to him.

Regardless though she needs to do what is right. It may cause some short term problems and cause her family to shut her out. But does this mean she should be miserable and penalize her new family by denying them blessings?. She needs to think of the long term price for not going or doing what she feels is right. What effects might that have.

No sacrifice that she makes will go unrewarded. What ever she gives up will be replaced 100 fold. She has to be true to what she knows.

The advesary would like to keep her from doing what is right. Scriptures talk about how families will be divided by the gospel. What side will she be on? The comfortable feel good one? Or the Lords

As she lives and walks in the gospel she will learn better ways to love and serve her family. But without the opportunites to grow in the gospel this may never happen.

CTR

[Gabelma]

Just a suggestion but I wouldn't tell them if you get sealed - you are already LDS and have had a civil ceremony. Just go to the temple with your dh and have a lovely meal afterwards They already know about your endownments but again there was no need to tell them

Charley

[Guest Username-Removed]

From my experience, and this is just my opinion, I think that your relationship with your husband and his with you should be paramount. And, if I may be so bold, that relationship should even be slightly more important that the kids you have. Therefore, your parents are now down on the list below that. Yes, the family is the most important thing, but I believe that your new family is more important that your parents.

My ex-wife was always taking advice from her mother all the time. After years of that, it got real old for me. My ex and I would work something out, then a phone call later, after talking with her mom, would change everything. After six years, my ex was quite vocal about her not needing to comprimise on anything. It lasted another year.

Your Husband should be so important to you, that you would never comprimise that relationship. If you do, there may be other times he may think that you are comprimising it. Dont let him think that.

My parents aren't members, and they were upset after my ex and I got married in the temple. But, at least I have the understanding that I did everything I could to keep our marraige together, including getting married in the temple at the risk of alienating my parents.

If I were you, I would get your endowments ASAP, keep it a secret if you have to, but let your husband know that he is number #1 to you and no one else. If you do that, lets hope that he feels the same way.

[Jason]

Malarie,

If I may be so bold, perhaps your parents didn't connect with the Temple ceremony, and because of that, they don't want your vision of Mormonism altered by the experience? When I went to the temple the first time, I was blown away. It did seem rather weird and "cultish," but I was also spiritually unprepared for such an event.

Mormonism is so "low-church" in it's day to day worship routine, that when you encounter rituals like those found in the Temple, you feel like a Southern Baptist going to Catholic Mass first time. You're in a totally foreign environment. You had no idea that this secret "mumbo-jumbo" was going on all the time, and you thought you knew all there was to know about your church already.

Don't be upset with your parents. Talk to them if you can about why they feel hesitant to see you go to the Temple. If I can interject some more of my opinion here, I believe that the Temple ceremony is incomplete in what Joseph Smith designed it for. I think Brigham Young's revisions in 1877 were not what Joseph had in mind, and that's unfortunate. I personally don't think Brigham "got it," and nobody's bothered to do much with it since (minus a few deletions and the addition of a movie projector.)

I think if the ceremony were more "complete" that it wouldn't scare anyone away, and you'd come away even the first time with a fuller spiritual perspective and focus.

But enough rambling, good luck with whatever you decide.

:)

[the Ogre]

Hi Malarie,

I cannot recommend anything about dealing with family other then by saying:

1) Be honest with them, don't sneak around. You were honorable with them when you told them you were going to get your endowments, but they did not reciprocate by being supportive of your temple marriage.

2) Listen always to what they say, but when what they are saying is manipulative, devisive, or just wrong remember who it is you are married to and then after consultations with him inform your family of the decision that will be best for you and your husband.

3) Continue to be as involved in their lives and be as supportive as you always have, but never compromise on the beliefs you have.

I love my parents, but they have not always had me and my kids in mind when making pronouncements and decisions. I love them however and listen and obey when what they say makes sence, but there are times when their wishes fall lower on my list of priorities then what the L-rd wishes or what is good for those who live under my roof with me.

Aaron the Ogre

[a-train]

Whatever.

Your an adult and your folks are being selfish. You have bent over backwards for them already.

GO TO THE TEMPLE!!!!

They can't get over it? Their problem.

They think it's weird? They can't understand it? Again, their problems.

Don't let their spiritual stagnation hold you and your family back. Your Temple attendance and understanding of the ordinances and principles thereof will prove to be the right decision in the end.

Understand also, that those members who flip out when they go to the Temple for the first time are also the same people whose scriptures collect more dust than pencil color.

-a-train

[Jason]

Understand also, that those members who flip out when they go to the Temple for the first time are also the same people whose scriptures collect more dust than pencil color.

Is that really a fair analysis?

[Guest Emma Hale Smith]

Since I'm an ex-Mormon my adivce is probably worth zilch, and this is going to be a big shocker, but I agree with a-train.

I know the church prefers you have your temple wedding first; but you chose to have what sounds like a lovely civil wedding, for your family's sake, especially your parents. I personally think that was a wise choice.

At this point, however, the marriage is between you and your husband--that's it!. What your family thinks should be secondary, and if you don't establish that now, your husband is going to come to resent it a great deal. Your family really has no business making decisions with regard to your marriage.

I also know how important a temple marriage is to a LDS couple, and I can't think of any reason why you should deny yourself that. If your family doesn't approve, then they get to not approve. You're a married woman now, and your marriage should come first.

I say talk to your husband about what the two of you want and let that be your guide. (And I'm sure you'll love your temple wedding.)

Just one apostate's opinion.

Emma

[Maureen]

Malarie,

How about a non-LDS opinion?

I would ask your parents why they are so against you receiving your endowments and it seems being sealed. If they themselves had a bad experience and want to spare you from that same experience, then I guess it's understandable but; it's still your choice. Let your parents know of your plans in attending the temple and when you plan your sealing invite them but be understandable if they refuse to attend with you.

My main advice for your endowments is to definitely go with someone you feel very comfortable with and who will be a real support for you during the session. Your mother seems ambivalent about attending so she would not be a good choice. Also expect the unexpected and if it seems confusing, don't worry, you're not alone in your feelings.

Good luck and I hope you have a good experience.

M.

PS - Let your parents know that the Initiatory changed for the better January 2005. (incase they are unaware).

[cchrissys1]

if your parents new what was good for them they would active and so forth. please don't let them steal from you as well. you are a grown woman and they need to except the choices you make just as you have to except the fact that they are not active and that is their choice. don't be manipulated over things that are eternal. The Lord will be with you if you make the proper choices. and he can help mend what needs to be mended amongst your family. you shouldn't have to choose between your spiritual worthiness and parents. you can let them pull you down the drain or you can help guid them from going down the drain.

[daytooremember]

well i think your a wonderfull women that has put what your family thinks and feels first and that isnt easy you waited for your temple marrige to see if that would help them and that just shows that u were not only thinking of your family but your self and i no what that has been like with family and non member family and the fact of them missing out on the day. here in new zealand they have a waiting room just were u walk in to the temple just beside the desk and its there for familys that either dont want to go to the sealing or non members . have u thought about asking if they have the same were u r ? and weather they would consider just waiting in the room with u before u go up and when u come down or if that doesnt work get them together and have family photos taken out side before and after and have a family dinner after wards. i hope your day turns out to be wonderfull either way :)

if your parents new what was good for them they would active and so forth. please don't let them steal from you as well. you are a grown woman and they need to except the choices you make just as you have to except the fact that they are not active and that is their choice. don't be manipulated over things that are eternal. The Lord will be with you if you make the proper choices. and he can help mend what needs to be mended amongst your family. you shouldn't have to choose between your spiritual worthiness and parents. you can let them pull you down the drain or you can help guid them from going down the drain.

[Guest WhoShotJS]

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