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illumoni

Hanging out with friends of the opposite gender

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My mother has told me many times in the past that hanging out one-on-one with a male friend would be considered "dating" and that she will not allow me to do that. Unfortunately, my friend group is mainly males, and I would like to hang out with some of them outside of school. Would you consider just "hanging out" with a member of the opposite gender as "dating", or against any church teachings, even if an adult is present? I am under the age of 16 by the way

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In high school, I had a good buddy of the opposite gender who was not in my usual group of friends. We hung out together one on one. I developed a crush on him.

 

Yes, those sappy love stories can happen in real life and far too often do.

 

Don't hang out one on one.

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While many of us will agree with your mom, you might also like some of the why behind that agreement. To be clear I also agree with your mom.

 

Hanging out is usually a group activity, as soon as you are hanging out one on one you have for all intents and purposes paired off. The adult supervision doesn't negate this either per se, as it could still be considered by many to be a date even with a chaperone.

 

There is safety in numbers. 

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Having friends of the opposite gender is great, however being alone with them can very easily lead to situations that aren't quite the best. Also it depends on who the adult is, and where you would be hanging out, is it in a populated public place?

You mom is just looking out for you, even if it may seem frustrating and unfair at times.

 

:-)

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In high school, I had a good buddy of the opposite gender who was not in my usual group of friends. We hung out together one on one. I developed a crush on him.

 

 

Yep, me too.  I was college age though.  Still I fell in love with him...he did not share the feeling.  Unrequited love is no fun.

 

Anyway, yeah, I agree with your mom.

 

 

 

While many of us will agree with your mom, you might also like some of the why behind that agreement. To be clear I also agree with your mom.

 

Hanging out is usually a group activity, as soon as you are hanging out one on one you have for all intents and purposes paired off. The adult supervision doesn't negate this either per se, as it could still be considered by many to be a date even with a chaperone.

 

There is safety in numbers. 

 

Love this SpiritDragon.  Yes, knowing the "WHY" of things often helps me.  I agree with your explanation of 'why".

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Guest

I was an athlete in high school (12-15 years old in the Philippines), in a single-player sport.  All the athletes under my coach are all boys.  So, I ended up hanging out with boys every weekend of the school-year and we became best friends.  It is, of course, inevitable that I end up hanging with just one of the boys.  There is a decided change in attitude when I end up with just one of the boys.  It didn't matter which one of the boys - even the 2 boys that I was closest to.  It makes us uncomfortable.  Even when we're with coach.

 

And yes, it should logically follow that gender has no bearing on best friends... but, somehow it just has a way of mucking things up.

 

So, there's wisdom in your mother's counsel.  I have the same rule in my house with my 2 just-started-teen sons.

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I'm afraid none of us are going to disagree with your mom (because we respect parents, and that they receive revelation for their children).  If your mom says it's a bad idea, it probably is.  As has been stated, being one-on-one with someone of the opposite gender can have its pitfalls, and there's really no reason you can't chill with more than one boy at a time (I doubt they all hate each other).  I know it sometimes doesn't make sense, but listen to your mom, it sounds like she's involved in your life, which means she cares about you more than most parents care about their kids. :)

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Guest MormonGator

You probably do not want to hear this but your mom is right. 

 

I say that as someone whose closest friends are female. I'm 34 and know how to set boundaries so those friendships don't cross the line into something more.

Edited by MormonGator

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Wow! It is good to know that Im not the only one! That is exactly what Im going through... EXACTLY! Well I guess we can wait until we are sixteen... Our moms may see it as a date but we will see it as hanging out with awesome people. What I did though was through a party and invited them all over. Have you ever heard of a date with 7 guys and 1 girl??

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