In a abusive relationship and feel trapped

[Leah]

Because a lot of ward members have never dealt with my situation. It's like for some of these people it's easier to judge and gossip then actually find out the truth.

  You don't know that.  Not everyone puts all their business out there for public consumption so you have no way of knowing whether or not someone has been in your situation.

 

You speak repeatedly of the ward members being judgmental and gossipy, when in fact, you are the one making unfounded judgments about them.

 

I am not saying that you have to tell everyone what is going on in your life or with this relationship.  It's not necessary for the whole world (or ward) to know every detail of your life.  But to repeatedly pass judgment on others simply because they may or may not have had the same experiences as you, or they may or may not know what is going on in your life is not correct behavior on your part.

 

Speak with your bishop.  Get a referral for professional counseling to help you with these issues.

[Jane_Doe]

Because a lot of ward members have never dealt with my situation. It's like for some of these people it's easier to judge and gossip then actually find out the truth.

 

I have a scientific study for you (source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/04/glamour-relationship-abuse_n_857472.html)---

 

2,542 women ages 18 to 35 were surveyed, and found that 

 

Nearly 60 percent of all young women have experienced abuse:

• 62 percent of those women have been hit, shoved, or slapped.
• 33 percent have been choked or strangled.
• 11 percent of those who say their partner is currently abusive predict he "will seriously hurt or kill me."

Women often don't speak up about it:

• 24 percent of women in abusive relationships have not told anyone they're being harmed.

Telling somebody can make a difference:

• 62 percent of women who reported that they had been in these relationships said that having the support of a friend, family member or coworker helped them "get through the relationship safely."
• 42 percent of women who were in an abusive relationship and told someone they were being hurt said doing so helped them get out.

[LadyHanley93]

Thank you Jane for presenting these facts to me. It makes me feel less alone. I know my hometeacher who was recently assigned to me won't judge me and I know he has my best interest for me. It is time to get help and get out.

[LadyHanley93]

Thank you!

Edited July 29, 2015 by LadyHanley93

[pkstpaul]

I guess not everyone will understand this. I am not exactly the most desirable because one I am convert and two I am not a virgin and three I have a very wild past.

I understand this. I think it an unfortunate part of the culture of the Church. Even if being a convert might be accepted by a boyfriend, he may feel pressure from the parents to go with the 'ultimate' member.

 

I agree with the other comments. There is NO reason for you to accept an abusive person as a boyfriend. For one, you don't need a boyfriend, you need to date. Break the bond with this guy and make yourself available for others.

 

As for being accepted, be patient. There are members from outside the Utah corridor that were not raised in that culture. They would be very accepting of you and I dare say (a stretch, since I am not male) they would prefer not to have a Molly Mormon wife. You are who you are. You should be proud of your accomplishments and you shouldn't settle for anything less than you desire.

 

You made a comment to me in another post about my intentions being 'immature'. I appreciate that and thought of it as I tinted the grey of my hair. I feel young again. You, however, are young still and can't afford to waste your youth feeling as you do with a guy who treats you as anything less that special.

Edited September 1, 2015 by pkstpaul

[LadyHanley93]

I understand this. I think it an unfortunate part of the culture of the Church. Even if being a convert might be accepted by a boyfriend, he may feel pressure from the parents to go with the 'ultimate' member.

I agree with the other comments. There is NO reason for you to accept an abusive person as a boyfriend. For one, you don't need a boyfriend, you need to date. Break the bond with this guy and make yourself available for others.

As for being accepted, be patient. There are members from outside the Utah corridor that were not raised in that culture. They would be very accepting of you and I dare say (a stretch, since I am not male) they would prefer not to have a Molly Mormon wife. You are who you are. You should be proud of your accomplishments and you shouldn't settle for anything less than you desire.

You made a comment to me in another post about my intentions being 'immature'. I appreciate that and thought of it as I tinted the grey of my hair. I feel young again. You, however, are young still and can't afford to waste your youth feeling as you do with a guy who treats you as anything less that special.

I broke up with the guy about a month ago see my post under relationships and marriage.

[Bee Sweet]

You are a daughter of our Heavenly Father, do not make a choice based on low self-worth, because it simply isn't true.

• Your worth is immeasurable. No negative thought you have about yourself comes from Him. You are young, the choices you make now will affect your entire life. Choose Jesus Christ, He atoned for you, He has already paid the price of our sins, we need only ask for forgiveness, our worth never changes. Please take the advice given here. Seek the counsel of your Bishop, pray for help, come to the knowledge of who you really are, your nature is divine.