Vort Posted April 6, 2016 Report Share Posted April 6, 2016 33 minutes ago, classylady said: Once the paper work was sent into the First Presidency from our Stake President, my husband received the sealing cancellation within two weeks. I know this has been a difficult thing for you in the past. At the risk of publicly asking a terribly private question (so please feel free to ignore or even remove this post): Has this improved the quality of your relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 1 hour ago, Vort said: I know this has been a difficult thing for you in the past. At the risk of publicly asking a terribly private question (so please feel free to ignore or even remove this post): Has this improved the quality of your relationship? Vort, no worries about asking such a question. The problems my husband and I have had in our relationship stem more from problems couples regularly have in a remarriage. Remarriages are difficult in that it isn't just the couple that is trying to establish their marriage by themselves, but there is the added factor of an ex spouse included. Boundaries need to be set up between the exes. That wasn't clearly established between my husband and his ex, which then became in my minds-eye a problem. Plus, his ex was fairly toxic, which was just hard to deal with. When one marries a person who has been previously married, there can be problems of comparison, problems with continued feelings for the ex, problems with step-children, how to co-parent, added financial problems, lack of privacy, feelings of being judged, etc. The list can go on and on of additional problems that blended families have. That has been our greatest challenge. And then you have the additional challenge that many LDS wives of previously sealed men have, and that is the sealing to their ex-wife. There is the possibility that you will be sharing your husband with his ex (gulp!!!) in the eternities. It's rare for ex-wives and new spouses to get along, even with good LDS people. Now, about, the sealing cancellation: When my husband first set out to have his sealing cancelled over 30 years ago and also this time around, I made sure that this was something that he wanted to do for himself, not because he thought it was what I wanted, cuz' what if we divorced down the road or something? He has told me, that yes, it was partly for me, for he wanted to show me his love and respect, but it was more for himself. In his own words, "It was like an albatross was hanging around my neck". And he felt like it was something he couldn't get rid of, no matter how much he wished for it to be gone. There was no love between the two of them any longer. Just a feeling of concern anyone has for a child of God. Also, along with the sealing there is a Priesthood stewardship one has with a wife. He also did not want that stewardship in the eternities with his ex. Does that mean he is not understanding what the importance of the sealing means? No. That is not to say that. But, the marriage covenant was already broken and irrepareably harmed. There was no chance of them ever coming together again, even if repentance and forgiveness was given in the eternities. I have asked him, how can you know for sure that you no longer want that sealing to be in effect if all is repented of and forgiven, and we all have a Christlike love for one another in the eternities? He has told me, that he just knows and he wanted the sealing cancelled. It actually took a long time for the paper work to be completed correctly. There were delays and a new bishopric, and then new procedural outlines before it was done and eventually sent to the Stake President. But, once the Stake President got the paper work and sent in to the First Presidency, my husband got his reply with the cancellation within two weeks. It was anti-climatic. And, it does not solve the ongoing problems in our relationship due to my husband being married before. I suppose, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders with the sealing being cancelled, but there is no dramatic relationship change. I don't think either of us thought that would happen. Our marriage is a work in progress. It gets better every day. Vort and NeedleinA 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 17 minutes ago, classylady said: Our marriage is a work in progress. It gets better every day. As should be true for us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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