Getting to know nieces and nephews

[zil]

All,

My oldest brother has sons and daughters, and for various reasons, I don't really know them.  There's no tension or negativity involved, just distances, little in common (between me and my brother), a family history of using few words, and busy lives.  I haven't seen them in person very many times.  I'd like to get to know them, but don't now where to start.  I'm the youngest child of my parents, don't have children of my own, and have lived far away from my siblings since we were 17-19 (and now we're in our mid-40s) - hence, I'm clueless when it comes to kids - they are foreign entities to me (I'm pretty sure I wasn't ever a child - if I was, I have no memory of what it was like).

They range in age from 7 to 16.  My plan is to start by writing them letters (which seem more personal than emails, and I don't think they all have email, and I always liked getting letters, so...).  Anyone have suggestions regarding topics to try or avoid, or any other recommendations for that matter?

Thanks!

[Guest]

How far do you live from them? With my many nieces and nephews, they most appreciate when I show up to their "things". Baptisms, talks at church, matches and meets and games, concerts, musicals, etc. Then you also learn more about them, and have more to talk about.  

[Sunday21]

When I write relatives, I just write what I am thinking as if it were a personal journal and pop it in the mail. Surprisingly people like it! Like man, what is it about that Donald Trump guy. Can you believe that anyone would actually support that guy? If this was a a book, no one would ever believe it. 

Or ever tried to find something in Lowes? It's a maze in there. I thought I would never be seen again. Next time I go in there I am going to tie a rope around my waist with a really long rope and teather one end to the front door so that I can use the rope to find my way out again. All that for some furnace filters. It's not worth it! Stores are so big and so devoid of people, staff, customers it's like exploring a lost continent. Days before you see another person,

Edited February 27, 2016 by Sunday21

[zil]

  On 2/27/2016 at 3:38 AM, Eowyn said:

How far do you live from them? With my many nieces and nephews, they most appreciate when I show up to their "things". Baptisms, talks at church, matches and meets and games, concerts, musicals, etc. Then you also learn more about them, and have more to talk about.  

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Too far for frequent visits.  Now that my puppies are gone home, I can make that trip more often, but still probably only once per year.  I know it will be exploratory at first, I was just hoping for some ideas to get us started.

[Guest]

Honestly, I talk to most of my family on Facebook. Even the ones who live close.

[Maureen]

Maybe start out slow by sending birthday cards with a note inside - get their attention.

M.

 

[zil]

  On 2/27/2016 at 3:42 AM, Sunday21 said:

When I write relatives, I just write what I am thinking as if it were a personal journal and pop it in the mail. Surprisingly people like it! Like man, what is it about that [name redacted] guy. Can you believe that anyone would actually support that guy? If this was a a book, no one would ever believe it. 

Or ever tried to find something in Lowes? It's a maze in there. I thought I would never be seen again. Next time I go in there I am going to tie a rope around my waist with a really long rope and teather one end to the front door so that I can use the rope to find my way out again. All that for some furnace filters. It's not worth it! Stores are so big and so devoid of people, staff, customers it's like exploring a lost continent. Days before you see another person,

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I could probably have some fun with that - maybe I'll try fictionifying my work-day.

Thanks for the idea.  You might be interested to know that when I was in college, researching a paper, I came across the diary of Leo Tolstoy's wife (translated, I'm sure).  What she wrote was mundane everyday stuff, and yet it was fascinating.  One of my favorite authors (L.E. Modesitt, jr) tends to include scenes about characters doing normal things, just trying to live their lives.  They ought to be boring, when you think about them outside the story, but they're not.  If I could figure out how he did that, I'd be making my living as an author!

[Sunday21]

  On 2/27/2016 at 4:01 AM, zil said:

I could probably have some fun with that - maybe I'll try fictionifying my work-day.

Thanks for the idea.  You might be interested to know that when I was in college, researching a paper, I came across the diary of Leo Tolstoy's wife (translated, I'm sure).  What she wrote was mundane everyday stuff, and yet it was fascinating.  One of my favorite authors (L.E. Modesitt, jr) tends to include scenes about characters doing normal things, just trying to live their lives.  They ought to be boring, when you think about them outside the story, but they're not.  If I could figure out how he did that, I'd be making my living as an author!

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How cool is that! I must find Modesitt. Mrs tolstoy's journals sound fascinating.

[zil]

@Maureen - thanks, yes, I plan to include their birthdays in the mix, but don't want to wait for that.  Not sure why it's suddenly increasingly important to me, but it is.

@Eowyn - maybe it's my memory* of how much better letters are, and maybe I'm being impractical, but social media seems to be about keeping track of each other, whereas letters are about knowing each other.  Social media is also impersonal in that it's for a group of people, even if a private group.  Handwritten letters are intimate, for exactly one person.  Maybe my nieces and nephews won't respond, or maybe they'll respond by email or text or something, and maybe it'll take multiple letters before they respond, but I feel like I need to try...  (But I appreciate the point, and will carefully consider whether my letter-writing plans are for me or them, and adjust accordingly.)

*I recently (like November of last year) re-read all the letters between me and my parents during college.  Took a 3-day weekend wherein I did nothing else that wasn't needed.  It was like being with my mom again - I could hear her voice in her letters.

Anywho, my question is less how to contact them and more what topics to tell / ask them about.  I suspect Sunday21's right about my side of it (what can I tell them, after all, except about my life).  But what can I ask about their lives that they might respond to - surely there are general things that kids are interested in - my experience with the 16-17 year-olds in my Sunday School class is that I have to ask specific questions or they tend to remain mute...

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Zil, great idea...reaching out, I mean.  I remember when I was a kid I had a great aunt that always remembered our birthdays with cards.  I loved that as a kid.  The amazing thing is that I don't think I fully appreciated her efforts until just the other day.  I was driving and started thinking about her.  She was not my aunt, but my great-aunt!  How did she keep up with everyone?!  Holy cow.  She must have had a great love of family, and great priorities to try to keep track of great-nieces and nephews.  Looking back I have some wonderful "greats" in my family.  When you are young, you don't always fully appreciate the older adults in your life (at least I didn't....my daughter is the opposite of me, she has a great love, and respect for the older generation.)

Anyway, I love @Sunday21's idea of "journal letters".  

I try to keep something of a relationship with my nieces and nephews through Facebook...it is a helpful way to get to know a bit about what they are into.  All my nieces and nephews (but one) are older than my own kids.  I engage with them as much as possible there.  Distance is a problem for us too!

[zil]

Thanks, @LiterateParakeet.  After further pondering, I think you and @Eowyn are right - I need to at least use things like Facebook (assuming they do), to know what they're posting (which would help me to know them and keep up to date), and I can use letters in addition and on occasion for more personal connections.

Thanks!

PS: One of you is "it".

[zil]

Well, I am now on facebook, and I have to say, I don't know what all the hoopla is for.  They (facebook) appear to be obsessed with reality* and with helping identity thieves the world over.

*And the boring, mundane, predictable sort, at that!  Have no fear, I'm working hard to conquer their reality and fill my profile with entertaining fabrications.

[thoughts]

Send them birthday cards.   All my kids and their kids know my sister because every year they get this from her.  

Maybe send them a toy or an app you can play together.

Set up a treasure hunt for them.

Occasionally send pizza to the family.

Join their FHE via skype.

Write a chapter in a story and ask that they write the next chapter.

[zil]

  On 3/3/2016 at 2:42 AM, thoughts said:

Send them birthday cards.   All my kids and their kids know my sister because every year they get this from her.  

Maybe send them a toy or an app you can play together.

Set up a treasure hunt for them.

Occasionally send pizza to the family.

Join their FHE via skype.

Write a chapter in a story and ask that they write the next chapter.

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Thanks, thoughts!  These are great ideas.  I'll talk to my brother about the Skype FHE - I actually wondered about that before.  And that last one is awfully appropriate for me - I write fiction, and make up stories in my head constantly.  I'll have to think up a few good openings (openings are easy for me - just have to make up some that are good for kids).

PS: My first set of letters have been sent - should arrive any day now.

[zil]

  On 3/3/2016 at 3:19 AM, zil said:

PS: My first set of letters have been sent - should arrive any day now.

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In case anyone is interested, the letters were well received.  Thus far I've gotten texts from my sister-in-law asking questions on behalf of my youngest niece - with photos, a texting conversation from the oldest nephew - with a photo, an email from my sister-in-law, and letters from my nieces today (one consisting of a drawing, the other a letter). I'd say we're off to a good start.  Thanks the all the ideas - I'll implement them as we go and as I'm able!

[bytebear]

I think you are onto a good start.  Get to know their interests, and engage them in them.  But keep up because kids shift quickly onto new and interesting things.  If you show a real interest in their activities the rest will follow naturally.

[Guest MormonGator]

  On 3/14/2016 at 5:33 AM, bytebear said:

 Get to know their interests, and engage them in them.  

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I love this. 

My nephew likes NASCAR and I know literally nothing about the sport. I took the time to learn some basics (apparently, cars are involved, right?) and that helped out. Now when he talks about his favorite racers I have a vague clue what is going on. 

[zil]

  On 3/15/2016 at 2:03 AM, MormonGator said:

I love this. 

My nephew likes NASCAR and I know literally nothing about the sport. I took the time to learn some basics (apparently, cars are involved, right?) and that helped out. Now when he talks about his favorite racers I have a vague clue what is going on. 

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Yes, I'm going to have to do some research and figure out what Minecraft is (something about blowing things up, maybe; or digging things out of the earth...)

[Sunday21]

  On 3/15/2016 at 2:48 AM, zil said:

Yes, I'm going to have to do some research and figure out what Minecraft is (something about blowing things up, maybe; or digging things out of the earth...)

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There is a woman in our ward whose occupation is building things for mine craft. She gets $500 or more for some of her buildings.