Sunday21 Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) Does anyone know how tithing works in part member households? I am teaching a lesson on the temple. Our number of recommend holders is really low. I am wondering if: a) non earning women with nonmember husbands can get a recommend if no tithing is paid b) if earning women with nonmember husbands can pay tithing just on the wife's salary. Does anyone know? Thank you. Can anyone think of other reasons why women with nonmember husbands would be reluctant to get a recommend? Garments? Too unsightly? Too sacred to show nonmember? Don't want to spend more time away from family? Edited July 5, 2016 by Sunday21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CV75 Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 17 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: Does anyone know how tithing works in part member households? I am teaching a lesson on the temple. Our number of recommend holders is really low. I am wondering if: a) non earning women with nonmember husbands can get a recommend if no tithing is paid b) if earning women with nonmember husbands can pay tithing just on the wife's salary. Does anyone know? Thank you. Can anyone think of other reasons why women with nonmember husbands would be reluctant to get a recommend? Garments? Too unsightly? Too sacred to show nonmember? Don't want to spend more away from family? When teaching a lesson on the temple and considering the needs of the individual students, sometimes it helps to seek inspiration on what the general class needs are, and then follow up individually as the Spirit directs (out of class). If it is anticipated that any of the latter might have such a question in class, it is good to invite a bishopric member to attend and be ready with an answer for these potential questions. For some of them (like in the last paragraph), the bishop/counselor may say, "see me after class." That is all in the preparation of course, but will help in receiving what the Spirit prompts in the moment to address any given (usually unanticipated) situation that arises in class. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Sunday, have you been stalking me- cause this question is like targeted at me? 30 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: Does anyone know how tithing works in part member households? I am teaching a lesson on the temple. Our number of recommend holders is really low. I am wondering if: a) non earning women with nonmember husbands can get a recommend if no tithing is paid b) if earning women with nonmember husbands can pay tithing just on the wife's salary. Does anyone know? Thank you. It's very much a case-by-case-talk-to-your-Bishop thing. I've seen a dozen different scenarios over the years. A very common one is the wife pays tithing on her income, whether that be 0 or whatever. Can anyone think of other reasons why women with nonmember husbands would be reluctant to get a recommend? Garments? Too unsightly? Too sacred to show nonmember? Don't want to spend more away from family? Relevant fact: before a spouse (husband or wife) goes through an ordinance, the non-member spouse must give their written permission. This is to prevent schisms and encourage conversation between married partners. As to your question: there are a million reasons any member could be hesitant to go to go to the temple. Common examples are "I'll get to in when I'm not so busy", fear of commitment, fear of the unknown, worried about garments (men and women), time constraints, etc. Somethings can be harder on a part-member family, such having to be without your spouse & and the balance between church and family. As a general thing: I'd point out there is a difference in the "you should go to the temple for the first time", and "you should go back to the temple" conversations. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 29 minutes ago, CV75 said: When teaching a lesson on the temple and considering the needs of the individual students, sometimes it helps to seek inspiration on what the general class needs are, and then follow up individually as the Spirit directs (out of class). If it is anticipated that any of the latter might have such a question in class, it is good to invite a bishopric member to attend and be ready with an answer for these potential questions. For some of them (like in the last paragraph), the bishop/counselor may say, "see me after class." That is all in the preparation of course, but will help in receiving what the Spirit prompts in the moment to address any given (usually unanticipated) situation that arises in class. Thank you. This is a good idea. I had not thought of this approach. If a member of the bishopric is not willing to attend, could I ask a hypothetical question, eg, 'I am not earning, my nonmember husband is earning and refuses to pay tithing, can I get a recommend?" And convey the answer to the class? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 17 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said: Sunday, have you been stalking me- cause this question is like targeted at me? It's very much a case-by-case-talk-to-your-Bishop thing. I've seen a dozen different scenarios over the years. A very common one is the wife pays tithing on her income, whether that be 0 or whatever. Relevant fact: before a spouse (husband or wife) goes through an ordinance, the non-member spouse must give their written permission. This is to prevent schisms and encourage conversation between married partners. As to your question: there are a million reasons any member could be hesitant to go to go to the temple. Common examples are "I'll get to in when I'm not so busy", fear of commitment, fear of the unknown, worried about garments (men and women), time constraints, etc. Somethings can be harder on a part-member family, such having to be without your spouse & and the balance between church and family. As a general thing: I'd point out there is a difference in the "you should go to the temple for the first time", and "you should go back to the temple" conversations. No, not stalking! I did not know about the written permission thing! Heavens this lesson is getting more and more complicated!! My ward is poor. Many immigrant women who look very beaten down by life...I imagine getting to church at all is a bit of a miracle..now I am going to tak to them ...well nag really, tell them they need to go to the temple. No wonder people who are able to, move away from my ward. Sigh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 31 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: No, not stalking! I did not know about the written permission thing! Heavens this lesson is getting more and more complicated!! My ward is poor. Many immigrant women who look very beaten down by life...I imagine getting to church at all is a bit of a miracle..now I am going to tak to them ...well nag really, tell them they need to go to the temple. No wonder people who are able to, move away from my ward. Sigh... May I suggest a different tact? Instead of telling them to come to you, how about you go to them and walk with them where they are? What are their thoughts on the temple? Do they understand it's purpose? Do they have any concerns? Understanding the purpose of the temple is the first step. Making the changes to go there is the second step that comes later. Also, since you bishopric is concerned about temple attendance, do they have a temple prep class going (or planning one in the near future)? LeSellers 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said: May I suggest a different tact? Instead of telling them to come to you, how about you go to them and walk with them where they are? What are their thoughts on the temple? Do they understand it's purpose? Do they have any concerns? Understanding the purpose of the temple is the first step. Making the changes to go there is the second step that comes later. Also, since you bishopric is concerned about temple attendance, do they have a temple prep class going (or planning one in the near future)? Thanks. Yes this is a better approach. I feel I am drowning. Thanks for the help! Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 2 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: Thanks. Yes this is a better approach. I feel I am drowning. Thanks for the help! All the more reason to focus on the basic step #1 first, and leave all the later stuff for a later lesson. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said: All the more reason to focus on the basic step #1 first, and leave all the later stuff for a later lesson. Good idea! Really appreciate your help. Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CV75 Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 11 hours ago, Sunday21 said: Thank you. This is a good idea. I had not thought of this approach. If a member of the bishopric is not willing to attend, could I ask a hypothetical question, eg, 'I am not earning, my nonmember husband is earning and refuses to pay tithing, can I get a recommend?" And convey the answer to the class? As a teacher, I wouldn't ask that question but only field it if asked by a class member according to her needs. Some questions are best answered by those with the keys to minister to individuals' personal circumstances in counsel. Sunday21, LeSellers, Jane_Doe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 (edited) Oh to llive in Utah! Everything seems so difficult in the mission field. still in Utah, I am quite sure, I would not be teaching in Relief Society! Edited July 5, 2016 by Sunday21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 21 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: Oh to llive in Utah! Everything seems so difficult in the mission field. still in Utah, I am quite sure, I would not be teach in Relief Society! Actually, UT has much the same problems, and people needing much the same lessons from much the same teachers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 59 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said: Actually, UT has much the same problems, and people needing much the same lessons from much the same teachers. Really? Lots of single moms, recent immigrant, poverty? I must visit someday. It would be great to visit the salt lake temple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 9 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: Really? Lots of single moms, recent immigrant, poverty? I must visit someday. It would be great to visit the salt lake temple. Yep, particularly among the hispanic populations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Investigator Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 I tithe on my income only, my husband knows I tithe and has no problem with me doing it on my income. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2016 On July 4, 2016 at 10:16 PM, Jane_Doe said: Sunday, have you been stalking me- cause this question is like targeted at me? It's very much a case-by-case-talk-to-your-Bishop thing. I've seen a dozen different scenarios over the years. A very common one is the wife pays tithing on her income, whether that be 0 or whatever. Relevant fact: before a spouse (husband or wife) goes through an ordinance, the non-member spouse must give their written permission. This is to prevent schisms and encourage conversation between married partners. As to your question: there are a million reasons any member could be hesitant to go to go to the temple. Common examples are "I'll get to in when I'm not so busy", fear of commitment, fear of the unknown, worried about garments (men and women), time constraints, etc. Somethings can be harder on a part-member family, such having to be without your spouse & and the balance between church and family. As a general thing: I'd point out there is a difference in the "you should go to the temple for the first time", and "you should go back to the temple" conversations. Husband giving permission for ordinance. By the way, we had this lesson in Relief Society and...we (my country? My stake?) got rid of the husband having to give permission rule. Leaders found husbands were using rule for blackmail! Interesting difference in culture! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted July 25, 2016 Report Share Posted July 25, 2016 On 7/4/2016 at 6:35 PM, Sunday21 said: a) non earning women with nonmember husbands can get a recommend if no tithing is paid 10% of zero is zero so no issues, On 7/4/2016 at 6:35 PM, Sunday21 said: b) if earning women with nonmember husbands can pay tithing just on the wife's salary. The answer to this on is it depends. In a community property state the non member husband may object and is within his rights to do so. This is where the Bishop and stake president must make a decision regarding this individual. Do we deny temple blessings to an otherwise worthy member just because her spouse will not let her donate 10% of her increase? For me the answer is no she should be allowed to go to the temple. If I were the wife I would want any decision absolving me from tithing in writing because bishops and stake presidents change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted July 25, 2016 Report Share Posted July 25, 2016 On 7/4/2016 at 6:35 PM, Sunday21 said: Can anyone think of other reasons why women with nonmember husbands would be reluctant to get a recommend? Garments? Too unsightly? Too sacred to show nonmember? Don't want to spend more time away from family? 1. Garments 2. Garments 3. Garments We make big commitments in the temple not the least of which is the garment. I can hear the conversation now..."remember the lil sexy things i used to wear going to bed and the tank tops/shorts/summer dresses/ halter tops. etc that I used to prance around in well that's all going away" We need to look at this stuff through the eyes of a non believer they just don't get it. Women want to keep harmony in the home so they don't go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 25, 2016 Report Share Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) Speaking as a person married to a non-LDS guy, LDS church/lifestyle can come off as... very strange and unnecessarily involved. Even my husband who lives LDS lifestyle already and is very supportive of me in church ("because it makes you happy")... he doesn't "get" a lot of things. After 5 years of marriage, he's finally gotten used to the 3 hour church... though he still thinks it's weird when I'm running 90 minutes late and think it's still worth going. He's gotten used to me wearing dresses on Sunday. He's sort-of getting used to me going to my visiting teachers house (it's still too weird for him to have people come to our house). Somethings he's totally not used to yet-- "You're getting up at 630 AM on a Saturday to... clean the church?? Don't you have janitors for that? You've never cleaned our house at 630 AM...." "There's a party? You want to go... to be social? And you want me to come? Why?????" "You're gone tonight to help people do dusty old genealogy... and what's this got to do with Jesus again?" And garments (which are new to me) he's still 300% confused on. Interfaith marriage is something which takes a lot of work, communication, and understanding on both parties' sides. Edited July 25, 2016 by Jane_Doe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 25, 2016 Report Share Posted July 25, 2016 On a slightly different note: the downtown LDS theater in Salt Lake recently released some more "Meet the Mormons" clips. One of them is a convert woman married to a non-LDS man. This demographic is acknowledged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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