Is it reasonable for my husband to ask me not to do this? Is it reasonable for me to do it anyway?

[ldsister]

14 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Take up heavy smoking; then you can quit and save $6-8/day.

I never would have thought of that, but it's brilliant! I hear booze is excellent for that as well. Plus, then you get a whole new group of friends whom you only know by first name and so have no other social obligations attached to them!

[Guest MormonGator]

24 minutes ago, ldsister said:

I never would have thought of that, but it's brilliant! I hear booze is excellent for that as well. Plus, then you get a whole new group of friends whom you only know by first name and so have no other social obligations attached to them!

 

36 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Take up heavy smoking; then you can quit and save $6-8/day.

You guys are awesome! LOL.

[anatess2]

20 hours ago, ldsister said:

Thanks for all your insights. The one thing I'm confused about is the carrot conversation. It was my understanding that carrots are things we want, so I'm not sure how donating plasma is a carrot. Wouldn't it be the hook one would use to grab the carrot? Thinking that donating plasma will change my life would be ridiculous to the point of delusion. I just ran the numbers on karate lessons and said, "Oh. I know how to make that happen."

If there are other ways to make fifty bucks that a) require NO up front investment b) require NO commitment c) require NO additional training d) take only 4.5 hours per week and e) are entirely on my own schedule, I would love to hear them. Please remember, I am NOT looking for a career. I AM A MOTHER. I'm looking for an immediate and temporary way to make a couple extra hundred bucks. 

Either way, thanks for the thoughts and input. 

Carrots are not just things we want.  Carrots are also things we hope for.  The "if only" things.  Things we see as milestones that we have to get over to feel better/be better/do better, etc.  I've been through many of these...

A few that I still remember keenly:

The visa carrot:  "If only I would get that visa, life would be soooo much better."  So... I did get that visa, but life is not so much better like I thought it would.  It got me to the US, though, where I met my Mormon husband... so it was a good thing.  But, that visa was just the carrot that I hung my hopes on to get out of my father's authority.  I thought life is better without dad.  I was wrong.  I was just going through a rebellious phase.

The out-of-this-hell-hole carrot:  "If only I could move out of this crummy apartment, I wouldn't live like a pig in a pigsty."  I eventually moved out of the crummy apartment but alas, the house I bought was still a pigsty because I made it one.  I made some money when I sold it, though, so it was a good thing.  Moving out of the crummy apartment was just a carrot that provided the cover so that I won't have to face the reality that I can't keep up with my mother's standards that I grew up in.  I got the carrot but never really solved the problem... I was still not as clean as I thought I needed to live.  I had to face the reality that I don't really want to be like my mother.

The weight-loss carrot:  "If only I would lose 20 lbs I'm going to feel so much better."  I lost 20 lbs, felt better... then gained it back plus some... still feels good.  Realized it wasn't the 20 lbs I lost that made me feel better but the self-loathing that I lost with it.

The more-money carrot:  "If only I would get that $12/hr job, life would be easier and I can afford more stuff."  Not only did I get that job it was worth waaaaay more than $12/hr.  Believe it or not, I had more money slicing deli at the grocery for $9.50 than I did working as a programmer for $25.  I had zero debt at $9.50 and I had enough for my needs.  When my husband proposed marriage, I was over $40K in debt.  That was one carrot that got me lost in the rabbit hole.

My husband had some of these carrots too, but instead of making the carrot the hope to achieve things, it became the excuse to not have to achieve things... "If only I have a bachelor's degree I can get a better job"... so because he didn't have the carrot, he didn't apply for the better jobs.  I had to help him get rid of those carrots.

Anyway, I'm not sure I'm explaining myself properly.  But sometimes, we think we have to chase the carrot to get to the finish line.  We have to have X so we can get Y.  Sometimes we don't even realize Y is not even the solution to our problem... it's just an escape route and the problem still exists.

Anyway, for some reason you feel you need $50 bucks.  I have a feeling it's not karate lessons.  Tons of admirable kids grow up without having ever set foot in a dojo.  Something made you feel like your kid is missing in life because he doesn't get karate lessons... I think you need to face that part first and see if you really need $50.

But what do I know.  I'm just some random girl couch-psychobabling on the internet....

Edited September 22, 2016 by anatess2

[mordorbund]

19 hours ago, NightSG said:

Take up heavy smoking; then you can quit and save $6-8/day.

Ah yes, the government system of budgeting. Budget a trip to Disneyland every year for the next ten months (that you're projected income doesn't allow it doesn't really matter). Then when it comes time to set your budget for the current month, you save money by replacing nine of those trips with a more modest staycation and take a world tour this month. Sure, it's more this month, when the money's actually committed; but look at how much you've saved in your ten month plan! You can totally afford it now (even if your projected income this month says otherwise).