Love

[insertwittynamehere]

Is it possible to be in love with two people at once?

Dont worry, folks.. I'm not in love with two people. Just wondering what your thoughts are on the topic.

Thanks,

Insert

[StrawberryFields]

Witty

My answer would be no, at least not the kind of love that will stand the test of time.

[Fiannan]

It is absolutely absurd to believe that one cannot love two people at once (romantic love). If one can love children equally (even if you have 20) then you can love more than two adults.

The Koran, which is closer to the culture of the Middle East and the Bible's original intent than what goes for Christianity today, says one should love each wife equally or not enter into polygamy. Of course, I could imagine that if you had two or three wives you might find different things you enjoyed with each -- maybe one would be more outdoorsy while the other was more into culture while the other...That does not mean you would love them less though.

I suspect that part of believing that one cannot accept multiple love is not only based on outdated western notions (when the Catholic Church was organized it was just assumed that you had a wife but also had access to slave girls or mistresses) but also on the idea that (Freud) that one's spouse is actually a projection of the opposite sex parent. Just speculation in that area though.

Ideas?

[Gwen]

some things i found that would be interesting to throw into this conversation. from the book:

"HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

P. 177-178

"I've found that breaking a man away from his lover after he reconciles with his wife proves more difficult than breaking a woman away from her lover. I am not sure why this is so. Perhaps women feel more uncomfortable loving two men, while men adjust better to multiple relationships. Throughout history, in the common system of polygamy, men have supported many women, but most societies have not permitted women to do the same. Usually sociologists have assumed this discrimination had an economic base (men could support women, but women could not usually support men), but the reason may also turn out to be emotional - men like having several wives, while women do not like having several husbnads.

When a man wins a wife back from an affair by learning to meet her needs, he has little to worry about. My counseling experiences have shown that when a straying wife comes back to her husband and finds her needs being met, her former lover often no longer tempts her.

But with straying husbands we have a more serious problem. I have seen husbands build new and wonderful relationships with their wives, but then go back to their lovers after five or six years of what appeared to be marital bliss. When I ask them why, they inevitably tell me they miss the woman terribly and still love her. At the same time they stoutly affirm they love their wives dearly and would not think of leaving them.

I believe a man like this has told the truth. He is hopelessly entangled and needs all the help possible to be kept away from his lover and stay faithful to his wife. ......... He must resign himself to a lifetime without her. He must certinly not work with his former lover and should probably live in some other city or state. Even with those restrictions the desire for her company persisits."

he talks a lot about love is built from meeting needs and if more than one person meets those needs then you can be truely in love with more than one person, you "need" both ppl, between the two they meet all your needs and you truely think you can not live without them both. the idea is to learn the needs of your partner (and for them to learn your needs) and make a daily effort to meet eachother's needs. when you are meeting eachothers needs there is no temptation to find another to fill the space of the unfulfilled needs in your life. at no point does he use this reasoning to blame the victim of the affair for the cause of it; everyone is still accountable for their actions and there is no excuse for infidelity.

[Winnie G]

NO

[Canuck Mormon]

I think it depends on your definition of Love. Also do you mean romantic love or parental love or friendship love. If you're talking romantic, I would have to say no. I think that would have more to do with lust than love. As for the other types I listed, I would have to say yes.

Just my thoughts

[StrawberryFields]

I think it depends on your definition of Love. Also do you mean romantic love or parental love or friendship love. If you're talking romantic, I would have to say no. I think that would have more to do with lust than love. As for the other types I listed, I would have to say yes.

Just my thoughts

Good points. :)

Lust will take you many places you don't want to be....

Real Love develops over time. If someone tells you they love you right off then I believe that is a huge warning sign. Also remember that if someone tells you they love you but it is a secret, RUN and don't walk. I believe the word love when it comes to a romantic love is special and can not be divided.

[Doctor Steuss]

Yes.

TO MY WIVES by Joel Hills Johnson

Oh, Susie dear, with love and cheer

May all with thee be well

My love for thee, while true to me,

This tongue can never tell.

And Jennie, love, Can I reprove

Or say thou are untrue

With love like mine, and virtue thine,

I always shall say no.

And Maggie, too, my love for you

I cannot now express

While thou to me shall faithful be,

I shall thee love and bless.

Should each prove true their work to do

Like true and faithful wives

Then all shall share, my love and care

With crown of endless l lives.

Elphaba, have you had the chance to read anymore of his poems? They are some groovy stuff.

[shanstress70]

Good points. :)

Lust will take you many places you don't want to be....

Real Love develops over time. If someone tells you they love you right off then I believe that is a huge warning sign. Also remember that if someone tells you they love you but it is a secret, RUN and don't walk. I believe the word love when it comes to a romantic love is special and can not be divided.

I have to disagree about not being in love quickly. My husband and I knew after a couple of weeks that we loved each other and would be married. We were married 4 months after we met... just hit 9 years. I think this is different for different people, and depending at what stage in your life you are when you meet.

And I'd like to think that someone can't be in love with two people at once, but unfortunately I know of a few people that has happened to. Not sure you can just say that 'no, it doesn't happen'. I don't see what would stop someone from being happily married and falling in love with someone else. That's why it's best not to put oneself in the situation where you can start feeling close to another person outside of your marriage. But hopefully if it happens, one will be able to put it to the back of their mind and stay faithful.

[StrawberryFields]

I agree every case is different.

[insertwittynamehere]

Its an interesting concept.. falling in love with two people at the same time. I didnt post this topic as a type of debate.. I just wanted to know what everyone's feelings were on the topic. I agree with Strawberry, love does grow over time if all the right choices and effort are involved. I also agree that an understanding of the others' needs is a huge part of being in love. I once heard the definition on BYUtv that love is "an accurate understanding of the others' needs and a willingness to meet those needs." I also agree that there are different types and different levels of love. I, for one, have a high standard concerning how/how much I expect to be loved. One can acknowlegde, both in and outside of The Church I'm sure, those relationships where the husband often is completely devoted to his wife and no other. The thoughts of other women NEVER enter their mind because they are completely happy and content with their wife. From a very worldly standpoint, this type of love from a husband can be seen with Rocky and Adrian. My institute director often comments about his wife in his lessons, he's said things such as "If any of you men find a wife half as wonderful as mine, you will be overwhelmingly happy for eternity." He is also very keen on any scripture that even hints that a wife comes first, or that a wife must be cherished and loved and expresses those scriptures to the men in the class every chance he gets, class-ly even. Ive also been in firesides where the speaker will take time out to introduce his wife simply because he wants her to be acknowledged. Ive often heard that we know nothing about our Heavenly Mother because Heavenly Father knew how we would profane and disrespect his name, and would not have the world do so to hers. I used to doubt that this kind of love exists, but I now know that it does and will settle for nothing less than this. Why should I if I know I can have it? If my husband loved me like this, I doubt he could love another woman at the same time he loved me.

Those are just my thoughts. Agree or disagree, I dont care.. but I wont respond to your disagreement.

[prisonchaplain]

Love is a choice, a command, and a verb. Despite the many soap dramas created throughout the ages, our love for God and righteousness can trump the unrighteous feelings of attraction we may occasionally experience for those we are not qualified to join with.

[insertwittynamehere]

Love is a choice, a command, and a verb. Despite the many soap dramas created throughout the ages, our love for God and righteousness can trump the unrighteous feelings of attraction we may occasionally experience for those we are not qualified to join with.

I like that. Thank you. Mind if I steal it?

[shanstress70]

Just to throw my 2 cents in again...

Be careful about thinking that a man who is so giddy in love with his wife could never even think about another woman. I have dated a lot of men prior to getting married. I always fell for the romantic types who would schmooze me and who were all about writing me poems and such. A few times I found that they were writing a couple of women these poems! And that wasn't all they were doing with other women.

The man I ended up marrying is a sensible and practical man. He has never written me a poem (although he has made me numerous funny cards!), and he doesn't use flowery talk. (One guy told me that when he looked at the clouds, he saw our souls meshed together... or some crap like that. He cheated on me the next week.) I know my husband is totally in love with me and he is extremely faithful to me.

Not saying that all romantic men are cheaters, but be careful of shutting out everyone except the uber-romantics. Life isn't how it's portrayed in romantic comedies or soap operas. Love that lasts a lifetime must have more depth.

... from the wise ole Shan.

Fixed a typo.

[StrawberryFields]

Just to throw my 2 cents in again...

Be careful about thinking that a man who is so giddy in love with his wife could never even think about another woman. I have dated a lot of men prior to getting married. I always fell for the romantic types who would schmooze me and who were all about writing me poems and such. A few times I found that they were writing a couple of women these poems! And that wasn't all they were doing with other women.

The man I ended up marrying is a sensible and practical man. He has never written me a poem (although he has made me numerous funny cards!), and he doesn't use flowery talk. (One guy told me that when he looked at the clouds, he saw our souls meshed together... or some crap like that. He cheated on me the next week.) I know my husband is totally in love with me and he is extremely faithful to me.

Not saying that all romantic men are cheaters, but be careful of shutting out everyone except the uber-romantics. Like isn't how it's portrayed in romantic comedies or soap operas. Love that lasts a lifetime must have more depth.

... from the wise ole Shan.

I really enjoyed reading that Shan!

My hubby is NOT the flowery type either. This past Labor Day we had his two sisters come and stay with us and swim and have a good time. The commented on how quiet almost dead he was. I said hey this is him. Then I added "why do you think I am so animated" I need to do SOMETHING to get his attention!

[Gabelma]

I am very deeply in love with 2 men - in my teens I fell very deeply in love with a man who is homosexual, then when I was in my 20s I met my husband whom I adore. I have never nor will I ever cheat on my husband, my feelings for him are deeper because we live togetehr and have children, but I know that I could have easily have that with 2 other men in my life

Like Spencer W Kimball said any 2 good people can make a good marriage

-Charley

[StrawberryFields]

Like Spencer W Kimball said any 2 good people can make a good marriage

Just not at the same time

[shanstress70]

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Like Spencer W Kimball said any 2 good people can make a good marriage

Just not at the same time

Unless you take into account what Brigham Young said... or a host of others.

[StrawberryFields]

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Like Spencer W Kimball said any 2 good people can make a good marriage

Just not at the same time

Unless you take into account what Brigham Young said... or a host of others.

Nope. We are talking about Spencer W. Kimball, see the quote. :)

[shanstress70]

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Like Spencer W Kimball said any 2 good people can make a good marriage

Just not at the same time

Unless you take into account what Brigham Young said... or a host of others.

Nope. We are talking about Spencer W. Kimball, see the quote. :)

I apologize for my ugly comment.

[StrawberryFields]

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<div class='quotemain'>

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Like Spencer W Kimball said any 2 good people can make a good marriage

Just not at the same time

Unless you take into account what Brigham Young said... or a host of others.

Nope. We are talking about Spencer W. Kimball, see the quote. :)

I apologize for my ugly comment.

Okay. :)

[Doctor Steuss]

I apologize for my ugly comment.

And I apologize for being ugly.

[StrawberryFields]

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I apologize for my ugly comment.

And I apologize for being ugly.

AWWW. You not ugly, your are apparently my nephew. Elphaba has called me her little sis.

[shanstress70]

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I apologize for my ugly comment.

And I apologize for being ugly.

We use that term in the South for being not-so-nice. My mom would tell me, "Don't be ugly", but it had nothing to do with my appearance. Do you guys from other areas do that, or is it a true southern thang?

[Doctor Steuss]

AWWW. You not ugly, your are apparently my nephew. Elphaba has called me her little sis.

There's some damn good genetics in this here family...