Creepy, Not Creepy: The Dark Underbelly Of Mormon Dating

[Guest]

On 5/20/2017 at 8:51 PM, Just_A_Guy said:

I nominate @Godless to write that column.  And then @Vort can do the one about creepy/stupid girls.

@pam, they accept submissions, no?

Oh! Angels and ministers of grace defend us!

[Guest MormonGator]

On 5/21/2017 at 0:45 AM, Godless said:

They hurt. Bone hurts more than muscle, muscle hurts more than fat. [/article]

They do hurt, that's for sure. 

I've been getting tattooed for years now and I've heard people say this every single way. "Oh it hurts more closer to the bone." "It hurts more on the muscle." "It hurts more on fat." In reality, every person is different and their pain threshold is different. For me, I have a high pain tolerance on my legs. Eight of my tattoos are on my legs for that reason. I have a little nautical star on the back of each arm, and even though they took under an hour-the pain on my left side was incredibly intense. I almost tapped out. On my right arm, I barely felt it. So the reality is that you never know. 

The only truth in tattooing is this:The big, macho tough guy football players are the biggest babies out there. I've spoken to an artist from Gainesville and he is adamant about this. Every other artist I've spoken too says the same thing. The big guys cry for their mommy while the co-eds and the scrawny guys sit like rocks. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by MormonGator

[NightSG]

21 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Not judgmental at all.

I call 'em like I see 'em, and frankly, the last couple of women I knew that moved up there pretty much admitted it was desperation.

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

The only truth in tattooing is this:The big, macho tough guy football players are the biggest babies out there. I've spoken to an artist from Gainesville and he is adamant about this. Every other artist I've spoken too says the same thing. The big guys cry for their mommy while the co-eds and the scrawny guys sit like rocks. 

Actually, that might lend credence to the idea that muscle hurts more.

[Guest]

On 5/21/2017 at 11:43 AM, Eowyn said:

Listening to my single nieces, the biggest problem in Provo is that so many guys just want a "buddy" they can kiss. They want to have a girlfriend to go do fun things with but they don't want a wife. They'll date exclusively for months and years, but get "anxiety" when the topic of marriage comes up. They're stringing girls along and just want fun, but have no intention of allowing the relationship to progress to marriage. 

That is a HUGE shift since my day.

Of course, it was BYA back then instead of BYU.

Edited May 22, 2017 by Guest

[Guest MormonGator]

7 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Actually, that might lend credence to the idea that muscle hurts more.

I thought that way too, but I've heard too many stories of people who are cut and toned but just basically not big guys/girls take tattoos better. So I don't know. You might be onto something. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by MormonGator

[BackBlast]

I'm about 13 years removed from the Utah single scene.  The girls I managed to get dates with, about 80-90% seemed to want to have fun, weren't ready to settle down or even "solo date" (many of these women were early to even late 20s).

Being a rather duty oriented sort, I was probably intimidating with a "I'm not here to have fun or mess around" feeling I probably oozed with my very presence.  So maybe my sampling was poor, if they didn't *really* like me it was one date and done.  Hanging out, or group dates always showed me in my worst light so I avoided them.  I was not a social butterfly.  So I struggled with finding dates at all.   Only girl I ever kissed was my now wife.

But eventually I found the one, and have managed to make it a a good marriage after some struggle and trial.  I do not envy what it must be like in current singles circles.  Though I fully believe that the Lord will provide for the faithful, in His own time.

Edited May 22, 2017 by BackBlast

[NeuroTypical]

6 hours ago, NightSG said:

You mean like the whole "going to Utah to find a husband" thing?  

It reeks of desperation, and the men know it, so of course they're treating it like a meat market; it is a meat market full of the women that couldn't get any guys that have known them more than a few months to propose.

Oh, I dunno.  There's no shortage of young folk (men and women) far outside the zion curtain, travelling far to their tiny branches, bemoaning the lack of an eligible LDS dating pool.  I've heard advice like "move to Utah" or "go to college at BYU, problem solved" offered quite quickly.  It honestly seems like decent enough advice to me.  Wanna marry a mormon?  Go to where the mormons be at.  

Of course, getting there can be quite a culture shock. 

 

Edited May 22, 2017 by NeuroTypical

[Guest]

5 hours ago, NightSG said:

I call 'em like I see 'em, and frankly, the last couple of women I knew that moved up there pretty much admitted it was desperation.

How's that working for you? 

Harsh judgment + chip on shoulder can't do much better than desperate. I havent been single for awhile, so maybe that's a thing now, I don't know.

i don't know why a single sister should be criticized for wanting marriage. Matbe it's not desperate  to go wading in a deeper pool, but smart. I'd say the greater condemnation ought to be on the ones avoiding it, than the ones seeking it out. Who is striving to follow the counsel of the Brethren and the plan of happiness, the one who runs from the very idea of marriage or the one who thinks, "Maybe I should go where there are more eligible options for eternal marriage."

[Guest MormonGator]

15 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

i don't know why a single sister should be criticized for wanting marriage. 

You never met this girl named @Backroads did you? She pressured me to get married on our first date! 

To me, pressuring someone for marriage at 20 is different than pressuring someone for marriage at 35. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by MormonGator

[Just_A_Guy]

13 hours ago, NightSG said:

You mean like the whole "going to Utah to find a husband" thing?  

It reeks of desperation, and the men know it, so of course they're treating it like a meat market; it is a meat market full of the women that couldn't get any guys that have known them more than a few months to propose.

Well, with all due respect, I think I've seen a few markedly woebegone posts from you in the past few months regarding the lack of eligible/interested young ladies in your geographical area.  These girls we are speaking of are just more willing (or able) to act more drastically on their situations, that's all.  

That said, Time Magazine agrees with you that gender imbalances can lead to some rather . . . peculiar dynamics amongst single Mormons as well as single Jews.  See http://time.com/dateonomics/ .

Edited May 23, 2017 by Just_A_Guy

[NightSG]

9 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

These girls we are speaking of are just more willing (or able) to act more drastically on their situations, that's all.  

The ones I'm talking about are able to because they're in their late 30s or beyond, never been in a serious relationship, entry level or barely above job, so even clerking at the 7-11 wouldn't be much of a career setback, and basically get told to go to either SLC to find a husband or to Phoenix to find whatever level of friend with benefits they're willing to accommodate.