Dating after divorce

[Bini]

This isn't in the advice forum because I'm not asking for advice for myself just opinions in general. In the last six months, I've had some heart to heart talks with other women who are in the process of divorce and who are divorced. Some feel the need to take a time-out and recuperate while others feel ready to mix and mingle. When do you start dating after divorce? Do you wait a month? Six months? A year? A few years? Since everyone heals differently, I doubt there's a set-in-stone answer, but it seems that allowing yourself adequate time to reevaluate things is important. So what's adequate time and how do you know when you're ready to move forwards? People who have divorced, your input is of most interest.

[anatess2]

The answer is between a year and never...

[Jane_Doe]

Rule of thumb: a minimum 1 break month per every year in the previous relationship.  

Beyond that it's a very individualized thing.  Feeling up to it is a know-thy-self trip of constant discovery.  Sometimes you might be up to it for a while then need to tack off for a break.  

[Guest MormonGator]

@Bini, you know I have nothing but love for you, so I ask this question because I'm concerned. A lot of times when people ask "for a friend" they really mean "I'm asking for myself but don't want to say it."  

[Bini]

26 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

@Bini, you know I have nothing but love for you, so I ask this question because I'm concerned. A lot of times when people ask "for a friend" they really mean "I'm asking for myself but don't want to say it."  

Wow. That's a hasty presumption. This is not about me nor did I insinuate it was about or for a friend. 

[Guest MormonGator]

30 minutes ago, Bini said:

Wow. That's a hasty presumption. This is not about me nor did I insinuate it was about or for a friend. 

It isn't, sorry if it came out that way. It was based in concern. 

I think all of us have heard someone ask questions "for a friend" when in reality, they are asking for personal advice. But since you say you aren't, it's a moot point. 

Edited June 13, 2017 by MormonGator

[seashmore]

The divorce has to be finalized before a divorced person can officially attend a Single's Ward/events.

Otherwise, you're right about there not being a standard answer that fits all.  It definitely depends on the person and the previous relationship, but I would suggest a minimum of three months after it's finalized.  If children are involved and at least school age, I would wait until the kids have also come to terms with the divorce before dating and not do a meet-and-greet until the significant other is being seriously considered for marriage.

[Iggy]

I was separated for almost 4 years before I finally gathered up enough money to file for divorce. During all that time I never dated. I would have liked to have had a meal out with my single male friends. Or gone to the local performing arts programs or to the movies. BUT as a LDS woman, that just wasn't in the cards. I totally understood, and agreed. So, what I did was invite the missionaries over for dinner, a married church couple and the gentleman I wanted to have a meal with. Win, win, win.

By the way, in my branch and the neighboring ward there were no single men between the ages of 50 and 80, that were worth two shakes of an eagles feather.

[Guest]

If we're going to assume that the waiting period after a divorce is different than the waiting period after a single relationship, then I can't offer personal experience.  But I'll share my observation of others who have been divorced.

In both cases that I've shared before, the divorce rocked their world.  Both were pretty much out of nowhere.  And in both cases led to depression and a huge re-evaluation of their lives.  That takes time to get through.  So, they had to take time to get through it.

The reason why there isn't a set-in-stone answer for everyone is that each case will have its own set of trials to get through.  Depending on the depth and extent of the trial, you (generic) may need more or less time to get through it.  But it seems pretty much universal that you really need to "get through it" before you go and start dating others.

I'm not sure why that is.  But it is a pretty common line of reasoning.

[Anddenex]

If a person is "angry" and still unable to move forward without thinking about partner, then don't date until the "anger" has subsided, or in good check. If this takes a month, a few months, a year then wait.

If a person is unable to stop thinking about their previous partner (romantic love) then stop dating and don't date until this is in check also.

If on a date you can't stop talking about "ex" relationship, then don't date until the relationship can be about what is in-front of you (general), not what is behind.

 

 

[CoulsonW]

After a divorce, you need some time to heal. But take it from me, you have to wait too long.