Paternal rights

[Anondad]

I recently had a daughter with a woman and I am trying to get visitations with my daughter but I cannot travel do to a well documented illness. I have PTSD and PNES from a motorcycle accident and it is all but impossible for me to travel, My ex knew this when we were together, I did not lie or mislead her about it at all. Now we have a baby and her family is not letting me see the child. Correction. They tell me I can see the child if I drive to their house. I have been trying for years and years to get to the point of being able to do my own shopping again. I hate the way I am living. I am trying so hard and I have so many people who will vouch for my character. I do not smoke, drink, do drugs, or even drink caffeine. I have never been arrested or institutionalized. I have been nothing but kind caring and compassionate for my ex and her family. Her father will not let me have any direct contact with her he says all communication must go through him and I have been doing that. I have paid all the medical bills they have sent. My sister drives two hours every other weekend to drop her kids off to her ex husband. I have many other friends who bring their children to the home of their ex. I do not understand why this is a problem given my inability to travel. I do not mind if they stay while my child is here, they are welcome to. I asked if I could bring my doctor if I came to make sure I had some help if I had a seizure or something as I can get hurt if I fall or god forbid have an accident, which is so very embarrassing.  I do not understand why I am being treated like a rapist or abuser when I showed nothing but love and compassion and acceptance when she ended it. We are 100% sure I am the father. My bishop suggested I speak to their bishop. He felt they were being unreasonable as well but I am not so sure. Yes I have this disability but I used to be a hard working fully functional man and I still have the same mental capacity and all that I just have some troubles but have never ever been a risk to myself or others. I don't even have much of a temper to speak of. I know that taking a newborn out is not healthy I even said we can wait a month or two until you feel she is ready and it is safe for her to travel. I had to even beg them for photos. I wish that god would help them to have compassion in their hearts, I have never treated anyone in my life the way they treat me. And I forgive them and with open arms welcome them into my life, I just want to be in my childs life. Does anyone out there have some advice?

[Just_A_Guy]

Sounds like you need a lawyer.

Speaking practically, having dealt professionally with a lot of divorces:  it’s pretty normal for each parent to be expected to handle half the transportation for visits; and in most jurisdictions asking a friend to handle your end of the transport on your behalf shouldn’t be a problem as long as the friend isn’t a drug user or something.  (I mean, ideally it’s someone your ex knows and trusts; but she can’t just sit there and arbitrarily scream “no!” at every name you propose.)

But no, your disability probably isn’t grounds to compel your ex to handle 100% of the transport.

Good luck—

Edited May 2, 2018 by Just_A_Guy

[Anondad]

I do have a lawyer but it will be between six months and a year until I get court ordered visitations and they grow so fast. I don't want to miss my little girls life. I have family who would gladly bring my child down to me who are good members of the church. I would compensate her or her father for gas and wear and tear on there vehicles. that wouldn't be a problem.

[Sunday21]

@Anondad. Do you think that you could phone your ex’s bishop. Your bishop could get the number.

[anatess2]

55 minutes ago, Anondad said:

I do have a lawyer but it will be between six months and a year until I get court ordered visitations and they grow so fast. I don't want to miss my little girls life. I have family who would gladly bring my child down to me who are good members of the church. I would compensate her or her father for gas and wear and tear on there vehicles. that wouldn't be a problem.

If you are serious as a heart-attack about not missing your little girl's life, I have a suggestion.  Move to where she's at.

My son's girlfriend's dad was in the military and got PTSD, etc. etc.  His wife divorced him and got full custody of the kids.  Then her job got moved all the way to Hawaii.  He dropped everything he had and moved to Hawaii.  He lived in his car until he found a steady job.  Then his wife moved to Colorado.  He dropped everything and moved there too, lived in his car again until he found another job.  Anyway, he was never absent from his kids' lives.  His wife got married and his kids calls the 2nd husband his name instead of dad because they have a dad who is with them, only living 2 miles away.

[Anondad]

That maybe an option in the near future as far as moving closer as it is it is only a 45 minute drive but the panic and the seizures from the panic make it so hard. I admit I am in no condition to have full custody but I see no reason why I shouldn't get visitations. I am working everyday to get my life back in order I am not just sitting by. God helps those that help themselves after all.

[Anondad]

2 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

@Anondad. Do you think that you could phone your ex’s bishop. Your bishop could get the number.

Yes I know who their bishop is but I fear that if I call that it will only make them angry with me. At this point I don't have much to lose. I asked if I could visit and bring my therapist for support as I think that would be the only way in the immediate future that I will be able to travel to their house and they told me no. They won't let me bring family, or my therapist I have to come alone. They are making it impossible so I can't do it but they can still say that they offered.

[Sunday21]

1 minute ago, Anondad said:

Yes I know who their bishop is but I fear that if I call that it will only make them angry with me. At this point I don't have much to lose. I asked if I could visit and bring my therapist for support as I think that would be the only way in the immediate future that I will be able to travel to their house and they told me no. They won't let me bring family, or my therapist I have to come alone. They are making it impossible so I can't do it but they can still say that they offered.

Most bishops know how to gently push families in the right direction. Most know how to do so without making the recipient angry. They have the gift of discernment. Maintaining links between parents and children is a key value..

[anatess2]

14 hours ago, Anondad said:

Yes I know who their bishop is but I fear that if I call that it will only make them angry with me. At this point I don't have much to lose. I asked if I could visit and bring my therapist for support as I think that would be the only way in the immediate future that I will be able to travel to their house and they told me no. They won't let me bring family, or my therapist I have to come alone. They are making it impossible so I can't do it but they can still say that they offered.

You live in the US right?  If that's the case, then nobody can stop you from going somewhere with your therapist or family or anybody.  You don't have to ask their permission on the matter.

It's really this easy:  "Hey friend, drop me off at this address... and pick me back up in x hours."

Edited May 3, 2018 by anatess2

[Jane_Doe]

15 hours ago, Anondad said:

Yes I know who their bishop is but I fear that if I call that it will only make them angry with me. At this point I don't have much to lose. I asked if I could visit and bring my therapist for support as I think that would be the only way in the immediate future that I will be able to travel to their house and they told me no. They won't let me bring family, or my therapist I have to come alone. They are making it impossible so I can't do it but they can still say that they offered.

 They can't forbid you from seeing your son.  If they insist on your providing transportation both ways for now, you can have a friend drive you there & pick up the kid to go hang out somewhere else. They can't stop you from seeing your son, or from having company when you do (least of all when that company is a licensed professional).  

You mentioned earlier that you have a lawyer and am working through that headache.  Keep pushing that issue and get your paternal rights protected.

[Just_A_Guy]

Also, keep pushing on your lawyer.  Court dockets vary from region to region, but unless you’re living in a big city it shouldn’t take more than two or three months to get in on a temporary orders hearing.  Call the court clerk for a list of dates, if necessary.