My husband won't let me stay home with our baby because I make more money than him

[marge]

On 1/14/2019 at 9:38 AM, Alia said:

We are actually doing a lot better. My husband has started his own property company with his brother and God willing come May I will be taking a 6 month Sabbatical from work to spend time with my son.

This is brilliant news, I'm so happy for all 3 of you.  Best of luck and God bless.

[Pressing Forward]

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

 

As a (once) stay at home Dad I used to have the FAMILY proclamation thrown in my face a lot.    Fact was, my wife wanted children but really did not do well as a stay at home parent.   I did.   I actually made more money than her when we initially started our reversal of roles.   She now make much more than I do 20 years later, the kids are grown and we both work.   I add this worked, and everything else works in our marriage because we act in a partnership.    I did cook clean and do the laundry though.   I still refuse to dust.

I, glad you have found a way to go back to being a Mom.

[dddd]

On 11/19/2018 at 2:49 PM, Just_A_Guy said:

legal educations are horrendously expensive and I would venture to guess a) you have a boatload of student debt, b) you incurred it during the marriage, and c) you (or at least, HE) anticipated  that those loans would be repaid with *your* income.

When you marry someone, you marry their debt too. He is just as responsible for it as she is.

[Just_A_Guy]

48 minutes ago, dddd said:

When you marry someone, you marry their debt too. 

Maybe, but you also marry the plans that person has made to satisfy the debt.  If one expectancy can change—why can’t another related expectancy also change?  

He is just as responsible for it as she is.

And if she deliberately shirks her responsibility*, why should he step up to his?

 

 

*To clarify, since the OP says this isn’t the case, we are now firmly into the realm of the hypothetical.

[dddd]

1 hour ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Maybe, but you also marry the plans that person has made to satisfy the debt.  If one expectancy can change

And if she deliberately shirks her responsibility*, why should he step up to his?

Then you would communicate this expectation, no? A spouse would say, "Hey sweetie, I know you want to stay with the kids, but I think a wiser financial plan would be to keep working until we are clear of debt." or "This home seems like a gerat purchase, but just to be clear, you should probably keep working until it is paid off." or etc. 

And the tit-for-tat thing, I just don't view that working in a marriage. It's 100-100 not 50-50 :\

[Just_A_Guy]

47 minutes ago, dddd said:

Then you would communicate this expectation, no? A spouse would say, "Hey sweetie, I know you want to stay with the kids, but I think a wiser financial plan would be to keep working until we are clear of debt." or "This home seems like a gerat purchase, but just to be clear, you should probably keep working until it is paid off." or etc. 

And the tit-for-tat thing, I just don't view that working in a marriage. It's 100-100 not 50-50 😕

I agree; communication is essential to the whole thing.  

I also agree that marriage ought to be 100/100.  But when Party A is doing 100 and Party B is doing zero—that’s not sustainable; and in the long term (barring very extenuating circumstances) is little better than exploitation.

I mean, my goodness—we’re talking about a (potential and theoretical) situation where a person racks up $100K+ in debt and then after marriage, unilaterally dumps all of it on the spouse (contrary to all pre-marital assurances) so that the person can be a stay-at-home parent.  

A woman wouldn’t put up with that kind of thing; so why should a man?

And if you know a woman who would put up with that sort of thing—please give me her contact information; as I think I may have a proposal for her . . .  

Edited May 10, 2019 by Just_A_Guy

[mnn2501]

On 11/19/2018 at 3:59 PM, Alia said:

 I also didn't marry a man child 

Then he turned into one.

I would suggest counseling and if that does not work, you will need to decide if you want this to continue the way it is or if you should 'cut your loses'. You might want to talk to an attorney. I know you are one, however (as the saying goes) a lawyer who represents themselves has a fool for a client.