Alia Posted November 19, 2018 Report Share Posted November 19, 2018 Hi, my name is Alia and I am 28 I have been married to my husband for 5 years. When we met he was in the army and I was training to be a lawyer. He left the army 3 years ago and has never found a job he likes, he was working in construction until a year ago. At that time I was earning more than double what my husband was earning but it was never an issue we put our money together and sorted our finances spending an equal amount of money on the things we wanted to. 14 months ago our son was born, work gave me 2 weeks maternity leave which was great and my husband kept working then I extended my maternity leave to 2 months so the pay stopped. After about one month of living on my husband's pay only he told me that he didn't think we could cope living on his wage and I should go back to work and he will care for our son. I drew up a budget and it meant that we wouldn't have much spending money but we could comfortably pay for our mortgage and bills. We agreed to try this and it was fine but my husband got fed up of not being able to buy video games and getting new equipment etc. So he was really pushing me to go back to work but I explained to him how much it meant to me to be able to stay with our son and then he quit his job. So I agreed I would go to work until he finds something new to do and then I will go back to caring for our son. This was 10 months ago and he still hasn't found a new job even though he has been offered work in construction by his father and by my brother. I have been unhappy being away from our son, I feel like I am missing so much of his development I missed his first words and I missed his first steps. I don't care about my work and my manager has pulled me aside many times asking me if I am okay and telling me to take some time off. My family have noticed that I am sad and unfulfilled but my husband doesn't care. The last time my brother offered him work my husband said there is no point him working when I earn more money. Even though, my husband knows how much I want to stay home with our son he isn't willing to live within a budget and make some sacrifices so that I can be with our son, it makes me feel like he doesn't value me as our son's mother. The other problem is that my husband doesn't even care for our son, he takes our son to his mom's house at least 3 days a week. He spends all day at home playing games or going to see his friends, sometimes he travels to card game conventions. Also, he doesn't clean the house at all so on Saturday when I want to spend all my time with my son I can't because I have to clean all morning and do the laundry and go grocery shopping. I have asked him to do some cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and he tells me he isn't a woman. So I told him he needs to do some home improvement like paint the hallway and refit our son's nursery and he did do it. So he isn't lazy but he is being inconsiderate to me. I need some advice as what to do? I want to be with my son and being away from him is causing me to feel torn and I resent my husband for making me leave him. What can I do to get my husband back to work and to agree to a budget? Do you think what he is doing by not providing for us is wrong? Or do I expect too much from him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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