Ignoring Your Ward Members.

[a-train]

I have throughout my life run into members of my ward in a public place only to be ignored. Perhaps my face isn't very memorable. Maybe they were in a hurry and didn't see me. I guess I could look so different in my street clothes that I am not even recognizable to those who see me in a suit every Sunday. Any ways, does a public ignoring phenomenon exist in the Church? If so, why?

-a-train

[sixpacktr]

I know I have done it, from time to time. For me at least, it isn't personal or being mean or anything. There are just times that I don't want to be bothered with talking or anything because I'm in a hurry or not feeling particularly well, and stopping to have a conversation would just be too much trouble. I also tend to get tunnel vision at times and don't notice anybody or anything when I'm focused on the task at hand. I can't count the number of times when people have said 'I saw you at such-and-such and waved but you didn't respond'. And I would never knowingly treat anyone like that--I may not stop to chat but I'd at least wave or something. But I truly hadn't seen them.

FWIW...

[rusure]

I don't like when I feel ignored -- anywhere I go in life -- but I agree with sixpacktr, too, as that could easily describe me. That's why I try to not be hurt/feel bitter when the shoe's on the other foot (sometimes it's hard, though!).

[StrawberryFields]

Oh yes this happens here too. Our neighbor across the street never speaks to us unless he is at church and acting in behalf of his 'calling'.

A few years ago hubby and I were invited to a meeting/dinner the bishop was having with his key people. Our bishop was concerned about the lack of people visiting with their neighbors and asked what we thought about it. This neighbor said Utah is a funny place to be a member of the church, my ears perked up because I was really interested in what he had to say about THIS topic. He continued with "I see memebers of the ward everywhere and I can't get away from them".... "I don't mind most of them but really have nothing to say to them" This man and his family have been our neighbors since we moved here nearly 12 years ago. I believe we have a better understanding of him now....

[Moksha]

Most of the people in my ward have been there for years. Most of us newcomers only know about 10-20% of them by name and visa versa. That makes it hard to ever talk when we see each other outside of Church - the best we can do is wave and perhaps say hi.

I have been struck by the fact that we LDS do not do fellowshipping nearly as well as other Churches I have attended, but that is not really why a go to Church anyway. My pre-LDS friends suffice and I have met a few wonderful LDS friends on the Internet. I do of course realize that my fellow Mormons outside of Utah do a much better job with fellowshipping and friendship.

[prisonchaplain]

My guess is that this is an American problem, more than an LDS or a Utah problem. We do not fellowship as much, and we fail to notice our spiritual family outside the church, because we are too busy. That's not an excuse, it's a problem. I too get tunnel vision. And, I know others are busy, so often would not call their attention to me, because I don't want to bother them.

It's wrong. We're wrong. I'm wrong.

Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God. He that loveth not, knoweth not God. For God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

[BenRaines]

PC,

I would think that you would have a problem is you saw one of your congregation outside of church since they are in prison.

I often see people outside of church and make a point to go and say hi. That is usuall all. Of course if I am buying liquor I will try to ignore them. LOL

Ben Raines

[prisonchaplain]

Very funny, Ben. Really...it was.

As FYI, my family and I are members of a church on the outside. :-)

[Jbs2763]

I live in a small non utah town with a very small branch, if i bump into someone form church at Wal Marx, there is bound to be at least a 5 minute conversation. In Utah...you can goto the supermarket a block away and not be in your stake...not knowing no one there.... i like living outside the bubbble personally

[Annabelli]

I was in the grocery when I saw my old friend (nonmember). I asked her what she has been doing and how are things going? Fine. So my second question is always how are things at church (Church of Christ)? When you ask someone about their church, they always introduce you to the people with them. She had her sister with her who had moved back from another state. So we talked about the disaster that forced her home and decided that we would meet at my friend's house for lunch the next day.

I turned toward the baking isle and one of my ward sisters surfaced who had been standing next to a display avoiding me. She's telling me about something when another sister came around the corner from the pickle isle next to us and joined in the conversation. I think she had been avoiding the other sister and was waiting to buy something off the baking isle. We chatted about nothing in particular for two or three minutes and then headed our ways.

If someone seems to be caught up in their own world, I don't bug them because they seem to have their mind on other stuff. But if we step out of the check-out lanes at the same time or park next to each other, I speak if just to say Hi and use their first name.

For the guy who buys liquor across the street from the bank and loads it while he's smoking a cigarette, I don't worry about speaking to him because he only comes to church when he dyes his hair!

For the people at church who only speak with their family members or members of the bishopric at church, they are usually really friendly outside of the church and generally speak first.

I never honk and wave while people are pulled over being ticketed by the police (member or not). I really don't want people to know that I know Officer X who I normally speak to when he's working the school patrol.

I intentionally avoided a teacher who was trying to match up coupons with products at the store. I was glad that I did because she was trying to pass register coupons from another store. How embarrassing was that!

There was a district store manager visiting for the grand remodeling opening. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a white shirt with a tie. People who thought he was a missionary were really speeding up to get past him. The mark of a true missionary is when one stops to straighten a whole bin of pork chops!!!

[Princess3dward]

There are just times that I don't want to be bothered with talking or anything

lol. That just stood out.

"I see memebers of the ward everywhere and I can't get away from them"

I know that when I was investigating the church, everyone was so nice to me and inviting.

As soon as I joined-barely a week later- people seemed to forget that I existed.

Easy come easy go I guess...

[a-train]

This issue is definitely an American one. I had the experience of seeing a high school associate somewhere. They kept looking at me and I could tell they knew me, but when I looked their direction their eyes moved from me. They probably didn't remember my name.

I resolved long ago that I don't know names and don't need to worry about it. I say 'Hey man' or 'How are you!?' I even have to ask my employees of many years their last names some times. I'm over it, people know I am their friend and I don't have to prove it with a rememberance of their name. Oh well.

-a-train

[Aphrodite]

It depends on who it is. Theres a few people in the ward I cant stand and certainly wouldnt want to get caught up in conversation with. One time, me and hubby saw this particular couple (hes now the bishop) and we ran and hid behind one of the shelves in the supermarket so they didnt see us! They are nice people, but once they start talking, kiss goodbye to the rest of your day. They never stop, and we just did not want to spend 2 hours in the supermarket talking to them. haha.