Openmind

Revelation that separates spouses

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On 1/7/2020 at 7:53 AM, Openmind said:

My husband claims to have received revelation that a certain single sister is not only a special friend of his, but that she will likely be a wife of his in the eternities.

23 hours ago, askandanswer said:

On a related matter, many years ago, a sister in another ward told my mum that she had received a spirtual impression that in the eternities she will marry my brother.

Some quotes up for consideration.
President Spencer W. Kimball, Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4:

Quote

‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion;

Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, Way to Perfection, 44:

Quote

“We have no scriptural justification, however, for the belief that we had the privilege of choosing our parents and our life companions in the spirit world.

 

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I wanted to apologize.   I didn't carefully read everything you wrote and what I put sounded bad--like victim shaming or something.  I just really feel for others who are having a hard time with their husbands who are going through hard times, so sometimes I go overboard with sharing what's helping me, still I hope it helps if you haven't read it yet.   

Okay, so my thought on your POSTED questions/concerns.  I know you are already taking steps, but I advise against getting your local leaders coming out with pitchforks to try him for sin with scant evidence.  Not letting you snatch his phone isn't evidence; my husband is constantly micromanaging what I do on the computer because he feels I'm wasting my time so now I don't let him know what I do even though everything is kosher--like checking email or favorite sites or the weather, but he takes it as evidence that I must be doing something horrible--no, I just don't like criticism.  The church doesn't hold disciplinary trials for suspected thoughts so this probably won't save him--it will just make him more resentful.  So far your search for the truth has led you to feeling awful and I don't believe that's how the Spirit enlightening our minds works.  When I was almost kidnapped, twice, both times the Spirit strengthened me and warned me in a kind way and even gave me the words to say and energy to fend off the abduction--I didn't feel impending doom or fear but pure love.       

As far as why you can't get him to get help on depression, I found that not all counselors have the same opinion on depression.  Some believe depression is beyond our control and the only solution is medication, the drug consequences of it don't matter, and all who think differently are part of the problem.  Others believe very strongly that it's overprescribed and very rare, and most so-called clinical depression is just grief and overload of disappointment that can be worked through.  If it is grief that your husband traces to his dead end job/friend dying, and not something your husband is describing as weird out of the blue dehabilitating feelings, then he probably feels in control of the situation.  If he didn't he would be far more desperate in getting help and nothing, not even her could restore hope.  I saw an interesting study that showed that psychology isn't much more effective than talking to a wise friend--hence the Spirit may have told him to seek out friendship since he's not open to counseling and he interpreted it in a very bizzare way--Satan can hijack our thoughts when we're down; I know it sounds so unfair.  Making him direct his deep need for friendship towards someone who's conveniently cute.  I don't want to blame you as not being that friend, but do you go on dates?

I do think you'll need to dance around his defensiveness as I explained in my last post response.  If my husband reacted to me opening up a sacred (what I think is revelatory) thought during a time I was feeling hopeless by calling church discipline on me for something I don't think is a sin, confiscating or throwing things of mine away (such as the pictures), spying on or gathering evidence to prove me wrong (I don't know if that's what's going on here--I put that in here just in case), and insisting that I get on medication when I don't think it's the answer, I would feel attacked.  I wouldn't say thank you.  He would lose all credibility as a friend, and I would crave a new husband badly.  I do have a lot of hope for your relationship, it doesn't sound dire, but I can't say the same if it turns into a power struggle where the only right answer is that he's supposed to raise the white flag and admit he can't receive revelation or be trusted with technology or take care of his health and needs to be disciplined.

 

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Some thoughts:

Talk to your bishop about this!! 

As one who has struggled with ruminating thoughts and obssessions, I can see where this comes from. Not a healthy place. 

Everything else can be perfect in your marriage and lives, even doing all the church things to a T, and it can still happen. It's a mental health thing. He needs help. 

It's not your fault!

How soon before she leaves the area? She needs to be protected from ever finding out. It has and never should have anything to do with her. It's a figment of your husband's imagination. Pure revelation would never send him into the bathroom with his phone to encrypt stuff about her. That just isn't how anything from the Lord works.

Good luck! I hope his mind clears sooner than later!

Edited by carlimac

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