Can You Petition To Switch Wards?

[bjw]

I was wondering if there is a way to get the stake president (or someone else) to allow you to switch wards. I'm getting fed up with the ward I am in and I feel that the people there do not want me and my grandmother there. We recently had a change in the bishopric and the new bishopric is nothing like the old one. For example, one of the bishop's counselors raised his voice at my grandmother and angrily asked her to leave the bishop's office because he was busy (his face turned red he was so angry) and my grandmother was almost in tears. I reported it to the bishop and managed to get a half-hearted apology ("If what I did somehow offended you, I'm sorry") but they have still have not been the same toward us.

The bishop and his wife can be very fresh-mouthed sometimes and I tried calling him about an issue tonight at which his wife who answered the phone went on and on about how her husband had been ill, didn't feel like talking, etc. and I told her I would call back later and didn't want to disturb him then but he grabbed the phone anyway and asked what I wanted in a harsh tone. When I tried to apologize to him he said forget it and just tell me what you want, very rudely. After I told him he interrupted me and said for me to go to his secretary and make the appointment, but "it ain't gonna be tomorrow" he said real defiantly and sarcastically "because I won't be at church" after which he hung up while I was trying to wish him well with his illness.

At the ward halloween party the bishop and his wife sat at our table but would not talk to us. Even when I talked to the bishop loud and clear he would ignore me. Thankfully my grandmother met a lady at the table that talked to her.

I have had a home teacher out here only twice in the last 2.5 years. No matter how many times I ask him to come he won't. I was under the impression you had to do this service to hold a temple recommend. The visiting teacher has been out here only twice as well, and only to try to sell us a product she's peddling from some Utah MLM company. She has pestered me nonstop on a weekly basis asking me to buy this crap. She finally pestered me to the point that I attended some spiel on the product with her at a pizza parlor, at which they asked me 10 times for a credit card number no matter how many times I said no, I wouldn't buy it. "But the owner of the company goes to our church." I was told 50 times.

Also, I already mentioned this siutation on MADB: http://www.mormonapologetics.org/index.php...c=24371&hl= and because of this I feel I am being held back in terms of callings, being allowed to sing in the choir, invited to events, perform the musical prelude, etc. They do not even give me any home teaching assignments or ask me to do splits with the missionaries anymore. They even cut my calling down. I feel they are still blaming me somehow over the situation I just mentioned.

The last bishop and his counselors were great and I really enjoyed them. However, with the change in leadership and the congregations opinion of us growing different I do not feel we fit in here anymore. There is another ward that meets in the same building and two other wards that meet at a building on the other side of town, so I know there are plenty of others we could go to. I feel like the church is divided in half, there's those that are part of the "bloodline" and have been in the church for generations, and then there's the newbies and converts, and the latter are treated like second-class citizens.

I really enjoy the church and its teachings. I love reading the materials. I love attending temple. I want to stay in the church and I hope there is a way that you can petition to switch wards. If not, I would be much happier watching the service on BYUTV with Ed Pinegar on Sundays rather than enduring the abuse from these people anymore. Anyone with any info on how you go about this I would really appreciate it.

[jwhitlock]

Chat with the stake president about the situation and see what he can do.

I believe that approval to switch to another ward has to come from Salt Lake.

I hope that you can find resolution to the situation!

[Dr. Mom]

Howdy! Sorry to hear you're having problems with the new leadership. I was once in the same situation- I felt the ward didn't want me there and pretty much ignored us. I felt as if we were being "ganged up on" for everything. Unfortunately, this led us to going inactive because we were told SLC would not allow us to switch wards. In looking back, that ward was not entirely to blame for what was going on. My own attitude played into things more than I thought it did. It took us moving to a new part of town, me swallowing my pride, and facing problems head on to not let that happen again. I know for a fact SLC rarely, if ever, allows someone to attend another ward simply because of hurt feelings.

In all fairness, we are all at different maturity levels both emotionally and spiritually. You also need to understand that a bishop is still a human and still vulnerable to make mistakes. However, the mantle of a bishop is something unique and genuine. If you confuse the 2 you will indeed lose the essence of the meaning of the calling. Some bishops are called to improve themselves and some are called to strengthen a ward. It's not up to us to decide why he is called, we are to support him in full faith and gain a testimony of his mantle. God does not make mistakes.

I know moving may not be an option for you. What I would recommend doing, however, is humbling yourself to serving your neighbors with unconditional love. Once you have mastered the concept (not the entirety) of Christlike love you will find your situation at church will change, not to mention your outlook on who you are as well. All in all this is a test and you can rise above it all. Think about it this way, you are going to church for you- not your Grandmother, not your bishop, not his wife...just YOU. If you base your entire salvation on your perceptions of one ward then you have dammed yourself into a hell that only Satan can be proud of. You are better than this, I pray you can see that.

[Silver Girl]

Hi, BJW...

BROTHER, I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM!!

Our current Ward has been REALLY hard!! From the very first Sunday, we have been hurt so badly, that we were considering going to Sacrament Meeting only (since we made a promise to HF that we would always do so) and then skipping the last 2 meetings and holding our own Sunday School lessons at home with our sons... We even thought about not attending Sacrament Meeting, and having "Church" at home every other week, and then driving 1 hour 45 minutes to the nearest Ward on the other weeks... But, we couldn't afford to drive every week, and in the winter the roads here are BAD...

But, we have stuck with it, and we have had a change in Leadership that has REALLY helped.... Our new Bishop is great!! We love him and he loves us!! He and his wife are our good friends!!

But the other thing my hubby and I have tried to do is to ignore the unkind things said by people who want to hurt our feelings... We TRY to focus on those people that have been kind to us and who allow us to be kind to them... We have made some great friendships this way!! We also try to remember that HF and Jesus know what is in our hearts!!

There are about 5 people in our Ward that we are civil to, and nothing more... We do not approach them, or strike up a conversation with them, but by the same token, we do not avoid them in the hall, or refuse to speak with them... We are civl, nothing more or less... These are people who have said the most vicious things to and about us... (ie, We are the worst thing that ever happened to this Ward and they would be better off without us.. We should "go back to Utah where we belong"... We are "instigators" and "trouble makers".... We are terrible members of the Church and terrible parents... We are serving too well in our callings only so we can make others look bad, and we are trying to "show off before men"...)

BJW... I hope you can find some kind people to love you... Start by loving them... Then TRY to let the slights go... IT IS HARD... I KNOW!! Make it a matter of prayer... The Savior will help you!!

Take Care, and I will pray for you!!

Silver Girl

[bjw]

What I hate is that I'm supposed to teach in elder's quorum tomorrow and I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I can finish writing the lesson I'm just so upset right now. I know I just have a decoy calling anyway cause they don't want me doing anything else. I think they should consider having a separate ward for converts and first gen members and a different ward for people in the bloodline and 2nd gen & on. Sorry for the rant. Anyway, I already contacted the secretaries of the bishop and stake presidents to try to get appointments to voice my concerns, I hope it all works out. Anymore advice you guys have would be appreciated.

[Silver Girl]

What I hate is that I'm supposed to teach in elder's quorum tomorrow and I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I can finish writing the lesson I'm just so upset right now. I know I just have a decoy calling anyway cause they don't want me doing anything else. I think they should consider having a separate ward for converts and first gen members and a different ward for people in the bloodline and 2nd gen & on. Sorry for the rant. Anyway, I already contacted the secretaries of the bishop and stake presidents to try to get appointments to voice my concerns, I hope it all works out. Anymore advice you guys have would be appreciated.

My only other adbice is to stand tall knowing you are a son of your Father, and He loves you!! He will help you!!

All My Best!!

Silver Girl

[ztodd]

I hope and pray also that your appointment with the bishopric goes well. If I were in your position, I wouldn't count on being able to switch wards. They probably won't even really consider it as an option - I hope you can be able to sustain your leaders and accept that if that's their decision.

My advice is to remember that contention is of the devil- don't let anger control your actions or attitude, even if you feel the bishop or others are being contentious, try to turn the other cheek and show patience and understanding. I know you would want others to do the same for you. Don't expect that the bishop will always have perfect patience and understanding just because he's the bishop. Sometimes any old guy can be called as bishop, even when he has obvious shortcomings... but we still need to support and sustain him and pray for him, since there is a lot of pressure in that calling, and he has lots to learn from his calling. He probably feels that he doesn't always have all the time he needs to be able to be there for you and your grandmother and everyone else in the ward at the same time. Try to be understanding.

[Dr. Mom]

What I hate is that I'm supposed to teach in elder's quorum tomorrow and I don't know if I can. I don't even know if I can finish writing the lesson I'm just so upset right now. I know I just have a decoy calling anyway cause they don't want me doing anything else. I think they should consider having a separate ward for converts and first gen members and a different ward for people in the bloodline and 2nd gen & on. Sorry for the rant. Anyway, I already contacted the secretaries of the bishop and stake presidents to try to get appointments to voice my concerns, I hope it all works out. Anymore advice you guys have would be appreciated.

Whoa....WAIT! Teaching EQ is NOT a decoy calling. Do you realize the potential here??? YOU influence the males of almost every household in the ward. Now, doilie-straightener or hymn book passer outer....THOSE are decoy callings. You were called for a reason, find that reason and pour your heart into it!

[CourtneyP]

Wow, you're in a tough situation. I'd definitely talk with the stake president and see what he has to say.

[bjw]

Everyone thank you for continuing with the kind words. Its encouraging to know I'm not alone and that you guys know what I'm going through.

The secretary of the stake president called me and told me that I would get an appointment to see him sometime this week. Please everyone keep me in your prayers. I finally got myself together and finished my talk for Elders Quorum tomorrow. I think Dr. Mom's comment got me to thinking and appreciate the calling a little more.

Ideally, I am hoping that the stake president can give me some good advice. He's a pretty calm and level-headed man and I think that even if he can't move me he will know who to talk to and how to go about settling things. So, I am going to keep praying about it. In fact, my talk tomorrow in elder's quorum is on prayer, so that's kinda appropriate.

[avatar4321]

wow, sounds like the new Bishop isnt treating you good. Im glad you are going to talk to the Stake President. This may be a serious problem.

However, dont disparage your calling to teach the Elders Quorum. I know you are upset, but if you can have faith and patience and get the Spirit you will have the power to influence alot of people. Teach with power and by the Holy Ghost in humility and you will be far more effective and useful in the ward than you would changing wards. The word of God has more power to change the hearts of men than any other thing.

[19nazzy]

wow, sounds like the new Bishop isnt treating you good. Im glad you are going to talk to the Stake President. This may be a serious problem.

However, dont disparage your calling to teach the Elders Quorum. I know you are upset, but if you can have faith and patience and get the Spirit you will have the power to influence alot of people. Teach with power and by the Holy Ghost in humility and you will be far more effective and useful in the ward than you would changing wards. The word of God has more power to change the hearts of men than any other thing.

Agreed. And I'm saying that as someone who was just called last week into the Elder's Quorum presidency . Your calling is very important for the welfare of those who attend. It is an important educational time for men of the Priesthood. I know we have lots of ideas of things we want to see done in these meetings and they are to be done in conjuction with who is called.

[bjw]

Great advice. What I was thinking while I was doing my lesson today at EQ was that if I show my faith by example, such as teaching by the Spirit and deliver a powerful lesson, it will have a better impact and show them my character and maybe change their opinion. I just found out I'm seeing the bishop Tuesday night and the stake president next Sunday night, so I'm hoping all goes well. I'll keep you guys posted. As always, keep me in your prayers.

[Guest prnldsfrms]

I wonder what would happen if you tried to serve the bishop and his counselors. Take them cookies, rake their leaves, send them by email some great quote from Barlett's Quotations, secret pals (where you have your family make little gifts and drop it off anonymously each Tuesday for a month or some other pattern) ---- any of them with a note that says, thank you for serving our ward".

You may find that as you lose yourself in service, your tolerance for others will improve.

While it is true that some bishops and stake presidents do agree to let people transfer their records to a different ward (and if you don't care about getting a calling, you can simply start attending the other ward, though you will still pay tithing and get your temple recommend in the other ward). Usually members are encouraged to be humble and forgiving and stay in their present ward, even when it is difficult.

It is rare that a person is not given a HT assignment. Many men would just keep quiet about that and thank their lucky stars. If you want to know why you might ask. Perhaps they can help you improve something that they feel is a problem. Or perhaps they know you are taking care of your grandmother and have determined that you shouldn't be given another burden. Or (which would be more likely in my experience) perhaps you have been assigned all this time to a route, but no one told you about it).

[19nazzy]

Great advice. What I was thinking while I was doing my lesson today at EQ was that if I show my faith by example, such as teaching by the Spirit and deliver a powerful lesson, it will have a better impact and show them my character and maybe change their opinion. I just found out I'm seeing the bishop Tuesday night and the stake president next Sunday night, so I'm hoping all goes well. I'll keep you guys posted. As always, keep me in your prayers.

That is a great attitude to have. And really, it is the only thing to be done in a lot of cases. The best we can do is to grin and bear certain things and try to be the best example we can be under certain circumstances. And hopefully talking to the Bishop/Stake President will help things out for you as well.

Best of luck.

[Moksha]

I have listened to such ward switching requests on a number of forums over several years. The main theme that shines through all of them is the pitting of the needs of individual members against bureaucratic control. I have my own opinion as to which is ultimately the most important - the individual members - but I realize that the bureaucratic need for record keeping and logistical planning has to be served as well.

[Guest AutumnBreez]

I did not read but only your comment, I had something pop that I needed to say.

The First Sunday of the month is going to be upon us this coming weekend. You need to pray, pray, pray, prepare to give your testimony, and for some loving words to the ward that may promote and motivate everyone to come together as one family as we are all brothers and sisters.

The plan before we came, we all were together then, we are together now.

The song "Love One Another" applies to all does it not.

You are accountable for your actions. It is important that you stay on the straight and narrow whether or not they do is not a choice you have in the matter. We can only give them the love and live as an example. You are probably doing this already, and purhaps they are jealous or possibly think that you think you are better even if you don't. Continue to read and pray, and remember endure to the end. Not easy, but He said it would be worth it! :)

[bjw]

Well, I had my meeting with the bishop tonight. The bishop actually apologized to me for how he sounded on the phone. He said that he had been sick and had gotten very little sleep the past couple nights. He said he really didn't remember what he said to me he was so out of it. As for the situation with the girl that I mentioned on MADB, he said he could assure me that it was not on anyone's minds anymore and that most had forgotten about it by now. He also told me that he had received many compliments about my EQ lessons. So, I've decided to stick with it and not try to switch wards. I just hope that when they consider me for assignments in the future that they don't consider too many past things that have happened because I would hate to miss out on callings.

I like the suggestion that one of you just gave that I should start bearing my testimony in fast and testimony meeting. In addition to inspiring others and expressing my faith it will be a good chance to let them know my sincerity in the gospel.

Anyway, thanks everyone that has kept me in their prayers. It has definitely been paying off.

[Garden Girl]

Hello bjw... it's me... The Garden Girl

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers also... if you bear your testimony, I hope you will try and keep it Christ centered and don't drone on... feel the guidance of the Spirit.

Ever since I've known you, you've had trouble in your ward... but what troubles me most is the behavior of the people... do they really say such hateful things as you should go back to Utah, etc etc. And then others here told similar things... what is the matter with these wards and the people??? So beneath LDS standards and teachings... I guess I'm just used to my Lincoln City ward where there is such love, and they are actually my ward "family."

bjw, please don't ever let others keep you away from Church... you need to be there and take the sacrament... phooey on anyone else... Someone previously said they treated others civilly and politely... perhaps you could do that... people who quit coming to church because of other people are cutting off their nose to spite their face... don't fall into that trap. Just be friendly and polite... there will never be separate wards for those with the proper "blood" whatever that means, and those that are new converts, etc., so you can let that go. Just continue on... sounds like your meeting with the bishop was satisfactory... good... that's positive... EQ teacher? That is an important calling! How can you think otherwise? Anyway, stand tall, stay in the light... All good wishes

Garden Girl

[ztodd]

I have listened to such ward switching requests on a number of forums over several years. The main theme that shines through all of them is the pitting of the needs of individual members against bureaucratic control. I have my own opinion as to which is ultimately the most important - the individual members - but I realize that the bureaucratic need for record keeping and logistical planning has to be served as well.

I agree that individual members' needs (although important to distinguish wants from needs) should be more important than maintaining bureaucratic control, but I don't know what the church's position is, or if that's even the question under consideration for the church. Furthermore, I think most of the time an individual's needs can be served just as well or better within their own ward than in another ward. We just have to be clear on what their needs are, i.e., what the Lord's will is for them.

The phrase "bureaucratic control" sounds kind of negative, doesn't it? But it's not inherently negative, especially not pertaining to the church. :)

[Traela]

bjw, I'm glad you've worked things out with the bishop. But, I feel I need to point out something in your original post that bothered me:

The bishop and his wife can be very fresh-mouthed sometimes and I tried calling him about an issue tonight

I'd just like to suggest that MAYBE the reason the bishop and his wife were snarky (besides sickness disabling his brain/mouth tone regulateor) was that you may have been the 10th person that evening to bug him at home about a non-critical matter when he was sick.

EVERYONE, PLEASE! Don't call your bishop at his home unless it's a dire emergency that truly can't wait and can't be handled by Home Teachers or Quorum leaders. Please, please, make an appointment through his secretary after you've considered whether someone else could solve the problem.

Sorry, rant over.

[bjw]

bjw, I'm glad you've worked things out with the bishop. But, I feel I need to point out something in your original post that bothered me:

I'd just like to suggest that MAYBE the reason the bishop and his wife were snarky (besides sickness disabling his brain/mouth tone regulateor) was that you may have been the 10th person that evening to bug him at home about a non-critical matter when he was sick.

EVERYONE, PLEASE! Don't call your bishop at his home unless it's a dire emergency that truly can't wait and can't be handled by Home Teachers or Quorum leaders. Please, please, make an appointment through his secretary after you've considered whether someone else could solve the problem.

Sorry, rant over.

The bishop actually said we were welcome to call him at home when we need to. He even reiterated this when he apologized to me and told me to always feel free to call him. Also, if 10 people, 20 people, no matter how many call him he needs to be congenial. By accepting a bishop position you have to be a "people" person and willing to deal with people all the time. It doesn't mean you have to always stop what you are doing to help people, but it does mean you have to treat everbody equally, be friendly/not rude, and simply tell people to call back later or you'll get back to them if you don't want to talk to them right away. There is never an excuse for rudeness.

Also, as I mentioned in my original post, I do not have a home teacher, and my quorum leaders always refer me to someone else, like the bishop or his secretary. The secretary is only for appointments, and I was not aware yet that I would need an appointment for what I wanted to ask the bishop at the time.

When I mentioned how the bishop and his wife were I was referring to more than just the phone call. There was also the halloween party and other situations where they have gone out of their way to be rude. I am just hoping that over time they realize the significance of the leadership position they are in and change to a more professional level.

[ztodd]

To be perfectly honest bjw, you sound a little judgmental. Try to cut bishop a little more slack. Don't be too ready to call people rude.. people just have different methods and different levels of being social. I'm not very social myself, and I'm sure there are people who have considered me rude, but I sure don't mean to be. I know it's something I should work on, but it doesn't help for people to point and call me a rude person or tell me I'm doing a terrible job in my calling.

[Kate]

To be perfectly honest bjw, you sound a little judgmental. Try to cut bishop a little more slack. Don't be too ready to call people rude.. people just have different methods and different levels of being social. I'm not very social myself, and I'm sure there are people who have considered me rude, but I sure don't mean to be. I know it's something I should work on, but it doesn't help for people to point and call me a rude person or tell me I'm doing a terrible job in my calling.

That was my thought as well.

bjw, don't be too quick to classify and judge people. Many times, when you are young, it's easy to be caught up in the thinking that it's all about you. That when someone looks a certain way, or talks a certain way, that it must be about you. In all reality, when you get older, it's easier to see that most likely it is never about you, but about something else going on in their life. And....not everyone is perfect at every moment. To say that by virtue of their calling, they need to be...they are human, just as you are. Just as you say you have been misjudged at times, aren't you doing the same? Also, just as with ztodd, there are people that aren't very social, or who, because of how they were raised, do not have the greatest social skills. But they are still wonderful people when you look deeper into them. They might not always say the right thing, or handle situations as you would want or expect, but they do not mean to hurt anyone.

You might want to look closer into yourself as well. Maybe there are things you need to take care of before you complain about someone else. We are all in need of improvement, we are always progressing.

~Kate

[MorningStar]

It is true that bishops should be kind, but it is also true that someone can be interpreted as being rude when they are not, and it is true that any man in the church can be called as bishop and that no one would be kind 100% of the time or perceived as kind 100% of the time. Years ago when I was at my single's ward prayer, my friend told me that these girls thought I hated them because I was giving them dirty looks the whole time. The real issue was, I had no idea they were even there, I was terribly stuffed up, I had to breathe out my mouth, I felt miserable, and the look on my face made them think I was giving them dirty looks. Actually, they were expecting me to give them dirty looks because they had already formed this opinion of me, which was that they thought I was jealous of them because they liked the same guy I liked. That wasn't true either. Sometimes when you get a first impression of someone, it becomes easier to find those same qualities you think they have. I think it's better to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I have also known loads of shy people who were thought to be conceited, my sweet sister-in-law being one of them.