Sister_M Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Hey Everyone! I'm new here and extremely short on time so will post an introduction later. But I'm in depserate need of some advice as I'm just about at the end of my emotional rope. I've been married for almost a decade to a really cool guy, we have 3 kids. In a nutshell, I love the church and believe in the gospel with all my heart. He has been inactive for 5 years and finally told me last weekend that he just simply doesn't care about the church anymore and he's starting to drink and do some other things not aligned with the gospel teachings. My main concern is doctorine related. Simply what does this mean for my own eternity? Will I be "dragged down" to a lower Kingdom or wherever he ends up? Will my kids still be sealed to me?! There is a lot more going on but it's time for me to pick my little ones up from school. I know this is short but trust me, I've been crying my eyes out for a long time over this. I love him and I'm all for free agency and stuff but I've spent my entire life believing in this and striving to know where I will end up after this life and now it just seems like I don't know where I'll end up, or if I'll be sperated from the man I love because he's decided to break his covenants. Thanks for any help, I truly appreciate it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_jason Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 My main concern is doctorine related. Simply what does this mean for my own eternity? Will I be "dragged down" to a lower Kingdom or wherever he ends up?Absolutely not. God is a loving and just God. He won't punish you for the sins of your husband. If you remain faithful you will be exalted. He will make a way for your kids to be sealed to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tomk Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Dear Sister: We are promised a fullness of joy if we are faithful. These things will be sorted-out by Christ. As long as you are faithful, you will not be disappointed. If your husband does not choose to remain with you, because of his choices, well, there's not much that can be done. He has his agency, and God won't interfere with his (or yours). But YOU will receive exaltation if you keep your covenants. The blessings won't be denied you because your husband breaks his covenants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
checkerboy Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 I am going through the same thing. My wife decided to not keep her covenants. We are actually getting divorced and she even asked our bishop if she could get a temple divorce. The bishop basically told her that because she isn't living right she already has one. Temple covenants are conditional on whether we keep our end. If he isn't doing what he should you two won't be sealed after this life. Your children will always be sealed to you. I asked my bishop the same thing and he guarenteed that because they were sealed to us before they were born they would stay sealed even if we got divorced. Hope some of that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowTheWhisp Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 There may not be concrete answers to some of your questions but the way to deal with it is to continue to live as you know you should, especially setting the example for your children of the life of someone who keeps their gospel standards against the life of someone who doesn't. If they can see that ultimately you are fulfilled and happy because you have that deep reassuring peace of knowing that your Saviour loves you and will care for you whatever happens around you they should see the contrast between that and the temporary pleasure gained from not living the gospel standards and by drinking which diminishes ones awareness and any presumed pleasure is shortlived (usually followed the next morning by a headache and hangover - maybe even the inability to recall what was so enjoyable the previous evening)If you keep your covenants He will not forsake you. How He will do it we none of us know. It may be that your husband will one day see the error of his ways and come back to the church. It may be that you do not receive the solution until the resurrection, just rest assured that solution there WILL be because you are promised the blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 This sounds like such a tough situation. I am so sorry. But hopefully he is only diverting for a time. Maybe he will feel the loss of the spirit at some point, and then change his course. I surely hope so for you. I have a relative who wrote a letter to her alcoholic father asking him to repent and read the BofM. He put the letter in a drawer for years and then one day read it. Those sweet words from his daughter compelled him to change his life. He is now sealed to his family and doing great. It took 12 years for it to resolve.....but it did. There is always hope. Best wishes to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Will I be "dragged down" to a lower Kingdom or wherever he ends up? NoWill my kids still be sealed to me?!Yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tree Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Sis_m, Hi I Am So Very Sorry To Hear About Your Current Situation, I Will Keep You And Your Family In My Prayers As I Am Sure The Others Here On This Site Will To! My Heart Aches For You. Heavenly Father, Go Before Sister_m , And Be Her Strength, Her Comfort And Her Guide In Her Situation With Her Husband. Open His Eyes And His Heart And Mind To The Love You Have For Him, And For The Love His Family Has For Him And How Much His Family Needs Him To Be Spiritualy Pure Mentaly,physicaly,emotionaly And Financialy. Heavenly Father Give Her And Her Children Peace, Protection And The Guidence They Need To Make It Thru This Situation No Matter How Long It May Take Or Whatever The Out Come May Be. Your Will Be Done,,, This I Pray In The Name Of Your Son,jesus Christ Amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_M Posted February 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Hi Everyone! Wow, thank you SO much for the replies and reassurances. There's so much more to this story, I'd like to elaborate a little bit after the weekend if you guys don't mind. Your words have meant so much though and have given me a little bit of peace. I was feeling so "doomed" based on his own belief, or lack thereof I should say. I feel a little more hopeful now although I still have a few more doctorine based questions. We just moved into a new ward in the autumn and would ask my Bishop but I don't want to bombard him with such a serious thing when he doesn't know me very well yet. He knows a little bit but not everything of course but oddly I find it easier to talk to strangers than to talk to my Bishop right now. I guess I just don't want to paint my husband in a bad light locally if that makes sense. This is meant to be a quick reply so I'll end it here for now and if you don't mind will write some more on Monday. Hope everyone has a good weekend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Hi Sister M. Thanks for sharing your concerns with us all here at the board. I look forward to hearing from you again on Monday, and hope that you have a more enjoyable weekend too, in the meantime :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakwilk Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 I so feel for you. My DH went though the same thing and it lasted a couple of years. But now, years later, his testimony is super strong and he is in the bishopric. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about eternity right now. Your DH has a long life ahead of him, hopefully, and people go through hard things all the time. Be patient with him and not overbearing and he may just return. I know it is hard, I spent lots of Sunday's trying to get through meetings without crying, but know that this may be something that he needs to go through. I've also spent time questioning things and he was the strong one. Now we are both doing well with our testimonies, but we know that things get hard sometimes. That is what enduring to the end is all about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_M Posted February 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Hi again, I'm just writing this so say I just noticed the posting rules said I can't reply to my own thread. I guess I should have read that before! I will likely start a follow up thread with my other questions and also an introduction post later since I haven't had a chance to do that yet. Our oldest daughter was up all night with a bloody nose and muscular pains so we are off to the doctor in about 20 minutes so I will post more later. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you again! Your words have been a comfort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowTheWhisp Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Sorry to go off topic but I didn't notice the posting rules either. Where are they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Hmm..seems odd to say you can't reply in your own thread...maybe it's an obscure, obsolete rule, lol. I hope your daughter feels better soon, and welcome to the site! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Mormon Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Hi again, I'm just writing this so say I just noticed the posting rules said I can't reply to my own thread. I guess I should have read that before!I just looked through the rules and couldn't find anything that said this. Could you copy and paste it into a post, then we can deal with it.Sorry to hear about your daughter, I hope she will be OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_M Posted February 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Oh my gosh, I'm just slightly embarrassed! I just realized that the rules were saying I couldn't reply because I wasn't logged in at the time so guess those would have been the posting rules for visitors and not members. Duh. Sorry! Sleep deprivation is to blame! We just got back from the doctor, thanks for the well wishes. Seems like she was dehydrated from the amoxicillan that she was taking for a recent ear infection and the dehydration caused a fever, the muscle pains and bloody nose. She's feeling much better now that they forced her to drink a bunch of water. I'm going to feed them lunch then will be back on with my further questions about a non-believing spouse. Thanks guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_M Posted February 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Hi again... I finally have a few more minutes to write. I have still been struggling with all of this, especially over the weekend as I had to hear more from my husband about how he "isn't Mormon" (although when I asked him why he doesn't resign he simply rolled his eyes). I later just came out and asked him if he eventually would tire of me if I stayed active and wanted to make sure the children were active. He acted surprised that I didn't know him better and said he would never tell me what to do or believe. I have been worried that in time he will want to leave to find a woman who shares his newfound way of thinking if he never does come back to church. I do feel it will cause some confusion amongst the children but I'm hoping my example will sustain them through this....not that I'm perfect but I have tried to instill a real testimony in them from an early age. Our firstborn is 7 and wants to get baptized already. She said to her dad on Sunday, "Look Dad, do you want to learn about God or do you just want to shoot your guns and have fun?"! My husband is ex-military so that's why the gun question came into play. Anyway, what he said to us, or me, in particular, is that church right now is a chore to him. He is overworked and very stressed out in general, and church in his mind is another thing on top of it. Personally I feel that he's using the drinking thing also as a relaxant (he would disagree and say since he grew up drinking from an early age in England it's just "part of his culture which he is choosing to enjoy at the moment"). I don't know when or if he will ever come back to the church because I've been waiting for 5 years for him to start going again, only to have him tell me he has no intention to do so. I know enduring to the end is ideal and it's what I strive for but I just worry that I won't know how to best help him, or if I can at all since he's asked me to pretty much not talk to him about. Hopefully we will both have long lives ahead of us so he has time to realize that the things of the world will not solve his problems and maybe then he will find a renewed sense of belief and purpose in the church. My best friend (also LDS, her dad is a bishop) was saying to me that I could marry someone else after this life in the world to come if my husband decides to never live his covenants again. I had never heard this before. Is what she says true? I didn't think women could have more than one husband, in this world or the one to come. So that is one of my other doctorine related questions. I mean seriously it's the furthest thought from my mind but I just had never heard this idea before so am wondering where she heard this. Also back to enduring to the end idea and to my 2nd doctorine related question/concern....what if something happens and he were to get in a car accident or other accident and were to pass away? I mean it could be that he fully intends to return to church when he's ready but what if something happens to him before then? He won't get any second chances to right his wrongs in the life to come, correct? I mean it's not like those outside of the church who die, then have their temple work done for them and they can accept it on the other side and then be exalted? For those of us already in the church we just get one chance, in this life. I guess I wish I could stress that to him, without being naggy or preachy (since that isn't my cup of tea to be a nag anyway). I guess lastly but not least is that I can't help but feel somewhat torn in two.....like the scripture that talks about not being able to serve two masters (I can't remember it off the top of my head from my high school seminary days). Will God really forgive me for standing by and staying married to someone who won't even acknowledge Him (God) at times? I just worry that I'm letting the Lord down since I cannot inspire my husband to want to be righteous. I know my husband's mind and free agency are his own and I don't want to control him, but I just don't understand how someone like him can go from being so strong to feeling nothing and not caring how it affects our family's eternity. I grew up so unconventionally in the church (another long story) and a temple marriage and my testimony, etc was something that I faught for tooth and nail. I feel like I worked so hard for nothing...but guess that's a story for another time. Well, thanks again for listening. I hope I haven't bothered you all too much! Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_M Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 · Hidden Hidden p.s. sorry for my typos! I literally haven't slept for 4 nights! Link to comment
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