crazypotato

It's been going on for over a year. I don't find him intimidating, but before, when they were together, he seemed overly controlling. For example, his wife mentioned in passing that he would not allow her to paint the walls in her kitchen. If he tried to smear me, I don't think anyone would listen or care. The ward does talk, because we keep getting asked to provide meals and childcare, and I hear things like, "Well, I just can't believe she would abandon her kids like that. But then she was only 16 when they were married. . ." Without wanting to break her confidence, I just keep saying, "there are two sides to every story and more we don't know, and her side is completely different than his." But once I opened my big mouth with the comment, "Any man in his early 20s that wants to marry a 16 year old (she wasn't pregnant) is a red flag to me and seems pretty creepy." So I guess my gut is telling me that he is trying to control the situation into making her look so bad that he can have full custody of the kids, and everyone will feel sorry for him.

Hi, As far as being an intellectual, Brigham Young, the 2nd president of the church, did not join the church for a long time. He studied the Book of Mormon for two years before joining the church. "Brigham and Miriam joined the Methodist Church the year they were married, but Brigham continued to wrestle with religious questions. He sought a church organized according to the pattern Jesus had established, after the pattern of the New Testament with a “system of ordinances” (DNW, 19 July 1866, 3) and all the gifts of the gospel. Because of the missionary efforts of Joseph Smith’s brother Samuel, Brigham Young’s family obtained two copies of the Book of Mormon in April 1830, just one month after the book was published. Some of Brigham’s brothers and sisters read it and declared its truth, but Brigham himself did not immediately accept it (see LL, 33). “ ‘Hold on,’ says I. … ‘Wait a little while; what is the doctrine of the book, and of the revelations the Lord has given? Let me apply my heart to them.’ … I examined the matter studiously, for two years, before I made up my mind to receive that book. I knew it was true, as well as I knew that I could see with my eyes, or feel by the touch of my fingers, or be sensible of the demonstration of any sense. Had not this been the case, I never would have embraced it to this day” (MSS, 15:45). Brigham Young had to know for himself. He later taught the Saints that God did not intend them “to be led entirely by another person, suspending their own understanding, and pinning their faith upon another’s sleeve” (DNW, 24 Aug. 1854, 1). “It is my duty to know the mind of the Lord concerning myself,” he told them” (DNW, 22 Sept. 1875, 4). “It is your privilege and duty to live so that you know when the word of the Lord is spoken to you and when the mind of the Lord is revealed to you” (DNW, 22 Sept. 1875, 4)." I think the best reason to join the church is because you believe it is God's church and you have the desire to be in his church.

I don't necessarily think the divorce is all his fault, but he is the one being really vocal about it and trying to talk to everyone about it, while his kids awkwardly stand there. I guess I will just keep them in my prayers and keep my nose out of it. The divorce is not final so he has the kids. She has no high school degree and according to her, she left them with the dad because she has zero money. I guess it is a good thing I am not a bishop because I would not like hearing about all of these horrible problems and divorces, and I definitely do not like watching ugly things happen to little kids and just stand there watching it. That's life, though, I guess.

Hopefully I don't sound too nosy or gossipy when I post this. A couple in my ward is going through an ugly divorce. They have 4 kids - two teenagers and two little kids that are the same ages as my kids. The little kids go to the same primary classes as mine and one is in the same school class. The father has a big mouth about his divorce and tells random people in the hallway intimate details of his marital problems and divorce, unasked for. I don't know if he is is just miserable and doesn't know what to do, or if he is trying to smear his wife because all of the talk is about her leaving. The mother is a very quiet, private person and stopped going to church when they separated. They keep separating and getting back together on and off. The father has a completely, completely different story as for why they are divorcing and the mother (who few people know because she is really quiet and private) confided in me her reasons. So people in the ward are helping with childcare and dinners, off and on, as she leaves, them stop when she comes back, and most people feel really sad for the kids and sorry for the couple and I don't really think anyone is gossiping. (long story, sorry!) Anyway, the two little kids came running up to me today and said, out of the blue, "We don't have a mommy anymore. The boogeyman came and stole her from us. She lives in a scary house with a scary guy and no furniture." All I could do is hug the kids and then change the subject. What the heck? I am tired of hearing the dad blabbing about what a horrible wife she is to everyone in the ward (in front of the kids. too) and telling his kids crazy things about her, when I know her side is that she is scared of him and he won't let her have the kids, he is telling everyone that she has abandoned them. Do I just completely stay out of this or say something to someone? I am guessing stay out of it completely, but this is going on and on and on in the ward and although I think people don't really want to be involved in someone's personal business, we are hearing about it, unasked, at church and in the neighborhood, and I am listening to these kids saying awful things. Ugghh!! I wish I could help those kids. . .

And if you have to pull over to the side of the road, people zoom by and avoid eye contact. I forgot about the lovely passing on the right, and about no one wanting to let you merge. Then there's my friend who lived in West Virginia. She said all the time, when she was just getting ready to get on a road like from her driveway or pulling out of a parking lot onto a road, people would completely stop and wave her in, even if no one was behind them and there was no traffic.

I feel like I am not even moving, going 75 in a 65 zone in Utah. How fast are most people even going? 90? 100? With plenty of traffic around. I understand going crazy out on a straight stretch of freeway in the country, but what's up with Utahns?

Or any of those creepy makeup-wearing heavy metal/hard rock musicians that have women throwing their bras at them.

That's funny because the eye blinky thing looks female so I had assumed Snow was a female. Personally, I don't find men who where mascara and eyeliner attractive.

With all the different preferences out there, there are surely plenty of men that find the OP attractive.

Snow, Are you female or male?

I think this thread has been highjacked into a debate with Mr. T.

Which is what I meant. You can't call upon the Holy Ghost and have his spirit always with you. The Holy Ghost can come to you and prompt you, but you don't have the power to have the Spirit with you when you are looking at pornography or thinking about it.

You are not alone. There are tons of people in and out of the church that have a problem with porn. It is normal for a young man to want to look at it. You can't have the Holy Ghost when you break this commandment. I don't know if I would call this a punishment more than a law. The Holy Ghost is offended by porn and by those kinds of thoughts that you are having. Don't ever think that God is mean and trying to punish you because he doesn't like you or something. It is just a natural consequence that you are experiencing. Have you talked to your bishop and asked for his help? His job isn't so much as to hurry and condemn you and kick you to the curb as it is to try and help you repent and bring you to Christ. I am sure his office is full of visits from other people struggling with the same problem. If you keep it a secret, I think it will be harder to repent. Have you tried fasting often for the strength and the desire to overcome this temptation? Everyone, whether they are strugglng with porn or any sin needs to fast to have spiritual strength. Prayer and scripture study are good, but fasting gives added strength. Do you have thoughts and activities to do to replace this? When you are having these thoughts, you need to actively fight them by thinking more righteous thoughts, like imagining a positive image. Also, when you are fantasizing, you can repeatedly tell yourself that those women are probably high on drugs, have families that are horrified by their behavior or are from horrific homes, or are airbrushed or whatever. The truth can start killing your fantasies. Those women are someone's daughter or sister that is demeaning herself and destroying her life. She is not actually turned on by you and if you were struck by lightning or hit by a car, she couldn't care less.

Personally, I am conservative/libertarian leaning from looking at the church welfare system and the heavy council by church leaders for us to be self-sufficient. We are supposed to have a supply of food, have a 72 hour kit, get out of debt and stay out of debt, etc. And the welfare system of the church is designed to try to encourage members to work if they can and use the system only temporarily. Also, having worked for Medicaid for a number a years, I see how many well meaning people in a bureaucracy can waste millions of dollars and clog up a system into such inefficiency that lots of people don't get the help that they need. Joseph Smith stated that the Constitution of the US was inspired by God, and that people in this land were meant to be free, as long as they were righteous. He advised all members to study and understand the Constitution. I have studied it and believe that it leans most towards a conservative/libertarian system of government.

I understand what you are saying about not judging her, but it is one thing to be married to a reasonably decent person who is adamantly opposed to the church, and another thing to be married to a mess. Sometimes, when people have one problem (spouse), they blame it on other stuff (church). And I wasn't trying to be totally unsympathetic, but she does still have her agency. She does live in a free country. It may sound harsh and judgmental, but I didn't intend to sound that way. However, look at all our country and churches have to offer verses some of the middle eastern nations where women have absolutely no rights to religion or divorce.

I think the church asks the spouses permission before a busy calling so that the spouse will be supportive of whoever for spending more time away from the family. The bishop asks females for permission for their husbands to have busy callings sometimes, and vice versa. It is totally fair. If I get a calling as Young Women's president, for example, it is absolutely necessary for my husband to be on board and willing to support me taking large amounts of time away from my family. Also, why is she playing the victim to a violent drunk? Are you sure the church is the bad guy here? Or is she dysfunctional, too? She doesn't HAVE to stay married to him. She can go to a women's shelter if needed and get free food and lodging until she finds a job, if he is really that bad. Just because her husband may be too controlling or whatever doesn't mean it is the church's fault for having it's policy, if it is a policy. I think she should ask the bishop what his handbook says about baptizing someone whose spouse opposes, because like Dravin said, PMG is a handbook for the missionaries, not for the general church.

I have heard this before. Since the church is very family oriented and doesn't want to destroy families over a religious dispute, if a spouse wants to be baptized and the other one is extremely against it and says no, then no baptism. However, if she is married to an abusive drunk, he is already not holding up his part of the marriage so it doesn't matter and she should be able to get baptized. The church is trying to help families and keep them together. Sounds like her husband is already trying to destroy the family so it doesn't matter what he wants.

I have lots of friends with implants. One of my friend because of breast cancer (totally understandable) and the rest for cosmetic reasons (ie they were small or saggy-baggy). My main reason for opposing it is that it is major surgery that can actually be life threatening. There is a risk. Why risk your life for a major surgery? What if your husband and kids had to be without a wife and mom because she died getting breast implants? I know that is unusual, but still possible. Hair coloring, makeup, earrings, etc are safe/r. Also, I agree that it seems the more women get them, the more other women around them want them too because they feel less attractive than the haves. Our bodies are not our own to do whatever we want with. They belong to God. They are temples to our spirits. I am sorry that people have been made fun of for body parts. All the people that alter their bodies surgically to stop cruelty from others, aren't they sending a message to those too poor for cosmetic surgery that they need to get it too? That the way to handle bullying is to change who you are to please everyone else? Everyone needs to be attractive to be worth something? Last general conference I think Elder Holland, was talking about how mothers need to set a strong example to their daughters of their worth based on being Christlike women. He also said that in society today, our culture treats women as only valuable if they are sexually appealing. This demeans women into sex objects. A lot of you are making comments about it being a personal choice and no one should judge each other. This is literally true, but a bit simplistic. All of my "'personal choices" affect my family and my community around me. If I choose to not read the scriptures today, it affects me, my family and maybe my neighbors or people I visit teach because I wasn't in tune with the spirit so maybe missed a prompting to help them. If I choose to get a tatoo, it affects people that see it in one way or another. I can't expect everyone to respect and accept me for who I am no matter what I do. I understand that there are women who get augmentation for a variety of reasons, the most extreme I know was that she wanted to be a stripper or pole dancer (not kidding)! She wears hardly any clothes even in the freezing cold to show off her girls, and it is not attractive. Compare her to my other friend who was reconstructing after a double masectomy and when she reconstructed, got a normal size rather than porn star size. Then there are the middle ground people.

Are there members in your ward that can pick you up and take you? Or meet you and sit with you at church?

I know lots of very overweight women with boyfriends. And very ugly women with boyfriends. I do think a vivid personality is attractive. I thought my husband was handsome when I first met him, but I wasn't interested. It wasn't until I realized that he was hilarious that I started getting interested. Of course his looks helped, too.

Funky, I went to Texas Roadhouse Grill restaurant here in the states and had a steak and baked potato last night. It was loaded with butter, sour cream, bacon bits and salt. Yummy! I guess I am a temptress!

Hi, I am married and old. I thought I would reply. When I was single, I thought only the pretty girls were asked out and got married. And when I didn't get asked out, I then assumed that I must be ugly, and worked really hard at my appearance. I was very fit and thin and not ugly back in the day, but I was also shy and hard to get to know. I look back on my single years. The times where I was friendly and outgoing to everyone, and not interested in dating are the times that I was asked out the most. My looks or weight didn't change. Men like smiles, kindness, cheerfulness, and feminine clothes and hair just as much or maybe more than being thin. I think men like beautiful bodies but most do want a nice person too. I guess some men on here can correct me if I am wrong or verify me? Keep your chin up!

LocalFarms, I am sorry you are feeling down. I think people are all just more outspoken on the internet and do get too rude and we all need reminders to be more kind. I know that I do. I think Hemi's post will really help you. People, unfortunately, will always let each other down, but the Lord never will. Start with one thing on the list of things to do and see if it helps. If you pray to find some tangible friends that can help lift you up when you are down, I believe the Lord will help you find them if you do your part of the work. There are good, kind people everywhere that are lonely and would like more friends.

Tips for aspie guys to get their first date - Love and Dating Have you aspies tried this link? I have two aspies in my family. I hope this helps you. There may be some social cues you are missing that just need spelled out or maybe some things you can do to sharpen up your looks or something to attract a girl. I know one family member that I have, who is an aspie, never goes to socialize at church or anywhere else, but is lonely and wishes she had a boyfriend. She did had boyfriends when she was in high school and college, but as the years have rolled by and she is either at home or at work or online, she is not making opportunities to even meet a real human.

Last year I was a Sunday School Gospel Doctrine teacher. From memory the current lesson manual said this again - that the church meant tea and coffee, but also that it was not going to get too specific in what we should eat or drink. The manual told the teacher to not let the students get into discussion over specific food or drinks, but that we are just to teach the principle and then let the students decide, in their own personal lives, what to eat and drink. That the Word of Wisdom was not a difficult concept to grasp.