LDSVALLEY

I asked to be released from one two years ago. I gave the Bishopric 90 days to replace me. I was unable to work with someone and it was detrimental to both of us and our callings so I quit. Otherwise I would likely have stopped going. Most callings are from God and are prayed over, I have had occasion when I was flipped with another member because the Stake didn't want a HP serving in an EQ Presidency. No Prayer just administrative, I was flat out told that. I am not cavalier about callings but we need to do what is best for ourselves as well. Pray to the Lord and ask him about it then talk to the Bishop. If you really feel you need to be released then tell them, it helps if you can give them some time to replace you, but in the end it is between you and Heavenly Father.

Nowhere did I say or imply it is easy. It is sometimes the hardest thing I have to do, I have felt ignored, abandoned, unwanted, confused, frustrated, angry and all the rest of it. There are times when I have to fight against myself to hold a calling or attend church. There are times when I have spent hours in voice or text arguing (with supporting proof) against things that Ward or Stake Leaders have done. The things I put into the last post were not simple sayings like when world gives you lemons make lemonade. They are hard fought and hard learned truth's. The reason I have the outlook that I do is that I considered leaving the church a few years ago to save my belief in the gospel, I won't get into how that made sense to me at the time. Someone nothing to do with the church planted the idea that punishing people by punishing myself was a concept too many people follow in life. We are imperfect people and day to day we operate the church imperfectly because it is all we can do. The Lord is perfect and so is his church so in his time frame everything will work out perfectly. I have many many frustrations with the church, there are times I would like to slap some leaders upside the head BUT most of them are trying their best and I do know the Lord has called at least most of them to serve. I try hard to keep in mind two things: 1 It might not be because they are the best leader but because they or we need to learn something. It may be for a reason we can not comprehend in mortal life. 2 I have served many years in auxiliary leadership roles and I know I screw up at times even with the best of intentions. I know I have ticked people off. And Heaven forbid I might be in a Bishop or Stake President's shoes someday. I know people will want to leave because I am flawed and I will stray things from the guidelines in trying to fix issues. I just hope that there is someone who will speak up to me when needed. I don't know your situation nor you mine. Nor us anyone else. It does not matter. We are here to be tried and tested, we have been prepared for this time. Nowhere I have seen does it say the church is not part of that test, looking at the scriptures there are many times when the church was a good source of testing and trying. Many times it would be easy to simply walk away. For ME there are five reasons I refuse to give into that seemingly easier path. 1 It is my salvation I need to worry about, and I refuse to let someone or something including myself deny me that salvation. 2 There might be one or more in the Ward who would walk away if I was not there. I am not saying I am anything special but we all influence others by association and to go to the eternities and find my mission was to keep someone on the path and I failed them because I failed myself would be horrible. 3 Joseph Smith and the early pioneers faced far harder trials and carried on. Would the Lord expect less from me? Should I expect less from myself? 4 I can choose to be a positive influence on others and perhaps in time that might help change things. If not then at least it will help change me. 5 Sometimes I am looking at things wrong and it is me who has to change not the Leaders, but it takes time to realize when I need to do that. It is hard sometimes, believe me I have often contemplated walking away. The last two years financially have been extremely hard on our family from job loss. It would be easy to blame God for many things. It is not about our trials it is about our salvation if we lose one we lose the other. It is as simple and as hard as that. For my salvation, for my families salvation bring it on, I'll go toe to toe as long as it takes, I might get beat up and knocked down. I will grow weary and faint of heart at times. But I will win. I hope and pray that you can find the strength and desire to keep fighting for your salvation, the church in spite of the moment to moment frustrations is true and the path to that salvation.

It is important to remember that the Lord's plan is perfect but his perfect church is operated by imperfect people and that in the long run his plan will work but at times we hit pot holes, road bumps and construction work. People have Offended me, annoyed me, done or said stupid things. Taught incorrect doctrine, showed poor leadership etc. BUT I am in the church for personal salvation and I refuse to allow what I consider a poor leader or even members to keep me from the gospel and salvation. Most people do leave the church after being offended. This will offend some people but that is the stupidest reason I can think of to leave the gospel. You offended me so there fore I will deny myself salvation to get even....... Worst part of it is that most of those who offend don't even realize they have done so. As a former mission leader when a new convert was offended they would mostly come to me about it and every case I looked into it was simply a misunderstanding. To artictofu if someone in the ward is keeping you from the temple and you are worthy of one go see the Stake or even area leadership about it. if you still don't get satisfaction then still stay the course if you are worthy and being denied then the Lord will correct the error in his time. To anyone thinking of leaving activity due to frustration in the church the same advice goes, stay the course, trust in the Lord and be as active and helpful especially to new members as you can. The Lord will bless you for it.

I have been in our Ward since 2001 at the time our average attendance was around 96. Now our average attendance is 110. That is a growth rate of 14 people in 12 years. Our average baptism rate has been as low as 4 yr and as high as 18. The best guess I have is we have baptized 80 people in 12 years.

Nova Scotia Canada the church scouting program is pretty much dead, no leaders in any Ward I know of for several years.

First DO NOT take a chunk of money and buy a bunch of stuff at once. That means it will all expire at once. 1 Take an inventory of what your family regularly consumes. 2 Start watching flyers, sales etc and when those items are on sale use your "food Allowance" to purchase extra amounts. 3 When you buy food each week be sure to rotate with the items in your storage. 4 include items beyond food when on sale. I have a supply of 2*4's, tarps, motor oil, light bulbs etc. When I do a project, if I have the money, I'll buy a few extra whatever. 5 A steady pace is better then buying all at once. Not only does it allow better rotation you don't get burned out trying to store and rotate massive amounts of food. 6 Once you get to Critical Mass Food Storage ( when you have enough items stored that you can buy most of your food needs when they are on sale) you will find that you save money. 7 Take the time BEFORE you build a large food storage to plan and prepare where and how you are going to store it. If you are buying for emergency situations such as storms as apposed to unemployment situations remember to consider how you are going to heat\cook\prepare food. Water storage is cheap and easy to do as well and should not be neglected. We have 300 liters of water in 2 liter pop bottles just add a couple of teaspoons of bleach to each bottle of water. 8 Many members look at the emergency aspect of food storage first and dive into MRE's, 72 hour kits, and specialized packets. While these are of course useful and important I tend to tell members to begin with the basic food storage first then worry about the rest. Worst case if you had to evacuate take a dozen cans and freezer bags. When you safely have a minute open the cans, dump into freezer bags and you have a temporary MRE type meals for a few meals. 9 Look into canning, freeze drying etc as ways to increase food storage as well if practical in your situation. 10 As a family, talk about your goals, set a monthly budget to build your storage faster, who will do what, how will you rotate etc. 11 If possible try and store some food items on different levels of your home so if your basement floods for example in a storm you don't loose everything. I keep a couple of totes (waterproof plastic bins) by the main food storage. If we need to evacuate with the car I can through a weeks worth of food into them in a couple of minutes. Or if a storm threatens to flood the basement I can move it quickly. Our camping gear is in bins in our shed as well. 12 Many people will go out and buy a large supply and think they are done. Then five years later they end up tossing hundreds of dollars of expired product out and tell people food storage is a waste of money. * I do encourage you to do food storage. We started 15 years ago and it has gotten us through several financial crises over the years. At present our income is 60% of what it was just two years ago. While things are tight and our debt load has been increasing each month we have been able to survive these last two years because of our food storage once again. It can be a great feeling to stop and look at shelves of food and know that your family can eat if something bad happens. IN my experience the keys are to build up slowly over several months, make it a routine not a one shot deal, and ask lots of questions from others. What works for one person might not work for you so tailor for your families needs.

Welcome and enjoy the journey.

Separation - From my observation, 1 in 100 manage to get through a separation without divorce. I know of one couple who made it work after being separated for two years. Help - Stephen R Covey. 7 habits of highly effective families.

If you do it right Food Storage actually saves you money. We took two years to reach what I call critical mass food storage but at that level 80% of what we purchase is on sale which saves us money. Food Storage also allows us to divert grocery money to unexpected expenses from time to time. Example of Food Storage for no extra cost. Each week you eat 5 cans of soup for $1.25 per can. ($6.25) Grocery store has them on sale for $0.50 per can. ($2.50) Food Storage- you purchase 12 cans and save .50 cents. Eat your normal 5 and food storage the remaining 7 Next week buy your normal 5. You just created over a week of food storage soup for no extra cost. or You like stew a can is over two dollars each. If you can your own you get exactly what you want in it, healthier as well for as little as 50 cents a can. There is a misunderstanding that Food Storage costs money and only those with money can afford to do it. If we are talking Emergency Rations like MRE or K rations then there is truth in it. But when we talk about normal everyday living the opposite is true. We have practiced this for several years, we save around 20% off our food bills or buy 20% more food thanks to Food Storage. PS it is really Home Storage as it applies to everything we use, light bulbs, 2x4's, tires and anything else we need to use someday. The trick is to get to the level when you can buy most things on sale and not when you need them in the moment.

As a guy my wife complains that I swing back and forth between being close and distant. It usually has to do with the level of stress I have. When I worry about life then I withdraw into my mind trying to sort things out and don't even realize I have become distant. Sometimes I am not even aware that I am having stress at first and that makes it hard to combat. On my side I find my wife has her own stress points that cause similar issues. What works for us is in the 7 habits of highly successful families by Steven R Covey (church member but not written for the church) His section on love being both verb and noun help us a great deal. As long as one of us clues in and beginning to love the other no matter what then it pulls the other around within a couple of weeks we are back to closeness again. I find his reasoning hard to believe that you overheard. I know of no man who has ever thought that way. While I know of some that prefer the hunt over the catch I don't no of any that would no longer have an interest. If it helps men normally are more stimulated visually then by mood or setting. Which alas makes us less resistant to pornography then Women. Hope some of this helps.

Stand in front of the Bishop's office for ten minutes and yawn! They have x-ray hearing for that

Realize that you are a business. Your knowledge, skills and experience allow you to provide a service to someone in exchange for money to support your family. Carefully take inventory of your business and ask others what they think are your business's strength's. Part of that inventory is your health. What can you physically and mentally handle? What types of work, duration and frequency can you reasonably handle? If you do have to go on disability what restrictions are in place that you need to work within. What assistance can your wife and son provide to your business needs? What income do you need to generate either within disability allowances or as a stand on your own operation? Take some time to answer these questions carefully. Then look at what you can do and begin to research the market to find what needs you can fill and for what form of return. It is not always money sometimes you can deal for goods etc. Include your family in the entire process, it may be a family business that can be created instead. The biggest issue is people get in these situations and understandably begin seeing what they can not due and focus on that instead of understanding what they might be able to do, ,then trying and turn that into can do. I won't promise that it will work in your case but I know of several individuals who followed this process and either got by fine or actually did better then before they had issues. The Ward, Stake or Church employment specialists should be able to help you with the process and offer suggestions. Another approach is maximizing what funds you do bring in. The only saying that 1 dollar saved is equal to 2 dollars earned is actually true. How you spend each dollar is very important. From examining what expenses you can cut to how to stretch your dollar. People try to save their credit rating often as they slip further and further behind. Take stock of what you can reasonably handle and the as hard as it might be cut what you have to. If you are struggling with mortgage payments talk to your bank, often if you can at least make interest payments they will let that continue for some time especially if the economy is bad. It is a hassle for them to repo your home and they loose money every time they do one. Check into Government consolidation agencies that allow a minimum payment that is dispersed to creditors. If you own a home you might have to consider selling it if possible. If you have expensive electronic subscriptions get rid of them, ,turn heat down a few degree's, cook more from scratch, sell off non essential items. etc. It can be very hard and is very frustrating, especially when youth are involved. We like to give them all they want but reality has to come first. It is humiliating for us men to admit we can't do something anymore, it is hard emotionally and physically. Focus on what you can do not what you can't. What you can provide not what you can't. The upside of your new reality not the downside etc. I hope some of this is of help. The biggest thing is do something no matter how small to work toward a better tomorrow no matter how long that day might take. Keep the faith, trust the Lord, and provide for your family as best as you can, seek help from the Lord, church, family and friends, don't try and do this alone. Your family will be in my prayers

I've been a convert for 17 years. Remember when you are looking into information no matter if it is for or against the church to always keep in mind the motivation behind what is written. Very recently we had a couple who didn't get the answer they liked from the church about a past mistake they had made. So they left the church, requesting their names be removed for the second time. Our families were friends even after they left, they found a church they were happy with and we supported them. Three months later all of a sudden they went anti-mormon and told us we could no longer be friends. They deleted all church friends except for a new convert couple, who now are not coming to church anymore and have ignored all the friends they have made. Because the first couple were upset with an answer they have actively worked against the church instead of simply walking away. They have gone so far as to reject everyone because of a connection to the church. Look to the Lord not the internet for direction. One thing that convinced me the church was true was the huge amount of active anti mormonism out there. I figured if people were spending hours and hours of their life being upset and fighting the church then it made sense the church was true. Most people who leave other religions simply just ignore it. Last everything I found out from church or other sources I took to the Lord. Remember things are built upon each other, we are not expected to have a firm testimony of everything all at once it grows little by little over time.

Welcome

Welcome, I'm a former Ward Missionary, great yet tiring calling. Sorry to hear about the car.

UPDATE From April 1 until the end of July we had an increase in the number of people being Home Taught each month. April was a big increase from under 25% to over 50% but could be accounted for by everyone being taught each month instead of Quarterly. However May, June, and July gave us a steady increase. Along with the revamping of the list we did informal PPI each month instead of simply asking who was or was not taught. We asked questions like why someone was not taught. How was the companionship working out. What issues or problems did they find with the family. Each month at our first Sunday EQ Meeting we held a business meeting where we discussed the HT results and praised up the rising visits. It also allowed the Brethren to voice any issues or comments. We kept records of the PPI's and evaluated them after three months. We found that the majority of those who still would not go out home teaching were those who still had no home teachers coming in. In mid July at opening exercises the HPGL decided to chastise everyone because the HP Home Teaching was not progressing upward. The same meeting the Bishop decided to threaten everyone with a Bishop PPI if they did not do their Home Teaching. The EQ President and I were upset because we had been using positive reinforcement and were getting good results. the first week of August the EQ President was released. The EQ Home Teaching went down for the first time. I ended up getting called back as 1st C last week and after I said yes I got to listen to the new President chastise the EQ about Home Teaching. The ironic bit was he was upset about finding out a HT family needed help through the HP. After listening to him tear a strip off us I stuck my hand up, informed him it was my family and the reason it was not reported was they had not let us in to teach for several months in the face of many efforts to do so. I also found out that the EQ President was sitting down with the HPGL to resort the HT list instead of doing it as two separate lists as we had arranged. So after lots of effort and proof what works it looks like we are back to where we started! Wish I had known this before I agreed to the second round as 1st C. ( I had even told the Stake I thought I was a bad choice and the President needed two fresh councilors, that I didn't want it but would take it if the Stake wanted me to.)

Realize that civil or temple marriage might not solve your problems, it is one of personal control. Of course it is much harder to as one person said to keep your hand out of the cookie jar once you've had a cookie. Sinning and getting married does not make the problem go away. Sinning is the symptom of the real problem ( Personal Control) getting married in this situation is the band aid. It makes the symptom go away but the cause of the problem still exists. You might both find the real problem surfacing again when the pressure of life and marriage exert themselves on your relationship and on each of you. Temple marriage is better then civil marriage. Civil marriage is better then no marriage. Just make sure you solve the problem along with the symptom!

The records of your Baptism are kept for a time, usually a year, but they are not sent (usually) to Salt Lake for Church records until you are confirmed and have the Holy Ghost. Depending on the span of time and the operation of that particular Ward and Missionaries there may simply be no record of the Baptism at this point. After you are baptized you receive new member lessons which are the same lessons, ,hopefully taught by members and not Missionaries, plus one additional one. If your original Baptism is on record where you were baptized then that is your baptism date. A person in our Ward had left the church after baptism and holy ghost but got baptized again without telling the new ward, it caused major paper chase issues and resulted in the new baptism being discounted.

He was told that his ex wife has to agree to the sealing cancellation.

I don't have the details but he doesn't want to have her sealed to him as an active sealing in the church. From what he was told he can not have the sealing cancelled without the ex spouse giving permission which she will not do. He feels the only way to avoid that tie with her and out of respect for his current wife, to avoid her tied to his ex is to leave the sealing dead as it were. He believes enough in the gospel that not being able to exercise the Priesthood is hard on him. I admire his strength to come back to the church and get rebaptized in spite of the embarresment it must have been.

In our Quorum we have a someone who was a member with the melchizedek Priesthood years ago. For whatever reason he became divorced and had his name removed from the records. He and his current wife recently moved to our Ward and they became interested in the Gospel to the point they were re Baptized. He has been told that in order to give him the Priesthood they have to reinstate his orignial one which will reactivate his sealing to his first wife. He was told the only option was to get his ex wife to agree to removing the sealing. He knows she will not agree to do this since they have older children together. As a result he and his new wife are going to leave the church as they can not progress further without the Priesthood and it is difficult to attend and hearing about Priesthood duties etc and knowing he can't. Does anyone know of a way the church would allow him to receive the Priesthood without reactivating the sealing or how he can have the sealing removed without his ex wife's permission?

Realize that porn is a drug, ,it alters your thoughts and actions, it destroys your spirit and your soul. Everything I have heard from people on both sides of this issue, (users and councilors) point to several things a person needs to do. 1) Seek professional assistance, talk to your Bishop the church has started several programs. 2) Most don't have the will power to stay away from an addiction on their own. 3) Remove excess, if it's the internet pull the plug, if it's movies destroy them etc. One man I heard of could control himself during the day but not the night so he'd lock the internet cable away after supper in a box with a picture of his family on the cover. When he was tempted he had to face his family in order to watch porn. 4) Simply stopping does not get the images out of your mind, you will crave them more and more, see pictures as you try to sleep and in your dreams, the longer you go the harder it can get. 5) Replace these images and time with other things, read scriptures, listen to gospel or other uplifting music, read or watch good books or movies. 6) Keep a chart or create a reward system, every day you stay the course give yourself a mark or a small reward, every week or month or year give yourself a bigger one. When you screw up chastise yourself and start over and pump yourself up for your first day back on track etc. 7)Understand it will take a long time to overcome this, 4 weeks to break a habit is typical, but even then you are not safe, you must guard against it for your life, it only takes once to be over the edge again. It would be great if you could turn to the Lord to give you all you need to overcome this, you can't, there is no easy fix, you can turn to him to help you but you have to do the work. Also until you undergo the repentance and detox process it is hard to fully feel his power and spirit with you as he can not reside in unclean places including our own minds. God is about freedom, freedom to choose and act as you wish with his help if you ask for it. Satan is all about addictions and restrictions, telling you how to feel and act to serve his purpose. If your parents found out your activity how would you feel? Is that the way you want to feel? Is that the way of God or Satan. We have both of them in each of us, we determine which is stronger depending on which one we follow by our actions and thoughts. But WE are the ones each DAY who determine who that is. BUT the more we follow one the further we get from the other. When we change we have to find our way back THEN go down the other path.

Bytor, I feel I understand your position with this. I am friends with our current Bishop, he is a kind man who tends to be a bull in a china shop type when trying to solve issues. I had to tell him that a friend is a friend for life a Bishop is a temporary calling. That I separate the two, when we discuss church I refer to him as Bishop. When I am helping my friend I call him by name. I have disagreed with many things, I have voiced my opinion in appropriate times over serious issues to the Bishopric and\or Stake Presidency. When I voice a negative opinion I do my best to explain why, based on the gospel or handbook, I think something is wrong. I offer suggestions on what appears to be more correct direction. I keep in mind that we are all human and struggle with life. After I do all I can to correct or influence what seems to be incorrect but is outside by direct control then I try and leave it alone and do what I am responsible for. For example I am a Councilor in EQ at present. The Bishopric is pushing Missionary Work, 90% of the talks and lessons are on the subject each month. Investigators are being scared off because they think that is all the church is about and members are sick and tired of hearing about it week after week. I pointed out we were in that situation three years ago and our baptism showed it people were so turned off by it we had few baptisms and no interest. When we switched to a balanced approach dealing with all gospel topics and quietly encouraged little steps we led the Stake in baptism and retention. I have brought this up to the Stake and Bishopric several times, I know feel I have done all I can so the last few months I have just stayed out of it. I don't do it for them but for me, the more I fester on what should be done the less I feel the spirit. I have sounded the warning trumpet now all I can do is what I can within the responsibility I have been given. Look after my family and my spirituality.

My children had all read the BOM cover to cover when they were 13,10,9. My youngest child (a boy) is about to turn 12 he is reading it again on his own because he wants to. We just played a game called the Iron Rod and our middle child answered more Book of Mormon questions then my wife and I together. If we don't expose our children to the Book of Mormon when they are young how can we expect them to be strong in the Gospel through the tough teen years? Yes there is much violence in the scriptures, just as there is in what they learn in history classes. Cartoons, Teen shows, even G rated movies have forms of violence in them. BTW there is a difference between reading a historical account of something and reading a novel or watching something full of violence. If we want our children to grow strong in the gospel we need to immerse them in the gospel at a level they are ready for as soon as possible. I know a few children who were raised on the Book of Mormon picture stories which are much tamer and when they prepare for a mission and read the real Book of Mormon they have a major testimony issue because they don't understand what the gospel history really is.

My oldest Daughter is 15 and will be 16 this year. She has invited friends who were boys to activities many times. A couple of them she had to make it clear the standards she follows and that it was friends only with no dating implied. There are no magic answers, each situation is too different as are the people. I don't believe you can invite a friend to many times to anything that benefits your friendship. BUT you have to be clear on what your standards are and what the friends standards are. It doesn't matter if it is a male or female. 17 years ago I met the girlfriend of my friend. ( We were not members of the church then.) We became friends and started to talk. Her boyfriend had no interest in dancing so I ended up taking ballroom dancing with her. He liked auto racing and would go some Saturday nights, we would go to a movie or something. During those two years I had no interest in "Dating" the girlfriend of my friend. I will honestly say it never crossed my mind, because my standards said it was wrong. Six months after they broke up we started dating, a year later on our first date anniversary I asked her to marry me. And we are still going strong. If you first think of her as a girl then a friend then it might be wise to limit things to avoid temptation. If she is a friend and then a girl then why wouldn't you invite her to activities? Remember, I am a stranger and have no personal knowledge of the situation If you are really concerned a family member or church leader might be a better sounding board then people who are distant from the situation.