Suzie

And what is the message you think is sending if Meerkatarmy chooses to wear a suit instead of a skirt? To be honest, I fail to see why it is a distraction. As the OP explained, she is not going to wear a multi-colored pants, she is going to wear a normal and modest suit. How is it distracting? I don't think this is the underlined issue at all, I think the issue is that some people will feel uncomfortable seeing a woman dressed this way and we are expecting her to conform to what makes us comfortable seeing in RS or Church in general. It is not about her, it is about us. In my opinion, this has to do with our own perception about people and what we find acceptable or not, seeing a woman dressed in a man's suit will probably raise a few eyebrows but it's how we deal with those differences what makes us understand what the Gospel of Jesus Christ should be all about. I am not trying to put myself like the perfect sister because God knows I am very far from that, but I hope if I was in her ward, I would welcome Meerkatarmy with open arms and I would sit next to her and if she confides in me and tells me that's how she wishes to dress for the rest of her life as a member, I would support her 100%, and love her and try my best to make her feel comfortable. I would not expect her to wear dresses or skirts just because everyone else does. For me, knowing there is someone ready to accept the Gospel and wants to commune with us as Saints it's a wonderful feeling. Whether she chooses to dress like a dude or not, makes absolutely no difference to me. None at all. Anatess, I do not agree with this part of your example. Indirectly (and please feel free to correct me if I am misunderstanding you) it implies that if she chooses to wear a suit she is not being mindful of others, how exactly will she be doing that?

I agree, great points so far everyone. I think a lot of parents struggle with the concept of letting their children spread their wings. In Kate's example, she will not be allowed to have a boyfriend or date until she moves out of the house.

slamjet is one of the funniest members in our forum, always cheerful, always trying to remain positive and most of all, I admire his willingness to share his own personal life story to help others.

Oh my goodness, my mouth was literally watering while reading your post!!!

Thanks for all the thoughts so far. I agree, it is not abuse but talking with her makes me think about how many times as parents we try so hard to help our children but we end up affecting them negatively without realizing it. Unfortunately because of poor parenting skills, they end up making some really bad decisions that can change their lives forever.

Kate* is 18 years old and ready to go to college but is she ready? I have been working with her for the past two months. She deals weekly with severe anxiety attacks due to overwhelming parents who microscope her every move and want to ensure that she doesn't do anything "wrong". Kate is a nice child, she performs very well in school, very eloquent for her age and is respectful and caring, she gives no indication of having any sort of behavioral issues but she is socially awkward due to the fact that she is not given the opportunity to socialize with her peers outside school hours. She is not allowed to visit her friends at their home or invite them over to her house. Her parents are religious zealots and the only entertainment she is allowed to have is an old phone that the parents ensure to check on a daily basis for unwanted messages from "boys". Kate is also obese and has a very low self esteem. The parents justify their position saying that they care about her and they do not want her to be like the rest of teenagers, drinking, using drugs and having sex. They believe they are protecting their daughter from all the dangers this world has to offer. Little they seem to realize that in a few months, Kate will go to college and her parents are not going to be there to "protect" her. One of the last things she told me a few weeks ago is that she is afraid to go because she does not know how to act around people( because she was never given the chance before), she is also afraid to become pregnant even though she is a virgin and has a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she does not know how to think for herself since her parents do all the thinking for her. My question is: Can sheltering your children too much become somehow a form of abuse? How do you personally recognize if you are sheltering them to that point? *not her real name

I took two days off and I am so hungry at home. x_x

Awesome. Please keep us updated. :)

Do you have a recipe to share? :)

The problem is the use of the word "translation" in the current heading of Doctrine and Covenants 7. The parchment in question was not in Smith's possession at any time but because it's quite plausible that he used the Urim and Thummin just like he did with the golden plates, he used the word "translate" to describe the process. The word "translation"implies that there was an actual document that was in his possession and that he read it, interpreted, and translated, it did not happen that way. Perhaps, a better wording would have been "seen through revelation". Having said, a few verses in Doctrine and Covenants 7 were added in 1835 under the supervision of Smith himself, right after he was done translating section 7 he worked on a few parts of the book of John, one can assume he received further knowledge that he later on he thought important to add.

Enjoy your day!

I will make this dish again (Bini posted the link in another thread) Spicy Vegan Potato Curry Recipe - Allrecipes.com Very delicious!

Wow!

They are charging that just for a screen replacement? Or as a result of the fall, your phone now has other problems?

JAG, I agree with several of your points and I do understand why it seems not to make any sense, specially with the age gap you mentioned. One thing to remember though, the brain of a younger adolescent versus an older adolescent is quite different, even for a couple of years and they all develop at different rates but personally I do not see a 19 year old legal adult in the same way I see a 30 year old adult.The 19 year old brain still developing, not the 30 year old adult. There are parts of the brain of a 16 year that are developing at full speed, yet the PFC as I mentioned before still very immature, not only at 16, 19 but even at 20. Hence, it is hard for people to grasp the concept that a teenager who seems so smart and often times "mature" all of the sudden does something really stupid. Teenagers may store rules very well, but because their PFC isn't fully mature yet, they do not fully comprehend the importance of adherence of those rules (judgment). I call the PFC, "our little voice" that stops us, adults, from engaging in inappropriate behavior. How many times you felt to do something very stupid but you stopped yourself from doing that? That's the PFC. When you are a teen, this little voice is not fully mature yet. Hence, I do not feel sorry for a neuro-typical adult with no apparent PFC damage that engages in inappropriate behavior with a teenager. The latter doesn't know any better, even if it seems that way for most people, it is the adult the one responsible for stopping such behavior. They cannot claim: "the teenager made me do it, he/she insisted", it doesn't agree with science.

I had nooo idea about the controversy until you linked this. Wow.

JAG, it's a dilemma for me. I struggle with giving you an answer through a religious standpoint because I work with teenagers and I know how they think and perceive things, every scenario is different depending on the circumstances, age, situation, emotional maturity, cognitive ability and a whole bunch of other issues, that's the best answer I can give you through a religious perspective. However, when there is an adult in the picture, he/she is the one fully responsible for what happened. A teenager would always try to do something stupid because they make very poor choices, and that's why there are adults who are supposed to know better and put a stop to inappropriate behavior instead of accepting it. When teenagers are involved in sexual intercourse with each other is mainly due to sexual experimentation and peer pressure, both issues typical of their age, they commit mistakes that later on they regret as adults. When there is an adult in the picture, it is the responsibility of the adult to ensure that inappropriate boundaries are not crossed and if they fail to do so and give on the demands of the teenager in question, they are the ones to blame simply because they are supposed to know better. No adult wakes up one morning and decides to have sex with a teenager just because he/she keeps insisting and they cannot resist. When the legal victim shows no feelings of regret/guilt/violation, and perhaps seems proud, of the underlying incident is when counseling is needed the most because something is clearly wrong and there is a whole list of underlined issues that need addressing, pain is manifested in many ways and denial as well. Most victims of abuse take many years (in many cases a lifetime) to understand and heal the abuse. In the case of a teenager in this particular scenario, the pain and scars of what took place might not be visible to the naked eye but the confusion, shame and pain goes in the inside (specially in young boys) and the scars of what took place will probably rear its ugly head sometime in early/middle adulthood when it's time to look for a more stable relationship. The issues will surface at some point and if the teenager in question did not receive the kind of help he/she needed they will fail to understand the why and they will put themselves in difficult situations. Hence, counseling is key to make the teenager understand exactly what took place.

The teenager cannot consent when an adult is involved in the relationship. There is a dominance factor, the perpetrator is usually an authoritative figure, in many cases there is a history of abuse, grooming, etc. The problem is that most people seem to have an issue with the age gap. They might find the teenager responsible if he/she is 16 and the perpetrator is 20 but they will have a completely different opinion if the teenager is 16 and the perpetrator is 52. No, of course not. Countless teenagers are the ones initiating the pressure for sexual intimacy however, as I explain earlier in my post, our prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until the age of 25, this part of the brain is extremely important in this scenario because it deals with rational behavior, decision making, moral intelligence and most importantly, judgment among other things. No, of course not. What exactly about it? From a therapeutic standpoint, if there is an adult involved in the relationship, the child in question is not responsible for what happened, it is not about convincing him/her of such but trying to get him/her the kind of counseling he/she needs along with their families.

I could quote every little part of your post and comment but I would like to focus on this one. Just as I told you privately some time ago, I am truly sorry for the abuse you went through as a child and I understand your sensitivity towards it and the scars that have been left but please let's not cross the boundaries of acceptable behavior and I believe you did by trying to pin or link the same behavior of your abusers to a complete internet stranger (me). Bizarre. As I said before, I do not appreciate it. You don't know me, you might think you do but you don't. I don't have to tell you that you are wrong, why should I do that? Will you extend a sincere and public apology for your assumption if I did? And if your answer is yes, then wasn't better to ask the right questions first to find out my thoughts before expressing all those things about my persona? You speak about making a public refutation but you did not refute anything, you merely threw out accusations stating that I come across and my post as condescending and self-righteous, manipulative, intolerant, and assuming. Let's add to the list that I think I am better than many people on here because I can debate better and have better manners, and others are morally inferior than me. Really Finrock?

A 16 year old still a child no matter how deep is his voice or how big are his muscles. The brain doesn't fully develop until approximately the age of 25 and no matter how much we (adults) think teenagers are supposed to know better, they don't. They cannot consent. They are not psychologically ready to do so. No matter how much he insisted, she (as the adult) is fully responsible for what happened. She was in a position of trust and authority over him. Don't get me started with the double standards, a lot of people will not see this particular scenario as problematic, it's more some people might find it amusing that he "score big" but If such teacher was a male teacher and the victim was a 16 year old girl, we would hear other type of comments. Our Church have been doing a good job warning the youth (and adults) about pornography, sexual lyrics in music and bad use of social media among other issues. There have been numerous studies linking early exposure to these things to behavior towards sex in adolescence. The problem is that people struggle seeing sexual intercourse between a young adult and a hormonal male teenager as abuse because when we think about abuse, we think about a painful and violent episode.

Hi there Finrock, you did not offend me at all. However you caught me off-guard and I must admit I find your reply to be bizarre to say the least. You are assuming a lot about me and my post and unfortunately, things that are not very positive such as me coming across as self-righteous, condescending, manipulative, intolerant and assuming. I can live with that, and I respect your opinion however I must admit it bothered me that you compared me with the behavior of the people who abused you as a child, now that I cannot accept and I would please ask you to refrain from doing that again in the future with my posts, it is not appreciated and it's a direct insult, I wish you could remove such comparison from your post, it's hurtful. As someone who does have a background in Psychology and work with people who have been severely abused, I take that part of your post very seriously and personal. I'm not angry but I must admit it saddens me. We can't throw the stone and then hide the hand. Being imperfect it's not an excuse to post and throw out those sort of accusations and then say "well, I am imperfect so perhaps I am misinterpreting your post and intent". That's not how it works Finrock, a simple PM asking me about what I meant in that post would have been enough. Didn't happen, I wish it did.

You didn't muddy anything Meerkatarmy! Please, don't think that. :) You was just being honest. I don't think it will happen, however you might consider talking to your new Bishop and explain a little the situation. Everything will work out just fine. :)

Please quote me where I asked the OP if she is gay and if you cannot find such quote, I would please ask you to recognize your own misreading and retract the statement publicly. Next time, please take the time to read before you go around throwing those sort of statements with no basis. Thanks.

I don't know about your particular points but these sort of quotes are sometimes hard to digest for victims of abuse: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/print/1992/04/healing-the-tragic-scars-of-abuse?lang=eng