Leah

What are they doing that is weird?

One of the attorneys I work with told me that he'd read an article about the singles scene in Japan. Apparently, local matchmakers would set up shop in the Ikea cafeteria (hey..no overhead costs!) and ply their trade. Are there Ikeas in Utah? If so, when I come to Utah, you and I can put on a little lipstick and hit the local Ikea!

What has happened that makes you feel like you have a "special connection"/?

The implication here being that a woman's happiness is dependent on her husband's employment status. That other factors are irrelevant?

Why in the world would going to a baptism "remind" you that you are currently single.? (Sorry, I am not going to join you in the pity party that the words you used paint). A baptism is a joyous occasion and the focus should be on the person being baptised and whether you are single or not has nothing to do with anything. You will only feel "awful" if you choose to make a baptism into an occasion to feel sorry for yourself. It's not about you.

This is what you posted: "A counselor in our stake spoke at a fireside and she said it takes on average of three to four exposures to addict a person". The word "hook" was not used. The word "addict" was. That is saying that three to four exposures makes someone an addict.

That seems like an extremely low threshold to label someone as an addict. With that definition, you would have to classify millions more men - and women - as addicted to porn. Three to four exposures sounds like the average curious teenager who takes a few peeks and moves on with their life. I can't imagine such a standard - "three to four exposures" - being applied to cigarettes or alcohol.

I don't get it either, Vort. They are both wrong. Do you think that SOME (I don't think we need to generalize nor believe that most LDS women feel this way) women feel this way because there is so much focus on pornography in the church? I don't understand getting more upset at your husband looking at a picture (and, yes, I do think pornography is all sorts of wrong) than your husband having actual sex with an actual woman. Kind of blows my mind.

Do you have a point other than to run around the internet looking for justification for your personal wants? If you want to masturbate and look at porn....why not just be honest and go for it? Why look to others to justify what you want to do? You can find justification for anything if you look for it. Why not just be honest, do what you think is "right", and accept whatever consequences may come. Why look for justification and why try to convince others that you are "right"?

Given your posts on this site thus far, did you join just to put down women or are you going to actually engage in rational discussion at some point?

Nah! Of course not. And there couldn't possibly be any bitterness and shifting of blame.

One last thought...you're a mother. Think for a minute about how the mother of this missionary would feel if she knew that a woman twice her (innocent) son's age had the hots for him? If it were my son, I would make darn sure that woman got nowhere near him!

Age differences can be acceptable. But you are talking about someone half your age. To me, that is a red flag. Why would a woman be interested in someone half her age? Someone who is still more of a boy than he is a man. Someone who is young enough to be your son. And then you must consider the age(s) at the time of the relationship. It is one thing to have (for example) a 25 year old and a 35 year old in a relationship, quite another if those ages are 15 and 25. Do you really think a 20 year old is going to be attracted to someone old enough to be his mother? As for consenting adults....just because two people are of age and 'consent' to something, doesn't make that something appropriate or right, so that argument really isn't even relevant. You clearly think yourself superior due to your age. You don't have to be thirty-something with kids to offer any - or even all - of the attributes you mentioned. There are women who can offer all of that...without the baggage of children....and can also offer youth. You have a crush on someone who is inappropriate for you. But you don't want to hear that. You want your wishes validated and you want to believe you are somehow "better" for this young man than women his own age. Perhaps I am naive, but one thing I never expected to encounter cougars when I joined the church!

"Harping"? Really? Someone made a post. I asked some questions because I am curious as to how/why/where they set their "dealbreakers". What is with the tendency on this forum for wanting to shut down/criticize/judge others who have a different opinion? It's really off-putting and unwelcoming. As for "pushing the issue"...again, someone gets to make a post on an issue, but no one should respond? Or just the people you disagree with don't get to respond? If you don't want to comment on the topic, then don't. But you don't get to tell others that they can't/shouldn't post..

How do you define "mental health"? That's a pretty general term. Should your wife suffer from PPD and need anti-depressants, would that be a "deal-breaker" at that time? Is there ever a time when the prescribed use of anti-depressants is acceptable? After a traumatic event, for example?

Well, that's the thing about forums....they come with rules. It's actually a good thing. And those who own the forum, get to make the rules. I am puzzled as to why your first thought in an LDS forum is that members would get "creepy" with you. Oh....and that's one example of why rules come in handy. You know...to keep the creepiness out. Hope you find what you are looking for....

It seems there is a major issue....you state you were never interested in getting married. Unless and until that attitude changes, your marriage won't change. I am not saying your husband is perfect, but the only thing you can work on is YOU. As long as you have such strongly negative feelings about marriage, you aren't going to have a good marriage. You get out of it what you put into it. Given what you have written, I am not so sure that you are incompatible with your husband specifically. Given your attitude that being married is "stifling", I am not sure you would have been happy with anyone. Marriage is our foundation. It is a wonderful thing, created by our Heavenly Father. That doesn't mean it's all puppies and rainbows all the time. It does take work. It doesn't sound like you are interested in doing that work.

"Hug a Vort". Can't you just see that on a bumper sticker?

Coming from him, it doesn't surprise me at all. But I know what you mean.

Stay away from people with physical disabilities? Sooo...someone who is blind or deaf or a paraplegic or an amputee....is somehow automatically not worthy for marriage? Some of the best people I know have physical disabilities....and amazing marriages. As for your comments about also staying away from someone who has been sexually abused...wow. Just because counseling didn't work for you, doesn't make that true for everyone else. Victims of sexual abuse CAN recover and can go on to lead a good life...complete with a successful marriage.

The concern wasn't about exercising on the Sabbath. The concern was about going to the gym. Going to the gym entails requiring someone else to work on the Sabbath, which is against Church teaching. It's the same thing that applies going out to eat, shopping, and other things which require someone else to work on the Sabbath.

I work at a law firm. Swearing is pretty commonplace here. As for drinking...there are bottles in attorney's desk drawers, and occasionally there is beer in the frig. From time to time, there is a "meeting in the downstairs conference room" aka brewery. No one has ever commented on the fact that I don't drink.

Do not give up on the dream of marriage because you have MS. And - please - do not "know" that you have more disability in your future. Do you have relapsing/remitting or primary progressive? Either way, it is NOT a given that you will get worse. And attitude is a large part of it. There are those of us with MS (I was diagnosed in 2010) who have mild symptoms....those who have no relapses...that's one of the things with this disease, everyone is different. The disease can progress slowly or even not at all. I even know someone with primary progressive who has IMPROVED. MS.....even a wheelchair....doesn't mean your life is over or you can't lead a full life. AND be married. It happens. I've seen it. I encourage you to talk with others with MS. I can even put you in touch with someone, if you life. Having MS doesn't mean you can't live a full life!

You made a point that I think far too many people overlook. We are spiritual beings temporarily in a mortal body. Those who over-emphasize the physical (especially when it comes to "looks") seem to not understand that. As though our mortal body represents who we really are or is more important than the person inside the temporary shell. This mortal life is such a short time in our eternal existence, why get hung up on someone's weight or scars or what-have-you? When my husband's leg was amupuated, he didn't become somehow 'less'. Indeed, the strength he showed in handling that devastating event was humbling and only increased my love for him. I was brought to the gospel through MS. After I was diagnosed, someone (a total stranger at the time) with MS felt prompted by the Spririt to step forward and share their testimony with me. They also shared Ether 12:27 with me and I think it pertains not only to the person with the physical 'weakness' but to those around them.

I hear ya. But, unfortunately, society today paints everything...including marriage...as being all about me, me, me. And some hapless people actually believe that. Of course, these are the marriages that usually fail.