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Appears to be reasonable legit. Chad Kelland, MA | LinkedIn

I will do anything illegal and immoral for an Amazon gift card opportunity...

I do NOT think you would be "enabling" by maintaining status quo and keeping him keep on your insurance. In this case, inaction might be the best action to take. You would be enabling if you actively supported his decision and provided the funds to do so (i.e. giving him money towards the surgery which is not covered by the insurance). It would be ill adviced to remove him from your insurance before he has another insurance lined up. To the best of my knowledge, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a pre-existing medical condition that will make it difficult or even impossible for him to get private health insurance on his own. How would you feel if you drop him from the insurance and then he get seriously ill or injured before he is able to get insurance on his own? I have a daughter with pre-existing medical condition (Periventricular heterotopia) and I will keep her on my insurance as long as I can because she will have a hard time finding insurance on her own. No matter what, make sure that you are kind, considerate, loving, and UNDERSTANDING, to what he is going through. I am sure he hasn't taken these steps lightly, but have spent a long time thinking about it and that he is convinced this is the right step for him. Make sure he knows that you love him and that you will be there for him. You can voice your concerns about his ife decisions and make sure he has talked with a qualified psychologist before proceeding. Perhaps, you both can attend a couple of sessions ith a family therapist or psychologist together? Good luck and be there for him. Make sure he knows that your love for him is unconditional even if you don't always support his decisions in life.

My daughter has a birth defect. Her brain did not develop properly during the fetus stage. This defect in her braincauses difficulties in thinking a rational manner and to use logic in her daily life. Her actions are driven by emotions which can become very varied and intense. This is particular true during seizure episodes when she can get stuck in explosive fits of rage where she loses control of her conduct. I'm concerned about the object lessons about chastity and modesty at Young Women (e.g. "Licked cupcake lessons") and other teachings about the proper role and conduct of a woman in the church. I know several LDS women who suffers from depression which can be traced to what they were taught during their time in Young Women. If these rational and logical women has had severe problems with living up to expectations as a Young Women and then properly handling their failures to do so, how would then my daughter (who cannot think rationally) be able to handle any mistakes when it comes to living up to the LDS standards expected from a young woman? Last year she spent more than five months at residential behavioral treatment facility after suicidal attempt at the age of nine. I rather minimize any exposure to things that can increase the risk of her doing something stupid again. I feel that the lessons taught at Young Women will increase this risk.

Quick update: I resigned in April and I'm officially no longer a member of the LDS church. I'm now attending a Unitarian Universalist Church instead. My wife, while she doesn't share my new religious beliefs, has been supportive of my decision to take a different spiritual path in life. I'm happier today than I have been for many years and I feel that our marriage is stronger now than it has ever been. Thank you for all your advice and opinions.

First, you do not have to be married to have a purpose and happiness in life. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into marriage just to fit in or because you feel that your biological clock is ticking. You are still young. There is a time for everything. Take it slow and enjoy life. Your worth and happiness are not depended on if you are married or not. Second, do not use his disbelief against him. Judge him on his virtues, how he lives his life, how he treats others, and if he makes you happy inside. Religious beliefs can change with time. He might one day become a believer or you may become an atheist. Who knows? Do not let that be the deciding factor on whether you should pursue a relationship with him. The outer religious conviction of a man does not define his character. Some of the best people I have ever know has been Atheists and some of the most despicable people I have ever know has been "worthy priesthood holders". If he is a good and kind man, please take your time to get to know him better and see where to road leads. Third, don't assume that a "Returned Missionary" or "Worthy Prieshood Holder" is the ticket to marital happiness and a good life for you. Just because they have gone on a mission and have recieved the Melchizedek priesthood doesn't mean that they are a suitable matches for you and it also does not necessary make them good husbands and fathers. I know several of them who were abusive jerks to their wives and children. As far as I am concerned being a Returned Missionary does not make him any better or any worse marriage material than anyone else. You have to look at other factors to see if he is right for you. Lastly, do not let other people define your worth. You are a good person and worthy of happiness. Do not let anyone else tell you any different.

Lewis and Emma got married for companionship not for passion. If I recall correctly his proposal was something like this "I am lonely, you are lonely; why don't we get married?" Their marriage was based on a mutual understanding and respect for eachother, they were eachother's helpmates not lovers. Lewis had flaws but he was, in general, a goodhearted and decent man who made Emma happy and gave her a lot of the comfort and peace of mind that she had been missing in her life.

After having done extensive research into the history of the church and its doctrines, I have reached the conclusion that the LDS church is not the continuation of the word of Heavenly Father. That's my personal opinion based on the evidence presented to me. I do care about my child and I would give my life and soul to save her's. My love for my daughter is the driving force for me wanting to the leave the church right now. I believe that she would be much better off outside the LDS church than inside of it. I know that it's hard for true believers to understand; but apostates do love and care for their families.

Read the book "Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith". It's a great biography about her and it can be found on either DeseretBooks or Amazon. Polygamy had caused Emma Smith great pain because she thought it was a false doctrine. She also had great dislike for Brigham Young and therefore she refused to go west with the Saints. Because of her refusal to support Brigham Young and polygamy; he came to vilify her before the rest of the church and he even accused her of having tried to murder her husband. "I never saw the day in the world that I would not almost worship that woman, Emma Smith, if she would be a saint instead of being a devil." - Brigham Young It's interesting to note that she married a non-member after Joseph Smith's death and that she didn't want her children to be involved with Mormonism at all (until RLDS/CoC changed her mind) because of all the pain she has suffered through the years. Read the book I mentioned. It gives great insight and is written by academic scholars from both LDS and RLDS/CoC.

I actually do know how hermaphrodites or Siamese twins are born that way; there is an explanation for it that I have come to accept as true. I do, however, understand what you are trying to say. In my case, I no longer have doubts and I will exercise my rights according to the 11th article of faith. I do hope that you will have peace and happiness in the church; and that that things will get better for you.

I would like to thank everyone who has participated in this thread, critics and supporters alike. Your opinions and wisdom has been greatly appreciated. Thank you.

It's ok. I expected some harsh and judgmental comments. It's normal for people to be defensive and protective about their own beliefs. That's why I posted the question here and not on some other advice site. Even the most harsh and judgmental comments are helpful when it comes to planning my next move. Thank you. I had the best of intentions from the start. I thought that I would be able to adopt her belief system as mine. The very last talk I gave during sacrament meeting about a year ago had to do with the importance of family. I ended the talk with addressing my wife and I quoted Ruth 1:16. "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." About thirteen years ago, I tried to do the right thing, or at least what I perceived to be the right thing, and adopted my wife's religion as my own. It didn't work out as I had hoped. If that makes me a bad person in the eyes of some, so be it. I have bought her two books, a biography about Joseph Smith and another one about Emma Hale Smith. Both books can be bought at DeseretBooks. In the books several of the issues that I have problems with are discussed and should hopefully give her a better understanding of my opinions once I decide to "come clean" about my disatisfaction.

I got baptised with the best of intentions. I wanted to believe in the Gospel because it was important to my wife and I was attracted to the eternal family concept. I took a string of coincidences as a sign (or excuse) to get baptist despite still having doubts. I was comfortable the first few years in the church. I didn't let my doubts and lack of a strong testimony bug me and I ignored doctrinal and historical issues I had trouble with. The last few years I had a spiritual reawakening of my old beliefs in combination with a greater awareness about civil rights issues. Issues with the church that I had ignored suddenly became big elephants in the room. While most of my wife's friends are part of the Relief Society our social structure and lives doesn't center around church. We only have one child and she hasn't become deeply involved in church life yet. If we left the church today, our daughter would probably not even notice as she's too busy in her own little world (she has mental health issues). I acknowledge that most Christian churches in the United States opposes same-sex marriages; I am, however, aware that many others church not only tolerate but also approve of same-sex marriages. I personally believe that Jesus would approve of same-sex marriages if he walked on earth today. Unitarian Universalist Christian Fellowship UU CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP Members of the Unitarian Universalist Christian Fellowship, like many Christians, and many Unitarian Universalists, hold a variety of religious and spiritual beliefs. The largest percentage of our membership does not hold a literal interpretation of scripture; instead, believing that it is a human book written by human hands, which attempts to express the relationship between humanity and that which we call divine. Most Unitarian Universalist Christians vary in their opinions about the relationship of Jesus to God. Some would be comfortable stating that Jesus was the Son of God; meaning that his relationship with God, while a mystery, imbued him with a special quality of being and knowing that has not been experienced since. Others may call Jesus what he called himself, “the Son of Man,” who came not as a Divine Being, but as a man, born in the same way that all men and women are born, to “bear witness to the Truth.” Regardless of what an individual “believes,” what most Unitarian Universalist Christians would agree on is that learning from the example of Jesus and studying Scripture for its wisdom is at the heart of their faith. Although that faith may be expressed in a variety of ways—through scholarly research, by devotional reading, through prayer, meditation and spiritual practices, Unitariian Universalist Christians join together in mutual celebration and confirmation of the Christian witness in larger movement of Unitarian Universalism. Only a small percentage of Unitarian Universalists would identify their theological orientation as Christian. However, the UUCF continues to bear witness to the living truth of ancient Scripture, of the teachings and works of Jesus, and his lasting impact upon contemporary women and men of the 21st century.

The church has compromised on many instances. The abolishment of polygamy was a huge compromise and it can also be argued that the removal of the priesthood ban was a compromise. If you look at the history of the church you will also notice that other parts of church doctrine and principles has changed throughout the years, e.g. the introduction and abolishment of the United Order of Enoch as an example. In addition, both priesthoods and the principle of eternal marriages was not part of original church doctrine (came through later relevations).

I grew up in an atheist family and was taught to only believe what can be supported by facts and evidence. Despite being raised in atheism I have always been a spiritual seeker looking for a spiritual home. My upbringing did, however, give me a great appreciation of science and history. I cannot have faith in something that I feel is being contradicted by science and historical facts. "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." -John Adams The church's view on same-sex attraction was one of the main issues that made me come to the conclusion that my perception of God and the teachings of Jesus is very different from the LDS view, too different even. I will have to be frank with her. I feel that the current situation is destroying our marriage. She has voiced disappointment about me not living up to my responsibilities as the priesthood holder in the family. She doesn't think I am a very spiritual person; but in reality I am a very spiritual person, but who doesn't fit into the LDS mold.

I do have many issues with the doctrines of the church, but I could have overlooked those issues if the current policies of the church were more sound. I'm not a literal believer of The Bible or the Book of Mormon. I do think, however, that they contain valuable lessons that we can use in our life here on earth to better ourself, our families, and our society. I agree, I think that I will give her the red pill or blue pill option. If she wants to know, I will take her down the rabbit hole.

I'm not convinced of your argument, but time will tell. I do suspect, however, that the Church will find that its increasingly more difficult to recruit and retain members as the society in large becomes more secular and gay friendly.

I think that I'm a pretty honest person. I try my best to do the right in life and treat others like I want to be treated myself. Sometimes I fail, but that's a human thing to do. There was no deceit behind me joining the church, I did that with pure heart and intent. It was a big leap of faith for me as I grew up in a Lutheran/Atheist-family. I wanted to be a member for the right reasons and I wanted to have strong testimony. Well, at least I am only a closet-Apostate. It could be worse, my last bishop is now in jail for child molestation. I'm sure he also had a current temple recommend unlike me. Thank you. I might have faultered on certain issues when it comes to my faith and my marriage, but I have always had the best of intentions.

I suspect that its as unlikely to happen as the abolishment of polygamy and allowing blacks to have the priesthood.

I have considered it. Unfortunately, the nearest Community of Christ church building is about two hours drive from my house. Community of Christ does seem to better reflect my religious views and values than the LDS church. I do not mind gay female priesthood members. I have always felt it was wrong that women couldn't hold the priesthood in the LDS church. Somebody like me can become a Melchizedek priesthood holder without any problems, while a righteous LDS woman can never get even the Aaronic priesthood no matter how hard she tries to serve the Lord. There is several issues with the chuch. Some relates to the history of the church, some pertains to doctrine, and some to its policies. I could tolerate the issues with its history and its doctrine as long as I felt that its policies were fair and tolerable. The biggest issue I have right now pertains to Proposition 8 and the church's active opposition to gay marriage. The church stepped over the line when encouraged its members to actively work to deny non-members their basic civil rights and to destroy families of non-members just because the families consists of a gay couple. There was no justification for this. Gay marriage does not hurt traditional marriage. Gay marriage does not make a traditional LDS marriage any less sacred or valid. I think its beyond wrong to deny people their basic civil rights and attempt to destroy their families because of your religious beliefs. I know that I am not the only LDS member that feel the same about this issue.

We have a good marriage by commonly accepted standards. Not perfect, but good enough. I guess that the biggest issue is that we become more like best friends and roommates than a husband and wife. Anyhow, she knows me well enough that my faith in the church is rather weak right now. She also knows how I feel about the church's views on the gay marriage issue and other civil right issues. I'm not hiding that I'm pro-"gay marriage" and its all over my Facebook wall for the world to see. I think it will make her emotionally distressed but I don't think it will come as a shock to her. I do not believe that the church is more true or false than any other Christian denominations or other religions for that matter. They are all vehicles for spiritual growth and ways to come closer to God. I just feel that the church is no longer the right vehicle for my personal spiritual growth. It might still be the right one for her. Last Saturday I decided to attend the afternoon service for the local Unitarian Universalist Church. While I was sitting there and listening to the sermon, I actually felt a "burning in the bosom" followed a feeling of inner peace. I never had that experience during a LDS sacrament during all these years. I know there could be a psychological reasons for this feeling, but I am taking it as a sign that the UU church is where I need to be. I guess that I could remain on the membership roll as longs the church doesn't make any issue out of it. If the church and my wife allows me to follow a different spiritual path and doesnt try to intervene I would be fine leaving my name on the roll. Thank you, Sarah.

I'm pretty sure she would want an explanation. If I focus on testimony I believe that she probably want me to continue to attempt to gain a testimony. One of those "If you love me, you will do this for me" things. I guess that I should prepare for both possibilites and attempt the testimony issue and only go the other route if she persists. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. We only have one child. My daughter have severe mental health issues that makes the question of church membership not on the top of list of my worries. If she wants stay in the church (she is baptised) she may do so. However, I doubt she would go voluntarly if given an option. She thinks that church attendance is cutting in on her "project time" and every Sunday is a struggle to get her to get dressed and to church.

I do believe that she to some extent do see it coming. She knows that I do not go to church unless she forces me to go. I don't think, however, that she knows that I am ready to leave the church. I will try my best to avoid to alienating her. I have no hard feelings against the members of the church and I recognize that there are good things about the church (not just black or white) It's just not the right church for me anymore. If the church is right one for her I will support her continued membership. I fear of having to explain my unhappiness with the church to her in deeper detail. What if she refuses to accept "the church is not the right one for me anymore" as an explanation? I do not want to destroy her belief system.

I feel that I have made an earnest attempt to gain a testimony. but I could be wrong. I have, at times, also believed that I had a testimony (but later lost it). I do think that my upbringing made it much harder for me to gain a testimony. I grew up in an atheist family in an predominantly atheist society in which religion was considered to be something for the weak minded. Science was our religion and if something could not be scientifically explained it was considered untrue. I think that will be always in the back of my mind.

It would have been easy for me to just kick back and remain a non-member. I was not a member when we got married and it was no requirement for me to become a member. My wife loved me for the person I was and she did not demand that I should become a member. Her parents asked the missionaries to come over to teach me about the gospel, but she told them to back off and let me decide for myself. Because I loved my wife and I wanted to be closer to her and share her faith, I attended church services and listen to the missionaries but I did not feel ready to accept the gospel at that time. I then joined the military and went to boot camp. At boot camp, I had a spiritual experience and took it a sign that I should get baptised into the church. My wife was shocked when the missionaries called to tell her that I had joined the church. After boot camp we were reunited and started to attend the local ward. I attended church regularly, I accepted callings, I lived the words of wisdom, I paid tithing, and I tried my best to be a good member and worthy to be in the temple. After being married for two years we got sealed in the temple. Afterwards, I did my best to live up to the covenant made in there. I did all this not because I had to do it. I did not fear God's punishment if I did not follow this path. My wife would still have loved me even if I had never become a member or sealed in the temple. I did it because I loved my wife and I wanted to be with her forever. I thought that I one day would be a strong believer in the faith. I became a member and sealed in the temple because I thought it was the right thing to do despite being weak in my faith. I did not have to be a member to have my wife's love. I became a member because I loved her. If that's a rotten fruit, so be it.