Gwen

If your son were already 16 I might say wait until he's 18. That was the case when my father remarried. All the kids in my family were grown and my stepmom had one son who was 16 still at home. He didn't get along well with my dad at all. For his sake I wish they would have waited a couple of years to get married. But anyway. One thing I read a lot about raising kids is one of the best things you can do for them is have a healthy relationship with your spouse. It teaches them so many things as well as what a good relationship looks like. If you never date and never have a healthy relationship he won't learn those things. His only point of reference will be your past with his father and I fear that would not set him up to have a good future of his own. So while I agree with all your reservations and the boundries you have I think you also need to make that time for you. Teach him that personal development time is important, teach him what a healthy relationship looks like, what responsible dating looks like (within reason, keep the boundries you have talked about). Teach him that a healthy relationship is worth waiting for and is more imporant than not being alone.

Not an unpardonable sin, but it is part of where you have been. You have to remember that the crowning blessing and goal of this life is that sealing covenant. Not keeping that covenant is a big deal and not to be taken lightely. God takes the breaking of a sealing covenant very seriously, no matter how common it becomes, it has always been and will always be significant. It's not just "tracking past mistakes". What if someone were to divorce and then get resealed. Once ok. Maybe twice.... A third time?... A fourth?.... How will you know someone made a mistake or two and learned and is doing better vs a serial sealer (lol does that description work?) if you don't keep a note that it has happened before. I can't see the first presidency wanting to approve a 5th sealing for someone that has been divorced 4 times... but how will they know that if they don't keep a record of the past. I fully expect my husband, as much as I want to forget it happened, to be questioned at the judgment about his marriage to his first wife. If he is innocent of wrong doing then it will be found but being innocent doesn't mean the questions won't be asked. He will have to account for that seperate of anything to do with me. Why should I expect the leadership of the church to be any different? Your friend needs to do some serious praying, she is letting fear get in the way of revelation. And yes I feel comfortable saying that because I too had those same concerns and questions. Until I had an answer I was satisfied with I would not marry my husband, because of that fear. What if I do "all the work" and then die, she gets worthy and never marries and at the judgment she tries to claim "first wife" because of that sealing. When my stake president was explaing things to me one thing he told me... If the records department of the church burned down tomorrow, all the records gone. No trace, no back up's, it's gone. Does that make your baptism null and void? Does that make all the ordinances performed gone? Do sealings have to be reperformed? Absolutely not. All those things are in tact. The records of the church are for the church, they are for this life and to keep order. Nothing more. God does not need a sheet of paper to know who had covenanted and kept those covenants. The same is true in reverse. Have a notation on the paperwork doesn't make anything sealed in heaven. They can write whatever they want on the papers. In the end God knows what did and did not happen. He knows who did and did not keep their covenants. Unless he and the ex get remarried and live a covenant marriage they can never have claim upon the blessings of the sealing (the blessing being an eternal marriage). If the ex makes herself worthy of that blessing it will not be with her ex husband. You can not and will not be asked to live a higher law (eternal marriage) when you could not keep the lower law (this life marriage). The answer to her fears is in the most basic of doctrines. Even still, when we are emotionally involved, we need someone to point them out. If you have pointed them out and she still can't see it then she is letting fear blind her. There isn't much more you can do until she is ready to seek an answer in faith, actually listening. I do feel for her, I've been there. I don't know how to better comfort and explain it to her than I have explained it to you.

I can't say why it should read that on the records but as I ponder it I'd say something to consider..... Having been previously sealed speaks as a witness of who he is. He made a covenant and for whatever reason did not live up to that covenant. That's a big deal. He will have to answer for that one day. He may be innocent of wrong doing and it may have no impact on his final judgment or he may have properly repented and changed his ways...... but it will be brought up. If he is ever considered for a significant calling in the church they need to know what his history is and discuss that as part of the decision. Keeping that note on the records is the easiest way to keep track of those things.

we just started using the windows live and like it so far. you can look at a report of what the went on and how long they spent there. you can set times they are allowed on and it will lock them out for the hours you don't want them on. ours locks the kids at 8pm because they should be in bed by then, before school, etc. it's free and can be tracked remotely.

set up family safety parental controls with windows live?

In the past when one had to specificly talk to the bishop to know what it said I would say no it does not. However, it's online for all members now so if they question what the policy is on it then they can check. I would consider that "notice". All things have fine print and not reading it doesn't excuse you from abiding by it or the consequences if you don't. But that's my uneducated assumption.

and discussion is what he got. He may not have known about the church policy against guns before but he does now. He knows exactly where to look so now he has a choice to make. Keep his mouth shut and pick and choose the policy he will follow or leave the gun at home for 3 hours a week. It's a pretty simple choice. If he is an exception to the rule because he is in danger and has a restraining order out on someone then he needs to talk to the bishop and make sure they know he will have a gun and why.

Do not assume she is not worthy. Leave it between her and the lord. Do not question her authenticity of her calling, the biship or rs pres may already know her concerns and feel that a calling like activity planner is good for her right now. Just because someone doubts and has a calling does not mean they are putting on show, being fake, a facade, two faced, etc. I have gone though times when I've doubted. It's very hard but it is no different of a trial of faith than any other temptation. During that time I did hold callings and did the best I could. My bp knew of my issues and concerns. My callings were adjusted but I was not left with no calling. I chose not to have my recommend renewed until I felt confident again that I could honestly go. One thing my husband did that I do not recommend is he wouldn't get his renewed until I did. I felt he was being manipulative because he was always bugging me about it because he didn't feel ok not having a recommend. I do suggest you try to open communication but don't judge her or accuse her of not being worthy or being two faced. When she does express doubts accept that is what she is going through, don't get angry or defensive. Be her support not accuser.

you could go to this church.... no one would find it odd in the least Minister of Music tazes pastor, another woman stabbed during fight at church (update) | al.com

If you were married in the temple and now your wife is inactive you may be able to use that as grounds to have all say in religious decisions for the children no matter where they live. We had to do this with my husband's ex. We used the argument that the temple sealing implied an agreement/desire on her part to raise any children in the church. After she went inactive she had residential custody (so he was not in our branch) and she started messing with church decisions just to hurt my husband. We used her disinterest in the church to have phrasing put in the paperwork that said my husband had "all decision making authority over religious instruction and his church records were to be with the father no matter the child's primary residence". Yes the church has to abide by the law so even though his son lives with his mom an hour from us he is in our branch on church records and anything to do with the church requires permission from us. We found that very helpful in being able to subvert her games after that. Be creative.

I tell ppl that less than 24 hours notice is unreasonable unless it is an emergency. They can call and ask to come by with less notice but I may say no or not invite them in, we can talk on the porch. lol

So if it rains to the point of a flood can you sue the state to pay for repairs? It was their water that destroyed your property.

Your profile says you are female so I'm going with that. lol If you are scared I would read the book "and they were not ashamed" Amazon.com: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment (9781587830341): Laura M. Brotherson: Books Or find someone you can trust and confide in and actually talk about the details that scare you. Many ppl recomend a vaginal exam with a gyno if you haven't had one before.... though personally I'm not sure how overly helpful mine was. lol remember to relax, have fun, and take it slow.

Is part of the problem she just doesn't know what to do? You have read a book about her and her needs and yes women are usually the harder one to figure out. But does she have any basic sex ed? Sexual desires are normal and natural and often involuntary but sex isn't. Sex isn't intuitive, it's not something we naturally know how to do, it's learned, takes practice. If she was very strict in keeping the law of chastity she wouldn't know what a guy looked like beyond the drawings in biology class, much less touched them. The parts are all foreign and possibly not all that attractive to her. No offense to your ego intended. What woman wants to admit that?... Especially if her husband is trying so hard and she isn't confident enough in her own sexuality to enjoy herself. If the birth control pills are negativly impacting her libido and ability to climax on top of it all she could be to lost, confused and embarassed to be able to talk to you about it. She is getting no physical pay off to push her to want to learn.

I never said there shouldn't be a respect for the ordinance. I totally think there should be but a person can only do so much. This goes back to the same discussions in other threads about women with large chests that dress modestly or mother's of small children leaving the room. I do not think ym ought to be passing in shorts and flip flops like they are going to the beach or something. But if he dressed in a normal acceptable suit, is clean, an acceptable tie, behaving properly it shouldn't matter what kind of hair cut he has. That hair cut, though not "missionary" isn't disrespectful. Bottom line is after we have done what we can to be respectful and modest and in keeping with our covenants (and not sell our soul to become some drone) then it's time to move on with our life. We can't spend every moment of everything we do worring about other's thoughts. We are not responsible for Adam's transgression.

We are not responsible for if others think of the savior or not during the sacrament. It's not a bad hairstyle and if ppl are so shallow that they find something that simple a distraction then they had better not leave their little bubble, have kids, or invite new members to church.

You may have some of your answers (or clues) in your own posts. Forgive my random thought process, I've spent a long time trying to organize it and it's just not going to happen today. Some days are better than others. There is little that can destroy trust in a relationship faster than misuse of the sexual relationship. There is no subject in marriage harder to get good communication on than the sexual relationship. The birth control pills can be having an effect on her libido and ability to experiance pleasure without causing depression or other emotional issues. It may be a factor. If you ask something repeatedly, especially in the act, that puts a lot of unnessary pressure on a relationship. It can take a lot of courage just to say no the first time. If there is something she said no to or you are really interested in that she might have reservations about ask her about it at a time when there is no pressure to perform and don't then ask right after the conversation to try things out. Talk about it in a "safe" way for her. You may have felt like you didn't ask for anything that wasn't "vanilla" but it doesn't change how she may have felt about it. Whatever it was, if you can understand it or not, it was real to her. You really need to try not to dismiss her over reaction and try to understand. Every time you say you can't understand it, call it an over reaction (or anything close to that) you are less likely that she will ever talk to you about it. Has she read "and they were not ashamed"? Be careful what books you do turn to, though I do think that is a good book. Ones that only offer "sexual pleasure is mostly emotional for a woman" aren't helpful. Sometimes the answer is physical and that can come off as a scapegoat answer to take all responsibility off the man. She may not offer a solution because she doesn't have one. Don't underestimate how devistating it can be for her to discover sex didn't feel or go like she thought it would. If the ex roommate is as close to her as you say she knows exactly what is wrong and she will never tell you. 2 months seems rather early to be itching to introduce other things. You need to try and understand it from her perspective. Do you know anything about her history of sexual development? I'm not just talking about the obvious big things, first kids, etc. I obviously don't want answers here, just food for thought.... When/how/where/how did she react to learning about basic procreation? When/how/where/react to learning about about periods? When/where/how/reaction to learning about things beyond basic procreation? How old was she when she started her period? How did she feel about it? When/how/where/react to learning about masturbation? Has she ever masturbated? Has she ever been in an adult store? What's her opinion on them? What are your answers to all those questions (well the ones that apply, I doubt you started your period but you learned about it at some point)? How does your history compare to hers? Are you equally yolked sexualy? You may think these things have nothing to do with your issue at hand but they may really have everything to do with where she is coming from. She needs to own and be accountable for her sexuality. Has she even fully developed sexually?

You need to address the trust part of it. You need to know very specificly what caused that break in trust. The women I know who lost trust in their husband for some reason can tell you exactly when and what that moment was and her best friend knows. It doesn't matter how foolish it sounds to you, it's very real to her. Treat it that way and start there.

If we take the concept of being a heavenly family to a literal intepretion then you have to think of it differently than we do now. God wasn't god, he was dad. We were kids. How many teens openly defy their parents and even presume to rule over them? The concept of god was created for this life. He is over everythign here. We are here to learn oposites, humility, faith, obedience.... things we will need to be prepared to grow up and be like our parents... like god. So yes in our state of mortality and god is a supreme being the idea of defying is hard to grasp. Thinking of ourselves in a less vunerable state, as a family, more like we are with family here it's pretty easy to understand the concept of a child doing such a thing, I think it is anyway.

I'm confused. So are you starting with you, soul or slamjet???

I don't see the big fuss about the "urine recycling" many big cities do it. Every time you flush your toilet, run the sink, diswasher, laundry, etc you put water into the sewer. That water goes to a treatment plant where it's cleaned, filtered, etc and then reprocessed to go back to your sink, toilet, etc. Ever seen the articles about the amount of hormones and drugs in your drinking water? How do you think it got there? The body doesn't process every drop of what we put in our bodies. Extra hormones, drugs (prescription and illegle), etc get flushed out of our systems in our urine. We flush that down the toilet, it goes to the treatment system who can take out a lot of things but there is no process to remove the drugs and hormones so they just go right back around. So yes if you live in such a city you are drinking some woman's used birth control pills. :) My town doesn't have a treatment plant. I've have called our city and asked... If all power is out, no back up's, etc... at the current usage rate how long until I turn on my sink and there is no water. We only have a couple days on hand. We are on the river so with a good filter we could have water for a very long time... we just have to go fetch it.

It's all been said but my 2cents.... The issue wasn't that he wanted to become like god with glory and power but wanted to become god. It was a mutiny. He wanted to make it so no one would sin.... there are 2 ways to do that. Take away all agency (slavery) and no one can do things you don't approve of.... or Remove justice. Change the rules of the game so nothing is wrong. Is it possible he wanted to do what Jesus did but no "repentance" required? A free gift. Everyone comes down, does whatever they want, and gets a get out of jail free card, pass go, collect $200 and sell your soul to satan for the privilage to do so. Either way would be problematic for 2 of the most fundamental eternal laws. As for forgiveness for him.... mercy can not rob justice. There are times appointed that we must accomplish things. After that point it's to late. When we hit the final judgment of this life, when it's all said and done it will be to late to "fix" our wrongs. Like the 10 foolish virgins, once the bridegroom came it was to late to fetch the oil. We have access to mercy here, the final judgment is just that, justice.

Take young women's one wed at a time. Mid week activities aren't usually as spiritual so you don't have to feel the pressure of teaching something you don't feel like you have a full testamony of. Sometimes the mid week will focus on personal progress. The other leaders are there to help you. Some things to think about.... I don't think young women's is about learning to be a good wife and mother. It's about learning your identity as a daughter of god, your divine nature, your intrensic value. It sounds like that is something you missed the opportunity to learn growing up. I'm sorry you didn't have that chance... but it's never to late. Maybe this is god's way of giving you that chance. I highly recommend you get the personal progress book. The leaders are allowed to earn the young womanhood recognition as well... do it. Put your heart into it just like the girls are asked to. It will take you step by step in learning who you are. Enjoy it. Incorporate it into the wed night activities. Take your time in young women's to not be a wife and mother.... learn to be you, a daughter of god.

Part of the sealing covenant to the spouse is to live as a spouse. Being legally married (as is required before the sealing can take place), sharing a life, kids, house, etc. You build a relationship that is strong enough and worthy of eternity. You can't do that divorced. If you are divorced you can not have the promise of an eternal marriage. Now if you both become worthy again and then remarry each other (not someone else) then you can reclaim those blessings.