omegaseamaster75
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Posts posted by omegaseamaster75
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So we are to move every time a new law is passed that we have issues with? Sometimes it takes people to make changes. People who aren't afraid to stand up for what they believe.
Of course you make a valid point, but let's be honest is this mother really going to be able to make a difference in her community? unlikely.....
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Sounds like the mom needs to move
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i am not making light of the sins that have been outlined, it may sound like I am but I am trying to put things in perspective. The OP sounds dreadfully guilty and horrible, he thinks he may be excommunicated....thats just silly.
I'm not saying he shouldn't feel bad about this he should, but he should not be in fear for his standing in the church....not yet, why do we breed such fear and guilt?
I agree with Folk Prophet this is a common issue.
Look to your right and your left in church tomorrow you are siting next to a guy who has masturbated and looked at porn, don't kid yourselves.
It "can" become a BIG issue if the OP does not address it correctly. He however should not be made to feel as if the sky is falling because it is not.
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Masturbation and pornography? Pretty light stuff (relatively speaking) unless it's a repetive problem in which case circumstances change. Yes your temple marriage is still valid. You can confess to your wife if you want, I'd take the bishops counsel on that one and not a bunch of strangers from the internet. Do not be so hard on yourself, you are human we make mistakes. You are well on your way to repentance because you know that you have sinned and want to do something about it.
You may be placed on a bishops suspension/probation.....ie no sacrament participation, if it is a persistent problem lets say this is not a one or two off event, but a real issue then you are breaking the law of chastity and will have your temple recommend taken.
Fear not if you are repentant you cannot be brought to a disciplinary council for those 2 offenses
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I have learned in life that in general when you lend someone something to just let it go and to not expect it back. Ask for it back, but don't expect it back. I generally don't lend something unless I can afford to replace it.
I wouldn't end the relationship, just put this in the memory bank and know that this is the quality of those individuals. When I lend stuff just like the Poster I am quoting said I don't expect it back, this is why I lend nothing. Think of it like this you now have an out to never loan anyone anything. If they ask why share your experience and you now have a hard and fast rule to not loan. No hard feelings it is just that way.
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you don't know me, at all. so I will excuse the fact that you have no idea how I interact with the people here and how I think.
Hey you got exposed, it's cool don't take it so personally accept it and move on. No one here will hold a grudge.......at least I won't. Water under the bridge.
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Actually...it kind of does... I would imagine it would be easier to keep members if they are happy even if married to a non member, then sad and alone.
What is a valid reason to throw in a towel? You don't think its a tad cruel to tell people "so sorry, you'll be alone forever cause people out there are terrible, sucks to be you I guess"
I just don't understand the both open and closed Mormon culture
Actually it doesn't, I dare you to find a catholic priest or a Jewish rabbi that would encourage you to marry outside of their perspective religions please ask if it is something that they would recommend.
Our culture is not closed the people in it are. Mormons are a weird bunch and the "normals" as I like to call them are few and far between.
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I want to just take a little commercial break to say...
... if you were a bunch of Filipinos, you'll be talking entirely differently about sex or not talking about it at all... lots of happily married people in the Philippines.
99 million people in the Philippines, you must have a lot of friends
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In my area, women often have to choose between life long celibacy or marrying out. We have about 10 single women per single man. Some feel this is a sign of the times. What do you think is the correct decision? I think that the church would recommend not marrying because if you marry out you are more likely to fall away. But not marrying means no kids. Interestingly my stake pres suggested that I foster a child. I was surprised as many feel that choosing to be a single mom puts a burden on the church. Still it is an option.
Have you made every effort to find a mate? We live in a global society the advent of the internet has enabled us to reach everywhere. Expand your circle. You live in an area with few worthy male members you can relocate to an area with more members. The choice is not to marry "out" or not at all. You have to make the choice to find your mate. He is out there and sacrifices may need to be made in order to accomplish your goal.
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I frequently crack one open in Bishopric meeting.
Got to stay awake somehow......
- pam and Windseeker
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I can go on and on with this one... all anecdotal, yes... but so is your claim that it's a rare exception...
I would disagree, my evidence is not anecdotal, "in my ward we have 312 households, 225 without a Melchizedek priesthood holder, and 162 with no priesthood at all. 545 total members and an average sacrament meeting attendance of 185 (and I know for a fact this number is fluffed up a little) so activity rate of 34%. I don't have part member member families list in front of me but I'd bet dollars to donuts that the families without priesthood in them are part member. With a 34% activity rate I'd say successful marriages to non-members are the exception not the rule."
Just a little math but of the 185 or 34% of total membership who regularly attend, and with 162 households out of 312 with no priesthood at all (which I think we can safely assume are part member families) how many of those mixed religion families are active members? How many of the 185 or 34% are active...lets just throw a big number out there and say 20% of the part member families are active that would be 37 people total, lets say the average family is 4 people, so 9 families out of 162.....that's 5.5% oh and of that 5.5% how many are truly happy?
I know several of the families in my ward were one of the spouses is not a member and they all wish their spouse was a member. Can it work sure, is it the exception Absolutely!
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Nonsense. :)
I think it's not a sin to have more than one piercing or tattoos.....none of those things can keep you from being a worthy temple recommend holding member....prove me wrong
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In my ward we have 312 households, 225 without a Melchizedek priesthood holder, and 162 with no priesthood at all. 545 total members and an average sacrament meeting attendance of 185 (and I know for a fact this number is fluffed up a little) so activity rate of 34%.
I don't have part member member families list in front of me but I'd bet dollars to donuts that the families without priesthood in them are part member. With a 34% activity rate I'd say successful marriages to non-members are the exception not the rule.
Can it happen yes, is it common place no way, marriage is difficult enough a quick look through the forums here can tell you that, and these are people who have one of the most important things in life in common...... Religion.
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One frequently reads/hears that the Prophet or the Church leadership has said it is better not to do something. Ex: Better not to get tattoos, better not to get more than 1 ear piercing.
My question: Is doing those things a sin?
Nope not sin
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I would be interested in updates as the OP progresses through some of the suggestions. If that's the direction he wants to go. Which is sounds like it is.
My suggestion to the OP is to not take divorce off the table. Think about the example that is being set for your children, is your relationship with your wife the example of a relationship that you would like them to be in when they grow up and choose their eternal companions? Like it or not you have a very big influence on their decision making process. If you think that they do not notice you and your wife's issues you would be mistaken.
3 years without sexual relations? This is unacceptable, granted we are only getting one side of the story here so we can give the OP a 50% discount on whatever he tells us, but a "reasonable" person perspective says that issues lie deeper than house keeping and weight. Lets be honest women are not as focused on the visual side of sex as men are and 25lbs are pretty easy to look past so that excuse flies right out the window for me, it also sounds like the OP already helps keep the house up.
So he gets up and goes to work all day to provide for his family, comes home helps around the house, and I'm sure still finds time to spend with the kids, is still sexually attracted to his wife aka wants to have relations.....hmmmmmm run this by a reasonable woman and she would say your a great guy.
You have a roommate who does not like you. I would not live with someone who does not like me
I would be willing to bet that if you lost the 25 lbs and kept a perfect house, took her out to dinner/movies weekly you still would not get "lucky". Marriages are a 2 way street you can do all of these things and more but if she has emotionally checked out your done for.
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I stand corrected, while masturbation is not mentioned in handbook 1 self-abuse is:
6.7.1When a Disciplinary Council Is Not NecessaryA disciplinary council normally is not necessary in the following instances.
Failure to Comply with Some Church StandardsA disciplinary council should not be held to discipline or threaten members who do not comply with the Word of Wisdom, who are struggling with pornography or self-abuse, or whose transgressions consist of omissions, such as failure to pay tithing, inactivity in the Church, or inattention to Church duties.
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Honestly these references to "zero tolerance" tells me 2 things. First, that some people are interested in twisting words and ideas to bolster their arguments. Second, that some people genuinely misunderstand the sanctity of the priesthood and the temple.
First:
It is the Lord's standard that is zero tolerance. D&C 1:31 "For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance;"
The twist is when people start claiming that this means the church has a zero tolerance policy concerning these matters. That is simply not true. If that were true then we'd all be excommunicated. If that were true then no one would go on missions. It's simply not the case.
The twist is when people start claiming a mission is a blessing that we deserve to be given despite lack of worthiness. A mission is not a blessing. That is a side effect. A mission is a duty. A mission is a calling. A mission is a sacrifice. A mission is a privilege.
The twist is when people start claiming "shame culture" because the church teaches strict standards of righteousness.The Lord's standards of righteousness as taught by the church are not to blame for the guilty taking those standards hard.
Second:The sanctity of the Holy Priesthood after the order of the Son of God is no light thing. It is not something that anyone who reaches a certain age should just be given. It demands a level of righteousness that is higher than what is common. It is a higher standard. If one does not understand this, perhaps one is not ready to have the higher standard applied to them, in which case one is certainly not prepared to enter the holy temple and make solemn covenants. Without a willingness and commitment to this higher standard one should not go on a mission.The bottom-line concerning zero tolerance -- it is not a standard the church applies, obviously. But it is a standard that we should be applying to ourselves.First let me say that I agree with you the Lord is very clear that he has no tolerance for unclean things. We strive to achieve that higher standard however difficult it maybe.
Mosiah 26:29-31
29 Therefore I say unto you, Go; and whosoever transgresseth against me, him shall ye judge according to the sins which he has committed; and if he confess his sins before thee and me, and repenteth in the sincerity of his heart, him shall ye forgive, and I will forgive him also.30 Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.31 And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbor’s trespasses when he says that he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnationIf I as a youth confess to my bishop that I have masturbated in the past, but I am repentant of it and lets say it happened one month before I was due to leave. Should I not be allowed to serve? I am not trying to twist anything, I am not trying to "win", but if this person in my example is denied the blessing to serve is that not a zero tolerance church policy?With regards to my culture of shame statement I stand by it. This is why. I know many people who do not attend church because they have some issues, living with their significant other "not married", smoke, drink coffee, drink alcohol, etc. these are good people who have problems. Shouldn't these be the people we want attending our meetings? Aren't these the people we need to bring back into the fold? These people stay at home because when they go to our church they feel judged, and shamed for their weaknesses. These are the people we should be encouraging, but when I sit in elders Quorum and the lesson is on the WoW, and it is all hell and damnation if we don't obey, why would anyone struggling with those issues want to be in that room?Think of the YM and YW who fall away, they think that one misstep and they are being judged, they feel horrible, so they stop coming to activities, soon they stop coming to church all together. Talk to your YM and YW ask them how they really feel.Our culture should be embracing weakness and teaching people to overcome. Think about this the next time WoW is discussed and ask yourself how you would feel if you had a problem with cigarettes......would you really feel welcome.For what its worth in Hand Book 1 the word masturbation appears ZERO times -
If the standard is full and complete repentance and a total control over our natural man in order to go on a mission I'm surprised any 18yo male lives up to it. I don't dismiss the concept that all sin is bad and that God hold us to the higher standard we are after all commanded to be perfect.
We are all in a circle of sin we repent and we relapse it is human nature. It is the effort I think that is what God requires. Sometime our efforts can lead us to abandon the sin, sometimes depending on the person and personality it can be much more difficult.
To have a zero tolerance policy or deny someone the blessing of a mission because of a few instances or lapses in their repentance process would be a mistake.
I fear our church is breeding a culture of zero tolerance and shame.
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To the OP for "me" this would be part of my home repentance process, and not something I would bother the Bishop with. That said your temperature on this subject seems to be higher than mine. I would bring it up the next time the question is asked, such as for your temple recommend. Be frank and honest you have nothing to hide, and you are repentant of it.
Sometimes people just need to talk about stuff to make themselves feel better, if this means talking to your Bishop I say go for it.
SeaMaster75
Dealing with lonliness
in Marriage and Relationship Advice
Posted
No possibility of Divorce?
Get a lawyer.....anything is possiable