believingisachoice

The Rundown Yes I am active, with Temple Recommend, calling, RM, senstive, flowers, compliments, good job, successful, fit good looking guy--not a troll, educated, and well read. "Bad thoughts" clarification So to clarify I do not sit around imagining having sex with other women with "adulterous thoughts." It's more like "Whoa she is super attractive and has a lot of admirable qualities." aka wondering if she would be a better wife then my current one. I know I'm accountable for my thoughts that did not even anwser the question originially asked. I have never even considered approaching a woman and have no desire to do so. Do you have children? Yes. We have 1 child (20 months) with 1 on the way. I love our child so much it is what keeps us a 'family'. Would you leave your wife if she were in an accident where she could not be intimate? No. That is a hypothetical question and since that is not my situation I do not need to consider it. Besides is this one of those question that people just ask to catch you in a snare? I mean how many people have accident where they can't have sex anymore? How would I feel if my wife where to leave me because I didn't meet her expectations or timeline? Well if she had told me a million times after years then good! She should leave me. I show no signs of changing my behavior and ultimately husbands can be upgraded. Good for her--she deserves someone else that makes her happy. Additional Information I do not like to admit it but I think my wife just looks at me like a safe life. I give her children which she loves because she is so happy with our daughter and now another along the way. I provide so she can stay at home. We don't struggle financially. She is smooth sailing. She does not have a history of sexual abuse and does not have any unprocessed trauma from what I know of--except some self esteem issues that stem from her relationship with her father--which would give her sexual anxiety. We have a high functioning partnership as I look at it. She and I work well together as a team dividing labor, childcare and housework. There are compliments, hugs, kisses, backrubs and snuggling but when the time comes to "let the magic happen" I'm left playing "52 Card Pickup". Sex total for last year--yes I counted--was 3 times the third of which concieved our unborn baby. I felt "sperm jacked". I flat out tell her "I need sex." She responds I understand or later. Three times in one year so I can't say it never happens huh? She says she is either too busy, tired or not interested. I'm still in my 20's an have a lot of life a head of me and I'm asking myself "Is this what I want for 50 years?" Celestial sabatoge I know the reserach and stats on how children do after a divorce--it's terrible. However my heart is broke. If my wife were to ask me right now, "Would you want to be with me forever." ---NO! Would that surprise her?...Maybe I dunno what do you expect you neglected me for our entire marriage. As Elder Oaks said, "There is life after divorce." And I know many happy people who have been divorced. Overall I feel I could explain why I would divorce my wife to my HF. And I want to, however I think she's thinks I would never do it. I probably will not divorce her because we have children, but as soons as the children are grown I'm gone. And no amount of "I'm sorries" is going to recompense for 20 years of abuse. Because I deserve better than that. It just seems somewhat sinister to plan it all out 20 years in advance huh?

Nathan continue dating her after her baptism. Then wait at least 6 months and observe her committment to the gospel. If she has fire in the belly for the first 6 months, and then she starts challenging you to be better then she's most likely being baptized for her own reasons and not for you. Deciding on who ot marry is the biggest decision of one's life. Good luck.

Red Alert! Your wife threw a spiritual grenade in the middle of your family! Take cover! The actions of people speak louder than their words. All of the terrible deeds that you listed that your wife did are going to destoy your life and the life of your children. I would make plans to leave her immediately. You said "it's either her or my church". Errr....LEAVE HER! Frame it this way. Stay with emotionally disturb woman vs. celestial kingdom. Temple sealings are only a benefit to people who like each other. Your wife can be replaced with a new one, but your testimony and eternal salvation is kind of a one and done opportunity. Good luck!

The government killed Jesus. Because he was preaching "rights" or "freedoms" come from God and not the state. The government looked upon him as a revolutionary that had influence to overthrow.

Honestly if you have been drinking for years your wife should not be shocked when you come clean to her about your infidelity. You were without the Spirit and had developed years of self destructie behavior. If your wife leaves then that is the decision she will make. Many women would have left after the years of inactivity and drinking let alone cheating. So if she walks don't hold it against her because she did not drive you to that bar that night. You can be forgiven and make a return through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It just may be without your wife. Good luck.

The simple question is if I do not have my sexual needs fulfilled after a sustained period in my marriage then am I justified to leave my wife? This is of course after trying theraphy, "doing more around the house" and such. Esspecially since after a while of no romantic contact you start having bad thoughts to divert attention to someone outside your spouse.

Your brain will not fuly mature until your mid the late twenties. Emotionally as teens feel love reason, evidence and consequences are forgotten or ignored. The church counsels teens not steady date because law of chasity issue easily set in after love is establish. That is the natural sequence. And since young men should service missions they should not be falling in love before missions--ideally. You said you both love each other but what does love mean at 17 or 18? What is the evidence of love? Sacrafice? As time moves on so will you. Besides if she's at BYU without you it's only a matter of time. Good luck.

Staistically speaking if you marry someone from another culture your chances for a successful marriage are not as good. But spiritual confirmation trumps stats any day. Good luck.

What's wrong with you is that the needed healing has not occurred within you. You do not have a problem. He drank and cheated not you. Deep down you feel that he could easily revert back to his old ways. You need what every person in your situation needs--spiritual confirmation. Good luck.

Your assumptions are many, and may be incorrect. I feel your projecting to much on others and not giving them a chance. If you want to start dating and have companionship in this life then ask a girl out a a date. If you cannot ask for whatever reason try to find a intermediary (a friend) to ask a girl for you and have him explain that you have issue but you really want to go out. I don't know be creative. Just make it happen. If you don't put forth effort though the Lord cannot bless you. Good luck.

Newbie I'm sorry to hear about the rebellion of your wife that is a tough situation. Ultimately people do what they want to do. Very few individuals in my experience come back from rebellion without hearache. So ultimately she must move her way around the pride cycle by herself. You must determine if your marriage is viable. Divorce is terrible and should be avoided but life goes on after divorce. However as the spiritual leader of your family you must protect your children from your wife. No more anti stuff at home. A "Nephi--Laban" situation may occur. It is better one relationship die than the eternal salvation of many being risked. Good luck.

Newbie I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that must be incredibly tough. First did you talk about consequences of weight gain in courtship? If so then you need to lose weight for your wife. Why do not read scriptures and say prayers? Stange how you have a temple recommend when you don't do the basics. But women want a man to lead the family in spiritual matters, if you cannot provide that then that is already another reason why she is emotionally withdrawn. You live a function marriage. Each person has a job. You know what you need to do to fix it. It will be up to whether you make the nesacary changes to keep your family together. If you change you will be fine. Good luck.

Why did you marry an abusive man? You said it's been happening your entire marriage which is troubling esspecially because you then new he was abuse and had two subsequent children with him? Did your therapist ask you why you had two children with an abusive individual? From how you've described your husband he sounds like a very shallow person. He also disrepects garments and that is a spiritual red flag. Advice--pack your bags and start the transition to divorce endless he changes behavior. A toxic relationship like that will only hurt your children as well. He needs theraphy and has a lot of unprocessed trauma. Good luck.