char713

My husband works for a big tech company and he signed something at the beginning saying he would never give service advice or help to anyone outside of work. It doesn't stop everyone from asking, but its nice to have a real, concrete reason to refuse. The most annoying thing about it is that people at church rarely strike up conversations with us for any other reason. And it's laughable how thinly-veiled they are about wanting help with their phones or other devices. They may start off asking about something ridiculous like where my husband got his tie, but its clear that all we are good for to many of our fellow members is free child care and free tech support. No kidding. I could go on for days talking about this one point. People's priorities are really mixed up. I would rather every mother stayed home with her young children, I'd be happy to be out of a job for this reason, but if they aren't willing to make that sacrifice they ought to recognize what their child care providers are deserving of.

A few years ago my husband ran a small wedding photography and cinematography business that he had started in Colorado and kept up once we moved here to Utah. The business was no where near as profitable as we would have liked, but once we moved to Utah it really tanked. All anyone we met wanted to pay for their wedding photography was zero plus what they saw as the perk of getting to eat with the rest of the guests at the wedding. The few paying clients that he worked with tried to "nickel and dime" him into giving them additional services for nothing. It was an exhausting two years and we are so glad we walked away from the business before we got into debt over it. But now, more than three years later, we are still being asked by everyone - ward members, neighbors, co-workers, and even members of our extended families - for free photography or cinematography services. We haven't said yes to a single request, but they still keep asking and referring my husband's name to their friends. We have become accustomed to using the phrase "if you give a mouse a cookie..." and greatly regret ever having done any jobs like this for free. We have friends who are still struggling with their own small businesses here in Utah and who we have griped about this with in the past. And we have friends who live elsewhere in the country whose businesses are doing much better by comparison, even a couple of ventures which have only been around for quite a short time that are still doing better. What is it about Utah or LDS culture that makes people think they are so entitled to get something for nothing? I understand that we are a thrifty people, but do we not also value industriousness? On this same note, I have been working primarily as a nanny for the past three years. I have had gainful employment with some wonderful families, but have never found a good position with an LDS family although I have contacted and been interviewed by several. These families too, also expected a great deal (not only nannying services but also a great deal of housekeeping, cooking, errands, etc.) but were only interested in paying minimum wage (or less in some cases!) I would love to work for an LDS family if only to avoid the awkwardness of when a parent comes home drunk. Or when I would like to sing primary songs with the children, just out of my own habit, but the parents object to any religious materials being part of their child's life. Or for many other reasons besides. But they won't pay a reasonable wage or set realistic expectations. Any theories as to why this is? Or am I just imagining things, or blowing them out of proportion, and you have had very different experience?

Same here, as Eowyn said. I would suggest mentioning as part of any apology you make, that you were not meaning to target this specific issue and that you are mindful now of how the things you said earlier on would have sounded to her. Personally, I feel a lot more understood and loved when someone else can articulate that they are not only sorry for causing hurt generally, but that they know why it hurt the way it did, and know better now.

I've been a member of the LDS church my whole life, and I didn't get an answer the first several times that I asked. Turns out I wasn't ready to hear the answer, because I needed to learn how it was that I myself recognized the Spirit. And it wasn't any of the ways my parents or teachers said that they recognized it. It took me a while to separate my expectations from what I was actually experiencing, and it ultimately started falling into place once I diligently yet humbly making the gospel a part of my every day, moment to moment existence. I don't know if this helps, but I hope you find the answers you're searching for soon. And welcome to the forum!

I usually watch "1776" but haven't gotten around to it yet today. My husband is working all day today. I wish I could say we had real traditions for this holiday, it deserves them almost as much as Christmas does. But I hate the summer heat and big crowds, so it's usually just an extra low-key day.

"The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio" Starring Julianne Moore and Woody Harrelson. Based on a true story of a mother of 10 who kept her family going financially by entering prize contests in the 50's and 60's. A most unexpectedly wonderful film. (On Netflix)

I remember studying this talk in Institute class about 10 years ago and marvelling at how prophetic it was. I had no idea then, and it will be interesting to revisit it in another 5 years or so to be amazed again. “A religious conviction is now a second-class conviction, expected to step deferentially to the back of the secular bus, and not to get uppity about it”

Arrange a swap with another branch in your district? If their sisters will watch a group of your branch's kids (only those kids whose fathers or older brothers can't take charge) you will do the same for them at a later date so they can hold a similar activity of their own.

I dated a loser like that for a couple of years, and my parents strongly objected and absolutely let me know. My problem was that I couldn't see that I had anything to offer, I didn't think I could expect much more than this guy. All of my friends had more dating experience than I did, and as far as I thought back then, the loser was the only guy who had ever thought much of me. Serious confidence and self-image problems, make no mistake. I don't know your daughters situation or her mind, but if you want to help her shed a bad relationship, I'd start with trying to bolster her self-image.

That would be a shame, if we gave up all hope of the government being able or at least attempting to enforce true morality. If we give up hope, we give up fighting, and if we give up fighting, then America will not long remain the Promised Land. I have been commanded in my patriarchal blessing to fight for this exact cause.

Cash is good but a creative, fun gift is better. A favorite but uncommon board game, a humorous book about marriage, a basket of all the ingredients necessary to make cookies or chili or something - with your hand written recipe included, or maybe a gift certificate for one of those photo album creation services?

Not a movie, but I finally got caught up with the third season of "Longmire" on Netflix. Very highly recommend. And we watched "Woman in Gold" again last night from iTunes. I'm a WWII and art history and Tatiana Maslany nut, but it was just as great on second viewing, nevermind my biases.

God doesn't use war as a chastening device? How 'bout D&C 87? I would call your attention especially to verses 6 and 7: 6 And thus, with the sword and by bloodshed the inhabitants of the earth shall mourn; and with famine, and plague, and earthquake, and the thunder of heaven, and the fierce and vivid lightning also, shall the inhabitants of the earth be made to feel the wrath, and indignation, and chastening hand of an Almighty God, until the consumption decreed hath made a full end of all nations; 7 That the cry of the saints, and of the blood of the saints, shall cease to come up into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, from the earth, to be avenged of their enemies. Also the Prime Minister of England has to be a member of the Church of England. England does not have nearly as big a population of people of African descent as the US does, and the Church of England is mostly made up of caucasians. So the fact that they have not had a black Prime Minister has little if anything to do with the affect that slavery has had on their national socio/economic status, and much more to do with medieval traditions. I would point out that they have had a female Prime Minister, which seems to me to be a much bigger accomplishment.

Its not dead if you can still use it to pass college exam test questions - which I did in almost every class I ever took. I hated that my mother forced me to take it for all four years of high school, but I am ever so thankful now.

I think I'm probably just beginner level, but I can read some latin. Which kind do you need to translate, classical or ecclesiastical?

This is great, thanks for sharing. I know you know what I might add to the part about procreation. That some Laurels might already know that they may never have children. A lot of women I know received their diagnosis in their teens. That in no way diminishes their worth either, and makes no difference to the law of chastity for them. Wives will (hopefully) experience that kind of marital intimacy for many more reasons and on many more occassions than just for the sake of conception.

The whole time that I was inactive I distanced myself from people just to maintain privacy and sanity. I knew, or at least I assumed, that if they got wind of my non-attendance that they would never give me a moment's peace about it, and that we wouldn't have a normal conversation or exchange of any kind that wouldn't be "tainted" for them by that knowledge. It was and is a private struggle, and I saw no reason to make it harder on myself by being that honest with people who just didn't need to know. My old seminary teacher and his wife (and four kids) left the church three or four years ago. He was in the Bishopric of his ward at the time, and had been the main release time seminary teacher for half our stake in Colorado for several years. They sent a letter out to people in the stake, mostly asking to be treated normally but also passive-aggressively attempting to shame those who had already said something unkind or changed in their attitudes toward their family. They even met with one of the Apostles, shortly after they resigned, who apparently asked them to reconsider. But they have made a huge nose-dive since then, did an interview with John Dehlin, are since divorced... but oddly enough both of them have since moved to Utah. They have cut ties with almost everyone, though on facebook it looks as if they are extra-chummy with all the former seminary students of his who left the church in high school or shortly thereafter.

Master and Commander - still one of my favorite films. Russell Crowe, Paul Bettany, and others. My husband says it's a "dude movie" and I'm a strange woman for liking it as much as I do, but whatevs.

Care.com! It's not foolproof, but it has kept me working steadily as a nanny during the work week and babysitter on the weekends. Most of the time for perfect strangers, I might add. I've only had a couple negative experiences but those were due to one parent's refusal to pay me in real money instead of pizza and coupons.. and one home was almost unbearably dirty. Otherwise, all great jobs and great relationships!

Um, yes. That sounds a lot like me. I have had several ideas or questions over the past few weeks that I have considered posting here. I got very close to actually posting three of them, but I copied+pasted what I had written into a document on my desktop instead. One of those questions I actually sent in an email to my grandfather, since I really do need a response to that one. It will take longer to hear back from him than it would if I had just posted about the subject here.. but frankly it was and is just too intimidating to open myself up that much with some of the visitors to this forum. I am not nearly as well-versed in the scriptures or the teachings of former Prophets as I ought to be, but I don't care to have that drawn out as a fault, or have my earnest questions stomped on by those who are on a higher spiritual/intellectual plane than myself. I do not mean that I am not actually wanting to hear those quotes and scriptures - on the contrary they are exactly what I am hoping to receive - the part that concerns me is the tone in which they are delivered. Sometimes it can be very pleasant and informative. But other times you just feel trampled on by a herd of larger and more robust creatures who, when they notice your squashed and worn state, tell you to buck up and adjust your attitude. My grandfather will answer my question at his own slow-typist pace, but I know he will do so with as much wisdom and knowledge AND as much gentleness and patience as the Savior might Himself.

Maybe that was my bad, I probably need to do some more studying on the subject. It was my opinionated view that HT is a policy or practice, but not doctrine. Important yes, but not something without which the church would cease to be true. That's kind of the ruler by which I have judged, in my own opinion, which things matter the most and which are most important to take myself or someone else to task for. My husband and I have not had home teachers - have not been home-taught in 6 years. We have been married for 8 years, and have been visited once by anyone besides the Bishopric (on Shepherding Night only.) I took this up on a thread when I first joined this forum. But I have since just learned to just deal with it and also support my husband in his HT efforts no matter what else goes on. If it were a doctrinal issue however, as serious of an issue as tithing monies being misused or someone teaching from disapproved materials at church, then I wouldn't let it rest.

Oh I gotcha, TFP. And if you were really asking - no I do not think it matters whether Home Teaching is doctrine (and I don't think it is) but that shouldn't have anything to do with whether we obey and follow anyway.

I am not ignoring your response to my last post on page one, but there's a couple more pages of responses to go over before I respond back. But I am wondering, why is knowing what is doctrine and what is not so unimportant? Isn't that how we might go about "picking our battles?" If unity is at all dependant on a lack of argument, and if we want unity, shouldn't we first try to pinpoint which beliefs are most worth going to battle for? Otherwise I could see some people standing for everything, and others standing for nothing.

I do not believe that we are meant to be completely united in the sense that we think alike and agree on everything.. or indeed very much of anything besides what are absolute truths. I don't think were are meant to be always without disputation or discussion. Without contention and enmity, of course, but I think we will always disagree on some more "minor" points of doctrine, especially the ones that depend so much on individual experiences in order to be fully understood.

It seems I cannot respond to a gospel-centered discussion without quoting this fellow. "If all experienced God in the same way and returned Him an identical worship, the song of the church triumphant would have no symphony, it would be like an orchestra in which all the instruments played the same note. Heaven is a city, and a Body, because the blessed remain eternally different; a society because each has something to tell all the others--fresh and ever fresh news of God. For doubtless the continually successful, yet never complete, attempt by each soul to communicate its unique vision to all others (and that by means whereof earthly art and philosophy are but clumsy imitations) is also among the ends for which the individual was created." C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain