thoughts
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Posts posted by thoughts
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I wouldn't cut anyone off for this. You allowed it to continue without any expression of uncomfortableness: how are they supposed to know it was offensive. Maybe you ask each of them if they have any questions about what Mormons actually believe. That you thought they might have because of what they were saying (though what mormom wouldn't have laughed at the bicycle nametag image). Or maybe if they do it again, you say, "Guys, would you mind not dissing my faith like that. I haven't spoken up in the past, and maybe I'm just being thin-skinned, but I find it offensive. If you want to ask me about Mormonism I'll be happy to tell you why we do whatever you think strange."
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Try going to sleep with uplifting music.
But I think you should see a psychologist who uses cognitive behavior therapy (Lots claim they do but few actually do). It is research proven for both anxiety and depression. In a few appointments you will learn how to think healthy thoughts and how to get back to healthy thoughts in the midst of anxieties. Once you learn how to retrain your thoughts, your fears will be a momentary blip until you reorient your thoughts like you've learned to do.
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If your music is not about Mormon doctrine, I can't see the benefit of advertising yourself or your music as Mormon.
In your place, I'd be advertising the goodness of the songs, in avenues that appreciate the cleaness and joy of the lyrics. I'd be promoting it at Christian Rock if that is what it is.
And I'd be granting interviews at LDS Living, and Meridian Mag, and sending free clips to prominent lds bloggers in case they wanted to plug your music. If you are writing your music, I'd be singing offering to sing anything that was appropriate in firesides or other venues.
I do not like the idea of trading on your faith in the pursuit of your financial means.
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drop. So you are suggesting that excommunicated members, if they get rebaptized, have the advantage of never being at risk for having to serve in a position of leadership that takes so much time away from family and requires such personal stretching and sacrifice? Wouldn't that be considered to be a perk, instead of loss of a future?
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Announcement poster
Change is tough. We're tearing us apart (show picture of pullaparts http://www.listotic.com/42-mouthwatering-pull-apart-recipes/ )
Come to a gossip party to get it all out of our systems, get to know each other and learn to constructively solve problems.
January 3, right after church. Refreshments will be (you guessed it), pullaparts.
Then have a brainstorming game of what to do when you hear gossip. Maybe a game of how to turn gossip conversation to interaction that is more healthy. Maybe a therapist to discuss how bullying can result from gossiping. Maybe a game of writing down something good about everyone in the ward.
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Nothing wrong with your attending your local family ward. And nothing wrong with trying a different way to meet women that might be your partner, than what didn't work in the YSA ward. In a family ward, you might also get some feedback about what you might try differently, if you are having trouble making connections.
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The devil is in the details. Make sure the split is AFTER THE DIvorce legal expenses have been paid, and all the expenses of her new relationship is subtracted from her share, and consider any tax implications.
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Muslims often confront the possibility that they will be killed if they leave Islam. Further if she is in Qatar, she may have limited rights to be in the country. If you love her, you will not make her life harder. And she is likely too young to be considered appropriate to be making these decisions on her own (arranged marriages being far more likely in her culture).
If she moves on her own to a stable country with free religious worship and free speech, THEN sharing the Gospel might be appropriate.
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I think that when you have real evidence of ward member doing something you think will hurt other members, you need to bring it to the bishop's attention so that he can make sure that ward lists are not being used, that members are not being solicited at church and that those involved are told that they should not analyze the opportunity on the basis that it is offered by a member of the church to which they belong.
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Satan has been encouraging people to think of sex as love for a long time. As you describe how limited you think of your possiblities, I'm not at all surprised you are seeking meaning in sex. It is an age old trap. And, because it is suppse to feel good, getting out of the trap requires a lot of relearning. The voice you are hearing that encourages you to feel hopless, to see your situation as hopeless, is from Satan.
Your Heavenly Parents and your Savior are absolutely NOT viewing you as hopeless. They are experiencing your pain and rooting for your success. They are doing everything you invite them to do to help you. They love you absolutely, without condition. They believe in your divine potential that you have a hard time seeing right now.
1) Please attend to the medical issues first.
2) If you have never read the Holland talk about the doctrines of intimacy, it will help you know its role in God's plan for you, and allow you to distinguish the guilt that comes from sin, from guilt that doesn't work like God intends for guilt to do. http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm
3) In your efforts to stop, start at the beginning. David would never have sent Bathesheba's husband to get killed in the war so he could take her to bed, if he had been where he was supposed to be. Start with planning your life to be where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing. Stop the unrighteous thoughts, as soon as they flit into your mind, by substituting an uplifting one. (This means you have to actively seek and memorize uplifting sayings, songs, and be involved in service and good music and inspiring books and movies.)
4) When you stumble, start again ASAP. People who pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and get working again on the problem are never failures.
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I'm thinking that most mature people would be insulted or unhappy if the church did anything to encourage them to marry. Tell the RSP that you are looking for a spouse, and would like her to tell the sisters you are and ask them to pass the info along to their friends and relatives and the sisters who VT, including in other wards, who are looking for a spouse. Same thing with the Elder's Quorum and High Priest Group.
But anyone who wants to serve as bishop or any other of the callings that require a spouse, is just plain nuts. So if that is really why you are looking and that is really what you are after, don't expect many faithful women who have been in the church long enough to know just how crazy that desire is, to be interested. (Better to work on being committee to serve wherever the Lord needs you to serve. Lots of men who have served in leadership callings would gladly take nursery. And there is a huge need for men in scouting.
And pray that Heavenly Father will lead you to people to get to know, and lead someone to you.
And serve.
And why not, while you are at it, take someone you know would enjoy it who you dont intend to marry to be your companion for the theater and other such things. Plenty of single women who would love a night out, even if they aren't thinking of getting married or looking to do that.
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Yup, I would want my children to call 911 before calling me (and maybe instead of calling me so they could remain on the 911 line to follow directions to keep themselves safe. The idea that anyone over 9 cannot call 911 because that is over their head is laughable. And talking to trained persons able to send help is infinitely smarter than calling mom who can do neither of those things.
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sister doe,
What you can do is to make an appt with your SP and tell him how much it hurt and how much you kept wishing it was about Christ, and how badly you feel because you do not have a calling (limited because of your circumstances) and have been shut off from volunteering --- though if I brought this up, I'd want to be able to report good VTing efforts too.
I don't know if there was a way to convey what the SP was inspired to discuss that more directly includes the teachings of Jesus or not, but an ideal of finding a way to link all topics to Him might be something SP could get behind.
For the average member, my guess is that most think it all is about Christ, so long as the person speaking has sought inspiration from Him about what to say. After all, He is quite capable of inspiration saying take up the whole conference session on councils so they will work at all levels better so you can do My work like I need you to do it.
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Look for a replacement, then you can propose a solution to your boss. Though the terms (where they have you go from school to school, but don't pay you for it) are really not right. They should pay you from the time you go to the first school, to the time you finish at the last school)
I would tough it out until the end of the semester, and give notice for January. Can you pick up a teenager to go with you to watch your child while you work? Would your boss be flexible with that?
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It is a date (and hope all your dates in high school are with friends). Plain and simple. Now whether you and/or your parents adhere to the counsel not to date until sixteen and whether you make exceptions and which exceptions is a matter for you and they to make. Strict obedience to this may help you choose the right in the future. OTOH you aren't going to go to he double toothpicks if you go to the prom. Talk to your Heavenly Father about this though. Particularly about whether you are safe on a date that someone who knows your standards and wants you to ignore them.
If you say no, ask if you can have a raincheck for a dance (even one you set up yourselves in the local park, with christmas tree lights) when you do turn 16).
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I am sorry. But not for the divorce. I'm glad he is leaving because you deserve a whole lot better that being compared to a lumpy basketball. Please talk through with a therapist who also has life experience dating in the LDS culture your mate selection process and your entire thinking process about this marriage and about relationships. The best way to stay away from relationships like this one is to figure out the red flags that you couldn't see and how to date so you will be able to see them in the future.
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In your spot, I wouldn't do anything for a time. It is possible to stay married to someone who has committed adultery. While it is not possible to stay married to someone who is abusive, if that is temporary because of the other, after a separation and appropriate therapy and changes, you may be able and willing to try again.
So if I were in your position, I would move forward with being on my own, and doing good on my own. But I would not move on the divorce for a while, at least not unless I knew that even if my dh did everything to make it right, I would still not be able to feel safe emotionally and physically with him, or I would never be able to let what he did stay in the past and trust him again, no matter what.
I don't think we do move on from the goodness. Keep the happy memories. Value what you've learned. Mourn missing what you shared. And become what you now want to become.
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If you are asking whether it is a sin, then my answer is probably no. If you are asking whether doing so violates the counsel to not date until your are at least sixteen, then unless you kissed during a spin the bottle game which you were at without a partner, then yes you did. If you are asking whether it is bad to kiss someone you haven't dated, then the answer is it is clearly getting a head of ones self and will make it difficult for you and your partner to find out whether you are suitable for each other and ready for marriage.
God says you must not do anything to intentionally create or maintain sexual arousal and feelings except within the bounds of marriage. French kissing (aka open mouthed kissing) intentionally arouses sexual feelings. So if you are doing that outside of marriage, you need to quit it. (You'll notice your body responses and know when you cross the line. Stop then.)
There are people who choose never to kiss their partner until they are married. Many people do kiss, but stop when it turns sexual, and all those who know about the laws of God should stop then.
But if you are kissing before you are sixteen, you are obviously pairing off. You might not call that a date, but rest assured that the prophet who gave the "not until 16" advice thought your pairing off was dating. If you are kissing at sixteen, you are likely not doing what dating is for ---- learning about a whole lot of different people until you understand what you want and need in a permanent relationship, and what you need your eventual partner to be in that relationship. Holding hands and hugging can be appropriate during this phase, but it hard to see how kissing helps much. I would hope you would save your kisses (except maybe cheek kisses if that is common to your culture as a greeting), until you are ready to get married and looking for the one you want to share your whole life with.
One really good reason not to kiss people other than your future spouse is that when you have lots of experience kissing, you have things to compare your spouse to. If your eventual spouse is not as technically good at kissing as you have experienced, you will have to deal with that, sometimes for a lifetime, risking rejecting someone who would be good for you because of the unfavorable comparison, or knowing you will kiss them for eternities always feeling like they won't measure up ---- neither scenario is helpful to you or to a happy marriage made for the right reasons.
When you talk with people who have lived through this, they all say that they wished they just hadn't given out their kisses so freely.
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Do not buy anything until I've saved cash for it. Mostly no longer want the thing by that time.
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The quote I read was far earlier than 1946 and spoke to summoning home teachers to give the blessing. ETA from http://www.wheatandtares.org/2333/mormon-women-giving-blessings/
In 1914, Joseph F. Smith reaffirmed that women could bless. However, in 1921, Elder Charles Penrose indicated in General Conference that only elders could seal blessings.
Occasions when perhaps it would be wise for a woman to lay her hands upon a child, or upon one another sometimes, and there have been appointments made for our sisters, some good women, to anoint and bless others of their sex who expect to go through times of great personal trial, travail and ’labor;’ so that is all right, so far as it goes. But ’when women go around and declare that they have been set apart to administer to the sick and take the place that is given to the elders of the Church by revelation as declared through James of old, and through the Prophet Joseph in modern times, that is an assumption of authority and contrary to scripture, which is that when people are sick they shall call for the elders of the Church and they shall pray over them and officially lay hands on them.34“I did find this explanation at http://www.womeninthescriptures.com/2011/02/women-giving-blessings-in-early-days-of.html
The practice of women giving blessings originated with Joseph Smith and the first Relief Society in Nauvoo. At the 6th meeting of the Relief Society on April 28th, 1843 Joseph instructed the sisters about the spiritual gifts mentioned in 1 Corinthians chapter 12 and stated that the gift to heal was a gift of the spirit, one that followed all the believers whether they were male or female. Eliza R. Snow recorded that Joseph said,“Respecting females administering for the healing of the sick… there could be no evil in it, if God gave His sanction by healing; that there could be no more sin in any female laying hands on and praying for the sick, than in wetting the face with water; it is no sin for anybody to administer that has faith, or if the sick have faith to be healed by their administrations.” (History of the Church, volume 4, pg. 604)It is important to note that Joseph Smith clarified that women had the gift to heal and administer because of their faith and not because of their priesthood authority. Joseph reiterated what Jesus taught in Mark 16:17 that “ these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name… they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.”....
Blessings like these were given fairly commonly up until the 1920’s when the practice began to get confused with temple ordinances and priesthood authority. Many women felt confusion over the purpose of these blessings and so the practiced slowly started to die out. Then in 1946 Joseph Fielding Smith circulated a letter to Relief Societies which said,“While the authorities of the Church have ruled that it is permissible, under certain conditions and with the approval of the priesthood, for sisters to wash and anoint other sisters, yet they feel that it is far better to follow the plan the Lord has given us and send for the Elders of the Church to come and minister to the sick and afflicted.”(, pg 18)President Smith was referring to section 42 of the Doctrine and Covenants, which is where the Lord outlined the “law of the church”. In D&C 42:43 the Lord instructed Joseph Smith in the preferred way to administer to the sick, He said, “And the elders of the church, two or more, shall be called, and shall pray for and lay their hands upon them in my name…” Today this pattern is still followed and calling in the elders to give a blessings by the laying on of hands is still the Lord’s preferred way of blessings the sick.
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I think you do the invite to all adults
And at the bottom say, While we are not inviting them, we have no objection if you bring your children: I have a link I can send you so you'll know what to budget for them and whether they'll like the food, and please know that the restaurant is not considered to be particularly child-friendly [if this is true].
Because if anything suggests you are including the children, you are also obligated to pay for their meals.
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You will be able to find scientific material saying that raising a child in a faith blesses their lives. But I would absolutley not agree to not teach my children what I believed --- truth is that parents cannot help teach their children their faith or how they believe or don't believe just because that stuff is embedded in all our choices. More importantly I couldn't live with myself if I failed to pass on to those I loved the knowledge that can make them most happy and healthy whatever they eventually do with it.
If that means he leaves you, that is his choice. What you are describing him as insisting on isn't an healthy environment to bring kids into anyway. But please tell him that you hope he doesn't go. That you hope he and you can agree on mutual respectful relationship that allows you to have children who can love both parents and be taught by both parents what each thinks is most important to for them to know.
And spend some time looking for values you still share that you both want to teach your children. It is a safe bet that you will find lots of them and maybe that will help him see you are not as far apart as he thinks you are.
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Yes wrong to ask. But absolutely right to be find a way to broaden the welcoming committee's job to helping the committee memebers want to help and be part of things. Maybe the Lord called them to the position because they aren't very social themselves and they need help learning how to be, or feeling safe to be, or having transportation to do. Or something else.
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I don't think it is taboo to speak about evil spirits. I just don't think evil spirits have as much reason to start trouble with most of us as they did with JS. And I think that most of the world's evilness is now the result of the messages Satan helps spread rather than things evil spirits do. I'd also surmise that most members are engaged in doing good and therefore don't have a lot of reason to talk about evil spirits.
Second, we don't speak about women healing because in the early twentieth century our leaders overturned what earlier leaders had said and asked women to quit giving blessings and ask the men to give them. So that discussion is historical and has littel to do with us today. In circles where the information is remembered, there is plenty of talk about what they did (though not so often followed up by recognition that church leaders asked women to quit.)
For a good twenty years around Pres. Benson's presidency, there was plenty of talk of conspiracies. It got us nowhere, and a lot of people led astray. Further various political people have hijacked the notion of conspiracy in government and in business such that it is quite easy to smirk when something is called a conspiracy when it isn't. It isn't that this subject is taboo. It is that whatever revelation exists on this subject or secret combinations remains with the person who got it, who is not authorized to speak to the whole church about it. And for everyone else there is a lot of trouble to be made by making conspiracies the subject of our conversation when we can only do what is within our own stewardship. Furthermore, lots of members have heard Pres. Hinckley's counsel to simply get our personal lives in order.
LDS Family Services counselor told me line about "Most important work you can do is in the home" isn't true
in Marriage and Relationship Advice
Posted
I presume you are seeing a counselor because you are having trouble in your marriage. So going down the road of finding fault with the therapist is simply deflection.
1. The statement wasn't canonized, so technically it is not scripture by a modern prophet. And it was never intended to be used to beat someone else over the head for their choices. It was intended to prompt those who are seeking worldly things to remember failures in relationships cause more pain than anything else, and preventing that matters.
2. I do not recall any temple covenants saying anything about who does what in a household or a marriage. To the extent that women depend on husbands, it is because they seek the Lord, which means servant leadership (which is antithetical to even making the argument).
3. To the extent I understand it, priorities are God, family and other. Every parent does better when their own needs are met. And couples may do better to spend some time talking rather than doing deep cleaning. Partnership though, cannot be sublimated to family, practical matters, it it wants to survive. Maybe for a short time, but not over the long haul.
4. Spouses don't get to tell each other what coping mechanisms they can use, and they don't get to call each other wicked when they use coping mechanisms other than drugs/alcohol and porn. (And even if they did, it would be futile since people never fix the things that annoy or trouble others because the others think they should or must. If you want to change your spouse, praise their goodness. Seek to understand where the things you don't like come from and change the way you view them. No one has to like everything about their spouse, but they do have to shut up about judging or telling their spouse what to do and think.
5. Well it is, so long as the minimum standard of cleanliness is met. Usually the way it works is a couple figures out what the minimum standard should be (which may take some compromise), and then the partner who wants it cleaner must do the work to reach the standard they desire themselves.
6. Even if you believe that the scripture is referring to how often the beds are changed or the trash taken out or the floor is swept, that still doesn't establish any specific level of household cleaning.
As others have pointed out, there is not a single word in the latest instruction we have ---the Proclamation --- that says who is to mow the law or clean the toilet or what standards one must adhere to.
What I deducted from OP is that wife reads romance novels and doesn't do enough housework, and dh is annoyed and tries to be controlling on the subject, which makes the wife feel unable to ever please him, and they both end up in the therapist's office. When the therapist speaks up to break some of the dh's controlling ideas, his response classically explains how the marriage is in trouble because the dh decides that what she is saying is apostasy and she should have church discipline.
If my guess is in any part correct, I suggest the OP get serious in seeing the mote in his own eyes before he loses his wife (and if I were talking to his wife, I'd tell her that reading romance novels and expecting her dh to measure up isn't healthy for her marriage:that's why they are fiction).