thoughts
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I'm uncomfortable with the reliance on intelligence about how quickly Iran could get nukes. I'm also very uncomfortable with giving Iran all the withheld money and lifting restrictions on their purchase of weaponry. It is pretty clear that Russia will benefit by selling arms to Iran as well.
And I just don't trust the current administration to be working in the national best interest.
None of this makes the deal bad, but because of all of it, I cannot support the deal.
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1) People often start out and continue for a long time because of the connections they make with people. That eventually brings most people to a place where they also want to improve their connections to God.
2) Everyone starts somewhere with their testimonies. And as they know more they mostly want to do better.
3) An agreement not to prosecute is not the same thing as no longer being illegal. More importantly, whether or not the baptism questions or the Word of Wisdom are ever changed to accept marijuana, there is no question that it is a mood altering drug, and for you, that will interfere with your agency (particularly because you are known to have an addiction problem). You are only fooling yourself to think you can substitute it for alcohol with impunity, whatever its theological implications.
4) You do not have to believe that the book of mormon or the bible stories are literal history, or have resolved what to think about the Book of Abraham anomalies. You just have to be able to truthfully ans
wer the baptism questions. From there, over years of study and living the commandments, your testimony of various aspects ofthe gospel will get wider and broader and more in depth. The gospel incorporates all truth, so ultimately you will believe in truth, even what we don't know as truth today.
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Did you share with the bishop during those 4 weeks that you would love to serve in YW? I presume you've prayed and told God what you'd like if it is okay with Him ---- He is the one able to see that you are if that is His will.
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Fear less for his soul, and accept that his journey is his alone because of the most important principle of God's power --- agency. If he were my son, I would tell him that it is hard to prove things about faith false, just like it is hard to prove them true empirically. I would tell him that I'd read the CES letter and disagreed that they do what he claims they do. I would tell him that in our family we attend church every week, we do not have to believe anything, we do not have to participate, but we do sit in church respectfully, behave appropriately. I'd tell hm that when he turns 18 he can chose the church he wants to attend, or move out and not go to church (which would make you sad).
I would not require he attend scouts, but I would ask his quorum leaders to make sure he was invited to every social function, and protected from ridicule of others for his beliefs.
I would tell him that when it was his turn to do FHE lesson, he was free to teach a value principle that he wanted to teach, so long as it was helpful to your family closeness, and not teaching against gospel principles. I would also point out that the Gospel of Jesus Christ incorporates all truth of all kinds, and that means that if he is seeking truth and you are seeking truth, you are both going to end up believing the same things when both of you know and understand all truth. (It is important that he understands that lots of scientific things people once thought were truth have since been shown not to be true).
Fear for him less, love him more in ways that encourage him to stay close because he knows you will love him no matter who he is or what he believes. To the limited extent you have any influence in it, accept and encourage good friends with high standards. Teach him about the atonement and how it actually works and that God accepts his personal best, however distant that is from objective perfection, plus quick repentance. Involve him in service to others.
And understand that when children lose belief it may be because he has been abused, or is gay, or knows someone who has beem demeaned or judged by a leader, or endured too much judgmetn and hellfire you will do what I say from parents, or have a porn or masturbation problem, or committed some sin he thinks makes it impossible for him to make it to the celestial kingdom no matter how he tries (because he has tried unsuccessfully), or something else that interferes with his own ability to believe in God, or his ability to believe he is worthy of or capable to be everything that is expected in teh church. I'm not saying you challenge him on any of those points, I'm suggesting you not make it a parent child authorty challenge or a worthiness issue. I'm suggesting parents make every interaction with him as close ot how Christ sees him and how He would nuture and lift and serve him, so that he does have experience with the spirit of God.
- DevtheWind and Windseeker
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If she is not hearing that you do not agree to her hugging you, and thus when she tries to get you to agree, or worse actually assaults you, and you are confident that you've been clear (meaning I might give it one more clear direct instruction), then the friendship doesn't have to be over, but being near enough to her physically for her to touch you would be.
Try talking on the phone instead of personal interaction, if you like the interaction.
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If your bishop is denying you a TR because you cannot attend because of social anxiety, he must believe that you can attend successfully. It isn't very typical to have social anxiety to the point that one cannot attend church. And when it is, the person generally also unable to leave home for any reason. Even that condition can be overcome in most circumstances.
I'm thinking that you should take the actions your bishop wants you to take. If you physically need someone to help you out of your car and into the church. Whatever you now need, then ask him for it. And if you throw up in the foyer when you get there from stress, then just keep going and trying. At some point you will overcome the obstacle, or the bishop will be prepared to agree that you cannot, rather than that you are unwilling to overcome your comfort zone boundaries.
Doctrinally, attending our meetings is part of the 4th commandment Keep the Sabbath day holy, and it says alot about our commitment to our covenants, to fix any obstacle to attend our meetings. It is at least as important doctrnially as the WofW and tithing. So of course it is a TR question.
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1) Is he clinically depressed?
1a) If his boss doesn't care about his un-ironed clothes, why should you?
2) How can you think you are successful when your children notice and repeat unkind things about their father in your presence? This comment made me wonder if you openly disdain him as well. And if so, that may be why he is off to himself. t It is pretty rare that anyone changes because of other's criticism.
3) Of course you are equal and should be articulating behavior that you would like him to change. You are entitled to happiness too. But maybe you need counseling to help you do that in a way that will get the results you desire. And maybe Heavenly Father needs you to learn how to love someone with all of those faults so your dh can overcome his difficulties.
4) This is one of the reasons we are counseled to keep a journal. While you are going through this hard time, reading about the 14 good years would help you manage the tough ones.
6) I am sorry it is so hard. Remember to look for the good and accentuate the positive.
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I'd completely break up and tell him if he ever got to the point where he had a year sober and could show personal growth during that time, and faithful behavior and service (don't describe that for you as you don't want him checking your boxes, you are hoping he'll havea change of heart) and had definitively determined that he was not just clean because of someone, but was done with porn, then and only then should he call me and ask if I was still free.
Many women will tell you about their dh who quit for them either before or after marraige and it didn't last. He's known for a long time about this problem, heard lots of talks about it. Whether he will permanently conquer it you will never know even if he quits this time for you.
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1) Negotiate with him for naked touching you at least _____x a week. Just because you don't want to, doesn't mean you don't have a duty to meet the needs of your partner.
2) Is he gay?
3) Is he depressed or addicted to porn or video games?
4) Do both of you have complete knowledge of how your bodies work? ("And They Were Not Ashamed" and some other books that are designed for those just starting the intimacy together from and lds perspective. Deseret Book has some others.
5) Has he not been able to perform ever?
6) Would he consider a sex therapist?
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I found myself wondering how you got the authority to decide when he has repented or not? (It's a rhetorical question, and not meant unkindly.).
As to your question. You don't have to trust. You simply have to let go of being his enforcer, critic, decider of worthiness. And if you are concerned that dh is less than truthful with the bishop or his bishop just doesn't understand how important this is to FIX him and hold him accountable, then prayer for both of them regularly and fast regularly for both of them.
If you turn your energy to living as close to how your Heavenly Parents and Savior intend for you to live, you'll become better able to see other's sins without personalizing them to yourself. You'll have more joy, whether or not your dh is or does what you believe he should. And that may be more of the beacon of light and hope and goodness that will also bless the lives of dh and your children.
The world is full of critics, who remind us of our flaws and sins and failures. Few of us get the desire and ability to be all we can be from them.
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As for sexual sin, all the modern prophets have condemned homosexuality as a sexual sin,
Not true, within this year and for several years now, the church has taught that homosexuality is NOT sinful. It is only acting on it, performing sexual acts that is sinful.
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Have you looked at her social media or linked in to see?
I think you estimate high (and write next to it, she admits to ________, but she won't document that in any way so you believe it may be more.
And then once you have filed the motion, and send her an interrogatory asking her to disclose every employer she has had since she graduated, the date she graduated, the nature of her degree, the frequency which she is paid, and what she was paid gross and net for the last six months in each pay period.
Then send her a Request for Production and ask her to produce her tax returns for the years since she graduated, and all of her pay stubs for the last year. (If you just google it in quotes with the state, you might find a state specific form. These have to be served in specific ways, so you'll need to find the rule in your state that says how to do it. Same with the other ones below.)
Ask the clerk to issue a subpoena (you will probably have to find a form online but most states now have all the required forms online) to each of her employer former employers for the polciies that govern her employment compensation and insurance (including but not limited to type of insurance converage deductibles, and availabiltly and cost for dependents for various things, and leave; for her schedules for the last three months, and for her time cards for the last year, and her checks and w-2 and w-4 they issued since ______ [insert a year]
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Women have never been ordained to the priesthood. But they have been allowed to give blessings. And woman have been known to give blessings to the sick, and their own children without any priesthood ordinations.
And there has been official counsel during the last ten years that fathers who are otherwise unworthy should be doing and/or participating in their children's ordinances.
I dont know what you mean about can't use the priesthood --- only the priesthood leader can order that, a person cannot decide that for himself. But if I were this Dad, I would absolutely ask that priesthood leader for permission to bless a family member, whatever the restriction is.
And there is no reason he cannot pray for his child in every case.
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Sometimes the things we think of as burdens, are blessings we have not yet identified.
I think your reasons would interfere with your getting any confirmation of the spirit.
So what is the harm of trying it and giving it your personal best before rejecting it. You can always pray to be released or ask to be released, or just quit doing the job later.
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I think that unless you have volunteered on the committee and the boy's father has attended scout functions for a while to try to make it work, it isn't fair to the ward. Perhaps you should ask the RSP how to address this in the ward.
But, yes, you can go to another ward or a non-LDS troop. The latter will cost you a fair amount of money. And remember that the YM program is two nights per month, one with the girls. The Scouts are only two nights per week. You'll want to consider how your child can stay involved in the service projects that the YM and YW do, if they attend another troop.
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First, I would suggest that you read the DSV-5 elements of such a diagnosis ---- you might be surprised at how subjective it is. If I were in your shoes, I would not accept the dx just because someone opined it. Maybe get your psychologist to give you a copy of the criteria and specifically tell you what the basis of her determination that you meet each of them is based on. (Record this, so a second opinion will be easier.) What I would do is find a therapist who does real cognitive behavior therapy. Lots of people say they do it. Few actually do it. It commonly takes less than 20 weeks (though yours may be a more difficult case, so if takes longer it just does). You won't spend very much time talking about the past. You will spend a lot of time learning how to and practicing thinking in healthy ways. CBT is research proven for PTSD and teen depression. It is successfully used for lots of other things.
Second, I hope you can feel (but if you cannot just know that it is absolutely true) your Heavenly Parents and Savior's great love for you, the fact that They know you, and are there to help you as much as They can without trampling on your agency. That in each moment, They are your very real cheerleaders. They remember you as Their divine daughter, and They do not see you as broken or unworthy. They are rejoicing in the steps you are making. They are celebrating with you the progress you will make. You have always and will always belong to Them, and with Them. And whether it takes you 10 years or one year to qualify for and get to the temple, your baptism and doing your personal best and quick repentance make you perfect in Christ because of His atonement.
Your fellow worshipers at the YSA ward are just that YSA, few of whom statistically have had your challenges, though all of them have been challenged in some ways. I try to be glad that others cannot really understand where I am, because that means they also have escaped the worst that I've experienced. But what it also means is that sometimes they'll misunderstand you and other times they may just be cruel. All you are expected to do is to live your own life, and forgive others their trespasses.
You can move your records to your family ward if you'd prefer, and still attend the YSA ward or just the activities. The advantage to this is that your HTer/vTer will have more life experience (whether that means they know not to breach confidentiality and slader you by accusing you of lying is not guaranteed).
Just keep doing your personal best with quick repentance. Your Heavenly Parents and Savior fully accept. You can do this.
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Find a therapist (at your local domestic violence shelter or a referral from them --- the person you chose for you needs to be someone who can help you sort out whether what is happening is abuse and how to deal with it.) That therapist can help you get on solid emotional ground for your self, and develop a safety plan. (For instance, you will want to start to become physically and financially and socially independent so that you will be able to deal with a divorce if that happens.)
Buy the book "Bonds That Make You Free" by C. Terry Warner, and give your dh a copy and tell him that you would like to read the book alound with him for 20 minutes every day, or another schedule you negotiate. Or attend one of the conflict seminars at https://arbinger.com/events/ (this has the advantage of not being THERAPY which some partners hate as a poor reflection on them).
Tell your dh that you are unwilling to put up with the abuse (be specific about what you need him to do differently, write it down for him, give him specific examples) any more and you wonder whether he even can hear himself, since what he does at home is so much different than how he treats everyone else. So tell hm you are going to record him when he starts so that he can hear what he sounds like. Set up nanny cams in the rooms he usually does it (not in your bedroom though). If he is really not understanding what he is doing, then this may help pull him up short.
Do not continue to allow him to abuse you. Put a lock on a room in your home, in which you have placed noise cancelling headphones, a telephone, and inspiring music and reading material. When he starts trashtalking you, go into the room, lock the door and put the earphones on and listen to and read inspiring things, until the rant has stopped. If you leave the room every time, he will likely quit doing it.
At this point you will want to suggest attending marriage counseling to him. Because if the non-therapy hasn't helped him, and the leaving the room hasn't changed anything, then you'll want to see if having someone help you talk with each other would do what you haven't been able to do before.
You are not less than him because he is adored by others. You are simply different. He may not understand that he is not entitled to have you around all the time (not to mention that is pretty contradictory to his wanting a divorce). You are entitled to enjoy some time without him. DH may also need a complete physical if the abusiveness is recent: maybe something has happened in his brain.
If his reputations and wonderfulness matters to him, he isn't likely to divorce you since that would crumble the illusion. But he does apparently need a wakeup call. If you need the bishop's help, then don't prevent yourself from reaching out to protect your spouse. But bishops aren't trained to help in this circumstance, and they are explicitly told not to counsel people to divorce (or whom to marry). If you need a blessing, then ask him if he thinks he could really give you one from teh Lord. Or ask your home teacher or your father/brother (you do not have to tell the person about why you want one or why dh isn't giving it, and should not).
Every person in a marriage has to examine it to see their own part in any conflict. So go ahead and do that. Just do not accept responsibility for what is not your doing. Accept no guilt that is not really yours, no matter who tries to make it out to be your problem. Stay close to the Lord, because you will need to rely on Him (who, with your Heavenly Mother adn Savior), knows you completely, in every moment, and is your biggest cheerleader. You are good enough for Them, whatever personal weakness or even faults you may have.
Another reason you have to challenge the abuse is that you lead young women who probably have seen or heard things that make them wonder. Kindly and firmly and completely rejecting abusive behavior must be done or they will absorb that women have to put up with what you are experiencing.
You can do this. You will do this.
NOTE: You may not want to be physically intimate with him. That is completely your right. But I would urge you to see if you are willing to gift him that gift, even when you don't feel like it. Men experience intimacy in a different way than women do: it mends their hearts. It draws them closer. It inspires them to want to be something better than they are. (All the things that women require first before the intimacy.) If you can give him that gift, it may really help.
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I believe it happened in June with the legalizing of same-sex marriage. According to Alma, sexual sin is “most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost.” (Alma 39:5) I cannot think of a single event more calculated to divide and shatter this nation and make God so angry as to want to destroy it.
The reason that sexual sins are so heinous though is that they, like murder, interferer with power to create life and to extinguish it --- powers that God reserves only to Himself. Homosexual relations cannot do that in any way. So I'm not persuaded that prohibitions against homosexuality are about sexual sins.
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I think you may be misunderstanding the blessing. It is because of a revelation in teh D%C that tells members to present their children to the church. Its effect is solely to put the child on the church rolls and to introduce them to the congregation. So it is not just about family. In the last couple of years there was a letter saying that the circle should only contain the father and maybe the grandfather. Yes there is the law of two witnesses, but witnesses don't typically perform an ordinance they are witnessing.
I think the reason that people chose to have more than the father and grandfather is that it is hard for one person to hold the baby for the length of the blessing in teh way that babies are typically held for the blessing witih your hands on their head.
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My advice is to never be alone with her again. Those human desires are powerful for a reason, and they must be banked and controlled except for God's prescribed use. If you see her again, choose not to be alone with her or with others who do not share your standards. And remember that any woman is someone's precious daughter who deserves better than to be treated like that outside of marriage.
Seeing your bishop will help you set up some parameters. He's going to tell you to read your scriptures daily, to pray often, to go to bed early and get up early, to work hard (both to save money for your mission and because when you're working it can be easier to resist temptations.
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Kids do have to learn some lessons their way. You don' thave to like what they do, so long as you accept where they are. Lots of parents have spent a long time in prayer over their errant children. And not a few of those prayers have been granted (though frequently in a way different from what the parent thought they were asking).
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Fear of the unknown is pretty typical. But I wonder why all these things are unknown to you. For instance, share your testimony with your family; find out their response. Listen to their fears. Invite them to listen to the missionaries so they understand what you are being taught (instead of the things they think they know about what we believe). Start now to live the word of wisdom. Think through what you might do if you are up all night? Maybe you will try hard not to have such a night. Maybe you'll use 24 hour energy instead of coffee. (The word of wisdom forbids tea, coffee and alcohol, and drugs which are not prescribed. Yes, the spirit of the word of wisdom also includes mind altering substances, but it also includes eating healthy --- members continue to struggle with those long after their baptisms.)
Baptism doesn't mean you will never again sin. But don't do it until you are really committed to keep all the commandments and to learn and grow and submit your will to God. You'll still mess up, you'll still have to work to control your appetites and passions. But that is the whole point of eternal progression ---- you'll get better and better at being what your Heavenly Parents want you to do.
As for Catholic traditions ---- attend Christmas mass if you choose. Keep rosary beads to hold if that gives you comfort. Yes, you'll quit praying to Mary, and your prayers will become more personal. But that doesn't mean you cannot love the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. If you want to have family get togethers on the high holy days, then have them. There is likely enough room to continue to honor whatever catholic traditions you like, so long as you conform your worship to church teachings.
You will qualify for the celestial kingdom as soon as you are baptized and doing your personal best and quickly repenting when you sin, because that will make you perfect in Christ, even when you are not yet objectively perfect.
Summarizing, you don't have to get baptized when the missionaries set a date for you. Take as long as you need. Don't wait until you have proven you can do everything --- -that will deprive you of the help the Holy Ghost can give you to get there. But make sure that you really do understand and fully accept core doctrines, and wait until you can say with surety that you intend to do your personal best to keep the commandments, and quickly repent.
At that point, you will feel joyous and peaceful about your baptism. Doesn't sound like you are ready yet.
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There is a completely new cub scouting program this year. On the BSA site, there is a LDS-oriented training. Don't forget to do your safety training first thing, and complete your registration. Both are now mandatory before you work with the boys (BSA, not the church, but should be).
Therapy at LDS Family Services
in General Discussion
Posted
There are times when it is good to have an LDS therapist. But it si far more important to have a fully competent therapist who is themself emotionally healthy.
If you are dealing with anxiety or depression, look for a professional who does cognitive behavior therapy, which is the only research proven intervention for those with teen depression, and one of two for PTSD, and also used effectively for adult depression and anxiety and other issues. Many therapists claim they do it, few actually do it with fidelity. You'll have homework, it won't take more than a few months, and you won't talk very often about past events.
I think the lds family services experience is about the same as any therapeutic experience. Some counselors are good and a good fit for the problem and client. The same counselors might be a bad fit for another client or problem. It can take a couple of sessions to know whether you can establish a therapeutic bond, and if not you'll need to try another counselor.
I didn't think my LDS Family Services counselor was appropriately trained and I didn't like what I saw as his incorrect expressions of gospel doctrine and righteous expectations. But I did witness some really great work with an unmarried mother through the agency once.