NeedleinA

Sure, but I think addiction--not necessarily casual porn use, but addiction--that's not a typical imperfection.  It is--quite frankly--a mental illness with layers and layers of symptoms and ramifications and repercussions.  From the perspective of the addict--like I said, it's a hard mental state from which to make a decision with long-term consequences; and from the perspective of the partner--if they're willing to undertake that obligation, good for them; but I would get really concerned about any attempt to use LDS teachings on forgiveness, in order to guilt or shame young LDS singles--especially single women--to accept a partner who is in the throes of addiction.

I sympathize with a lot of the rationales for marrying civilly first.  That said, I think you'll be starting your marriage off on a much stronger foundation if you and your girlfriend are able to know that you were able develop sufficient self-control to stay out of trouble for a fixed period of time prior to the marriage.  If, having brought in the assistance of outside experts, it appears a temple marriage is attainable; I think you should continue to aspire to it.
I would also humbly suggest, both as a porn addict myself and as someone who works with drug addicts almost daily--obviously I don't know you at all; but your OP does show a lot of indicators of "addictive thinking":  fixation on timelines, self-justification, hyper-sensitivity to outside criticism, and insistence on the implementation of one's own will; among other traits.  Frankly, no duration of abstinence will get us very far until we get a handle on our addictive thought processes--otherwise, we're just the porn equivalent of a "dry drunk".  

I agree with the above as well, AS LONG AS your girlfriend knows you have a 11 year old porn addiction. If I missed it, I apologize, but she needs to fully understand who she is marrying, just like you should understand the same about her. 
You are worried about your temple recommend - correct. She in turn should also consider the status of her's too. Civil marriage after my above comment^^

Of course, just because one liberal person says something doesn't mean you can say all liberals think that. The exact same thing would apply if one conservative said something outrageous - obviously, he/she isn't speaking for all conservatives.
Arguing about ideology is pointless, when it comes to politics. When has that ever convinced anyone? What matters is finding practical solutions.
Personally, I think liberals and conservatives each get everything about half right. That's why we need them to talk and work together - to get a good whole solution  
 

I didn't realize this professor was the definitive voice and judge on who has or hasn't won anything, let alone the "culture wars'. Self appointed voice of the people??
In a different newspaper, Christian conservatives say a Harvard professor is not qualified to give them advice on anything.

Sounds like your dad is facing a few very large challenges: He is struggling with the loss of his wife and lifetime companion, he is trying to adjust to a new marriage relationship (huge task), and he is dealing with the ramifications of his religious beliefs -- which, from what you have said, he has not been particularly interested in throughout much of his life. Perhaps he now fears losing all that he held precious, and is trying to make up for years of neglect of religious things by a sudden, panicked burst of "conversion fever". If you think of your own life and important things you thought you had failed in, it's not too hard to imagine how this might go down with you. So have love and patience with your father, and teach your children to do the same. He will adjust to his new situation eventually.
(By the way, his efforts to teach his children and his grandchildren of the gospel of Jesus Christ as he understands it are noble and ultimately good. I say this as one who believes those things and finds them of great value. If you look past his desperation and understand what he's trying to say, you might just find a treasure trove for yourself and your family. Just a thought.)

IMO, you should have a serious, private conversation with your dad (possibly with his new wife, though maybe let him decide that) and tell him all that, and discuss what you can / can't accept by way of religious conversation.
Your dad is closer to the end of his mortality (than you) and is probably considering what is really important to him, and has decided that it's to spend eternity with his family, per his beliefs.  He may not understand that you and your kids find this overwhelming and he needs to back it off a bit, or change his approach, or something.  And he's not going to understand that unless you tell him.

Even prior to this comment, it was abundantly clear that your gospel understanding is unfortunately incredibly lacking and highly fragmented at best. Your above post simply solidifies for me my opinion of the whole situation. It strikes me as the careless immature response of a teenager that has lost an argument and has nothing intelligent left to say, stomping off and saying, "Well, oh yah, at least I'm not [insert any irrelevant physical feature] like you!".
@Carborendum said it, if you don't believe, then stop worrying about it. Move on and leave your dad and his happiness alone and focus on your own life instead, I would guess he would appreciate it too. 
 

"That is a great theory and all but why couldn't you have made your post shorter and easier for me to read, I mean geezzzzzzzzzzzzz, I only have the attention span of 15 seconds per post." - Needle The Cry Baby 

IMO, your dad is the best one to help you understand (or try).  In the end, this was his choice.  Only he knows what he understood and why he did what he did.  (Though Vort points out some very good things to consider regarding what a man would be comfortable discussing with his daughter.)
As previously addressed, the Jim Jones bit isn't gonna happen - that happens to cults with compounds and hundreds of people (or fewer), not to churches with millions of members scattered across the globe.  And the "stop contact" bit goes against everything we believe - family is central to God's plans for us - the church exists to help families return to God.  Love your dad, try to love your step mom, trust God to do right.
Just to be perfectly clear, none of those things is a part of our religion (though some Mormons do paint their toenails).
 
And just to clarify terms (since they're not commonly used outside of some faith communities):
Apostatizing = going astray, leaving or denying the faith (no missions with this end in mind).  This isn't the word you meant to use.
Proselytizing = preaching with the intent to convert to one's faith.  This is the word you meant to use (the type of mission your dad apparently expressed interest in).

Or, like all wars, we must seek out the moderates among our ideological opponents (non-hostile liberals, in other words) and form loose associations. Call it "friendship evangelism": in the ideological sphere. 
...that pc can be a sneaky fellow...

"That is a great theory and all but why couldn't you have made your post shorter and easier for me to read, I mean geezzzzzzzzzzzzz, I only have the attention span of 15 seconds per post." - Needle The Cry Baby 

@TurboGirl
You seem quite loving and concerned for your dad- you must care for him deeply.  However, your concerns are based on misunderstanding of LDS beliefs (no offense- it's very easy to misunderstand another belief system).  If you want, we can explain things to you, but to do so properly would require a fair amount of time and listening on your part (the misunderstandings run deep).  Would you like to do that?

Even prior to this comment, it was abundantly clear that your gospel understanding is unfortunately incredibly lacking and highly fragmented at best. Your above post simply solidifies for me my opinion of the whole situation. It strikes me as the careless immature response of a teenager that has lost an argument and has nothing intelligent left to say, stomping off and saying, "Well, oh yah, at least I'm not [insert any irrelevant physical feature] like you!".
@Carborendum said it, if you don't believe, then stop worrying about it. Move on and leave your dad and his happiness alone and focus on your own life instead, I would guess he would appreciate it too. 
 

Not so. An unmarried man (even if widowed) cannot serve a mission.
Also not true. Many, perhaps most, older couple missionaries are not called to proselytizing missions because they don't want to serve such a mission, but they certainly may be called to one if they are willing.
Honestly, TurboGirl, if this is your feelings and level of knowledge toward the LDS Church, I really think you need to learn a great deal more about us and the LDS Church in general before passing any judgment on your dad's marital choices.

I agree fully that man was not meant to be alone, and it is true that an unmarried (including widowed) man will not be called to serve as a missionary -- though an unmarried (including widowed) woman may be so called. Some men have decried this as unfair, but whether or not we think it's "fair", that's how it is. Unmarried men do not serve missions. Period. The only exceptions I know of are men who are called on lifetime "missions" as General Authorities. If they are left widowers in such a position, they may or may not remarry, as they see fit, but they do not lose their status (or "mission call") as a General Authority. Our current prophet and Church president, Thomas S. Monson, is a widower. One of our recently deceased apostles was, as well.

So your father wants to serve a couples mission....  Understandably this requires him to be part of a living couple...  So that is what he is told he needs to do...  I hardly all that being "pressured."  He has no need to be Sealed so for time only is also understandable.
So it seems most likely when he found a suitable companion, based on what you have said about her,  that she is the one that wanted to be Sealed for Eternity, due to her abusive ex. You father accepts that and moves forward.
You describe your father as a man with both mental and physical ability intact (otherwise he could not serve a mission) and with a solid foundation of the religion he believes in...  So why don't you give your father some credit that he knows exactly what he is doing?
 

Needle...oh come, let us reason together. Sure, there are plenty of liberal-thinking, liberal voting folk who are pleasant, open to conversation, and not-at-all-interested in the the type of bullying exemplified by the Harvard professor. Then again, this is a Harvard professor, not some wingnut on late night MSNBC. I could post another article I stumbled upon, in which a liberal-minded psychology professor posted on his FB that perhaps there should be some diversity of thought in the academy? (i.e. at least a few conservatives). The response? Well sure, let's just be done with it and hire a few idiots, so we get a representative pool!
No, all is not lost. However, I doubt we can underestimate the pervasiveness of the hostile, anti-conservative-social-mores consensus that dominates much of the academe.
Fortunately, there are a few moderates, conservatives, and yes, even some liberals, who are willing to question this.  http://heterodoxacademy.org/
Oh, by the way, Paul Krugman, a liberal NYT columnist, found out about the site, and without a visit, declared it the domicile of angry, sour grapes conservatives.

I didn't realize this professor was the definitive voice and judge on who has or hasn't won anything, let alone the "culture wars'. Self appointed voice of the people??
In a different newspaper, Christian conservatives say a Harvard professor is not qualified to give them advice on anything.

Ok this explains a lot.  Let's back up here: do you understand sealings for eternity between 1 husband and 1 wife?  (Let's start there, and then work to other situations).

Not judging, just saying others' sexual ways have no bearing on ours.
 
Lay all out on the bishop. Everything. Let him know what you all have to work with.
I third the civil marriage option. A sealing is not a race not a contest. Just commit to getting there at some point.

I agree with the above as well, AS LONG AS your girlfriend knows you have a 11 year old porn addiction. If I missed it, I apologize, but she needs to fully understand who she is marrying, just like you should understand the same about her. 
You are worried about your temple recommend - correct. She in turn should also consider the status of her's too. Civil marriage after my above comment^^

I agree with the above as well, AS LONG AS your girlfriend knows you have a 11 year old porn addiction. If I missed it, I apologize, but she needs to fully understand who she is marrying, just like you should understand the same about her. 
You are worried about your temple recommend - correct. She in turn should also consider the status of her's too. Civil marriage after my above comment^^

TurboGirl, please welcome your stepmother into your family. You will be doing your father an enormous favor. You will make his life greatly easier and more joyful. He has chosen to remarry, as his is legal and moral right. Please support him in this and find a place in your heart for his new wife.
As for the polygamy question, it's a reasonable question, but not one we have all the answers for. What we can be sure of is that worthy and righteous people who gain exaltation will do so of their own free will, and will never be "forced" into any situation they find intolerable. If your mother accepts this arrangement, she will do it gladly and joyfully, because she will understand (or at least have firm faith) that it is the path to indescribable joy. If she does not accept it, neither God nor your dad nor anyone else will ever force anything on her.
So even though we do not have all the answers, this really and truly is something you don't need to be concerned with. You may have questions, but you need not have any fears on this account. God loves you, he loves your mother, he loves your father, he loves your father's second wife. What God has in store for them that love him is beyond your ability to imagine. You can depend on that.

A couple of thoughts. What you Mother would or wouldn't do, or who she would or wouldn't choose is at best a "guess" on your part right now. In addition the thoughts/understandings/realizations that your mother had while on earth may not be the same as those she currently has in the afterlife.
ching, ching...my 2 cents.