seashmore

I'm glad to see you so excited to serve a mission and bring people to Christ!  I think you will do just fine as a missionary, although things will be hard for you.  But definitely find a way to serve!

JUST GO!!
Their hearts will soften as they hear from you talking about how serving others is changing your life, etc. You will learn so many wonderful lessons during your mission, and I'm sure you'll learn to love your parents even more, even when they might not write back.
Ive met a few missionaries where their parents never wrote, no one to call for Christmas or mothers day. BUT other friends where still there cheering them on. I trust that your parents will eventually accept your choice and even join the church. The Gospel brings joy to families, and as years go by and you form your own family,  they'll be able to feel that love that the gospel brings.
So don't get discouraged! You'll be fine!  My parents got divorced before I turned 1 yr old. My aunt took us to church when I was a kid in primary. for about 16 yrs me and my siblings went to church alone. Eventually my mom joined the church. And Ive been able to see how as you keep your covenants and are obedient God will always, always, ALWAYS, bless you. What seems like a trial right now, later you'll look back and you'll see that those trials where just a mountain , to help you see even further. So trust me little brother. You will triumph and will be a great missionary!
Love, your Chilean sister.

Perspective of my brother-in-law and his conversion story -  
He joined the church and found himself in a very similar situation other than his mom and step dad were Christians.  They did not want him to go on a mission and didn't want anything to do with the church - h went anyway.  While on his mission his parents never wrote him.  His brother would take a red pen, correct all the grammatical errors and send the letter back without ever writing anything to him either.  Half way through his mission his mother came to visit him.  He was excited to see her, and she sat down with him at lunch and asked him if he was done messing around and ready to come home.  She was still mad that he was on a mission.  OF course he finished his mission, was very very, successful in baptizing, AP all that.  - About 5-10 years after he got home got married and had kids, his parents hearts softened - They joined the church and are very, very active and have been for some 20 years now.  His brother never joined but is very favorable to the church.
Family is always first and despite what I or anyone else says - if the Lord is calling you on a mission it will work out.  It will be for the better.  Serving may be hard at times but it will be worth it and the Lord will soften your parents hearts eventually.  

I have known a few people in your situation.  Serving a mission is an act of faith.  But lets lay this out for you.  Your parents love you.  I can hardly believe that serving a mission would change that love for you.  You love your parents.  You serving a mission is going to hurt their feelings a bit, but they will get over it.  You will show them love and write them often and let them know that they have been wonderful parents.
They may get upset if you go.  If they do, don't get upset back.  Have understanding and compassion.  It isn't going to be easy at first. But I have seen many a relationship blessed from missionary service.

It sounds to my ears (as a dad) that they may be most concerned about the seeming abruptness and bigness of the change. If you went from Catholic to Lutheran, over the course of a couple years of exploring, they might not be so cautious, but going from the ancient tradition of Catholicism to the new religious movement of LDS spirituality--especially if it happened pretty quickly--likely raises their eyebrows. If so, your calm, loving, steady, consistent, and respectful approach to them is likely to eventually convince them that they will not lose you, and you have not given yourself over to a fanciful whim of religious fervor.

My morbid curiosity arises big time with this. As a Christian pastor who's been here for 12 years, I understand why religious parents might disapprove, but why would atheists care if you believe in God, the BoM, etc.? From a secular perspective, what do they mean by "cult?" What causes them to be so against your new found religion that they would oppose you following your dreams, at 21? You certainly need not speak for them on all these questions, but at the end of the day, what is the main factor about LDS spirituality that causes them to be so strong is their opposition? Do they believe it's just wrong and silly, or that it's dangerous? And then, why?

Welcome.
You are legally an adult...  But are you independent yet?
As an adult if you want to serve a mission your parents can't stop you.  But if you are still dependent on them then you need to change that, because whatever it is that you depend on them for they can take away for not behaving the way they want.
As for persuading them that you are doing the right thing... the most persuasive thing you can do is be Christ-like in all your behaviors. This could take awhile so prepare yourself for it.
 
 

The situation you are in does not excuse his behavior.  Stop putting so much blame on yourself and making excuses for him.  Walking away from this is not going to help either one of you because at the root of the problem is what is in your hearts and giving up won't change that.  Get yourselves to counseling and work this out.  This marriage can be saved, and you can be happy together, but you both need to do your part.  Right now your part is to let him know you are very unhappy and want the both of you to go to marriage counseling to make things better.  If he won't go, go alone.  If you can't afford it, talk to your bishop about that.

I totally get not wanting anything to do with a label.  I'm in that boat myself about Aspergers: technically diagnosed (cause my mom forced everything about it when I was 13) but I REALLY don't want to be labeled-- I'm just me.  No I'm not exactly like Bob or Mike or Sally- because I'm not them, I'm Jane.  Yes I'm different, and that's 100% ok.  I don't need some psych label to be me or to "fix" me.
Now that being said, I do need to figure out how to work with Bob and Mike and Sally, who.... well they are three very different people and don't always make a lot of sense to me.  And it is practical for me to learn communication tools to communicate with them--  kind of like it's useful to have an adapter to make my iPhone take with my Dell computer.  Neither the iPhone or Dell are bad systems (I'm a fan of both) but communication and working together is needed to keep things rolling.  
When it comes to people, learning communication tools has been very good for me, and .... what I need here is a tool.  Labels don't matter.  And if this tool I'm putting in my toolbox also happens to be found in a toolbox labeled "useful tools for people with Asperger's" I don't care.  I'm just searching for what works for my happiness, my spouse's happiness, working relationships, etc.  

Sounds like he may have not really learned yet how to experience/relate to/express emotion.  Does he have some tragic thing from his childhood?

Yeah, vague memories can be an annoying plague. Real?  Imagined?  Started real and morphed into something that never happened?  Human memory can be notoriously unreliable.
I remember reading about an experiment.  They talked to 100 people about their Disneyland experience.  They asked about the characters they met in the park, and did anyone run into Woody Woodpecker.  10-15% of those surveyed did indeed remember Woody.  Of course, the woody character is owned by Universal, not Disney, and there has never been a Woody in any Disneyland park ever - Disneyland would be guilty of copyright infringement!  But just asking the question managed to create a false memory in some people.
Yeah, I have done things in my past which have led me to confession.  I have an imperfect memory of them, but did my best to confess everything.  The bishop assured me (and I have heard this from multiple sources), that repentance is a matter of turning the heart to better roads - it's not a pass/fail test with a minimum score.  I used to do crap.  Can't really remember it all.  Confessed as best I could, and don't do that crap any more.   I have no reason to doubt that's not good enough for God.  
wellhellothere, consider giving yourself a break about the vague details.  Are you sincere in your repentance?  Are you truly dedicated to renouncing sins and walking a more righteous path of a disciple?   Go forth and walk it.  Feel free to tell your bishop you're not fully confident that you're remembering everything correctly.  But don't let your imperfection consume you.

Thank you, Fether!
I agree. It hasn't been easy, but I feel better already. The amount of money that I have been saving on both coffee and alcohol has been pretty nice too! I have already cut that down to a quarter of what I was spending before! 😳
I'll be getting touch with the missionaries soon. Either in person or via chat. 
Thanks for your support!

Marriage for him is definitely out of the question. I have brought that up on a few occasions over the last 8 years. Fortunately, neither of us want children, so there at least wouldn't be the issue of what religion to raise them in.
Like I said to unixknight, it's most likely going to have to be a wait and see scenario. I trust that things will work out as they need to. I just need to be patient. 😊

Well said, Zil!
I am definitely not being hard on myself about any of this. After all, this all came out just a few months ago! I trust that things will happen as they need to and when they need to.
I'll look into chatting with missionaries. I plan to attend another sacrament meeting here next week, so if not in person, then definitely online!
Thanks! 😁

It being the user's first post, it wasn't actually posted for the rest of us to see "14 hours ago" - despite what the date line on the post says.  Rather, @DesertRat posted it 14 hours ago, and it went into a queue for moderators.  When, exactly, moderators released it from that queue, I don't know, but in my experience, when his happens, it does not show up in the "content I haven't read" list (which is where I always start from).  Therefore, until someone else replies, or until I accidentally trip over it, I won't see the first (or second or third, I believe) post by a newbie.
Welcome, DesertRat!
Hopefully someone else on the boards knows detailed answers to these questions - I don't.  However, I give it as my opinion that it would not be wise to agree to baptism - in which you make a covenant with God to live according to the teachings of the Church - until / unless you are able to live the Word of Wisdom and the law of chastity.  Don't be too hard on yourself - it's a process and some need more time than others, and some need different answers and experiences than others - your path is your path.
The missionaries on http://www.mormon.org/ might be useful for you, particularly if you aren't ready to meet with missionaries in person.

I've never included house value in tithing either.  Having a thing worth something, and it's worth something more the next year, isn't really an "increase" - because your income has not increased.  It's only when you sell the home, do you realize any gain or loss.  And those numbers come from closing documents and tax forms. For example, here's buying a $110k home and then selling it in 10 years:

Total in and out:
-$10k down payment
-$100k principal
-$150k interest
-$25k improvements
TOTAL SPENT = $285
If I sell it for $210k, I would not have an increase, even though it was only a $110k home when I bought it.  Overall, it cost money to live there, it didn't produce money to live there.  Now if I sold it for $300k, I would tithe on the $15k gain.
 
At the end of the day, how you interpret "one-tenth of your interest annually", is between you and the Lord.  It's really simple - you propose a way of tithing, and you ask yourself if the Lord would agree with you that it's one-tenth of your interest.  You have to be mature and emotionally stable enough to be able to have a good answer.  But assuming you are, the Bishop asks you "do you pay a full tithe", and your answer springs from your deal with the Lord.
 

Never included house value into tithing. There are so many costs with it (property tax, upkeep, etc) it doesn't always feel like an asset. That said, when we did sell our house and made a decent amount on it, we donated a good portion to the Church Humanitarian Fund. You can always ask your bishop for his thoughts though. (and I love that your plan is to "join the Church in 2018"!!)

Never in my life have I ever considered paying tithing on the value of my house. If I were to sell my house then I would simply be swapping one asset - the house - for another - cash, therefore no gain, so no tithing. I pay tithing on my pre-tax income.

And so do crazy ones. 

I am convinced it is our mindset as much as our actions that will either help us on our eternal journey or else condemn us forever.
A popular diversion among religious people is to name some certain action and ask, "Is this a sin?" Conversation then revolves around whether the action can be justified in various situations, whether it is actually specified in holy writ and either approved or prohibited, or some other such evidence of divine approbation or censure. Such a question makes sense for those religions that Pharisaically view God as an infinitely smart lawyer who parses the law most carefully to see whether you were clever enough to keep it.
It would be nice to say that such questions never arise in an LDS context; sadly, we have daily proof, both on this forum and in the larger public sphere, that Mormons seem just as foolish as anyone else when it comes to playing this game.
As the title of this thread suggests, I believe the question, "Is this a sin?", is in almost all cases the wrong question. I think the right question in all cases is, "What would God have me do?" To answer that question, we have been given inspired leaders called of God, scriptures containing a history of God's dealings with our ancestors, and most importantly, the gift of the Holy Ghost. In the end, we will be left utterly without excuse, and our careful parsing of divine law will be of no more moment than spitting into the wind.

I believe that many of the memorable (to me, anyway) procedural changes in the Church in more recent years are designed to teach this very lesson.  Specifically: Handbook 2, Come Follow Me style lessons for the youth (and now rolling out for all), Teaching in the Savior's Way (in support of that style), Ministering, Councils in RS and Priesthood meetings, 6-months of the same 4th-Sunday lesson, combined Priesthood meetings, and GC scheduling.
IMO, all of these take us further from the "Right & Wrong", "Law of Moses", and "To Do List" style of living our religion and more toward, frankly, the Savior's way.  Parents who help their children to not rely on rote structure, but instead on the Spirit and developing personal interaction with God are doing those children a great service.

As MannersMatter points out, there are exceptions.  But the general rule, as explained to me by mommies and daddies and lighthearted memes and my own experience: Girls start out easy and get harder.  Boys start out hard and get easier.    Girls need nurturing, boys need molding.  Girls need support and love, boys need clear boundaries and goals, consistently reinforced or rewarded by structure.  Yes, it's tough for everyone - but in generally different ways. 
We're talking bell curves here.  Of course there are exceptions and overlaps.  Of course both need all of those things. 
Anyway, I'm offering a preview of the sorts of responses Jane_Doe may encounter.  So she can choose to turn it into a battle of wills (which she will lose), or she can seek to expand her influence.    
I was sitting there in a bishopric meeting, as they worked their way through sister whatsername's latest "you should change things and do it my way" letter.  They knew they were being sweet-talked by cookies, but it worked.  They stayed on the topic longer, looked harder for the best answer, sought the spirit for more time, then they otherwise would have.  Because of their love of the children, their respect for the sister, and for the cookies. 

One piece of advice...  On Recognition of accomplishments.. kids need this (not just boys) my recommendation would be to find ways to pull the girls up... not pull the boys down.    Yes I realize this can be hard because it is also a budget issue to hold such recognitions.
As for word misogyny you can drop it... and simply point to the fact that the Church's BSA program is simply inherently more expensive to run and more intensive then anything made up on the spot, and this results in an imbalance and unfairness between the YM and YW programs.  While the church is addressing it in a major way in the near future you would like to prepping for the changes now.
 

Yeah, I've encountered misogynists.  I don't think the word applies here.  
My suggestions: Make the letter half as long.  Take out the complaints, just leave the suggestions.  And submit it with a plate of cookies the day of their bishopric meeting.  I am speaking as a former Executive Secretary who have watched various people try to address various issues in various ways.  No really - cookies - consider it a lighthearted insider tip.
Someone trying to improve things for some children is cool.  Someone trying to right wrongs and bring justice to the unjust by making the bishop change how things are done?  Well, no matter how noble your cause or how righteous your perceptions, it simply won't go over as well as someone trying to do good for kids.  
Consider your letter a hopeful gateway to more dialogue, not court papers intended to bring judgment.  A wonderful outcome of this letter would be someone in the bishopric wanting to meet with you to hear more about where you're coming from.  
Remember to listen, as well as speak.  This is a two way thing here.

Ugh. Where to begin. When I was over cub scouts some years ago, I was also flabbergasted at what was going on. I spent a lot of time researching to make sure I understood and ended up calling SL which was very insightful (I learned that the *parents* are to pay for what the boys earn (except the final one/s)). After that call, I went to the PP and explained what I learned and my ideas to clean things up (start including Faith in God, etc). After I got her blessing, I went to the bishop who also gave me his. Unfortunately, there were parents who liked the false traditions and thought the ward should still cover all the doodads so the bishop walked things back. 😕 Anyway:
Recognition - Our monthly pack mtgs were when we did Core Values/Faith in God. The parents/families were only invited (3-4 times/yr) when the boys actually accomplished things (we also had a very small group and spotty attendance). I figured there's no way boys can finish things that fast and saw no value in burdening the parents with attendance (some serve in ym/yw while the other is home with the younger kids). I don't see how you could acknowledge the girls monthly because they only meet twice and also can't learn/grasp something so quick.
Leadership - I see no problem combining. There's still plenty of time to cover the needed reqs (keep in mind I'm not familiar with the changes made in recent years) and it never hurts for the older boys to review what they supposedly already learned. Combining does have it's drawbacks though. If you're not on the same page as leaders and/or if some are flaky and drop the ball...
Budget - That is up to the PP. Here's what I suggested and it was agreed to (using general #s): $500 (total) - $250 for all of Primary (bdys, bulletin board, baptisms, nursery snacks, supplies...) - $250 split percentage-wise between scouts and AD (if have 5 boys and 5 girls - $125 ea, 5 boys and 10 girls - boys get less). Before I was put in, the previous PP gave a majority of the budget to scouts which I thought was completely wrong. We still did what we needed/wanted to do with a more balanced budget so there was no need to go back to the previous insanity.
Good luck. Personally, I'm thrilled that we're finally cutting ties with the BSA and I will never again have anything to do with that organization after seeing/learning what I have.