Namaskar

And that’s fine to believe whatever we want to believe. I don’t remember what happened so I don’t really know. But the church definitely teaches the idea that it was volunteered. https://www.lds.org/manual/primary-7-new-testament/lesson-2-jesus-christ-volunteered-to-be-our-savior?lang=eng https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-3-jesus-christ-our-chosen-leader-and-savior?lang=eng

It doesn’t matter what I think because I am not God and don’t speak for him. But it is what the LDS church teaches. You can find that lesson guides use the word volunteer as well. I find it so admirable that Christ volunteered, as a brother of all of us. And can only imagine the pain as a father but also love and admiration for it all. I mean now we’re going off topic, but it’s beautiful.

Who was it again that volunteered to save us all?

Assuming your “ahems” are meant to be funny and not sarcastic and your choice of using “ “experienced adult” is not meant to be condescending, because they can be perceived as passive aggressive rather than just saying: it’s called a calling for a reason haha. There are also reasons why volunteering could work for both organizational and spiritual reason. It doesn’t have to be black and white, just a thought.

I believe that’s what’s happening in my life thanks for the video

Yes that all makes sense. I hope more people truly seek that route

So I’m assuming if a boy asks a boy and a girl asks a girl to dance there is non issue, because of this rule. Right? Haha

I agree that not everything can be volunteer based because we are human. It takes a lot of self awareness to be selfless and surrender our will to God. I dont know that all the callings are a choice from God. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. If enough people complain about callings they have, or callings they don’t want, perhaps it’s an opportunity for people to change the approach. maybe that means members feeling comfortable declining callings. I certainly am and have a dear friend who has declined for our own reasons and I know God still loves me. Maybe that means leaders taking more time to get to know people so they can be more intune with what they might need. Maybe that means leaders asking why people complain so much and trying to discover new approaches to filling callings. I’m not saying I know best, cause I don’t! It doesn’t mean things have to stay the way they are. Or maybe it does and I’m not angry about it either. I just set my boundaries and stay close to my spiritual guide.

I understand what you are saying about callings. I have always accepted callings in the past, aside from declining a couple sacrament talks. I respect the church as an institution and recently declined a calling because I’m unsure if it’s the place for me (for other reasons). That was a choice made from respect and from my free will. I’ve never felt as much love as I feel currently because I am trying to quiet the life around me so I can truly heal, truly recognize truth. It’s not my job to fix anything, at least that’s not how I approach being part of a community. People have to want to fix and heal themselves. I believe in living a life led by God and I seek and ask for opportunities to help others. I believe the church needs better boundaries from leaders and members within it. So if someone declines a calling, whether it be inspired by God or not, I don’t believe it should be anyone’s business. I don’t believe all callings are divinely inspired and I believe more members should feel comfortable declining if they choose. And I’ve heard plenty of people complain about their callings to believe that boundaries are a very healthy part of any community. You may think I’m being led astray by some other force but you aren’t me, and I am not you. You can’t say what you know for me just as much as I can’t say I know for you. I know God exists and is part of all life. I honor, respect and love everyone because of that knowledge.

I’M curious why the LDS Church doesn’t seek more volunteer approach for callings? Is it just the way it’s been done for so many years? I see the value in giving people the opportunity to grow by accepting things outside of the norm, but some people (like myself) find opportunity on their own and would rather volunteer where it interests them. And yes to the invalidation! I have separated myself from the LDS community not because I’m offended by a specific situation or person, but because I don’t feel like it’s a healthy environment. And sure, I could keep going and sometimes I still go but I’ve found removing myself from the environment has been more beneficial to my spirituality and connection with God and others. There is no bitterness either I still have love and compassion for the church and it’s members, but I’m sure it’s hard for people to believe me if I tell them.

Addictions are complex and alter the way our brain receives dopamine. I’ve had an eating disorder. What helped me finally recover was a therapist I randomly was paired with when me and my spouse started counseling together. He is a sexual dysfunction therapist, not a lot of knowledge about eating disorders but he understood how addictions work. Ecclesiastical leaders may have great ideas to support you, but they may not. Professional counselors may be able to help you discover what triggers your addiction and how you can treat the root cause. I hope you find what you need!

@thelizardofoz if you take this advice I would do it out of love and connection, not out of fear. I’d urge you to not make any decisions out of fear. You have been through a lot and I saw that you are seeing a therapist, awesome! I’ve had a therapist for over 5 years (at this point I only see him as needed) but it’s so helpful to work with someone when you’re dealing with so much. Now to give you my advice, try to be your best self FOR yourself. This girl may be a huge motivator for you and I believe people are meant to motivate one another, especially when it comes to a marriage. But don’t lose sight of another huge aspect of life, honoring your inner self and your relationship with the divine. Lean toward that and things will happen as they should, whether it be with this woman or not.

I think it’s totally revivable if both people want it. But I’d also suggest finding a marriage/sex therapist because I’d wager there is more emotional intimacy or communication issues than physical issues. Those two usually affect physical intimacy

It is common for quick engagements but it doesn’t necessarily mean quick marriages are the ideal for every situation. I’ve been married 8 years and do not regret getting married to my spouse. I DO regret not seeking professional guidance sooner about how to communicate and build healthy relationship and boundaries with my spouse. Seriously any Gottman book would be amazing to read as a couple I think ecclesiastical leaders may have good advice, but they aren’t marriage counselors and can sometimes offer unhealthy advice. You guys aren’t 21 and are likely more emotional mature for marriage. Oh and not to sound like a defiant teenager...it’s your life and not their life!!!!!!!! But seriously, I’m sure it’s exhausting to try and comfort people in your adult decisions, but you truly are not responsible for their feelings ❤️. You can nicely say this to people because it’s healthy for all relationships to not be overly involved in everything.

My biggest red flag is that he told her a lot of this stuff within the first 24 hours of getting to know each other. Major boundary concerns and not a healthy start to a relationship

I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much and I can understand how you must feel and the inner cycle of guilt, shame etc etc. There are some amazing books about becoming present and living in the Now. I know it’s not LDS text but I believe there is truth and I see so much of what Christ was trying to teach in these books I read. “Power of Now” was a starter for me to fund liberation from the past and future. The past has already happened and the future is made up , only the present is reality. I believe the Lord wants us to live fully in the present. That means accepting where you are right now and loving the person you are right now. It doesn’t mean you can’t aim to shift your Pathway, but you are enough as you are right now As others have said, you can only control your actions. No one makes us do anything. Another great resource is the Bold New Mom podcast. Start with episode 3 and 87

I think you handled it well and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself if you don’t want to. One of my biggest reasons for cutting back on my involvement with the lds community is basic lack of boundaries. Boundaries are good and healthy things! My issue with these discussions is that people don’t acknowledge and validate those that feel hurt by it. If someone decides to stop attending because of interactions like this, they shouldn’t be dismissed. It should be looked at and asked if there is a shift that needs to happen.

I wish every member would take a moment to read this fireside talk by a member who was inactive for many years. It’s simply beautiful https://mormondom.com/why-people-leave-the-church-and-never-come-back-410e3e817a3a

You can receive it about yourself, and if it includes others one has to keep in mind that we are all independent. So it doesn’t mean it will happen because she has choices and so does he. I agree with one comment that sometimes we can get caught up with our own thoughts and emotions that can manifest and be interpreted as some sign from above.

Surrender your desires. It’s okay to have goals but try to let go of the result. I’ve found when I try to honestly be okay with whether it happens or not, I am able to discern things more clearly. It takes practice and mindfulness. Good luck!

Pres Hunkley (lol to that typo) words are a nice suggestion but I think are treated too literally. I for one take my responsibility with my divine as number 1 priority. I take my responsibility to treat others with love seriously. I believe that responsibility to connect with each other on a personal level gets over looked too often. I see Jesus as a great example of taking the time to converse with all people. He was so aware of people around him to notice someone touching his garment. I’d love to one day know how to be more in tune and aware that we can truly see others and their needs more clearly.

What if you ask them if they want a calling? I am not really active right now and recently was asked to come in for a couples calling. I politely declined. Even when I was active, I’ve declined callings for various reasons and without a calling felt just as invested I my religion and my relationship with God. Im just throwing out the idea because some people might not want a calling. Instead of focusing on the worry or fear of them not staying active, focus on getting to know them and serving them through love.

I have ADD and didn’t know until I was an adult. It took a lot out of me to read and retain information when I was in school. I don’t think reading scriptures = better grades. I do think I enjoyed the challenge of reading one verse a day because challenges are actually a motivator for someone with ADD. But as an adult I’ve studied a lot about brains and since our brains are wired certain ways, we can train our brains by what is being inputted. If we fill our minds with scary, negative stuff, we see the world negatively. If we fill it with new and positive, we see the world positively. I now love to read, listen and watch enlightening things from all different sources. I think the idea of reading something enlightening, like some of the scriptures (but let’s be real, not all of the scriptures would be good to read before homework) could add to that positive brain pool.

I think this quote came from the book “The Shack.” ”Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is letting go.” It’s help me most to recognize the past is not reality and neither is the future. The action you take in the present are what matter, so focusing on the past to the point it emotionally affects you is living in the past. liberate yourself by living in the present and staying close to the divine ❤️

I finally felt like I understood compassion when I was doing a disaster relief mission a few months ago. I’ve never understood how people can say they love strangers but I feel like I say it more often these days and I absolutely mean it Mother Theresa was an enlightened soul!