amykeim

Okay, sorry, I should honestly leave this thread alone because it's fine for people to have their own opinions and perspectives about things I write, but I do think this is misinterpreting the article and taking that quote somewhat out of context. This is written for an everyday member of the Church; obviously, if someone is in your stewardship and you feel prompted to ask this question, that's a completely different matter and you should always follow the Spirit. I'm not sending this article out as a statement to bishops and Relief Society presidents throughout the world; rather, I'm saying — as I mentioned previously — that we should think twice before we ask people such personal questions. Likewise, I'm not suggesting to members, "You should choose to take offense when people ask you sensitive questions! Get your pitchforks and torches ASAP!" but I am trying to promote sensitivity toward an issue that is difficult for many people for a variety of reasons. 
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "Hey, let's be more sensitive and aware of others." I think people (in general, not you specifically, because I think you approached this in a tactful, respectful way) are quick to point the finger and say, "YOU'RE TAKING OFFENSE, YOU SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE!" without doing some introspection and saying, "Is there something I can learn from this? Is there a way that I can be more sensitive to others?" Yes, people should strive to not be offended, but people should also strive to not BE an offender. 

Okay, sorry, I should honestly leave this thread alone because it's fine for people to have their own opinions and perspectives about things I write, but I do think this is misinterpreting the article and taking that quote somewhat out of context. This is written for an everyday member of the Church; obviously, if someone is in your stewardship and you feel prompted to ask this question, that's a completely different matter and you should always follow the Spirit. I'm not sending this article out as a statement to bishops and Relief Society presidents throughout the world; rather, I'm saying — as I mentioned previously — that we should think twice before we ask people such personal questions. Likewise, I'm not suggesting to members, "You should choose to take offense when people ask you sensitive questions! Get your pitchforks and torches ASAP!" but I am trying to promote sensitivity toward an issue that is difficult for many people for a variety of reasons. 
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "Hey, let's be more sensitive and aware of others." I think people (in general, not you specifically, because I think you approached this in a tactful, respectful way) are quick to point the finger and say, "YOU'RE TAKING OFFENSE, YOU SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE!" without doing some introspection and saying, "Is there something I can learn from this? Is there a way that I can be more sensitive to others?" Yes, people should strive to not be offended, but people should also strive to not BE an offender. 

I would like to say, for the record, it literally never crossed my mind that this article was saying, “It’s okay to not have kids” or “It’s okay to postpone kids until you’re more financially settled.” I think the Lord has commanded us to have children and that having children even when we don’t feel ready, but feel that it’s what the Lord wants for us, shows great faith. On a personal note, I have a lot of health issues that have put me in a position where I don’t think I could take care of a child right now—I felt that was important to include in the article because it serves as an example of a situation that someone might not see on the surface. 
My goal with this article was to say that it’s not anyone’s business why you do or don’t have kids yet; it wasn’t to advocate not having (or even postponing) children—although truthfully, I think if someone is choosing to do so, it’s also not really my business and that’s not something they need to reveal to me. But really, my intent was to say, “Hey, this aspect of a marriage is really personal and questions about it shouldn’t be tossed around in casual conversation—especially because we never know the background of a couple’s situation and why they do or do not have children.”

I would like to say, for the record, it literally never crossed my mind that this article was saying, “It’s okay to not have kids” or “It’s okay to postpone kids until you’re more financially settled.” I think the Lord has commanded us to have children and that having children even when we don’t feel ready, but feel that it’s what the Lord wants for us, shows great faith. On a personal note, I have a lot of health issues that have put me in a position where I don’t think I could take care of a child right now—I felt that was important to include in the article because it serves as an example of a situation that someone might not see on the surface. 
My goal with this article was to say that it’s not anyone’s business why you do or don’t have kids yet; it wasn’t to advocate not having (or even postponing) children—although truthfully, I think if someone is choosing to do so, it’s also not really my business and that’s not something they need to reveal to me. But really, my intent was to say, “Hey, this aspect of a marriage is really personal and questions about it shouldn’t be tossed around in casual conversation—especially because we never know the background of a couple’s situation and why they do or do not have children.”

I would like to say, for the record, it literally never crossed my mind that this article was saying, “It’s okay to not have kids” or “It’s okay to postpone kids until you’re more financially settled.” I think the Lord has commanded us to have children and that having children even when we don’t feel ready, but feel that it’s what the Lord wants for us, shows great faith. On a personal note, I have a lot of health issues that have put me in a position where I don’t think I could take care of a child right now—I felt that was important to include in the article because it serves as an example of a situation that someone might not see on the surface. 
My goal with this article was to say that it’s not anyone’s business why you do or don’t have kids yet; it wasn’t to advocate not having (or even postponing) children—although truthfully, I think if someone is choosing to do so, it’s also not really my business and that’s not something they need to reveal to me. But really, my intent was to say, “Hey, this aspect of a marriage is really personal and questions about it shouldn’t be tossed around in casual conversation—especially because we never know the background of a couple’s situation and why they do or do not have children.”

I think unless you are one of the two people in the couple, you shouldn't ask about babies. I had so many things said to me about it. Once was during a miscarriage, I wasn't very nice about it. I was told all sorts of horrible things by peope who thought they knew about my life. It's not something that I advertised.  I felt like failure and didn't  need to tell anyone my struggle to conceive and stay pregnant.  It's no one's business. 
 It's hard to not be able to have kids. It's harder in the church.  
 

I have one son who isn't even 2 yet and people frequently ask me when I will be having another child. The thing is my husband and I have agreed we only want 1 child but I don't want to tell anyone that incase the Lord has other plans and I end up with another child, I wouldn't want people to think it was a mistake. So I awkwardly smile and want to die. Also , people at church seem oddly judgemental of parents who only want one child or only have one child. 

I would like to say, for the record, it literally never crossed my mind that this article was saying, “It’s okay to not have kids” or “It’s okay to postpone kids until you’re more financially settled.” I think the Lord has commanded us to have children and that having children even when we don’t feel ready, but feel that it’s what the Lord wants for us, shows great faith. On a personal note, I have a lot of health issues that have put me in a position where I don’t think I could take care of a child right now—I felt that was important to include in the article because it serves as an example of a situation that someone might not see on the surface. 
My goal with this article was to say that it’s not anyone’s business why you do or don’t have kids yet; it wasn’t to advocate not having (or even postponing) children—although truthfully, I think if someone is choosing to do so, it’s also not really my business and that’s not something they need to reveal to me. But really, my intent was to say, “Hey, this aspect of a marriage is really personal and questions about it shouldn’t be tossed around in casual conversation—especially because we never know the background of a couple’s situation and why they do or do not have children.”

I would like to say, for the record, it literally never crossed my mind that this article was saying, “It’s okay to not have kids” or “It’s okay to postpone kids until you’re more financially settled.” I think the Lord has commanded us to have children and that having children even when we don’t feel ready, but feel that it’s what the Lord wants for us, shows great faith. On a personal note, I have a lot of health issues that have put me in a position where I don’t think I could take care of a child right now—I felt that was important to include in the article because it serves as an example of a situation that someone might not see on the surface. 
My goal with this article was to say that it’s not anyone’s business why you do or don’t have kids yet; it wasn’t to advocate not having (or even postponing) children—although truthfully, I think if someone is choosing to do so, it’s also not really my business and that’s not something they need to reveal to me. But really, my intent was to say, “Hey, this aspect of a marriage is really personal and questions about it shouldn’t be tossed around in casual conversation—especially because we never know the background of a couple’s situation and why they do or do not have children.”

If the Church gave tattoos a green light, I would get this entire thing tattooed on my forehead. (It’d have to be really small print, but... #worthit)
I also find it interesting when people assign motives to an author’s writing. I say a lot of prayers — a lot — before I write anything. I seek to know what Heavenly Father would like me to say. But no matter what I write, it makes someone mad, and that’s fine. I’ve had to learn to not let it hurt my feelings. And while I certainly make mistakes, it does disappoint me when people who say I’M looking to be offended seem to be looking to find offense themselves. They come out, guns blazing, ready to attack one piece of an article without reading the entire thing and trying to get a sense of the message it conveys.
So thanks for understanding that I was trying to bring awareness to a sensitive issue and say, “Hey, even though you’re not trying to hurt someone by asking this question, it can cause pain. Just wanted you to know because I know you’re trying to help others and this is how you can do so.” It’s not meant to be an attack on anyone; instead, it’s supposed to help us all be more sensitive to others stations in life and to live in more harmony.
Basically I’m trying to say that you are a gem, MormonGator. A scaly, green gem. 💚

If the Church gave tattoos a green light, I would get this entire thing tattooed on my forehead. (It’d have to be really small print, but... #worthit)
I also find it interesting when people assign motives to an author’s writing. I say a lot of prayers — a lot — before I write anything. I seek to know what Heavenly Father would like me to say. But no matter what I write, it makes someone mad, and that’s fine. I’ve had to learn to not let it hurt my feelings. And while I certainly make mistakes, it does disappoint me when people who say I’M looking to be offended seem to be looking to find offense themselves. They come out, guns blazing, ready to attack one piece of an article without reading the entire thing and trying to get a sense of the message it conveys.
So thanks for understanding that I was trying to bring awareness to a sensitive issue and say, “Hey, even though you’re not trying to hurt someone by asking this question, it can cause pain. Just wanted you to know because I know you’re trying to help others and this is how you can do so.” It’s not meant to be an attack on anyone; instead, it’s supposed to help us all be more sensitive to others stations in life and to live in more harmony.
Basically I’m trying to say that you are a gem, MormonGator. A scaly, green gem. 💚

I do think talking about the need to avoid this question should be discussed. For people like my wife and I, who are so fertile that mere kissing causes pregnancy, this question is on the same level as “what are your plans after college?”
The whole scenario is like someone’s doorbell being hooked up to a shock collar. We press the button cause we want to say hello, but don’t realize it is hurting you. But would surely stop if we knew

Amy, we nit-pick somethin’ fierce, but please know that we love you (in a platonic and perhaps deeply, deeply dysfunctional sort of way).

"Horrible" is what I was going for — thank you ❤️ 

"Horrible" is what I was going for — thank you ❤️ 

"Horrible" is what I was going for — thank you ❤️