Misshalfway

Sicily510, Sounds like your struggles have sure made you strong! Thanks for sharing.

Wow. I knew it kept players from the football field, but I didn't know it would prevent you from taking classes. What are you going to do? Change schools?

This thread is great reminder! I recently went back to work and now I find that I take phone meetings in the car on my way in or my way home. I've also noticed myself checking email at stop lights. I've even sent a text or two. Slipping into distracted driving is SO easy! I have decided to make changes. I'm not taking phone meetings even if my colleagues demand it and I'm going to try really hard not to use my phone if I'm driving. It would literally slay me if I were to cause an accident for such a stupid reason.

Nice article. It'd be fun to be in a friendship with such differences and enjoy how they don't get in the way.

I generally hear disfellowship lasts a year to 18 mos. I'm sure the leadership has some latitude based upon the circumstances. But I think 1 year is the standard. Why do you want/need your time reduced?

Feel the disappointment and lose the guilt. It's ok to want time to ourselves. We need it! Maybe you could send your husband to the golf course. 18 holes should keep him busy for a while.

Hm. This is an interesting post. While I respect your position, it's like you see spirituality as something so fragile that it can't stand any opposition. How exactly are we to develop spirituality and faith if we never have any of it tested? If we never have to pass through doubt and fear? Maybe I'm not understanding exactly what you are trying to "avoid like the plague". And really? Is that the only thing that came out of concentration camps?

Sounds like you are just afraid of disturbing people or afraid of what they'll think of your motives. Cast a wider net and all your issues go away. Targeting one specific ward wouldn't give you a good cross-section of LDS experience anyway.

I see no need for the "bishop" role in this scenario. I see only the need for the bishop to know clearly where this role begins and ends.

I appreciate this thread. Maybe its because I've grappled with these questions. Maybe it's because even though I find substantial answers, my mind still needs to grapple... I don't know always what God is doing with all of us here on earth. I appreciate the parts of LDS doctrine that help me understand that experience and pain are the best teachers and that opposition in all things is wisdom. But I also understand the quaking inside of myself when I pass through sufferings that seems senseless as I wonder why salvation didn't come. What helps me is finding meaning in the suffering. I know I've felt like God has abandoned me. I know I've beat upon His chest with my fists asking why. I've been in that place where intellectual and doctrinal placations didn't make a dent. BUT...I've also been in that place where I've been so profoundly grateful that God didn't intervene...that he didn't "save" me. Grateful because I grew so much in my knowledge and in my very breadth as a being. I think it's normal to feel the cries of injustice from within. And it's normal to wonder if anyone cares or protest against all the abandonment. But it also forces us to look beyond into wisdom and transcendence. At the end of the day, I really think this growth is why God doesn't interfere with our earthly lessons. And I also think that often he leaves the saving to us. Will we reach out to the hands who hang low and seek to support the feeble knees? Maybe if God got too involved, we'd fail in this area too.

I tend to agree that the "fair weather friend" thing tends to happen. And I agree it's hurtful... and sad really. Earlier in the thread somebody said that people are inherently selfish. I look at it like people are inherently protective. That means that if getting involved or staying present with a friend in trouble or with a difficult situation triggers fear or discomfort of some kind, then they'll probably avoid the situation. Maybe they are afraid of taking a social hit if they stand by you. Maybe they freeze cause they don't know what to do and they don't want to be intrusive. Or maybe the situation triggers "stuff" (ie. shame) inside that has nothing to do with you, but is something the person doesn't want in their awareness. So they avoid, or blame, or become oblivious. What I'm saying is that I don't think people are jerks. I just think need to protect ourselves interfere's with the part of us that really wants to support and connect with others. I guess that makes us act like jerks..... :)

Wow. Your husband is a real prince! I love this post by Funkytown....but with one adjustment. I think you should get mad! Not in a way that indulges attacks or plays into husband's manipulations. The kind that helps you find your strength and your boundaries. Anger is a great friend in times like this. It offers temporary power when the rest of us wants to curl in a ball. So, lean on it! Just until other strength emerges from the ashes. Having said that... I can only imagine how you must be feeling. It must feel like a private hiroshima. I'm sending you all the female strength energy I can. The energy from all the women of all the ages who know this kind of pain. And a few angels too. The ones who know how badly this hurts....and the ones who can help you carry all the parts of it. I hope that you husband will wake one day and realize he's in a huge happiness trap. And I hope he reaps what he sows!! Blessings to you and your child. OH! And if it were me....I'd go find this girls house and give her a piece of my mind.

IMO, we can learn something from the French. :)

Hm. This is just another way of staying safe. You get what I mean? That pleasing fear thing we were talking about is a classic way of staying safe. Or a way to try and control or guarantee that the person won't get hurt/rejected. It doesn't work, but people do this because they can't stand vulnerability and they try to prevent experiencing it. What you describe above is the same thing only in its opposite. "I don't want to appear weak so I'll hide behind the facade of See, I don't care or I don't need you. I don't need anybody. You see how there is no vulnerability in this? No showing who you really are? And no reaching to meet others to try to see who they really are? People who are confident are ok with who and what they are flaws and all. This doesn't mean they don't feel fear that they might get rejected or that their heart might get broken. It means that they are willing to own who they really are, and that they are confident with the risk . It's important to understand that while confidence is VERY attractive, it's not a guarantee that they girl you want will want you. What it means is that the person is safe enough within themselves to risk. These people establish the safety on the inside of themselves and don't need to control external perceptions to get the safety. And when you got two people willing to risk and balanced enough to tolerate the fear.... you have a really good recipe for making love. OR....at least having a great time while you are trying. So dude. Get ok with who you are. Find the balance between "nice" and "aloof". Anchor within to how much you like and accept yourself. And then get out there and bungee jump!!

I don't usually feel the "weighing on me" feeling unless I need to take care of something. Most likely you have repented in your heart. Perhaps you just need to confess just as a last step.

You know why girls aren't so "attracted" to nice guys? (only an opinion from my experience being a girl) Because "nice" isn't a challenge. What I mean is that sometimes "nice guys" are pleasers, who lack confidence (dating/sexual confidence), and act submissive to the women they want. They often date with the energy of fear. Like "maybe she won't like me so I better be super nice". And because they "need" the girl to approve of them, it makes them appear too available and well.....weak. And sometimes they are so worried about making a mistake that they are boring and stuffy. I think what women see in "bad boys" is confidence and testosterone and fun. That is what attracts them. Don't get me wrong...this infatuation usually leads to misery down the road. And don't get me wrong...women want a man to respect them. But they also want someone who can rev her engine a little. It's all biology and evolution, my friend. Girls chase testosterone the same way boys chase blondes. You pickin up what I'm laying down?

I think its innocent. I don't think she had any other agenda but to boldly ask you if you were ready for more church service. Bold questions like this are very common in LDS culture.

Thank goodness there are differences between men and women!! Without them, I think my sex drive would go to pot! But we certainly do get confused about this sort of stuff. Hard to know all the time where doctrine ends and culture begins....

My experience with prayer is similar to Beefche. There are lots of times where God did not answer or intervene. There have been times when He didn't confirm my decision even though I begged Him to. I really think that this means that prayer and answers to prayer are only part of our experience with agency. You say that you wonder why God didn't make a better way to communicate. Well, if you are God and you are trying to raise up strong children who act "without compulsory means" (D & C 121), then how will they act on their own if everything is compulsory?

So....what you are saying is that you are normal. :) I think you need to change the way you look at these activities and also change the reason you are doing it. If all you want is to check it off your list so you don't feel guilty, then no wonder you are unmotivated. You know how you act when you are in love with someone? Like you just can't get enough....Like you can't wait to see them again...Like it's hard to say goodnight? Well, maybe it's time for you to fall in love with communicating with God. If you can't wait to see what you learn, or you fall in love with how God infuses your life with revelation.. then reading and praying gets real easy.

Well, whatever you decide. Think about therapy. Whether your problem is about sex or substance or shopping, therapists understand. The stuff that feels shameful to you, is everyday normal to them. And they know how to help people change behaviors that are pesky. It's like having the best sort of friend. They won't judge you, but they'll still tell you the truth about stuff. Whatever you do. ... don't let the fear stop you from taking your life back. BTW....how do you know you are truly addicted? We tend to throw that word around...

In one of the talks you mentioned, the gentleman says that he loves being in interfaith conversations where everyone can be themselves and no one is in fear of "being changed." I like that too. I have a great appreciation for other faiths and I like to study them. I'm no scholar. But I love it when a kernal of insight resonates with me. I've spent some time studying Buddhist ideas and they've really blessed my life and helped me to become more compassionate and mindful. I like this better than the perfectionism that I learned as a young latter-day saint. So, while I still believe in the foundations of faith that came out of the restoration, I look for how God is working throughout the earth. I still love that quote from Joseph Smith about adopting truth wherever we find it.

I don't know exactly. But it seems that God is into birthrights. The blessings to Abraham, for example. And it happens on the other side too. Like the Lamanites and the "unbelief" that came because of the wickedness of their fathers. Neither scenarios come from individual merit. Again, I don't know the answers. I just know its interesting to observe how the Lord deals with his children.

I like the idea of using seeds and nuts as part of a healthy diet. At least they come from the earth. Unlike processed diet bars that taste like plastic.

I don't know if the polarization stuff is new. I think it's part of human nature and it's been part of cycles throughout history. What I do think I see, at least in American politics, is a failure to work together for the common good. I think there are too many agendas competing for power. No one is civil or trustworthy anymore. I long for better days when people valued character. In regards to moral issues specifically, there is so much muddiness. Perhaps the only way to keep the clear is to take a more radical stance. Hopefully, its a radical and peaceful too.