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A little background: My husband is a convert. He joined in 2008, served an LDS mission, and we have been married since his return (2011). We have 2 daughters here on earth and 1 angel in heaven. He has been lying and drinking behind my back for the past six months and I finally confronted him. He's not sorry for drinking and breaking his covenants, or for being unworthy of the priesthood. He doesn't really want to change. He's only sorry for how it has made me feel, and has said just that. It feels like everything church related has been for me, to get me. I wouldn't date him cause he wasn't mormon. He became mormon. I wanted to marry a returned missionary. He became one. I thought no one would do that just to be with me, but currently, it sure feels like he did all that just for me. Which is never what I wanted. So in addition to having the burden of doing everything gospel related in the home, I also feel like it's my own fault. He lied to me for 6 months. He doesn't feel like he needs to talk to the bishop, or stop drinking, since he isn't addicted. But he'll do those things if I want him to. I told him I don't want him to do it for me. That he needs to do it because he wants to, not for me, and that until he gets there he should do what he wants. But despite all this, he says he has a testimony. He also got really angry at me and said what have I done for the church, since I didn't go on a mission and he did. Where do we go from here? Counseling? Divorce? Who can I turn to? Who can I tell? I feel all alone. And that I am failing everyone around me.
Let me first start off by saying that I've prayed a lot about this. Unfortunately, I haven't received a clear answer, which is why I'm here asking for advice. This is a long one, so please bare with me. I'll try not to leave anything pertinent out. My name is Alison--feel free to use any variation of it that you'd like (Alison, Alis, Alice, Ali, etc), or just call me by my user name. I'm not picky about what name you use. My best friend (I'll call her Suzie here--I don't want this to be too identifiable) and I have been close since middle school, when I moved to the US from the UK. We went to the same ward, had the same classes in school, her family thinks of me as an "adopted" daughter, and my family thinks of Suzie the same way. When we were 17, Suzie set me up on a date with "Adam", now my husband. As you can tell, we're extremely close. We even got married just a couple of weeks apart. I was sealed to my husband, followed by a small ceremony for my non-member friends and extended family. Suzie was married civilly in a last-minute wedding planned in just a few days. Her now-husband "James" was kicked out of his parent's house several months before their original wedding date and Suzie decided he should move into her apartment, where she lived alone. She tried keeping it a secret from everyone, but her parents found out and they ended up planning a quick civil wedding so that Suzie "would stop acting like a wh***" (censored quote from Suzie's mom). Now here is where I need the advice: Living with James before being married wasn't the worst thing she's done. To say this nicely, she went "all the way" (and then some) with him long before moving in together, and she seriously violated the Law of Chastity with 4 prior boyfriends, and she had multiple miscarriages and pregnancy scares with 2 of the boyfriends. Some of the pregnancy scares happened because she was drunk and didn't remember how far she'd gone. Her husband doesn't know about all of that. Neither does her bishop. A few of our non-LDS mutual friends know about the miscarriages, but I'm the one who was told the details. I've always felt uncomfortable hearing about and knowing all of this, but I always pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to love her and help her the best I could. She's due to be sealed to her husband in a few weeks, on the anniversary of her civil wedding. She's told me that she doesn't tell any of this to her bishop, that she lies and says the right answers. She told me this while we were having lunch recently, and she had just ordered an alcoholic drink she likes (I think it was called a "Strawberry Lemon Drop"...but I suppose that's irrelevant). When she told me that, I felt seriously nauseous. She's been cleared to receive her endowments and get sealed, and she's keeping almost everything a secret. Ever since she told me that, I haven't been spending as much time with her, because this is all I can think about. I want her to have all the blessings that going to the temple brings and has brought to me and my husband, but she doesn't want to own up to her past mistakes, or her current ones. She (thankfully) has cut back to one drink occasionally instead of drinking until she passes out, but it's still a problem. I don't know what to do about this. I don't know if it's my place to "tattle" on her to her bishop, but can I--should I stand by and say nothing? I've never told my bishop about any of this before, because I didn't want Suzie to find out that I spilled all her secrets (although our mutual friends might know more than I thought--I doubt they'd seek out her bishop about it), but sometimes telling the truth is worth risking a friendship--right? Or wrong? Please, I'm really struggling with this. If there's anything anyone can say to help me figure out what to do, please say it.
I have been married for 10+ years and have found myself in a bad place. A little while ago I started texting/chatting with another guy. It was mostly something I did just for excitement/adrenaline rush. Well, we've been making suggestive comments to each other and on the spur of the moment decided to meet somewhere. Things got out of hand and there was some petting and one kiss. I obviously feel horrible about it and I realize that I need to tell my husband. I'm putting it off because I know how badly he'll be hurt. I don't want it to affect his self image and other parts of his life. On a side note, he used to have issues with pornography - as far as I know, he hasn't had these problems for the past few years. At the time, though...it tore me up inside to think that he was looking at photos of other women...why wasn't I good enough?? It was extremely hard on me. I know I'll eventually need to talk with my bishop, etc. I'm ready for whatever comes my way: disfellowshipping, etc. Anyone have experience in this area??? I really need some advice...