tntraveler Posted June 27, 2008 Report Share Posted June 27, 2008 Hi there: I followed a link from a yahoo search here and just joined on a whim. I am the most dreaded kind of mormon there is; one going through a divorce. Nobody knows what to say to you. You feel as if everybody looks at you. Everybody meant to come by and check on you but somehow never made it. They're all worried you are going to do something wrong and break your covenents but your not allowed to socialize with the singles until the ink dries and you don't fit in with the "normal" poeple (see above) so you have to turn to those outside the church to feel accepted; then they are really concerned you are going to do something bad (I haven't by the way, but it is entertaing to see everybody worry about it) and so then one day when your son is gone to camp and your feling exceptionally lonely and bored you search LDS divorce on the internet and it takes you to a link that takes you here and you join becasue maybe here you can actually talk to church members that don't think divorce equals lepresy instead of just looking like is all you can do in good concious on the singles sites, and then you get on a soap box inyour introduction becasue, well, it just makes you feel better. Did I miss anything:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish4kitty Posted June 27, 2008 Report Share Posted June 27, 2008 Sounds like to me your in the right place to get some things off your chest. I don't judge and I welcome you here. Welcome aboard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted June 27, 2008 Report Share Posted June 27, 2008 Nope you pretty much covered it. Been there done that. Welcome to the site btw.. Glad to have you join us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Listener Posted June 27, 2008 Report Share Posted June 27, 2008 You're at the right place. A gentle and warm welcome to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bookmeister Posted June 27, 2008 Report Share Posted June 27, 2008 Hey, what's a divorce or two among friends? Glad you're here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntraveler Posted June 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Hey, what's a divorce or two among friends?Would have been way more fun if I had wanted it and way easier if the boyfriend would have kept her after they got caught. LOL We would both be happier now.Thanks to everyone for the hellos. Don't know how much I will be on here but is nice to find an LDS site where I might actually "belong" for a change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 welcome to the site and hope you like it here!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siouxz72 Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Welcome to the site! And really, bookmeister said it so well...what's a divorce or two among friends?! pssst...my mom got divorced! then she met and married my dad! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truegrits Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Hi! Welcome, tntraveler, hope you hang around for a bit...Nobody knows what to say to you "Hi! How are you doing?" that always works. And how about..."If you need someone to talk to, let me know."You can get up on your soapbox here, and rant and rave all you need to.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Welcome to the site, fellow divorced person. Come join the club . Hope you enjoy it here- am looking forward to more of your posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UintahJack Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 TNT, Hey, stuff happens. Sometimes things are our fault and other times there is no way to avoid it. I checked and I have yet to find a perfect person on this site either, but from what I've seen you've come to a great place to make new friends, vent sometimes and even learn. I think you'll enjoy it too. Welcome! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntraveler Posted June 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Welcome to the site, fellow divorced person.If I was divorced I could probably deal better. It's this limbo land that is killing me. I'm not single, I'm not married, I'm leper man. It doesn't help that the someday to be ex, that hasn't joined us in church or almost anywhere else for the last year and a half (I guess we know why really now) suddenly decided she needed to come back to church, and of course, moved into my ward, still walks in and takes sacrament every week, and just tells everybody she doesn't understand why I'm making such a big deal out of her simply having a friend that nothing happened with. Well, that part is not true and I know it. Believe me, I know. There is so much stuff not for this public forum but let's just say had this simply been a physical tryst I could have healed and moved on. There was so much more.Back to the church point of all this. Since she bold faces lies about the situation she is allowed to carry on in church as if nothing happened. When I talk to the bishop about me, not her, the position seems to be they are concerned about my son and want to be sure he gets to church etc. but hey buddy, you are pretty much on your own. I can't get a calling, appearantly can't use my recommend for a year, and just do not understand the reaction. I simply tried to carry on in a nearly impossible situation and catch my wife with another man and I'm punished for it. More to this I guess. we moved into this ward the same week I found out about the "friend" I travel for my job and was going back and forth on weekends taking care of my father until I got all that settled so she was going to the new ward laying the ground work while I was gone. Remember, this is a woman who hadn't been to church in months, who had a literal fit everytime we tried to do family prayer, refused to drive kids to activites if I was not home to do it, had alcohol hidden in the house, on and on. I guess my point to all this is shouldn't the church have some policy on dealing with seperated families? I hold a recommend, she does not, they can interview any one of the now adult children that can tell them the going ons, (her own family told me they couldn't believe I put up with her this long), our son is living with me, and yet she can just continue to come to the same ward, deny everything, flaunt it in front of me and carry on like this. And the bishop seems to be choosing the bury your head in the sand approach to it all. Seems to me one or the other of us should be asked to go to a differnet ward or something. I am just really confused. Yup, another rant. There is a lot more to my life really, thinking about all this just seems to consume a lot of it right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siouxz72 Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 TNT, Ranting is what we're here for! :) Let it all out! When you tell your story, so many of us can relate and let you know how we've dealt with the same or similar situation. So, no apologizing! Got it?! Siouxz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abqfriend Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Welcome to this great site and on-line community. I happen to be a Catholic and am a member of this community and- I feel at home. Welcome-you are among caring people. -Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Username-Removed Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Here! Here! Me also, been there, done that! I also know how you feel. I always said that I would simply go to another ward. But I went inactive instead. Wish I could have found support back in those days. Now, fully active and have found a great ward that accepts me. You are among friends here! Welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truegrits Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 ~~~tntraveler~~~I can't get a calling, appearantly can't use my recommend for a year, and just do not understand the reaction. I am confused. Getting divorced is reason to lose your recommend and not be able to have a calling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntraveler Posted June 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 This is why I am confused. I was told by a temple worker that if you go through a divorce you cannot have a recommend for a year. I have been in this ward three months now and have talked about getting a calling and been asked what callings I've had etc. but then have not received a call. Like I said once before, the bishop called me into the office one time, never really asked me what the details were but said, "well she says nothing physical happened," pushed me out the door for his next appointment and that is the last formal contact I have had with anyone. To his defense, this is a new bishop and I think I have kids older than him LOL. I think that is why I am so confused at it all is I just feel abandonded and to be honest, I am so angry at her for jumping back in like she did after almost two years of making it impossible for us to live as a normal lds family. when she moved out she was talking to me about when she gets married again, and how excited she was to be getting her own place again and now that the grass is bitter brown on that side of the fence... Also, if I thought she was even remotely sincere about it all I might feel different but having watched the head games for so long and seeing them without the rose colored glasses now I know it is not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost_one Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Although my situation is slightly differant. I have a Bishop that doesnt want to deal with my situation. Im a ex'ed member. I commited adultry, Acted like an adult and accepted responsibility. I went to my Bishop and fessed up. I did this as i was sorry for what i did. My reward for being honest? Kicked out. I moved to a new ward and was basically told i couldnt speak in class or do pretty much anything. At the time i pretended it didnt hurt. But it did. Really badly. I sometimes think i should have done what your exwife is doing and just pretend i didnt do anything wrong, But i couldnt live with myself if i did that. If i had a choice. I would still stand up and take my punishment. Even if it means, never getting to be part of the church or going to the celestial kingdom. I'd rather go to hell honest, than go to heaven with a lie inside me. I cant understand how people can do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siouxz72 Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 Hi tnt! I'm so glad you're here with us. While I haven't gone through what you're going through in the exact same way here's a little something that I've learned so that others cannot harsh my mellow. And this only applies to your soon to be ex-wife.... You can only control your own self. By this I mean... You know what she's doing is wrong. She knows what she's doing is wrong. But there is nothing that you can do about what she is doing. That's her own responsibility and something that she will be accountable for eventually. Maybe not in this life...but she will. In the mean time (i know this is really easy for me to say since i'm not there) you have to let it go. The anger you feel towards her and what she's doing is only affecting you. Not her. She couldn't care less. So, let it go. Out with the bad. In with the good. Concentrate on you. And your kids. And developing the good relationships in your life. Feel the peace. lol! Now, in the mean time... vent vent vent away! Out with the bad..In with the good! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 The big "D" and I don't mean Dallas!!! Welcome to the site. There is a seat at the table for everybody!!! LALALA.......hey! Who took mine? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siouxz72 Posted June 28, 2008 Report Share Posted June 28, 2008 The big "D" and I don't mean Dallas!!!Welcome to the site. There is a seat at the table for everybody!!!LALALA.......hey! Who took mine? that would be me! As soon as I heard that we were having chocolate pudding cake for dessert I slid in while you weren't looking! but i'll scoot over and share...you don't have cooties do you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted June 29, 2008 Report Share Posted June 29, 2008 I am wondering why you have never asked your Bishop about your Temple Reccomend....I would not take a workers opinion for your answer.I think you might have not understood what they were telling you. I worked with several couples going thru the divorce and never took a reccomend away unless something was done that warranted them unworthy to hold one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntraveler Posted June 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2008 As I said, I hae only had one opportunity to talk to my bishop and he hurried me out the door. Actually, my problem may be taking care of itself. She was not in church yesterday or last week and did not take our son last time she said she was going to. I'm thinking she has a new distraction and that may cure a portion of my problems. Especially at church. If she not there playing games I can be more myself and in doing so things will probably come around. Still awkward but I can focus on church at church instead of being bitter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted June 30, 2008 Report Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hi there: I followed a link from a yahoo search here and just joined on a whim. I am the most dreaded kind of mormon there is; one going through a divorce. Nobody knows what to say to you. You feel as if everybody looks at you. Everybody meant to come by and check on you but somehow never made it. They're all worried you are going to do something wrong and break your covenents but your not allowed to socialize with the singles until the ink dries and you don't fit in with the "normal" poeple (see above) so you have to turn to those outside the church to feel accepted; then they are really concerned you are going to do something bad (I haven't by the way, but it is entertaing to see everybody worry about it) and so then one day when your son is gone to camp and your feling exceptionally lonely and bored you search LDS divorce on the internet and it takes you to a link that takes you here and you join becasue maybe here you can actually talk to church members that don't think divorce equals lepresy instead of just looking like is all you can do in good concious on the singles sites, and then you get on a soap box inyour introduction becasue, well, it just makes you feel better. Did I miss anything:DI didn't know if divorcement was considered 'leprosy'. Welcome to the forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Girl Posted June 30, 2008 Report Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hey, TNT... First off, welcome to the boards!! I went through a somewhat similar situation 8 years ago... My Ex was never active in my Ward, so I didn't have to deal with seeing him at Church... But, in addition to my divorce being painful and tough, I needed to walk the path of repentance for a bit... I spent 18 months on Bishop's Probation (somewhat akin to Disfellowshipment)... It was a really tough time... But, that which does not KILL us, makes us stronger!! I was divorced for 2 years, and then met a man, who was not the man of my dreams, for I could never have dreamed up someone as wonderful as he!! We have been married for 6 years, and although times are tough right now (Hubby is looking for a job), I can honestly say, I am truely blessed and Oh, SO HAPPY!! My prayers to you for comfort and peace as you face this trial!! Silver Girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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