Home Teaching Question

[bjw]

I have a question about home teaching. I'm doing it on my own now for only the second time starting tomorrow. Previously I went a few times with a partner, who didn't do a whole lot but chat a few minutes and ask if the family needed anything.

I've seen conflicting opinions in my ward on what it is a home teacher must do. Some think you should just photocopy the Ensign HT message for the month and hand it to them and ask if they need anything. Others think you should go over the whole lesson with them. Some think no lesson is necessary, just see if there's any way the church and/or quorum can help them. I'm also thinking about taking my families some cookies or something.

Right now my companion assigned is my grandmother, since she can't do a calling or go VT because of her disabillities, and they don't want me doing HT by myself, they said that would be a good enough calling for my grandmother and a good way to get her out of the house. So, my grandmother and I will be visiting with the families. We did one already and we gave them some cookies and they made us dinner and we prayed together and I asked them if they needed anything.

Does that sound sufficient? Any feedback you guys have would be appreciated. I really enjoy HT and am looking forward to seeing the families I've been assigned. I really get along well with the two families so I think it will go pretty well. I would just like some opinions on what the best approach is and if it is expected to give a lesson.

[MorningStar]

Sounds like you're doing great! I personally can't stand it when people photocopy the message for me and that's it. I can print out the message myself. I want to know that my home teachers care about us.

[VisionOfLehi]

There's a reason it's called "teaching"

[mightynancy]

Yes, do take a gospel-centered message.

Also, just be a friend. Pray for your families, care about them, be a resource for them just as you would any other friend.

[skippy740]

I was always told that you represent the Bishop by visiting the family. (Stick with me on this.)

Remember that you return and report back to the Elder's Quorum President/HP Group Leader. If you don't, you should because just saying you did "100%" doesn't mean anything. You need to communicate back about your families and about people, not about checking another task off your list for the month.

They report back to the Bishop in PEC (Priesthood Executive Committee) meeting.

So, when you go to do your home teaching, remember that you are there to help the Bishop look after a small part of the ward family and return to report if they can use help from the ward in any way. (No, you don't do anything in regards to worthiness, but you can help with communicating any temporal needs or spiritual needs outside of worthiness issues.)

While you're there, have a message, but don't be "scripted" or rigid with a lesson agenda. Share stories, use scriptures and get any kids involved as best as you can. Have a spiritual meeting, but keep it friendly.

I would also highly encourage you to complete your home teaching during the first 2 Sundays of the month... because it shows that you are magnifying that calling by not waiting to the last minute. Also, it means that if you miss a family one week, you've got another 2 Sundays to see them!

Here's an old LDS joke:

"My home teacher is so good, he comes on the FIRST day of the month, every month!"

"Oh yeah? My home teacher comes the DAY BEFORE THAT!"

[tubaloth]

Some think you should just photocopy the Ensign HT message for the month and hand it to them and ask if they need anything.

I can see some people have this view, but this is NOT home teaching.

Others think you should go over the whole lesson with them.

You can…

Usually it depends on the family. Usually you should have a talk with the head of the house hold (be it the father or mother), ask them what they want you to do. Usually if there are kids, then the parents like a good lesson. Usually (I like using that word) you don’t do the full “lesson” because of time. You usually shorten it down to about 5-10 mins. You are giving a lesson so its more then just reading the Ensign.

Some think no lesson is necessary, just see if there's any way the church and/or quorum can help them.

Again it would depend on the family! We don’t do some cookie cutter program, we have the Holy Ghost and we should use to figure out what the needs of the family are! Usually sharing some spiritual message is really part of home teaching. This can be as simple as sharing a scripture or going bigger to a full lesson for kids. Use the spirit, we have it for a reason.

You do need to figure out if they need any help! You can flat out and ask them this, but usually you should grow close enough to your families that you can figure it out (as you talk) what there needs are. How the family is doing. Any problems that you see in the future! Follow the spirit.

I'm also thinking about taking my families some cookies or something

Yes this is always nice to do. I usually only do it about twice a year (Christmas, and when ever I feel like it). You can do something for kids in the family on there birthday, but I think people have started to go away from this. (because what if you forget one).

Does that sound sufficient?

That’s fine. I hope not every visit is going to be that long. You want to find a balance between doing your Home teaching, and being guest for dinner (there is a difference). But being your first time there (I assume) was fine. You don’t want to over stay your welcome, even if the family and your Grandma wants to.

would just like some opinions on what the best approach is and if it is expected to give a lesson.

Some type of lesson is expected, how big or small that is, you should talk with family about it! But again use the spirit.

The other suggestion I have, is try to set up a system to visit your families, more try to set them up the same day and time of the month (if that works). Right now I try to do ALL my home teaching on the second and third Sunday. I try to let my families know that is what I’m trying to do. I still have to work on it, but now that I have that system set up, its easier to follow it.

You can always talk to your Elders Quorum president, about any advice, and hopefully you well have a PPI interview every 3 months.

[bjw]

Thanks everyone for the advice. It really puts things in a different perspective for me and will help me out a lot. Also, if anyone else has anything to add please do so. Thanks.

[john doe]

In my area, it is generally recommended to plan to stay for no longer than 30 minutes. This can be altered depending on circumstances. We are advised to present portions of the month's message, I usually just hit the high points and relate the parts that have extra meaning to me or that may be helpful to the family I'm visiting. I figure not much more than 10 minutes for the lesson part.

My HT's usually start by greeting each of us and talking about what has happened in each of our lives in the past month and what we expect to be doing in the month to come. It gives them a chance to get to know us and also gives them an insight as to how things are really going in our family. They also share things with us that they may be doing which are in common with our activities. I feel this time is important as it helps them bond with us, and makes us feel more comfortable if we ever needed to share things with them. After they make the rounds with each family member, they share the monthly messgae with our family. This part is interesting to me, because sometimes they hit on different points than what I hit on when I make my visits. Then they ask the standard questions about FHE, family and personal prayer, and scripture reading. Then they close with prayer and leave. Short, sweet, and hit all the important stuff, just the way I want them to.

[MorningStar]

We had this home teacher years ago that would stay for at least two hours. He worked from home, his kids were homeschooled, and I think he just enjoyed the break. It became a joke, "Hmmm ... If we want to watch such and such at 8:30, he shouldn't come later than 6pm." And we missed the show! It was so funny because there would even be a lull in the conversation and he just kept hanging out and did not want to leave. We didn't mind. At least we knew he liked us.

[kona0197]

I don't even have FHE.

[hordak]

i agree with the advice that you should teach. The cookies are a nice touch though:D

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Who can turn down cookies???

I agree with Lehi, it's called home TEACHING for a reason. But Skippy is right, the primary purpose for your visit is to gain an understanding of that family's needs and desires. If you go into your Home Teaching prayerfully and ask the Lord what your families' needs are and how you can help them meet those needs, you'll be blessed with inspiration to bring to that family the things they are most in need of.

Sometimes a family doesn't need a lesson. Sometimes the lesson a family needs is one from your own experience and not from the front page of the Ensign. Sometimes the Ensign lesson is inspired for that one particular family that you home teach. Earnest prayer will always help you to know what is appropriate and necessary for your families.

[utcowboy]

I have a question about home teaching. I'm doing it on my own now for only the second time starting tomorrow. Previously I went a few times with a partner, who didn't do a whole lot but chat a few minutes and ask if the family needed anything.

I've seen conflicting opinions in my ward on what it is a home teacher must do. Some think you should just photocopy the Ensign HT message for the month and hand it to them and ask if they need anything. Others think you should go over the whole lesson with them. Some think no lesson is necessary, just see if there's any way the church and/or quorum can help them. I'm also thinking about taking my families some cookies or something.

Right now my companion assigned is my grandmother, since she can't do a calling or go VT because of her disabillities, and they don't want me doing HT by myself, they said that would be a good enough calling for my grandmother and a good way to get her out of the house. So, my grandmother and I will be visiting with the families. We did one already and we gave them some cookies and they made us dinner and we prayed together and I asked them if they needed anything.

Does that sound sufficient? Any feedback you guys have would be appreciated. I really enjoy HT and am looking forward to seeing the families I've been assigned. I really get along well with the two families so I think it will go pretty well. I would just like some opinions on what the best approach is and if it is expected to give a lesson.

I have found that it is easiest to ask the families what they expect. Some want a lesson, some just want to visit for a few minutes, and some don't want home teachers at all. Ask the family what they want you to do. I usually share a little bit out of the first pres message and make sure the family is doing OK. Bring cookies or something once in a while is a great way to show that you care about them and that its more to you then just an assignment. Best of luck... :)

[mountainrider]

There's a reason it's called "teaching"

Hold on a second. Not all situations are the same in the church. You guys are assuming that the home teachee's want to be "taught". I home teach a lady who is an active member, but her husband is not a member and is not really interested in the gospel. myself and the husband happen to work at the same company and we have alot in common and he appreciates my visits, but has made it quite obvious that he would rather not have gospel discussions. I give her the printed message so she can read it but we talk mostly about non-church stuff when I go visit. They know they can call me any time to help in any way. Am I an ineffective home teacher because I don't "teach" them?

I am completely active in the church and I could care less if my home teachers "teach" me. In fact, I really wouldn't mind if they didn't come because I know that I am doing fine, I don't need any help, and I know I can call on him at any time and he will be at my house to help.

I think we have gotten into this "100%" hometeaching mentality in the church where statistics are more important than the program. When I am asked to report my home teaching, I am asked "did you visit XYZ". The answer is yes or no. Never am I asked "Is there anything going on with families XYZ that I need to report to the bishop?" That is a much more effective method of reporting because then the EQ Presidency can derive the actual "Statistics" from the answer from the home teachers.

[utcowboy]

Hold on a second. Not all situations are the same in the church. You guys are assuming that the home teachee's want to be "taught". I home teach a lady who is an active member, but her husband is not a member and is not really interested in the gospel. myself and the husband happen to work at the same company and we have alot in common and he appreciates my visits, but has made it quite obvious that he would rather not have gospel discussions. I give her the printed message so she can read it but we talk mostly about non-church stuff when I go visit. They know they can call me any time to help in any way. Am I an ineffective home teacher because I don't "teach" them?

I am completely active in the church and I could care less if my home teachers "teach" me. In fact, I really wouldn't mind if they didn't come because I know that I am doing fine, I don't need any help, and I know I can call on him at any time and he will be at my house to help.

I think we have gotten into this "100%" hometeaching mentality in the church where statistics are more important than the program. When I am asked to report my home teaching, I am asked "did you visit XYZ". The answer is yes or no. Never am I asked "Is there anything going on with families XYZ that I need to report to the bishop?" That is a much more effective method of reporting because then the EQ Presidency can derive the actual "Statistics" from the answer from the home teachers.

Number 1 - congrads on getting into the home of this man. Most don't want the HT there at all, whether theres a lesson or not.

Number 2 - Have you ever thought that your home teacher isn't nessisarily there for you. They get the oppertunity to visit with the family and improve their skills at talk and communicating with others. This is great for the young men planning to go on a mission and it doesn't hurt us older men either. Please allow your home teachers to do their job, what they have been called to do. Even if its just to visit with you. :)

Number 3 - As secretary in the EQ, may I say that I get to talk with a lot of you brotheren and sometimes the conversation gets a little of track. If you could please remind me to ask you how your families are I'd sure appreciate it. You see sometimes between personal life and callings and work, we too get very busy and forget to ask all the right questions. Thanks again for your help...

[breeb]

I dont like it when the lesson they give is, "Ok, sit here and listen to me talk and teach you." I much prefer them to make it a conversation about the lesson or message they have. I really think its more about the comeradery between the ward family.

[Misshalfway]

I hate the going thru the motions. I hate it when their motivations for showing up is about duty instead of love. And I hate it when they come and talk about how busy they are can't be there for you. I would rather they didn't waste my time.

[candyprpl]

It does depend on the needs of the family.

My husband and I were new members and our first home teachers were great. They knew that we were enthusiastic and read our Ensigns the minute we got it. So they would just ask us if we had any questions about the first presidency message or had any other questions. It was great! We would usually talk for quite a while about the gospel. It helped our growing testimonies. And they were always available to come if we needed blessings or something. Invited us for bar-b-ques, etc.

[lilered]

My HT's usually start by greeting each of us and talking about what has happened in each of our lives in the past month and what we expect to be doing in the month to come. It gives them a chance to get to know us and also gives them an insight as to how things are really going in our family. They also share things with us that they may be doing which are in common with our activities. I feel this time is important as it helps them bond with us, and makes us feel more comfortable if we ever needed to share things with them. After they make the rounds with each family member, they share the monthly messgae with our family. This part is interesting to me, because sometimes they hit on different points than what I hit on when I make my visits. Then they ask the standard questions about FHE, family and personal prayer, and scripture reading. Then they close with prayer and leave. Short, sweet, and hit all the important stuff, just the way I want them to.

This is what I usually do. I also believe it important to build trusting relationships with your families. This takes time and patience. Home Teachers should be the first to respond to the families needs in time of crisis and seeking assistance.

Often I have witnessed Home Teachers just simply go thru the motions which usually results in the family never receiving the blessings that come from a loving Home Teacher.

It never ceases to amaze me the poor attitude some Priesthood Holders have about Home Teaching and can be evidenced in any ward by the low home teaching numbers for some families.

Example today a member of our ward was moving and I went over to help him as he lives nearby (I was the only church member who showed up). During the loading activity I asked him who his home teacher was. His response was he didn't know. He had lived at this location for 7 months and never had a visit from either the Home Teacher or Visiting Teacher. When I got home this evening, I called the HP Group Leader and brought it to his attention. I also reminded him that the member still needed help tomorrow moving into his new location (still in the ward) and requested, he contact some brethren to give them another opportunity to help these members unload tomorrow. Sad part about this, is the man and his wife both have severe heart problems and needed a lot of help.

Home Teaching and Priesthhod is all about service to others.

Edited July 30, 2008 by lilered

[Guest HEthePrimate]

You're making cookies? Wanna be my home teacher?

Do your home teachers visit you? If so, what do you like best about them and their visits?

When my home teachers visit, the most important thing for me is that they are friendly, and more interested in me than in what their "duties" as home teachers might be. As a widower without kids, and living far away from the rest of my family, I get lonely, and knowing that my home teachers actually like me helps. That's by far the most important thing to me. It's also reassuring that I can call on them for favors if I need to, even though I seldom actually do.

I get plenty of spiritual thoughts and lessons at church and institute, and don't really care whether or not my home teachers give me one, too, as long as they don't make it too preachy or too long. And preferably they don't just read the First Presidency message--I'd like to hear their thoughts instead of just repeating somebody else's.

The Primate

[mountainrider]

Number 2 - Have you ever thought that your home teacher isn't nessisarily there for you. They get the oppertunity to visit with the family and improve their skills at talk and communicating with others. This is great for the young men planning to go on a mission and it doesn't hurt us older men either. Please allow your home teachers to do their job, what they have been called to do. Even if its just to visit with you. :)

Don't get me wrong, I do make it very easy for my home teacher to come. There is no young man involved, so there is nobody that needs to learn how to communicate with others. I am just saying that I am not going to go inactive or have my feelings hurt if my home teacher is too busy one month (or every month for that matter) to come visit me.

You see sometimes between personal life and callings and work, we too get very busy and forget to ask all the right questions. Thanks again for your help...

This is the same excuse I use when I don't get my home teaching "done" for the month :)

My point was that we get too caught up in statistics because that is what we tend to report to the stake. I think the bishop should ask for a monthly written report from the EQ president about the problem families in the ward, rather than we got 40/80 families = 50% home teaching.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Don't get me wrong, I do make it very easy for my home teacher to come. There is no young man involved, so there is nobody that needs to learn how to communicate with others. I am just saying that I am not going to go inactive or have my feelings hurt if my home teacher is too busy one month (or every month for that matter) to come visit me.

I think Home Teaching isn't about what the home teachee wants - it's about what they NEED. And frankly, we humans are very poor at truly understanding our own needs. This is why HT should be done prayerfully.

My point was that we get too caught up in statistics because that is what we tend to report to the stake. I think the bishop should ask for a monthly written report from the EQ president about the problem families in the ward, rather than we got 40/80 families = 50% home teaching.

I agree whole-heartedly that the numbers have clouded out the real purpose. But the numbers still tell us something, and I think most wards do their part by setting standards for what qualifies as a HT visit. If your EQ president says that bumping into someone at the grocery store counts as a HT visit and you only get 50% - that number can say a lot. If we truly loved our neighbors and our ward, the numbers wouldn't matter.

[bjw]

Thanks everyone for the replies. Your advice really helped me when I went tonight. You have given me a lot of ideas.

[lilered]

Just a comment about Home teaching Statistics. Last month I asked for a ward Ward Home Teaching Report so that I could see who the home teachers were for each of the boys in the Aarronic Priesthood in the ward. During this process I noticed several families that had 0% visits for YTD. Also, some were in the 20% visits YTD. I imagine the Visiting Teachers report would have smiliar families with low % visits. It would seem to me that a Bishopric and or Quorum/Relief Society leadership would be persuing and seeking improvement with the appropriate home teacher until something more acceptable was realized.

One way to do this would be for the Ward Leadership to contact the home/visiting teacher and invite themselves to go with them to visit the (non-visited) family in the coming week. A little one on one face time with all concerned never hurt anything. Amazing what a gentle loving push and then follow up in the right direction will yield. The old "Return and Report". :^)

Edited July 31, 2008 by lilered

[candyprpl]

This is what I usually do. I also believe it important to build trusting relationships with your families. This takes time and patience. Home Teachers should be the first to respond to the families needs in time of crisis and seeking assistance.

Often I have witnessed Home Teachers just simply go thru the motions which usually results in the family never receiving the blessings that come from a loving Home Teacher.

It never ceases to amaze me the poor attitude some Priesthood Holders have about Home Teaching and can be evidenced in any ward by the low home teaching numbers for some families.

Example today a member of our ward was moving and I went over to help him as he lives nearby (I was the only church member who showed up). During the loading activity I asked him who his home teacher was. His response was he didn't know. He had lived at this location for 7 months and never had a visit from either the Home Teacher or Visiting Teacher. When I got home this evening, I called the HP Group Leader and brought it to his attention. I also reminded him that the member still needed help tomorrow moving into his new location (still in the ward) and requested, he contact some brethren to give them another opportunity to help these members unload tomorrow. Sad part about this, is the man and his wife both have severe heart problems and needed a lot of help.

Home Teaching and Priesthhod is all about service to others.

This just reminded me of a wonderful story I read. The person writing the story was telling her experience of a loving HT. Her mother was a single mom and when she was young the church was going to have a father/daugter party -- she warmly explained how her HT stepped in and made her feel loved and included in a church activity. Even when she became older, this same person was always there for her (even though he was not her HT any longer). This is the part that made me tear up -- when she was married in the Temple, this loving ex-HT sat in the sealing room in place where the father of the bride would be sitting.

That's magnifying one's calling!!!:)