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Nibowaka

By Nibowaka,
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Nibowaka

Nibowaka

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My first name was taken as a username, so I registered using my surname. It is pronounced just like the painter Thomas Kinkade. I wrote to him once asking about geneological information, but he never responded.

I am excommunicated and have been for 36 years. My addiction has caused me serious problems, viz., divorce & loss of family, imprisonment, loss of profession, and loss of friends. I struggle every day with my weakness, some days are better than others. Paul said he had a thorn in his side. I have an entire cactus implanted over my body.

I do not know (as many say in fast & testimony meetings) if the Gospel is true. My faith is weak, but I am trying to grow the seed. That is one reason I am here.

During my sixteenth year (ages ago) I was introduced to the Church by a high school friend. My family was hostile, but eventually I was able to be baptized. I joined for all the wrong reasons and eventually hurt others, getting myself excommunicated in the process.

In 1969 I graduated from what was then Ricks Jr. College, and two years later I graduated from BYU. I am a four year Navy veteran with an honorable discharge.

Anything else you want to know, just ask.

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HiJolly

HiJolly

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My first name was taken as a username, so I registered using my surname. It is pronounced just like the painter Thomas Kinkade. I wrote to him once asking about geneological information, but he never responded.

I am excommunicated and have been for 36 years. My addiction has caused me serious problems, viz., divorce & loss of family, imprisonment, loss of profession, and loss of friends. I struggle every day with my weakness, some days are better than others. Paul said he had a thorn in his side. I have an entire cactus implanted over my body.

I do not know (as many say in fast & testimony meetings) if the Gospel is true. My faith is weak, but I am trying to grow the seed. That is one reason I am here.

During my sixteenth year (ages ago) I was introduced to the Church by a high school friend. My family was hostile, but eventually I was able to be baptized. I joined for all the wrong reasons and eventually hurt others, getting myself excommunicated in the process.

In 1969 I graduated from what was then Ricks Jr. College, and two years later I graduated from BYU. I am a four year Navy veteran with an honorable discharge.

Anything else you want to know, just ask.

Welcome to the site! We have several members who have discussed addictions openly, you can search and find their threads. From masturbation to cutting to cigarettes and on, there's likely someone here who can relate to your struggles.

Glad you're here!

HiJolly

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Elphaba

Elphaba

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I am excommunicated and have been for 36 years. My addiction has caused me serious problems, viz., divorce & loss of family, imprisonment, loss of profession, and loss of friends. I struggle every day with my weakness, some days are better than others. Paul said he had a thorn in his side. I have an entire cactus implanted over my body.

In 1969 I graduated from what was then Ricks Jr. College, and two years later I graduated from BYU. I am a four year Navy veteran with an honorable discharge.

I don't usually respond to introduction posts, but I sensed such anguish and despair, in yours, it breaks my heart. I share some of your issues, though not all of them. I'm amazed you're still here, to be honest, and I hope you see that as a good thing. You must keep going, no matter what.

I notice you have some impressive accomplishments, as well, particularly your degrees and your military service. And you are still here.

I am not a member, but obviously most people on the board are, and I have some very dear friends here whose testimonies, and their spirituality, keep them going. And you must keep going as well.

Stick around, and I promise that those who can relate to you will soon be coming out of the woodwork to share their journeys.

Best of luck to you,

Elphaba

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dazed-and-confused

dazed-and-confused

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i know from personal experience just how important honesty is in recovery....as a former drug addict (starting in the 60s) and having been abused as a child. therapy might do you some good, and as a navy vet myself, there may be something available thru the VA. if you're at all like me, then i would also seek treatment for depression (i KNOW thats available at the VA). when i first joined the church in 1998, one my dearest friends had been excommunicated, and after the proper steps, was reinstated. whether or not you believe the gospel to be true is between you and your higher power. in any case, welcome, and thanks for your honesty...i know that can cost you sometimes, but i believe that it wont here......welcome...again

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Nibowaka

Nibowaka

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Thanks for the welcoming messages and words of encouragement.

The VA is providing what medical care I get, since I cannot afford insurance. I have thought of using the VA for counseling, but it is just too far away. I do not have a car, nor do I have much money, so my travel options are severly limited.

On the positive side, which I try to maintain, I am healthy for a man my age, especially so since I get a lot of walking in the desert heat. Plus I do small workouts some mornings with stretching and dumbbells, also an excercise wheel. If you have never tried an excercise wheel, I highly recommend it. I try to eat fairly well, though admit that I like chocolate (eat the dark kind these days) and ice cream. Fruits and vegetables are a big part of my diet too.

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Guest tomk

Guest tomk

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I have struggled with an addiction to pornography and masturbation for over 20 years.

This is a serious problem in the church, as recent General Conference addresses have made clear.

There is an online Christ-centric, LDS-adapted, 12 Step Program, called "Heart-t-Heart"

Here is a link:

Welcome to Heart t' Heart

They help the LDS community "come unto Christ" and be healed!

There is an anonymous online forum where you can post about your struggles. We also have annual Conferences where we can meet other addicts and listen to talks by others who have had a bit of sobriety from whatever brought them to HtH in the first place.

Is it embarrassing for me to admit I have struggled with porn and mb? Yes. But I have received such amazing healing and an actual, REAL relationship with my Savior, that I cannot keep silent when I see others seeking help.

As I am sure you are aware, excommunication is done in love...to help the individual reach their "bottom" and find Christ. It is not meant to last any longer than the excommunicant wishes it too, as exemplified either by their angry pride, or their humility and repentant attitude.

May the Lord be with you. You are among "fellow struggling mortals" here. You are among friends.

Tom

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Nibowaka

Nibowaka

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Captain Curmudgeon, if that is you in your avatar then I think your next step from "Senior Member" will shortly be "Nearly Dead"! :o:lol: Don't worry, I'll be there soon enough to keep you company! :eek:

Iggy, I love Calvin & Hobbes. Oh, how sad I was when the cartoonist decided to quit creating new series of cartoons. And did you ever see the TV series "Bobby's World"; that too was so funny and Bobby was much like Calvin.

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Misshalfway

Misshalfway

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Hi Kinkade!! A happy hello from the welcome wagon! I hope you enjoy it here.

I was also touched by your honesty. This addiction road is heartbreakingly difficult! I have some experience with such a road and my heart breaks every time I hear another story. But.......there is so very much hope! Hope in the outcomes of cleanliness and forgiveness and hope in the journey of recovery even when cleanliness is a few impossible steps away!

I am so very sorry your journey has been long and hard. My experience has been relatively short as I have been associated with one who has struggled. But I do know something of that Paul thorn you describe. I now look for God's purpose every time I feel it prick. Each one is an opportunity. Not one I ever would have chosen....but an opportunity none the less and I am being changed and led and humbled and healed through this recovery walk I am part of.

Please know you aren't alone. There is much love and understanding and absolute grace in the process of fighting and beating this compulsion. I think there are many here to have been there and who understand the difficulty and the exhaustion and the many battles on all the many fronts.

I hope you are able to find a recovery program that works for you. Are you in recovery now? Never too late. Never is Christ and his tender mercies unavailable. There is always hope.....even when things seem the darkest!!

Welcome to the site. Looking forward to getting to know you. If you ever need a shoulder or an ear.....my page is a click away. :)

Much love.

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Iggy

Iggy

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Note: Changed my UserName from my surname to Nibowaka, an American Indian name give to me decades ago by a friend.

Thanks to everyone for your kindness and warm welcomes.

Okay, so what does it mean??

BTW- Welcome to the forum- hope to see/hear more of/from you.

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Nibowaka

Nibowaka

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Nibowaka - One who sees all

I had a Scout I worked with, not the person who gave me the name, who once told me that I spoke "Eye English". He said that he could tell what I wanted, or how I felt, just by watching my eyes. I do have a way with some people of feeling deep empathy and being able to communicate on a non-verbal level. This works best for me with youth.

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