In need of some clean humor!

[skippy740]

A twist on the story of the Little Red Hen. Those with liberal views might not find this as humorous as I did.

"Who will help me plant my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Not I," said the pig.

"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," She planted her crop, and the wheat grew and ripened.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck..

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.

"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.

"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.

"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."

"Excess profits!" cried the cow.

(Nancy Pelosi)

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.

(Barbara Boxer)

"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.

(Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain.

(Ted Kennedy)

And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the farmer (Obama) came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."

"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.

"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free And all the Liberals smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.

Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.

EPILOGUE

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.

Hillary got $8 million for hers.

That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?

[skippy740]

The Stimulus Bill Explained

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.

The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."

[skippy740]

"BAIL EM OUT! ???? Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch Brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!"

[lilered]

Las vegas churches accept gambling chips!!!

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in las vegas , but there are more catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshippers at sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

You didn't even see it coming did you ?

[lilered]

Things To Ponder

1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3) Atheism is a nonprophet organization.

4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

8) If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him -- is he still wrong?

10) If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

11) Is there another word for synonym?

12) Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

13) Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

14) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

15) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16) Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

18) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

20) Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

22) Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

23) How do blind people know when they are done "wiping?"

24) How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

25) Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

26) What was the best thing before sliced bread?

27) I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.

[lilered]

More Things To Ponder

Q--How do crazy people go through the forest?

A--They take the psychopath.

Q--What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A--A stick.

Q--What do you call Santa's helpers?

A--Subordinate Clauses.

Q--What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?

A--Quattro sinko.

Q--What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A--A pool table.

Q--What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A--A nervous wreck.

Q--What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A--Anyone can roast beef.

Q--Where do you find a dog with no legs?

A--Right where you left him.

Q--Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

A--They all have phones.

Q--Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

A--They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q--Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

A--Because they have big fingers

Q--What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

A--The taste.

Q--What is a zebra?

A--26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q--Did you hear about the flasher that was thinking about retiring?

A--He decided to stick it out for one more year.

Q--What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?

A--A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

Q--What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office?

A--They're hiring.

Q--What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

A--Sanka.

[lilered]

Husband Down

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,’ replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.

[pam]

Dentist begging the patient: "Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?"

Patient: "Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time."

Dentist: "There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game."

[pam]

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."

[pam]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his own Sweat-shirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'' It depends" I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' PENN STATE '

And they say blondes are dumb...

[pam]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

'Only when he's been drinking.'

[lilered]

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one..

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Quit griping about your ward; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If the ward wants a better Bishop, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Peace starts with a smile.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

A lot of church members who are singing 'Standing on the Promises' are just sitting on the premises.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruit of the spirit' over a 'religious nut!'

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

He who angers you, controls you!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

If God is your co-pilot - swap seats!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Prayer:

Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace

of God will not protect you.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

We don't change the message; the message changes us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*++*+*+*+*+*+*+*

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

[lilered]

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes

of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she

applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, 'But Gramma,

you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!' I will probably never put

lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper

good-bye...

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He

asked me how old I was, and I told him, '62.' He was quiet for a moment, and

then he asked, 'Did you start at 1?'

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old

slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the

children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.

Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,

putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she

heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, 'Who was THAT?'

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood

was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond=2 0and I had a swing made from a

tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked

wild raspberries in the woods.' The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this

all in. At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, 'Grandma, do you know how

you and God are alike?' I mentally polished my halo and I said, 'No, how are

we alike?'' You're both very old,' he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's

PC. She told him she was writing a story. 'What's it about?' he

asked. 'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I

decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.

She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.

At last she headed for the door, saying, 'Grandma, I think you should try to

figure out some of these yourself!'

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the

lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.

Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy

whispered, 'It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with

flashlights.'

9. When my grandson asked me how old I20was, I teasingly replied, 'I'm not

sure.' 'Look in your underwear,Grandpa,' he advised. 'Mine says I'm four to

six.'

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,

'Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.' The grandmother,

more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,'

she said, 'how do you make babies? ''It's simple,' replied the girl. 'You

just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.'

11.. Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public servant,' said a

teacher. The small boy wrote: 'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.'

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't you know what pregnant

means?' she asked. 'Sure,' said the young boy confidently. 'It means

carrying a child.'

12. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids

home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the

truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's

duties.' They use him to keep crowds back,' said one child. 'No,' said

another. 'He's just for good luck.' A third child brought the argument to a

close. 'They use the dogs,' she said firmly, 'to find the fire hydrants.

[pam]

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Have you ever noticed I've had this one on my signature for ages.

[lilered]

Have you ever noticed I've had this one on my signature for ages.

Yes, as a matter of fact I did, but like all good quotes, they are worth repeating.

[Guest Godless]

The Creed of the Specialist (Army)

No one gets away with more than I. I am a non Non-Commissioned Officer, a beast of burden. As a junior enlisted soldier I realize that I am a member of an under appreciated, much chastised group of soldiers which is known as the ribcage, or perhaps pancreas, of the Army.

I am proud of myself and my fellow Specialists and will continue to whine and sham until the absolute last second, regardless of the mission at hand. I will use my grade and position to avoid responsibility, accountability and any sense of presence of mind.

Ignorance is my watchword. My two best excuses will always be on the tip of my tongue "I didn't know," and "It wasn't me." I will strive to remain invisible and unavailable for details. Never ever volunteer for anything is my rallying cry.

I am aware of my role as a SPC and if you need me for anything, I'll be on appointment. I know the other soldiers, and I will always refer to them by their first name, or in some cases, derogatory nickname. On weekends or days off, I will consistently drink myself into oblivion, and I will never answer my phone. I understand that for a person in my hierarchical position, rewards are going to be few and far between, and punishment will always be swift and severe.

Officers of my unit will have maximum time to accomplish their duties, because I will be accomplishing them for them. I will kiss up to their face and badmouth them behind their back, just like everyone else. I will be loyal to those with home I serve, provided there's something in it for me. I am the last bastion of common sense that stands between me and the Army philosophy of "Work Harder, Not Smarter." My voice is a tool and my complaints are a weapon that I wield with unmatched skill and finesse. I will not forget, nor will I allow my comrades to forget, Specialist is the greatest rank in the Army and rank has its privileges.

Edited March 3, 2009 by Godless

[pam]

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

I really like this one.

[pam]

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.

"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "Any cops following us?"

The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.

"Yeah, looks like it"

"Are his flashers on?"

The blonde turned around again ...

"Yup ... nope ... yup ... nope ... yup ... nope ... yup ..."

[pam]

A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint. "Well it's like this, Doc," he said.

"When I drive to work in the morning, through the country lanes, I start to sing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' If I see a cat, then it's 'What's New, Pussy Cat?"

It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah,' and my wife was not amused!"

Said the doctor, "It would appear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Well I've never heard of that. Is it common?" asked the man.

"It's Not Unusual," the doctor replied.

[pam]

Seems some employees are truly keen on seeing their boss have a good time on his trip Down Under, as witness the following itinerary.

"To ensure that you have a good time on your trip to Australia, your team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours. Agenda follows:

• Day 1: The "10 Deadliest Snakes" Fall Tour. You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world's 10 most deadly snakes.
• Day 2: The "Great White Encounter." You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
• Day 3: The Aboriginal "Festival of Spears." You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
• Day 4: The "Crocodile Dundee" Petting Zoo. You will be able to get up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless salt-water crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc-wrestling exhibition.
• Day 5: "Those Marvelous Morays." This tour will once again return you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.

We, your loyal employees, hope you enjoy the trip!

[lilered]

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man

opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another

seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst

out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man

arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years

old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your

Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't

help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that

said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she

moved and sat under a sign that said,' Logan's Liniment will reduce

the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a

deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and

I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a

sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this

accident'... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

[lilered]

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

[lilered]

Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said,'Your heart would be just below your left breast.'

Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the knee.

[lilered]

Child Science Exam Answers

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.. Th e brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

[lilered]

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 'Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!!! So

many men dying that way!'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and

there is always that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a

Brazilian?'