DisRuptive1 Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 Is it wrong at all for a 20 something male to date a 30 something female? And how about a 50 something male with a 20 something female? Non-LDS of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Oct 18 2004, 08:46 PM Is it wrong at all for a 20 something male to date a 30 something female? And how about a 50 something male with a 20 something female? Non-LDS of course. There is no problem with dating. There is a problem with exploitation. In reality there does not need to be an age difference in order to be exploitation, but for what ever reason it seems to show up most often when there is a large age difference. - my opinion The Traveler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindy Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 Age is in the mind of those concerned with age. However, with the ages you listed... I would feel better if the younger age wasn't so close to being a teenager and I think that Traveler is right on with the idea of exploitation. Mid to late 20's would sound better to me...but that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest curvette Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 My dad married a woman 20 years his junior. They had absolutely nothing in common, and the marriage ended in divorce (after a daughter joined them.) So, next time he was smarter, she obviously was too OLD, so he married a woman 30 years his junior. This union produced two beautiful children, and also ended in divorce. Now, three messed up kids later, he's single and looking. My advice? Stick to your own basic age group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 This is an answer I posted in the Advice forum for someone who was saying something about race, just in case you didn't see it there.Newsflash: we are all of the same race.Why do people use the word “race” to refer to someone of a different culture? Seems strange to me. And understanding that we are talking about different cultures helps make it clear in my mind why people advise that it is best to stay within the same culture. But that doesn’t mean that the coming together of 2 different cultures is bad, or that people of different cultures can’t become good marriage partners. I think it’s good advice simply because people generally get along better with people from the same or similar circumstances.I think of it kinda in the same way I think about 2 people coming together from different age groups. If I were 10 years older than my wife, there would be things in my childhood that she wouldn’t be able to relate to, or at least not in the same way as someone about the same age as me. The difference in the age of me and my wife is only 1 year, and that has helped us and continues to help us better understand each other.I could also come up with more traits that usually help people to get along better, and while that wouldn’t mean that people with different traits can’t become happy together, I do believe that differences generally tend to complicate matters between two people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyra Posted October 19, 2004 Report Share Posted October 19, 2004 Being the mother of an 18 yr. old daughter, I would be very suspecius of any man near my age who wanted a relationship with her, even if she was 21. On the other hand, I am married to a man who is 11 years older than me and it was a big mistake. There are other problems beside the age difference, but even if there were not other problems the age difference would still be a mistake. Men often lose the ability to function 'romantically" as they age. Viagra does not help everyone. Living in a marriage with no affection or passion is miserable. Cyra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Setheus Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Mabey you'd get a little if you weren't on the internet bad mouthing your husband. You've told the whole world your problems and concerns...now try telling your husband. Just my thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Ray@Oct 19 2004, 03:30 PM Newsflash: we are all of the same race.Why do people use the word “race” to refer to someone of a different culture? Seems strange to me. Newsflash Ray.People don't use the word race to refer to different cultures. They use it to refer to people who are thought to come from different genetic stock or to a different taxonomic division in the species. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Cyra@Oct 19 2004, 04:00 PM Men often lose the ability to function 'romantically" as they age. Viagra does not help everyone. Living in a marriage with no affection or passion is miserable. Cyra And on the other hand, some of aging types are wild stallions still whose romantic prowess is as limitless and the ocean blue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindy Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Cyra@Oct 19 2004, 04:00 PM Being the mother of an 18 yr. old daughter, I would be very suspecius of any man near my age who wanted a relationship with her, even if she was 21. On the other hand, I am married to a man who is 11 years older than me and it was a big mistake. There are other problems beside the age difference, but even if there were not other problems the age difference would still be a mistake. Men often lose the ability to function 'romantically" as they age. Viagra does not help everyone. Living in a marriage with no affection or passion is miserable. Cyra Sorry hon, but 11 years ain't nothing, if you are old enough to have an 18 year old, you are old enough to take control of this "age mistake" you think you have. Funny thing is.....you married someone you knew was older..... sad thing is....now it's a big deal. I feel sorry for your husband.I add my thought with Setheus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenda Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 My husband is 9 years younger than me. And all in all, even though there are problems associated with age differences, most couples have problems of some sort. I don't think ours are worse than any other's. I don't think it adds any extra stress on our marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franken Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Cyra@Oct 19 2004, 04:00 PM Being the mother of an 18 yr. old daughter, I would be very suspecius of any man near my age who wanted a relationship with her, even if she was 21. On the other hand, I am married to a man who is 11 years older than me and it was a big mistake. There are other problems beside the age difference, but even if there were not other problems the age difference would still be a mistake. Men often lose the ability to function 'romantically" as they age. Viagra does not help everyone. Living in a marriage with no affection or passion is miserable. Cyra I agree with everyone else. Don't bad mouth your husband, if it's become such a problem to you, then try and fix it instead of griping about it online. You've had what... 18 years to fix the problems between you and your husband? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyra Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Setheus@Oct 19 2004, 08:13 PM Mabey you'd get a little if you weren't on the internet bad mouthing your husband. You've told the whole world your problems and concerns...now try telling your husband.Just my thought. Wow, you people sure jumped on my comments awfully quickly. IMO it does not qualify as "badmouthing" my husband when you have no clue who I am, nor do you have a clue who he is and will probably never meet either of us. Badmouthing him would be if I were talking with my girlfirends or other friends about him and telling them of my unhappiness. That is not the case, I do not gossip with my friends about my family or my other friends. I only vent my feelings in anonymous situations. But here I was only stating an opinion along with an example of the consequence for being married to someone with a wide range in age difference. I did not realize a lot of things when I was first married, and by the time I did realize what I had gotten into, it was too late. I had hoped that my mistake would help someone else think things through a little better than I did. Cyra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanstress70 Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 You beat me to it, Cyra. I was going to say that you aren't badmouthing your husband if no one knows you. Come on, guys. Cyra, why don't you get some Viagra to put in your husband's stocking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyra Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by shanstress70@Oct 20 2004, 10:27 AM You beat me to it, Cyra. I was going to say that you aren't badmouthing your husband if no one knows you. Come on, guys.Cyra, why don't you get some Viagra to put in your husband's stocking? Because the medications do not work. He is a diabetic who refuses to give up candy, cakes and sweet sodas. He is numb from the knees down, his hands are partially numb and other parts of him have very little feeling. He was warned by both me and his doctor years ago that this would happen to him if he did not eat right and take care of his health, but he chose not to listen. Now he is very bitter with life in general and is allowing himself to become helpless. Cyra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindy Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Cyra+Oct 20 2004, 10:12 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cyra @ Oct 20 2004, 10:12 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--shanstress70@Oct 20 2004, 10:27 AM You beat me to it, Cyra. I was going to say that you aren't badmouthing your husband if no one knows you. Come on, guys.Cyra, why don't you get some Viagra to put in your husband's stocking? Because the medications do not work. He is a diabetic who refuses to give up candy, cakes and sweet sodas. He is numb from the knees down, his hands are partially numb and other parts of him have very little feeling. He was warned by both me and his doctor years ago that this would happen to him if he did not eat right and take care of his health, but he chose not to listen. Now he is very bitter with life in general and is allowing himself to become helpless. Cyra Sorry Cyra, didn't mean to sound so flippin mean, but it did sound to me like all the blame was placed on your "older" husband. Medical reasons are big things to have to learn to work around, and it DOES take two to work....if he doesn't want to try to help himself, that is a big problem. Normally not as mean as I appear to be...I'm basically a little tamer :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyra Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by lindy9556+Oct 20 2004, 12:02 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (lindy9556 @ Oct 20 2004, 12:02 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Cyra@Oct 20 2004, 10:12 AM <!--QuoteBegin--shanstress70@Oct 20 2004, 10:27 AM You beat me to it, Cyra. I was going to say that you aren't badmouthing your husband if no one knows you. Come on, guys.Cyra, why don't you get some Viagra to put in your husband's stocking? Because the medications do not work. He is a diabetic who refuses to give up candy, cakes and sweet sodas. He is numb from the knees down, his hands are partially numb and other parts of him have very little feeling. He was warned by both me and his doctor years ago that this would happen to him if he did not eat right and take care of his health, but he chose not to listen. Now he is very bitter with life in general and is allowing himself to become helpless. Cyra Sorry Cyra, didn't mean to sound so flippin mean, but it did sound to me like all the blame was placed on your "older" husband. Medical reasons are big things to have to learn to work around, and it DOES take two to work....if he doesn't want to try to help himself, that is a big problem. Normally not as mean as I appear to be...I'm basically a little tamer :) No, sorry, I was not blaming him. I will not even blame him totally for the other problems that are in our marriage. I should have made sure he really was who he said he was before marrying him, and since I didn't I have only myself to blame for all my disappointments. There are a lot of things I should have done (or should not have put up with) way back then, and now I am paying the consequences for it now. Most of it was ignorance and some of it was fear. Cyra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenda Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Cyra+Oct 20 2004, 11:37 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cyra @ Oct 20 2004, 11:37 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -lindy9556@Oct 20 2004, 12:02 PM Originally posted by -Cyra@Oct 20 2004, 10:12 AM <!--QuoteBegin--shanstress70@Oct 20 2004, 10:27 AM You beat me to it, Cyra. I was going to say that you aren't badmouthing your husband if no one knows you. Come on, guys.Cyra, why don't you get some Viagra to put in your husband's stocking? Because the medications do not work. He is a diabetic who refuses to give up candy, cakes and sweet sodas. He is numb from the knees down, his hands are partially numb and other parts of him have very little feeling. He was warned by both me and his doctor years ago that this would happen to him if he did not eat right and take care of his health, but he chose not to listen. Now he is very bitter with life in general and is allowing himself to become helpless. Cyra Sorry Cyra, didn't mean to sound so flippin mean, but it did sound to me like all the blame was placed on your "older" husband. Medical reasons are big things to have to learn to work around, and it DOES take two to work....if he doesn't want to try to help himself, that is a big problem. Normally not as mean as I appear to be...I'm basically a little tamer :) No, sorry, I was not blaming him. I will not even blame him totally for the other problems that are in our marriage. I should have made sure he really was who he said he was before marrying him, and since I didn't I have only myself to blame for all my disappointments. There are a lot of things I should have done (or should not have put up with) way back then, and now I am paying the consequences for it now. Most of it was ignorance and some of it was fear. Cyra It sounds like you need to get some counseling. Not for a bad reason, but because you need to be able to find the good, even in bad situations if there is no chance of them getting better by themselves. You need to work on your own self-esteem and find ways to find joy in situations that don't look like they have any joy to them.I will keep you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lt Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Setheus@Oct 19 2004, 07:13 PM Mabey you'd get a little if you weren't on the internet bad mouthing your husband. You've told the whole world your problems and concerns...now try telling your husband.Just my thought. Seth, that was very rude, maybe she has tried or maybe she will find a way to. However that is why this place is here. Please give others the respect you are looking for.LaurelTree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lt Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by lindy9556+Oct 19 2004, 07:33 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (lindy9556 @ Oct 19 2004, 07:33 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Cyra@Oct 19 2004, 04:00 PM Being the mother of an 18 yr. old daughter, I would be very suspecius of any man near my age who wanted a relationship with her, even if she was 21. On the other hand, I am married to a man who is 11 years older than me and it was a big mistake. There are other problems beside the age difference, but even if there were not other problems the age difference would still be a mistake. Men often lose the ability to function 'romantically" as they age. Viagra does not help everyone. Living in a marriage with no affection or passion is miserable. Cyra Sorry hon, but 11 years ain't nothing, if you are old enough to have an 18 year old, you are old enough to take control of this "age mistake" you think you have. Funny thing is.....you married someone you knew was older..... sad thing is....now it's a big deal. I feel sorry for your husband.I add my thought with Setheus I think we should try to put ourselves in the other persons shoe's before we get critical of them, I remember many post from many of you who were just complaing about pish posh, and you just wanted an ear to listen to, so be kind and listen in return Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lt Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 My experience when having a problem with your hubby, sometimes it's just good to vent and get it all out, then it allows you to see what can be fixed and how. I am a true believer in counciling, so if you haven't tried it, please do....it works magic even in the worst of cercumstances.... Love and Prayers Laureltree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindy Posted October 21, 2004 Report Share Posted October 21, 2004 Originally posted by LaurelTree+Oct 20 2004, 01:51 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (LaurelTree @ Oct 20 2004, 01:51 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -lindy9556@Oct 19 2004, 07:33 PM <!--QuoteBegin--Cyra@Oct 19 2004, 04:00 PM Being the mother of an 18 yr. old daughter, I would be very suspecius of any man near my age who wanted a relationship with her, even if she was 21. On the other hand, I am married to a man who is 11 years older than me and it was a big mistake. There are other problems beside the age difference, but even if there were not other problems the age difference would still be a mistake. Men often lose the ability to function 'romantically" as they age. Viagra does not help everyone. Living in a marriage with no affection or passion is miserable. Cyra Sorry hon, but 11 years ain't nothing, if you are old enough to have an 18 year old, you are old enough to take control of this "age mistake" you think you have. Funny thing is.....you married someone you knew was older..... sad thing is....now it's a big deal. I feel sorry for your husband.I add my thought with Setheus I think we should try to put ourselves in the other persons shoe's before we get critical of them, I remember many post from many of you who were just complaing about pish posh, and you just wanted an ear to listen to, so be kind and listen in return LT~The first post just hit me wrong, struck a nerve if you might.... but I've got my lisening ears on now..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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