New Ward-and hating it

[KGray87]

I just moved to Ontario a short while ago...I've been a member of this ward for 3 weeks now, and although that's not enough time to say whether or not i like it, I don't like it. i am always trying to find excuses not to go. I am only 21, and the youngest R.S Member is in there 40's. I feel like I don't belong and I am singled out. I know that the church is true but that's not enough for me. I feel like I am slowly losing my testimony and I no longer feel the spirit at church. I do not have a calling yet, home teachers or visiting teachers. I don't know any of these ladies and the R.S Pres isnt reaching out to me. Possibly I should reach out to her and ask for help but I am super shy, and I think that's her responsibility, not mine. Can someone tell me if im wrong, or offer helpful advice?

[L_and_P21]

ive been in my ward for over 10 years now and i still feel like a stranger. really the only advice i can offer is that you should go because you know its true and that you want to go. dont go for the social aspect because that, imo, will kill your testimony the most. also ask the bishop for a calling. and ask why you dont have home or visiting teachers yet.

remember. if you are trying to do everything you are supposed to do then the Lord will bless you.

[Elgama]

funny we had a talk about this issue by our Stake President this week, yes it is their repsonsibility but they are allowed to be super shy or feel awkward afterall they may feel they don't know how to reach out to you because of the age gap, it is also your responsibility if you inactive because of this then it is your fault you need to reach out however shy you are.

Do you bake? You could take a plate of cakes or cookies in next week and ask the RS president if you can introduce yourself. I do understand its difficult with a huge age difference after 16 years my RS finally has a better age spread and not me at 18 and the next one up 40. But you can make friends and learn to fit in, are you in a position to have a Sister for dinner or a hot chocolate#?

I am sure other Sisters here will have great ideas. You are probably homesick but after 3 weeks you have not given this ward long enough and every ward is what you make it.

-Charley

[FunkyTown]

I've been in that situation, K. The truth is, there's nothing more alienating than going to church, feeling utterly alone and like nobody cares if you show up or don't go.

I get that. We all go through it at some point. The bishop will say to 'Lose yourself in service to others', your fellow members will say 'The church is true but its members aren't." None of those things will help with how you feel at that moment, so the only thing to do is to struggle past it. I reach out to those around me because I -know- we all feel sad at some time. I try to talk to everyone, especially those who sit by themselves because I do know. Just know that these times, when they come, are to develop you. You'll fight past it.

Which ward are you attending?

[applepansy]

A wise brother told me once "Your ward will be what you put into it."

If you don't put anything in then you'll get exactly that back or worse. I've found that when I didn't like my ward it was because I needed to change my attitude.

applepansy

[blessedinarizonia]

Perhaps you can look around your area and find an all singles ward providing you are single. I know when I lived in Las Vegas they had two all singles wards. It consisted of mostly younger people. They had like interest and were around the same age. If you are not single or do not have a singles ward in your area, then you might try more service. Like FT said there are probably a lot in your area yound and old who wish they had someone to talk to. You'd be surprised how a kind word can just make someones day. God Bless you and I hope you find the answer for you.

[Jbs2763]

or if you are married, at least find the singles ward up there on facebook or get with the email group so you can make some friends your age

[ZionWoman]

It can get pretty lonely up here sometimes. Hang in there and don't be afraid to reach and learn from older sisters. Some of the women in their 40's here (not anywhere near Ontario I'm afraid) are super cool and have lots to give. :)

[nc31410]

This is crazy because I know exactly how you feel!! I'm a convert, and the first year it was SUPER awkward for me, and to this day, I don't know alot of people in my ward. But once I started to feel comfortable they split our ward. But I do think that R.S. President should reach out to you, but I also think that you should reach out to her. I know its hard to put aside the shyness, cuz i'm shy as well. If anything, I think that you should just be polite, smile and greet people! People will start to be curious and want to get to know you better, and before you'll know it you'll realize your surrounded by great people. And also as you, I was the youngest out of all the R.S. members. And after just greeting the ladies, they started to come up to me on their own, (its all about positive energy, invite people into your bubble), and even though these women were "old" they had young spirits and are amazing and have a lot to share, and give! So don't lose hope. Don't feel singled out. keep going to church, and pray to heavenly father to give you more guidance and to help you feel more postive! Don't lose hope!

[photog4u]

Do you visit teach? If you aren't assigned to anyone yet, you will have to tell the RS president. It is a really great way to get to know some people. I am so thankful that I was able to visit teach a sweet & sassy 82-year old lady in my ward whom I love dearly. We have absolutely nothing in common but I made a friend out of someone whom I probably would have never gotten to know otherwise.

[mightynancy]

You do need to reach out, too. I'm not a huge fan of my ward, and we've been here for six years. I have made the effort to make friends, and it has helped a lot...smile at someone, add a comment in Sunday School, sit by someone who's sitting alone. Should other people do this for you? Of course. But you should do it for you, too. :)

And by the way, I'm in my 40's and I am way cool. Come sit by me.

[eternalpromise516]

i didn't know whether to post a LOL or thanks for this, because it's spilt both ways love the last line nancy!

[Guest Alana]

It can be really hard, hang in there! Keep going, for sure. That age gap can seem very intimidating, but it can be bridged. I'm 26 and I go to a book club with other women at church and they are all old enough to be my mother! Some of them are old enough to be my great grandmother. We all end up laughing and having a great time and it's like age doesn't matter at all.

You also said you're worried about your testimony. Next fast and testimony meeting, get up there! Sometimes we don't know we have the testimony we do until we hear ourselves saying it. You can introduce yourself, say how you've been having a hard time, and while you're up there say that you know the church is true and that you know we having a loving Heavenly Father. You'll find that you're not just saying the words, you mean it.

Best of luck.

[jadams_4040]

ive been in my ward for over 10 years now and i still feel like a stranger. really the only advice i can offer is that you should go because you know its true and that you want to go. dont go for the social aspect because that, imo, will kill your testimony the most. also ask the bishop for a calling. and ask why you dont have home or visiting teachers yet.

remember. if you are trying to do everything you are supposed to do then the Lord will bless you.

I would simply reiterate....

"remember. if you are trying to do everything you are supposed to do; then the Lord "will" bless you.":)